Thread: R_O_T_F_L : Joke of the day! :) | Forums

  1. #1
    Hi everybody!

    Feel free to post here the funniest jokes you run into, that you'd like to share with all of us. Don't foget to keep things decent though, as this is an open forum for all age cathegories.
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  2. #2
    umm.. here's a joke:

    who's there
    guess who?

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  3. #3
    <STRIKE>I'll go first.</STRIKE> Beat me on this Coconuts.

    Donno if all of you have seen this, but I ran into it again today, and even if it was not the first time I saw it, I still laughed again a lot with some of the answers. Whether this true or not doesn't matter - it's still amusing.... ENJOY!

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget

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  4. #4
    The last one is cool! lol... took hammer away from midget... ROFL!
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  5. #5
    Qantas engineers are cool
    Refering to Zam's joke:

    P: Starforce detected.
    S: Back up copy burned succesfully.

    Joke, means don't start new fire here
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  6. #6
    <span class="ev_code_RED">60 Things not to Say to a Naked Guy</span>

    1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
    2. Ahh, it's cute.
    3. Who circumcised you?
    4. Why don't we just cuddle?
    5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
    6. It's more fun to look at.
    7. Make it dance.
    8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
    9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
    10. It looks like a night crawler.
    11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
    12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
    13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
    14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
    15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
    16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
    17. Oh no, a flash headache.
    18. (giggle and point)
    19. Can I be honest with you?
    20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
    21. Let me go get my tweezers.
    22. How sweet, you brought incense.
    23. This explains your car.
    24. You must be a growing boy.
    25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
    26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
    27. Are you one of those pygmies?
    28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
    29. Ever heard of clearasil?
    30. All right, a treasure hunt!
    31. I didn't know they came that small.
    32. Why is God punishing you?
    33. At least this won't take long.
    34. I never saw one like that before.
    35. What do you call this?
    36. But it still works, right?
    37. ****, I hate baby-sitting.
    38. It looks so unused.
    39. Do you take steroids?
    40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
    41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
    42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
    43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
    44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
    45. Aww, it's hiding.
    46. Are you cold?
    47. If you get me real drunk first.
    48. Is that an optical illusion?
    49. What is that?
    50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
    51. Were you neutered?
    52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
    53. Does it come with an air pump?
    54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
    55. Where are the puppet strings?
    56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
    57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
    58. Never mind, why bother.
    59. Is that a second belly button?
    60. Where's the rest of it?
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  7. #7
    znork's Avatar Forum mascot
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    Apr 2005
    Well the top of stupidety is giving youre visacard to youre grilfrind/wife in a shoe store.
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  8. #8
    Friendship among Women:
    A woman doesn't come home at night. The next day she tells her husband she slept over at a friend's house. The man calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know about it.

    Friendship among Men:
    A man doesn't come home at night. The next day he tells his wife he slept over at a friend's house. The woman calls her husband's 10 best friends. 7 of them say he did sleep over and 3 claim he's still there.
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  9. #9
    Liked these quite a lot:

    Warnings issued by the U.S. military to their own troops:

    "Aim towards the enemy."
    Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher.

    "When the pin is pulled, Mr Grenade is not our friend."
    US Marine Corps.

    "Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
    USAF Ammo Troop.

    "If the enemy is in range, so are you."
    Infantry Journal.

    "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what is left of your unit."
    Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

    "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
    U.S. Air Force Manual.

    "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
    Infantry Journal.

    "Tracers work both ways."
    US Army Ordnance.

    "Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
    Infantry Journal.

    "Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."

    "Do not draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
    Your comrades.

    "If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
    USAF Ammo Troop.
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  10. #10
    "Women are nothing but problems"

    Ok we all heard this one day or another. Some people agrees, others not. Well, here's the mathematical proof that women ARE indeed problems.

    Let's start off with the basics. To be with a woman, you need time and money. Thus :

    WOMAN = TIME x MONEY (1)

    Everyone knows that time IS money. So :

    TIME = MONEY (2)

    Let's put (2) in (1) :

    WOMAN = (MONEY)^2 (3)

    And old saying goes : "Money is the root of all problems"

    MONEY = (PROBLEMS)^0.5 (4)

    Which actually means, if you put (4) in (3) that :



    Who can refute this now?
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