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View Full Version : Any good Air Force vs. Navy vs. Marines sayings...?



wickedpenguin
08-05-2004, 01:33 AM
I know many people are going to be picking their favorite service branches in PF. USAF P-51 jocks taking on Navy Hellcats taking on Marine Corsairs, etc. Just thought it'd be fun to have some stuff to yell at each other while we're tearing up our rival service members.

=======================

At a local airshow when I was about 15, I was checking out a Navy F/A-18. A USAF guy watching the adjacent F-15 says to me "Kid, stay away from them crazy Navy freaks. They're always trying to land on ships!"

The bored Navy pilot standing nearby overhears. "You just say that because you can't...." http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

======================

"The Air Force tells you what you can do in your airplane. The Navy tells you what you can't do, everything else is fair game."

======================

Two military guys go into a restroom. One is in the Navy and the other is a Marine. When they are done, the navy guy goes to the sink and starts to wash his hands, while the Marine starts to leave. The Navy guy yells to the Marine, "The Navy teaches us to wash our hands." The Marine yells back, "The Marines teach us not to piss on ours!"

=========================

A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Army First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Rangers," the SFC declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.

As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

Finally, as a Staff Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire at night. In afire fight, we'd shoot until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, figures... all shore duty."

[This message was edited by wickedpenguin on Thu August 05 2004 at 12:41 AM.]

[This message was edited by wickedpenguin on Thu August 05 2004 at 12:41 AM.]

wickedpenguin
08-05-2004, 01:33 AM
I know many people are going to be picking their favorite service branches in PF. USAF P-51 jocks taking on Navy Hellcats taking on Marine Corsairs, etc. Just thought it'd be fun to have some stuff to yell at each other while we're tearing up our rival service members.

=======================

At a local airshow when I was about 15, I was checking out a Navy F/A-18. A USAF guy watching the adjacent F-15 says to me "Kid, stay away from them crazy Navy freaks. They're always trying to land on ships!"

The bored Navy pilot standing nearby overhears. "You just say that because you can't...." http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

======================

"The Air Force tells you what you can do in your airplane. The Navy tells you what you can't do, everything else is fair game."

======================

Two military guys go into a restroom. One is in the Navy and the other is a Marine. When they are done, the navy guy goes to the sink and starts to wash his hands, while the Marine starts to leave. The Navy guy yells to the Marine, "The Navy teaches us to wash our hands." The Marine yells back, "The Marines teach us not to piss on ours!"

=========================

A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Army First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Rangers," the SFC declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.

As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

Finally, as a Staff Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire at night. In afire fight, we'd shoot until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, figures... all shore duty."

[This message was edited by wickedpenguin on Thu August 05 2004 at 12:41 AM.]

[This message was edited by wickedpenguin on Thu August 05 2004 at 12:41 AM.]

IV_JG51_Razor
08-05-2004, 09:10 AM
ROTFLMAO!! Raised a Navy brat, spent six years in the Navy, and another four in the Army, and I've never heard anything funnier than that! http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/88.gif

Razor
IV/JG51 11/12 Staffelkapitan
www.jg51.net (http://www.jg51.net)
Forgotten Skies Online War
http://www.forgottenskies.com/ForgottenWars/default.aspx
"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgement"

Sakai9745
08-05-2004, 11:01 AM
An old Navy jab at Marines -


MARINE = My A$$ Rides In Navy Equipment

also

MARINE - Muscules Are Required, Intelligence Not Esential.

Al - SF, Calif

"Defense Dept regrets to inform you that your sons are dead cause they were stupid."

Doug_Thompson
08-05-2004, 11:07 AM
As we all know, the same word can mean different things in different branches of the military.

In the Army, the order to "secure" a building means posting a guard in front of it.

In the Marines, securing a building means storming it, killing every living thing inside that has a spine, putting snipers on the roof and then turning the building over to the Army.

In the Air Force, securing the buildings means to lease it with an option to buy.

http://www.model-news.com/projekt/335col/baerlog.jpg
Proud Charter Member of the Do-Do Birds Luftwhiners Chorus

Doug_Thompson
08-05-2004, 11:10 AM
A world war II song sung by the Army Air Force in the Southwest Pacific, sung to the tune of "Mine eyes have seen the glory." This is the only verse I remember.

"Oh a rapid trip to Sydney is a very urgent need.
You can't deny the Navy of it's ancient right to breed.
So send them down to Sydney and they'll sow the merry seed
While the Air Force wins the war."

http://www.model-news.com/projekt/335col/baerlog.jpg
Proud Charter Member of the Do-Do Birds Luftwhiners Chorus

Ak9779
08-05-2004, 12:06 PM
ARMY = Aren't Really Marines Yet
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

----------------
MACHINE GUN : JAMMED
FUEL TANK: LEAK
ENGINE: ON FIRE
PILOT: WOUNDED
...Yeah, it's gonna be one of those days...

EmbarkChief
08-05-2004, 12:40 PM
Navy guys always love to say that we (Marines) are part of the Department of the Navy. We just happily point out that we are the Men's department.

Somewhere I have a great copy of the oath's of enlistment for all the branches. I'll post it when I get home.

For now I'll leave you with this little cadence.


Navy, Navy I'm in doubt
Why is your fat belly hagin' out
Is it beer or is it wine

Or is it lack of PT time!

VF-17_Jolly
08-05-2004, 04:06 PM
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/88.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

http://www.skyknights.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jolly.jpg

chris455
08-05-2004, 04:46 PM
"JANFU"
Joint Army - Navy F*** UP

http://members.cox.net/miataman1/p47n2.jpg

EmbarkChief
08-05-2004, 05:10 PM
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the
UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the
Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of
water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear
not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-
riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around
calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to
annoy the other services.


I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will,
at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After
completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating,
Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger.
I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to
clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will
annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me
God!"

____________________
Signature
____________________
Date



US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the
UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB
to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and
the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage
every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure
out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours
a day even when I have a date.


I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine
because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the
only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I
acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of
service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on
my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic
Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month
and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip
home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose
to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if
I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy.
Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting
absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at
1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report
back to "COMPANY."


I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will
help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working
construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to
everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be
unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me
God!"

_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date



US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years
of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with
Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought
the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually
live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to
swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style
in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of
pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good
Humor Man during summer, and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the
English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover,
geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor,
wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and
insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely
different from the other services and make absolutely no sense
whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning
unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up
around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the
point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a
typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and
subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that,
once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick,
and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So
Help Me Neptune!"


______________________
Signature
______________________
Date



US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT

"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-
and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....

fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....

blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....

sailors wives.....air strikes....

yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....

Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH!

So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"

X____________________
Thumb Print

XX _________________________________
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Sakai9745
08-05-2004, 05:40 PM
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

That is the greatest one I've ever seen!

Al - SF, Calif

"Defense Dept regrets to inform you that your sons are dead cause they were stupid."

Tooz_69GIAP
08-05-2004, 06:02 PM
hehehe, I like this thread!!!

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Weather_Man
08-06-2004, 01:28 AM
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/88.gif

http://banners.wunderground.com/banner/smalltemptr/language/www/US/TX/Dallas.gif

tenmmike
08-06-2004, 06:28 AM
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations:

Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.

Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.

Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.

Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather.

AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red.

UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.

B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake equiptment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills it. Crew cheif uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.

Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.

Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.

Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-snake missions, accidentally electrocuted snake in the process.

Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.
Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on improving flood plain, cant do it because snake is on the endangered species list.

http://www.2-60inf.com/2-60_crest.gif 84-91

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 07:16 AM
Bwahahahaha

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 07:17 AM
What about other nations, like the UK, aand Australia?? Anyone have funny stuff from their armed forces??

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

IIJG11_Spreckels
08-06-2004, 08:38 AM
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem."
--President Ronald Reagan, 1985

IIJG11_Spreckels
08-06-2004, 08:43 AM
This interview was on National Public Radio (NPR) in mid January.

A female was interviewing Marine Corps General Reinwald about a Boy Scout visit to his base.
She was told the Boy Scouts were to be taught about guns.

She asked, "But you are equiping them to be violent killers."

The General replied,
"Well you're equiped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?"

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Cpl E-4 Michael Annis
USMC - RVN 1969-1970
"Heaven Won't Take Us and Hell Is Afraid We'll Take Over"

IIJG11_Spreckels
08-06-2004, 08:59 AM
"Ladies, Be It Known, That SEX Even With A Dead MARINE Is Still Better Than Any live Sailor"

Remember MARINES, Respect Your Enemy, KILL The F_ _ _ing Bastards, But Respect Them!


From the DOD (Department of Defense)

The Army randomly tested 100 men and women here are the composite average results:
Pushups:
Army Men: Max=100 Avg Completed =15
Army Women: Max=25 Avg Completed =10
Sit ups:
Army Men: Max=50 Avg Completed =25
Army Women: Max=30 Avg Completed =20
Pull ups:
Army Men: Max=15 Avg Completed =1
Army Women Max=5 Avg Completed =1
5 Mile Run with full field pack (only those who completed it):
Army Men: 10%
Army Women 1%

The Navy randomly tested 100 men and women here are the composite average results:
Pushups:
Navy Men: Max=100 Avg Completed =5
Navy Women: Max=25 Avg Completed =1
Sit ups:
Navy Men: Max=50 Avg Completed =5
Navy Women: Max=30 Avg Completed =2
Pull ups:
Navy Men: Max=15 Avg Completed =0
Navy Women Max=5 Avg Completed =1
5 Mile Run (only those who completed it):
Navy Men: 12%
Navy Women 1%

The Marine Corp. randomly tested 100 men and women here are the composite average results:
Pushups:
Marine Men: Max=100 Avg Completed =100
Marine Women: Max=25 Avg Completed =25
Sit ups:
Marine Men: Max=50 Avg Completed =50
Marine Women: Max=30 Avg Completed =30
Pull ups:
Marine Men: Max=15 Avg Completed =13
Marine Women Max=5 Avg Completed =4
5 Mile Run with full field pack (only those who completed it):
Marine Men: 100%
Marine Women 100%

IIJG11_Spreckels
08-06-2004, 09:07 AM
The Navy and the Air Force decided to have a canoe race on the Potomac River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Navy won by a mile. Afterwards, the Air Force team became very discouraged and depressed. The officers of the Air Force team decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found.
A "Metrics Team," made up of senior officers was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the Navy had 8 seamen rowing and 1 officer steering, while the Air Force had 1 airman rowing and 8 officers and NCOs steering.
So the senior officers of the Air Force team hired a consulting company and paid them incredible amounts of money. They advised that too many people were steering the boat and not enough people were rowing.
To prevent losing to the Navy again the next year, the Air Force Chief of Staff made historic and sweeping changes: the rowing team's organizational structure was totally realigned to 4 steering officers, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering NCO.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 airman rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Air Force Rowing Team Quality Program", with meetings, dinners, and a three-day pass for the rower. "We must give the rower empowerment and enrichment through this quality program."
The next year the Navy won by 2 miles.
Humiliated, the Air Force leadership gave a letter of reprimand to the rower for poor performance. Initiated a $4 billion program for development of a new joint-service canoe, blamed the loss on a design defect in the paddles, and issued career continuation bonuses and leather rowing jackets to the beleaguered steering officers in the hopes they would stay for next year's race.
Meanwhile, the Army team is still trying to figure out why the oars keep making divots in the grass when they're rowing.

ElektroFredrik
08-06-2004, 09:17 AM
Here's one of very few funny things I've heard
about military forces here in Sweden:

"The Air Force is as high as you can reach,
the Arny as far as you can go and the Navy
as deep as you can sink"

http://www.scarysquirrel.org/ksk/tuftycard3.jpg
"What I study is sex and squirrels" - Jane Waterman, Ph.D.
Flying online as Furvert_Elektro

wickedpenguin
08-06-2004, 09:19 AM
ROFL! http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Keep 'em coming guys - these are great ones...

"Fear is the mindkiller"
- Dune
----------------------------------
[b]Wicked Penguin Corporation[/b[
Web - Flash - Multimedia - DVD Authoring

grist
08-06-2004, 06:04 PM
If you're going to be one, be a Big Red One.

http://img29.imageshack.us/img29/9674/F16PentagonSmall.jpg

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 09:14 PM
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field
and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.
If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120
minutes to "Happy Hour."

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 09:27 PM
Murphy's Laws of Combat

1. Friendly fire - isn't.
2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
3. Suppressive fires - won't.
4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. When they're ready.
b. When you're not.
16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
22. The easy way is always mined.
23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
28. Incoming fire has the right of way.
29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.
34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.
35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
36. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both).
37. Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
38. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
39. Tracers work both ways.
40. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
41. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
42. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
43. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
44. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
45. Weather ain't neutral.
46. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
47. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
48. 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go'.
49. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
50. Napalm is an area support weapon.
51. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
52. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
53. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
54. Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity.
55. The one item you need is always in short supply.
56. Interchangeable parts aren't.
57. It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
58. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
59. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
60. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
61. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
62. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
63. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
64. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
65. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
66. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
67. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
68. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
69. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
70. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
71. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
72. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
73. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
74. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
75. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
76. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
77. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
78. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
79. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
80. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
81. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
82. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
83. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
84. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
85. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor.
86. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
87. Murphy was a grunt.
88. Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
89. Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
90. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
91. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
92. The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
93. The crucial round is a dud.
94. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.
95. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
96. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
97. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
98. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
99. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
100. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
101. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
102. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
103. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
104. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
105. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
106. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
107. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
108. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
109. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
110. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
111. Walking point = sniper bait.
112. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
113. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
114. Radios function perfectly until you need fire support.
115. What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank.
116. Odd objects attract fire. You are odd.
117. Your mortar barrage will put exactly one round on the intended target. That round will be a dud.
118. Mine fields are not neutral.
119. The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it.
120. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
121. If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap.
122. The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it.
123. Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous.
124. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
125. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
126. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
127. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
128. When a front line soldier overhears two General Staff officers conferring,
he has fallen back too far.
129. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
130. If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.
131. Any ship can be a minesweeper . . . . once.
132. Whenever you lose contact with the enemy, look behind you.
133. If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't.
134. The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
135. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
136. When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not your friend.
137 When the enemy is closing, the artillery will always be to long
138 Smart bombs have bad days too.

139. All or any of the Murphys Laws above combined.

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 09:35 PM
In 1836, the Creek and Seminole Indian tribes in Georgia and Florida were waging war against the United States. The U. S. Army had its hands full. The Fifth Commandant of the Marine Corps offered the services of a regiment of Marines for duty with the Army. Henderson placed himself in command and, taking virtually the entire available strength of the Corps, left for the extended campaign after tacking a terse message on his office door which read:
"Have gone to Florida to fight Indians.
Will be back when War is over.

A. Henderson
Col. Commandant"

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 09:47 PM
I love this one:

U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and the lighthouse
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

A lot of folks think this is true, but the US Navy denied it, but it's still funny http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/351.gif

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 10:01 PM
Army Ranger, Marines and crocodile shoes....

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 10:04 PM
Comparison of courage

Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces."

"Ha!" said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it."

Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute."

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!" and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact.

"That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style."

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg Louganis proud, hits the ground and dies on impact.

"Hmmph," the Marine growled. "Ya'll obviously forgot the Marine Corps were here," he said (yelling "Marine Corps!" as all Marines tend to do.)

He calls a Lance Corporal over. "Marine, I want you to jump off that tower and make the Corps proud!"

The Corporal yells, "Ooh-rah!", by way of response and runs to the tower. He grabs an M-60 and ammunition belt on the way and wraps the belt around himself in the Pancho Villa style. He climbs the tower and walks to the edge. Upon reaching the edge, he throws two grenades into the air, yells "Semper Fi Do or Die!" and jumps off. He starts shooting the M-60 in mid-air, clipping treetops and yelling the entire way down. His impact is obscured by the two exploding grenades. When the smoke clears, only little pieces of the Marine are left.

The others are impressed and nod their heads in admiration. Then the Admiral says, "That's nothing." The others turn to face the Admiral, their faces in disbelief. The Admiral calls a Seaman over who was cleaning latrines. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute."

The Seaman looks the Admiral in the face and says, "Screw you! You kiss my *** first!" and walks off.

The Admiral turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S courage!"

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

huggy87
08-06-2004, 10:47 PM
Great thread.

We Navy carrier types love to tell our air force brethren

Flare to land... Squat to pee.

Tooz_69GIAP
08-06-2004, 10:57 PM
Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

WUAF_Badsight
08-07-2004, 01:47 AM
USMC

Bring a weapon. Preferably, bring at least two. Bring all of your friends who have weapons. Bring their friends who have weapons.
Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
Only hits count. Close doesn't count. The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss.
If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly.
Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weaponand a friend with a big weapon.
In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived and who didn't.
If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.
Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon.
Use a weaponthat works EVERY TIME. "All skill is in vain when an Angel pisses in the flintlock of your musket."
Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
Have a plan.
Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.
Use cover or concealment as much as possible. The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon.
Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
Don't drop your guard.
Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.
Watch their hands. Hands kill. (In God we trust. Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them).
Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
The faster you finish the fight, the less shot you will get.
Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
Be polite. Be professional. But have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.
Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a ".4."

Army:

See USMC Rules for combat
Add 60 to 90 days
Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance

Navy:

Spend three weeks getting somewhere
Adopt an aggressive offshore posture
Send in the Marines
Drink Coffee
Bring back the Marines

Air Force:

Kiss the spouse good-bye
Drive to the flight line
Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer

.
__________________________________________________ __________________________
actual UBI post :
"If their is a good server with wonder woman views but historic planesets...let me know!" http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Udidtoo
08-07-2004, 11:16 AM
According to my uncle, A 20+ year navy career man.

Official navel motto...Not for self, but country

Un-official navel motto post 1967.....There is no wrong hole.

..............................
I always have just enough fuel to arrive at the scene of my crash.

VF-10_Snacky
08-08-2004, 04:53 AM
An Army General, Marine General, and a Admiral all stand around talking with each other about which branch of the service is the most diciplined and heroic.
The Army General so persistant that the Army was the most diciplined called one of his soldiers over and told the young soldier to run over in front of a that tank and take one for his country. The troop ran over met the tank head on and lost. The General explained "Now that took dicipline and courage".
The Marine General chuckled and said "Watch this" and proceeded to call a young marine over and told him to jump on his grenade. Without hesitation the young marine snapped to and jumped onto a live grenade for the corps.
The Admiral not to be outdone called one of his young sailors over and told the two Generals to "Watch this" and proceeded to tell the young sailor to scrub down the head (that's latrine for you grunts) in his stateroom. Without hesitation the sailor looked at the Admiral and said "With all due respect sir. Screw that." The Admiral turned to the Generals and said "Now that Gentlemen took Brass!"

http://www.x-plane.org/users/531seawolf/f4ucorsr.jpg

BSS_Goat
08-08-2004, 05:05 AM
Hey!! You stole the picture I stole!!GIVE IT BACK!!

http://images.allposters.com/images/dar/yng-17.jpg

http://www.blacksheep214.com/

Patriotism is your conviction
that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it
--George Bernard Shaw

nearmiss
08-08-2004, 08:46 AM
Getting shot at sucks. I don't care in which branch of the military you serve.

These kinds of threads are fun in peace-time, but now while soldiers and marines are dying almost daily...this thread sucks.

------- http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-mad.gif

http://avsims.com/portal/modules/liens/images/banner.gif (http://avsims.com/portal/)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-08-2004, 09:01 AM
The majority, if not all of these jokes and quotes, etc, were made by these soldiers and marines and airmen and sailors often while in combat!!!

Why whenever armed forces are in combat they become something other than human is beyond me. People hold the armed forces in combat as holy warriors, or supermen who should be awed and worshipped. These are ordinary men and women doing a job. Simple as that. And they are often in situations where the only way to continue is to laugh and joke. That is where most of these jokes come from. What is wrong with acknowledging that??

It also comes from the great pride that people have in their service, and the particular jobs they do.

This thread is not an insult to these people (in fact, a lot of the posters are current or ex military!!!), and it does not suck.

But you have your opinion, I have mine.

And here's another funny!!

Why Rednecks Make Good Soldiers

Dear Ma & Pa:
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile.
Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late.
Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things.
No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc...,
but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food.
But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee.
Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us.
If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.
The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board.
Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting.
I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move.
And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home.
All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail

P.S. Speaking of shooting, enclosed is $200 towards a new barn roof & ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

PraetorHonoris
08-08-2004, 10:35 AM
From Germany: The difference between Army and Air Force

http://img67.exs.cx/img67/2645/unterschied.jpg

The armed forces are a boat: the Navy is navigating, the army rowing and the air force water-skiing (there are lots of sharks, of course...)

http://img15.exs.cx/img15/8182/siglan1.jpg

Sakai9745
08-08-2004, 11:11 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>It also comes from the great pride that people have in their service, and the particular jobs they do.

This thread is not an insult to these people...
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif Well said. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Regards

Al - SF, Calif

"Defense Dept regrets to inform you that your sons are dead cause they were stupid."

Tooz_69GIAP
08-08-2004, 05:30 PM
RANK RECOGNITION MADE EASY

General

Faster than a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a locomotive.
Leaps tall buildings in a single bound.
Walks on water.
Lunches with God, but must pick up tab.

Colonel

Almost as fast as a speeding bullet.
More powerful than a shunting engine on a steep incline.
Leaps short buildings with a single bound.
Walks on water if sea is calm.
Talks to God.

Lieutenant-Colonel

Faster than an energetically thrown rock.
Almost as powerful as a speeding bullet.
Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds.
Walks on water of indoor swimming pools if lifeguard is present.
May be granted audience with God if special request is approved at least three working days in advance.

Major

Can fire a speeding bullet with tolerable accuracy.
Loses tug-of-war against anything mechanical.
Makes impressively high marks when trying to leap tall buildings.
Swims well.
Is occasionally addressed by God, in passing.

Captain

Can sometimes handle firearm without shooting self.
Is run over by trains.
Barely clears outhouse.
Dog paddles.
Mumbles to self.

Lieutenant

Is dangerous to self and comrades if armed and unsupervised.
Recognizes trains two out of three times.
Runs into tall buildings.
Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of life jacket and water wings.
Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant

Can be trusted with either gun or ammunition but never both.
Must have train ticket pinned to jacket and mittens tied to sleeves.
Falls over doorsteps while trying to enter tall buildings.
Plays in Mud puddles.
Studders.

Officer Cadet

Under no circumstances to be issued with gun or ammunition, and must even be closely supervised when handling sharp pieces of paper - staples are right out.
Says: "Look at choo choo!"
Not allowed inside buildings of any size.
Makes good boat anchor.
Mere existence makes God shudder.

Sergeant-Major

Catches hyper sonic armour peircing fin stabilized discarding sabot depleted uranium long rod penetrators in his teeth and eats them.
Kicks bullet trains off their tracks.
Uproots tall buildings and walk under them.
Freezes water with a single glance; parts it with trifling gesture.
Is God.

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Ankanor
08-08-2004, 07:31 PM
there are 5 basic types of missiles in the armed forces:

1. Air-Air
2. Ground-Air
3. Ground-Ground
4. Air-Ground
5. Friendly-Friendly

O, how I want to hold you,
To feel your breath
And hear your laughter in my ears.
To look into your eyes
And see myself in there.
Caress you with my lips.
To hold your hands in mine
And find the hidden smile in your dimple
That makes you irresistible
And stops the breathing in my chest.
To be with you when you are weeping,
To wipe away the tears and take away the sorrow.
To watch you while you are sleeping
Like there is no tomorrow.

And with a tender kiss to wake you up.

Essen,23.02.2004 20:53

IV|JG51Flatspin
08-08-2004, 08:13 PM
This isn't really a joke, it happened to me.

While in the Navy, I was attached to Comseventhfleet Staff, Intelligence embarked on the USS Blueridge (LCC-19) in Yokosuka, Japan. We flew to Osan, Korea for a computerized joint exercise with the Airforce guys there. At the end of the work day, our Ensign mustered us up and told us to prepare for "field day". (Field Day in the Navy is cleanup of the work area). As we began our work, an E-4 Airforce guy walked up and asked us what a "Field Day" was. We told him, and asked what the Airforce calls it. He looked at us in shock and said: contract labor.

IV/JG51_Fl@spin (http://www.jg51.net)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/Flatspin/FSbanner.bmp (http://www.forgottenskies.com/ForgottenWars/default.aspx)

Sakai9745
08-09-2004, 10:09 AM
Not a new concept for US Navy ships to be given nicknames by the fleet. 'Big-E', 'Chuckie-V', and 'Connie' are just a few examples (Enterprise, Carl Vinson, and Constellation respectively).

However, when I served in the early 90s, it seemed that the nicknames of the Forrestal Class were a little less endearing. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

USS Forrestal CV-59: 'Forest Fire'
USS Saratoga CV-60: 'Sinking Sara'
USS Ranger CV-61: 'Danger Ranger'

Al - SF, Calif

"Defense Dept regrets to inform you that your sons are dead cause they were stupid."

Zyzbot
08-09-2004, 10:21 AM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tooz_69GIAP:
I love this one:

U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and the lighthouse
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

This is an urban legend. see link:

http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm

IV|JG51Flatspin
08-09-2004, 04:53 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Zyzbot:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tooz_69GIAP:
I love this one:

U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and the lighthouse
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

This is an urban legend. see link:

http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Still very funny http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

IV/JG51_Fl@spin (http://www.jg51.net)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/Flatspin/FSbanner.bmp (http://www.forgottenskies.com/ForgottenWars/default.aspx)

Tooz_69GIAP
08-09-2004, 05:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Zyzbot:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tooz_69GIAP:
I love this one:

U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln and the lighthouse
This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

This is an urban legend. see link:

http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthse.htm<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, that's why I said "the navy denied it, but it's still funny"

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

IIJG11_Spreckels
08-09-2004, 10:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sakai9745:
Not a new concept for US Navy ships to be given nicknames by the fleet. 'Big-E', 'Chuckie-V', and 'Connie' are just a few examples (_Enterprise, Carl Vinson, _ and _Constellation_ respectively).

However, when I served in the early 90s, it seemed that the nicknames of the _Forrestal Class_ were a little less endearing. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

_USS Forrestal_ CV-59: 'Forest Fire'
_USS Saratoga_ CV-60: 'Sinking Sara'
_USS Ranger_ CV-61: 'Danger Ranger'

Al - SF, Calif

"Defense Dept regrets to inform you that your sons are dead cause they were stupid."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My son serves on the USS Nimitz

and dont't forget the USS Kitty Hawk known by many in the carrier force as the Sh_tty Kitty
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/88.gif

Tooz_69GIAP
08-09-2004, 11:41 PM
The HMS Illustrious is known as "Lusty" by her crew

whit ye looking at, ya big jessie?!?!

http://www.baseclass.modulweb.dk/69giap/fileadmin/Image_Archive/badges/69giap_badge_tooz.jpg (http://giap.webhop.info)
Executive Officer, 69th GIAP
Za Rodinu!
Petition to stop the M3 motorway through the Tara-Skryne Valley in Co. Meath, Ireland (http://www.petitiononline.com/hilltara/petition.html)

Sakai9745
08-10-2004, 06:11 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by IIJG11_Spreckels:

and dont't forget the USS Kitty Hawk known by many in the carrier force as the Sh_tty Kitty
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/88.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/88.gif That's a great one! Thanks for sharing it.

Cheers,

Al - SF, Calif

"Defense Dept regrets to inform you that your sons are dead cause they were stupid."

Cajun76
08-10-2004, 08:20 AM
Flying machines of the US Armed Forces.

The Air Force: Land based fixed-wing Aircraft.

The Army: Land based rotor-wing Aircraft.

The Navy: Ship-based fixed and rotary wing aircraft.

The Marine Corps: Grr Uga Uga Weeee!

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-happy.gif http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Good hunting,
(56th)*Cajun76

http://img12.photobucket.com/albums/v30/Cajun76/p47nh.jpg
If you have trouble hitting your objective,
your secondary targets are here and here,
an accordian factory and a mime school.
Good luck, gentlemen. - Admiral Benson

BBB_Lionman
08-12-2004, 09:23 AM
Gentlemen, an absolutely delightful thread! REad it from start to finish and forwarded link to my wife in USA.