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Korolov1986
10-10-2007, 08:44 PM
15 - You make a perfect bounce on a hostile plane flown by an exceptional pilot, and end up shoving your nose into their tailplane. Ouch.

14 - You're dive bombing an enemy ship from 10,000ft and you forget to deploy dive brakes and kill the throttle. Your bomb explodes after you do. (Guilty.)

13 - You follow your flight leader on a bombing run and forget that everyone has a bomb delay set with a short fuse. As a result, you explode in a million pieces before firing a shot. Change your callsign to "Explosive Magnet" now.

12 - You attempt to make a pass on a enemy plane, but misjudge their altitude and your speed. Do a better job at plowing into terra firma than farmer Bob.

11 - You sit directly on the six of a health bomber equipped with at least 6 rearward firing defensive weapons. You explode faster than you can say "Holy Moses".

10 - You go head to head with any fighter plane with Ace AI as pilot.

9 - You regularly attempt to dogfight a lighter, faster, more maneuverable aircraft while laden down with rockets.

8 - The only thing you can hit with any consistency is the size of a B-17 or greater.

7 - You don't bail out - you never get the chance.

6 - Neither the Spitfire nor the La-7 give you any amount of security. You do best in aircraft with 2 or more gunners.

5 - Of course, #6 is nullified by this one - you're more effective at blowing yourself up than you are your targets.

4 - You take in lots of pilot material - especially regarding WW2 - but you can never seem to repeat any form of success in anything but taking on unarmed C-47s; at that, the C-47s are more dangerous to you than you are to them.

3 - You've brought down more airplanes with one of your engines than you have with your guns.

2 - You fly for a two hour sortie and the only thing you see is: clouds, dirt, flak, and water. Then when you get back to base, you're bounced by at least a squadron of enemy fighters with an altitude advantage. You die quickly but painfully.

1 - None of the above applies to you: you can shoot down anything one on one, you're great at beating the odds, and you absolutely rock at this game. But everybody hates you because in a real shooting match, you're about as dependable as a umbrella in a typhoon.

Korolov1986
10-10-2007, 08:44 PM
15 - You make a perfect bounce on a hostile plane flown by an exceptional pilot, and end up shoving your nose into their tailplane. Ouch.

14 - You're dive bombing an enemy ship from 10,000ft and you forget to deploy dive brakes and kill the throttle. Your bomb explodes after you do. (Guilty.)

13 - You follow your flight leader on a bombing run and forget that everyone has a bomb delay set with a short fuse. As a result, you explode in a million pieces before firing a shot. Change your callsign to "Explosive Magnet" now.

12 - You attempt to make a pass on a enemy plane, but misjudge their altitude and your speed. Do a better job at plowing into terra firma than farmer Bob.

11 - You sit directly on the six of a health bomber equipped with at least 6 rearward firing defensive weapons. You explode faster than you can say "Holy Moses".

10 - You go head to head with any fighter plane with Ace AI as pilot.

9 - You regularly attempt to dogfight a lighter, faster, more maneuverable aircraft while laden down with rockets.

8 - The only thing you can hit with any consistency is the size of a B-17 or greater.

7 - You don't bail out - you never get the chance.

6 - Neither the Spitfire nor the La-7 give you any amount of security. You do best in aircraft with 2 or more gunners.

5 - Of course, #6 is nullified by this one - you're more effective at blowing yourself up than you are your targets.

4 - You take in lots of pilot material - especially regarding WW2 - but you can never seem to repeat any form of success in anything but taking on unarmed C-47s; at that, the C-47s are more dangerous to you than you are to them.

3 - You've brought down more airplanes with one of your engines than you have with your guns.

2 - You fly for a two hour sortie and the only thing you see is: clouds, dirt, flak, and water. Then when you get back to base, you're bounced by at least a squadron of enemy fighters with an altitude advantage. You die quickly but painfully.

1 - None of the above applies to you: you can shoot down anything one on one, you're great at beating the odds, and you absolutely rock at this game. But everybody hates you because in a real shooting match, you're about as dependable as a umbrella in a typhoon.

SlickStick
10-10-2007, 08:51 PM
Good list. Funny stuff. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

Uber Aces would never desert the team and care more for protecting their wingman than anything else. They are like their own children to them and just as precious.

Ooh, I'll have to add that one to my list. I've seen a few like that on HL. Great wingmen are hard to come by, but an Uber Ace is not a lone wolf. He is a wingman first, last and always.

Korolov1986
10-10-2007, 08:56 PM
Being there for your teammates is one of the most important aspects of all. Sadly, it's hard to be there when you're an IL2:1946 Worthless Pilot®

fabianfred
10-10-2007, 09:05 PM
nice funny list....reminds me of someone sitting right here...

Gallands best boast was that he never lost a wingman...

SlickStick
10-10-2007, 09:08 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Korolov1986:
Being there for your teammates is one of the most important aspects of all. Sadly, it's hard to be there when you're an IL2:1946 Worthless Pilot® </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

But, at least you try to be there. That's what's important, right? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Surely, you've gotten better with age. At least now, you can take-off...well, most of the time, right? My fav thing that I still do is botch landings. I'm always in a dang hurry to get on the ground and bounce me Spitfire down the runway a few times.

Nowadays, I usually just belly land to avoid the embarrassment of doing somersaults down the runway, as pieces of Spitfire go flying every which way. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Heck, I just blew myself up three times yesterday skip bombing. I set my delay too short and BOOM!, no ships for me. The sad part is that I didn't remember I set it shorter until after the third one. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif

LEBillfish
10-10-2007, 09:15 PM
Heh.......You forgot the biggies we ALL did when starting confirming your rookie status.

*Start a coop mission at the back of the line and gun your engine without looking ahead first taking out half your team.....to just name one.

Cajun76
10-10-2007, 09:18 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
nice funny list....reminds me of someone sitting right here...

Gallands best boast was that he never lost a wingman... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

psst (Hartmann) http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

fabianfred
10-10-2007, 09:36 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Cajun76:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
nice funny list....reminds me of someone sitting right here...

Gallands best boast was that he never lost a wingman... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

psst (Hartmann) http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

whoever...some noob http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

Divine-Wind
10-10-2007, 09:48 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by SlickStick:
Surely, you've gotten better with age. At least now, you can take-off...well, most of the time, right? My fav thing that I still do is botch landings. I'm always in a dang hurry to get on the ground and bounce me Spitfire down the runway a few times. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
What's really fun to do is to blow out the engines on a bomber (Using the gunner positions) and making an emergency landing at an enemy airfield. Just think of all that flak looking your way!

Cajun76
10-10-2007, 09:51 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Cajun76:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
nice funny list....reminds me of someone sitting right here...

Gallands best boast was that he never lost a wingman... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

psst (Hartmann) http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

whoever...some noob http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

jensenpark
10-10-2007, 09:54 PM
you forgot my favourite:

fly 30 minutes to target just to get PK'd by flak seconds before you hit bomb release.

Cajun76
10-10-2007, 09:55 PM
Top 15 ways to know you are an IL2:1946 Worthless Pilot

15 - Your callsign is Cajun76

14 - Your callsign is Cajun76

13 - Your callsign is Cajun76

12 - Your callsign is Cajun76

11 - Your callsign is Cajun76

10 - Your callsign is Cajun76

9 - Your callsign is Cajun76

8 - Your callsign is Cajun76

7 - Your callsign is Cajun76

6 - Your callsign is Cajun76

5 - Your callsign is Cajun76

4 - Your callsign is Cajun76

3 - Your callsign is Cajun76

2 - Your callsign is Cajun76

1 - Your callsign is Cajun76

fabianfred
10-11-2007, 12:30 AM
you're not worthless Cajun....you sound like a nice guy to me http://media.ubi.com/us/forum_images/gf-glomp.gif

Bewolf
10-11-2007, 01:31 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Cajun76:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
nice funny list....reminds me of someone sitting right here...

Gallands best boast was that he never lost a wingman... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

psst (Hartmann) http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

whoever...some noob http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL!

that made my morning http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

alert_1
10-11-2007, 02:11 AM
I believe I'm exceptional. Being good in almost every abovementioned points. For ex. last nigh on Spit vs. Me server: after an hour of flying in WWII winner craft (P51D) I finaly saw lonely Me109G going slowly under. I made perfect bounce diving at 800km/h only to miss with 2sec long shot and amlost rammng totally shocked LW flyer..but I mangae not to auger in, fortunately. All that after 5 yrs. of online flying.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/sadeyes.gif

Airmail109
10-11-2007, 06:15 AM
You forgot to mention strafing your own shadow.....

x6BL_Brando
10-11-2007, 06:31 AM
...and carrying out a perfect ground attack on a convoy without stopping to wonder why they aren't firing back.

And further to Billfish' post - pulling out of the take-off lineup and flying up the taxiway, thus allowing your AI wingman to fly into the planes in front.

Plus my own Nemesis - toggling my bomb-load while waiting in the aforementioned line-up, due to being in the wrong mode in my joystick software. Best score - 2 TB3s, and four SPB I-16s (including my own.) My team-mates have gotten used to hearing that faint clunk and waiting those two long seconds. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Good list Korolov http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

B

SlickStick
10-11-2007, 09:16 AM
Making a great skip bomb run, only to catch a wing on one of the ship guide wires or masts.

Or better yet, skip bombing an airfield, but it keeps skipping and catches up with you and you go boom.

One of the absolute worst has to be when you are so engrossed in a dogfight and you collide with your teammate as you neglected to look around before engaging the enemy.

Or on full servers, nestling in nicely behind a plane and firing a beautiful 2 second burst and popping off his wing, only to see WTF? come up in the chat as one of your wingmen goes spiraling towards his ultimate demise. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif

Divine-Wind
10-11-2007, 09:49 AM
You know you're a useless pilot when you're callsign is 'Divine-Wind'

You know you're a worthless pilot when you can't resist dropping your bombload while sitting on a full runway

LEBillfish
10-11-2007, 10:18 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Aimail101:
You forgot to mention strafing your own shadow..... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Never strafed it, yet have chased it often http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

rnzoli
10-11-2007, 10:25 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Aimail101:
You forgot to mention strafing your own shadow..... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>No, it was not forgotten. You can't deserve "Worthless Pilot" title unless you go further and ram your own shadow, in an attempt to bring it "down" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/halo.gif

SlickStick
10-11-2007, 11:51 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by rnzoli:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Aimail101:
You forgot to mention strafing your own shadow..... </div></BLOCKQUOTE>No, it was not forgotten. You can't deserve "Worthless Pilot" title unless you go further and ram your own shadow, in an attempt to bring it "down" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/halo.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

What else were you going to do once you ran out of ammo trying to shoot it down? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-indifferent.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

The old "No ammo rammo" is a great last ditch "take one for the team win" effort, if its the last bomber or fighter for hte team win!!111!!!.

Divine-Wind
10-11-2007, 12:06 PM
I'm so horrible at the No Ammo Rammo I once rammed myself.

crucislancer
10-11-2007, 12:07 PM
Great list! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Here's another: Patting yourself on the back for shooting down a plane......only to find it was one of yours!

SlickStick
10-11-2007, 12:27 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Divine-Wind:
I'm so horrible at the No Ammo Rammo I once rammed myself. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ba-doomp-boomp....CRASH! Good one. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

crucislancer
10-11-2007, 03:15 PM
Why don't you guys find someone with a server to host a little one-on-one, let's say best out of 11. Think of it as a gentleman's duel. To make it as even as possible, both combatants fly the same model a/c with different skins for I.D. purposes, with the same loadout, with cloud cover and full switch difficulty. Have the host record it, and post the track, and combatants agree to let the matter lay after that. What say you?

MrMojok
10-11-2007, 03:28 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by x6BL_Brando:My team-mates have gotten used to hearing that faint clunk and waiting those two long seconds. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

M_Gunz
10-11-2007, 03:54 PM
849) All your kills are mudhens and you still have more than 1:1 deaths:kills.
850) The other guys always have better planes than you.

crazyivan1970
10-11-2007, 04:03 PM
You forgot one Koro... fly for 45 min to the target... then hit CTRL+E instead of bomb release http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Xiolablu3
10-11-2007, 04:07 PM
Hehe, excellent list#!

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

I got another one....

16) You will only fly one side and constantly whine that the enemies planes are overmodelled.

These guys deserve the title more than any other. Say its 15 on one side, 6 on the other, yet the pilot still joins the side with 15 and when asked to change, refuses to fly on the other team.

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif

M_Gunz
10-11-2007, 06:02 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Xiolablu3:
Say its 15 on one side, 6 on the other, yet the pilot still joins the side with 15 and when asked to change, refuses to fly on the other team.

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/53.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That's just one problem child joining up with 15 others....

Friendly_flyer
10-12-2007, 01:56 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by LEBillfish:
Heh.......You forgot the biggies we ALL did when starting confirming your rookie status.

*Start a coop mission at the back of the line and gun your engine without looking ahead first taking out half your team.....to just name one. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oooo, that hurt!

The-Pizza-Man
10-12-2007, 07:00 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by crazyivan1970:
You forgot one Koro... fly for 45 min to the target... then hit CTRL+E instead of bomb release http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

or hit wing fold instead of WEP

major_setback
10-12-2007, 07:08 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by fabianfred:
you're not worthless Cajun....you sound like a nice guy to me http://media.ubi.com/us/forum_images/gf-glomp.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Don't say that!
Remember: It's everybody elses lack of self esteem that make you stand out. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

x6BL_Brando
10-12-2007, 07:16 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">You forgot one Koro... fly for 45 min to the target... then hit CTRL+E instead of bomb release </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gif
I was really hoping that wasn't going to get mentioned, Ivan!
I once piloted a fully-crewed bomber all the way to target, caught some flak in an engine and fired the extinguisher and ........er, never put the bail-out button near the Extinguisher button. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

I don't think they've ever really forgiven me! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

B

BOA_Allmenroder
10-12-2007, 07:39 AM
#17: You spawn, cobb the throttle, bounce into oblivion and crash....then respawn and do the same thing....then respawn and do the same again...then comment "OMG this (insert planetype here) is totally porked!!"

#18: All your confirmed kills occur on the ground while you test your guns after spawning.

#19; After joining a server and selecting a side, all the pilots from the opposing team congratulate you for joining.

msalama
10-12-2007, 08:27 AM
#20: Your bailout key is as worn as mine. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

Pablo_uk
10-12-2007, 09:14 AM
Aimail101 mentioned straffing your own shadow, how about seeing your own shadow, straffing it and then chasing it into the ground......that hurts http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

ViktorViktor
10-12-2007, 02:16 PM
You know you're a worthless IL2 pilot when -

1) you join a dogfight server with the Red team outnumbered by the Blue team 8 to 12, and since the admins are asking that all newcomers try to even up the teams you join the Red team. But a second later you see a chat message from an admin asking you to join the Blue team instead.

2) you use every cheat known when flying online yet none of your opponents bothers to complain because they manage to shoot you down anyway.

ViktorViktor
10-12-2007, 02:44 PM
You know you're a worthless IL2 pilot when -

3) you avoid flying into clouds at any cost cuz it always results in an uncontrollable spin.

4) you always circle your airfield for several minutes, patiently waiting for it to become completely deserted before you attempt a landing - out of fear of that someone will witness one of your horrible attempts at landing.

5) players from the opposing team warn your own teammates in which sector you've been spotted flying.

6) you can't manage to type '&lt; t a r g e t s' before crashing into the ground.

ViktorViktor
10-12-2007, 02:50 PM
You know you're a worthless IL2 pilot when -

7) Everytime you have attempted to join up on an experienced player and fly as their wingman, they have manuevered desperately to lose you.

rnzoli
10-15-2007, 02:13 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by crazyivan1970:
You forgot one Koro... fly for 45 min to the target... then hit CTRL+E instead of bomb release http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
well, i guess that situation lends a very special meaning to the regular question: "did <span class="ev_code_YELLOW">YOU</span> hit your target?" http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Cajun76
10-15-2007, 02:45 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Fox 3!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v30/Cajun76/nzairforce.jpg