PDA

View Full Version : OT...Computer Problems



sparty7200
10-16-2005, 10:56 AM
Enjoy folks:

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
The following is actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."



CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

C: "I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Regards

Sparty

sparty7200
10-16-2005, 10:56 AM
Enjoy folks:

This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
The following is actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:

Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

CS: "What sort of trouble?"

C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

CS: "Went away?"

C: "They disappeared."



CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

C: "Nothing."

CS: "Nothing?"

C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

C: "How do I tell?"

CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

C: "What's a sea-prompt?"

CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

C: "What's a monitor?"

CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

C: "I don't know."

CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

C: "Yes, I think so."

CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

C: ".......Yes, it is."

CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

C: "No."

CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

C: ".......Okay, here it is."

CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

C: "I can't reach."

CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

C: "No."

CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

CS: "Dark?"

C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."

C: "I can't."

CS: "No? Why not?"

C: "Because there's a power outage."

CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

C: "Really? Is it that bad?"

CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

Regards

Sparty

Deedsundone
10-16-2005, 11:30 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Waldo.Pepper
10-16-2005, 11:34 AM
Sorry me thinks 'tis an urban legend.

I hear it about Microsoft as well.

danjama
10-16-2005, 12:52 PM
Microsoft have terrible phone staff, i swear i could outsmart them 95% of the time. BT on the other hand helped me alot.

Great story by the way http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

fordfan25
10-16-2005, 01:14 PM
hay how was i to know a pc needed electricity. and not only that but i could not return it because best buy said my 30 day warrinty was up. so that tech guy was wrong all the way around.

Low_Flyer_MkII
10-16-2005, 01:35 PM
I know this is a true story 'cos it happened to me.....

I called my ISP and was put through to a call cantre in India. English wasn't the advisor's strong point.... the conversation went to the best of my recollection like this (please bear in mind I had been listening to recorded messages telling me to press whatever, please hold, try later, etc for what seemed like an eternity):-

Staff: "Please may I help you. May I call you by your first name?"
Me:"Yes, you may."
Staff:"What is your first name please?"
Me:"Andy."
Staff:"Andy".
Me:"Yes".
Staff:"Please spell 'Andy', Andy".
Me:"Alpha, November, Delta, Yankee".
Staff:"Please spell 'Alpha', Andy".
Me:"Alpha?"
Staff:"Yes, please spell 'Alpha', Andy".
Me: "It's phonetic - "
Staff:"Please spell 'phonetic', Andy".
Me:"Tell you what, I'll try later."
click! Brrrrr....

Taylortony
10-16-2005, 03:36 PM
The one i remember whent something like this.

Man calling his local branch of his bank is put through to the call centre in India.

Man

Hi, can you put me through to my branch please

Centre

Sorry sir can I have your account number please.

Man

Ok its 123456 now can you please put me through to my branch it's the one in xyz street London.

Centre

Ok, Mr Smith I have your details on screen how can I help you?

Man

Please can you put me through to my branch?

Centre

It is bank policy to deal with all problems with your account from our call centre and we are trained to deal with all account holder problems, please tell me how can we help you?

Man

Just put me through to my bank please arrrrrgggggggggghhhhh.

Centre

Sorry we will help you if you tell me what help you require.

Man

Ok ( in frustration) can you tell me if I left my gloves on the counter?

Centre

Click.................zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzz

FoolTrottel
10-16-2005, 04:04 PM
A few years ago I had this weird experience with HP's support.

Some printer model should be able to print double sided... well, the specimen I had just would not do that.

So, I called HP support... dialed in the correct sequence to get to that specific printer's support engineer/professional ...

Well, the guy I talked to used a script ...

He told me what to do, by just reading out loud what his computer (script) told him what to read out loud...

And, he told me to press Start, Accessories, Notepad ... well in fact, he told me to do so in Dutch ... ('Start, Programmas, Accesoires, Kladblok') but I was using an English version of Windows... so I told him "I'm using an English version, would Notepad be okay?" . "Yes, he replied"

So, next he asks me to type my name, then choose "Bestand, Afdrukken" (Yes, he still was in his Dutch script) So I told him: "Can I use File, Print instead, as I'm using an English version?" "Yes" he answered.

This weird thing went on for a while... me constantly telling him I'm using an English version, him reading out Dutch menu's and commands ... just up and untill his script ended, where all the actions he suggested worked fine... problem was... his script wasn't setup to deal with double sided printing...

In the end he told me I did not have a problem and my printer worked fine .... "Goobye Sir, and have a nice day!" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

Have Fun!

Waldo.Pepper
10-17-2005, 01:45 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">A few years ago I had this weird experience with HP's support.

Some printer model should be able to print double sided... well, the specimen I had just would not do that.

So, I called HP support... dialed in the correct sequence to get to that specific printer's support engineer/professional ...

Well, the guy I talked to used a script ...

He told me what to do, by just reading out loud what his computer (script) told him what to read out loud...

And, he told me to press Start, Accessories, Notepad ... well in fact, he told me to do so in Dutch ... ('Start, Programmas, Accesoires, Kladblok') but I was using an English version of Windows... so I told him "I'm using an English version, would Notepad be okay?" . "Yes, he replied"

So, next he asks me to type my name, then choose "Bestand, Afdrukken" (Yes, he still was in his Dutch script) So I told him: "Can I use File, Print instead, as I'm using an English version?" "Yes" he answered.

This weird thing went on for a while... me constantly telling him I'm using an English version, him reading out Dutch menu's and commands ... just up and untill his script ended, where all the actions he suggested worked fine... problem was... his script wasn't setup to deal with double sided printing...

In the end he told me I did not have a problem and my printer worked fine .... "Goobye Sir, and have a nice day!" Hammer

Have Fun! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>



http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Oh man thats funny! Thanks!

Capt.LoneRanger
10-17-2005, 02:49 AM
ROFLOL!

great read!


One of my friends is a complete computer-inept. After a while he found it was time to buy himself a notebook, just to keep up with time and it was more usefull than a normal typing machine.
But then, after I set it up, he got some real weird problems: After printing several graphics with maximum quality (on cheap standard-paper of course), his ink-cartridges were *completely* empty.
He asked me how to get new ones, so I told him for which product-number he had to look out.
A day later he called me again and said they didn't work and I obviously told him the wrong number.

"No way.", I tried to convince him, as I even checked for the right cartridges on the internet.

"But they still don't work."

Then I remembered what kind of inept he was and asked a silly question: "Did you remove the tape covering the contacts?"

"No?" (so he put in the cartridges with the tape still covering the printing heads)

"So, remove them."

"Okay" - seconds later: "That's weird - the ink is coming out."

"Ehm, did you remove the tape over the contacts?"

"Yes, all tapes."

"All tapes? There should be only one."

"Yes, a clear one and a green one."

"Congratulations - you opened the reservoir.", I said slightly annoyed.

A day later he had bought new ones - the first one ran completely empty.....

"Okay, I removed only the one on the bottom."

"Right!"

"it does not work."

"You followed the instructions?"

"Yes."

"So, what does the software say?"

"The what?"

"Is there any message on your computer"

"One moment - yes. The ink-cartridges are missing."

"Then you didn't do it right - remove them and try again."

Without exaggeration: 10 minutes later he got back on the phone. "Okay."

"Okay? It works?"

"Don't know."

"Then check on the computer."

"Still says insert cartridges."

At that time I was completely fed up with this stuff, left my work and drove to him to see myself. The whole thing was fixed in 3 seconds. The solution: There was a plastic-clip securing the cartridges in position. Instead of getting it in locked position he only moved it on the cartridges, because he was affraid to put too much pressure on it..... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif