PDA

View Full Version : Hans Zupp: U-666...



Kielhauler1961
08-30-2008, 07:35 AM
Hi everyone! I know I said I wasn't going to update Zupp before I came back from Thailand but 'circumstances' have delayed my plans, so I've got a little extra time on my hands! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Reasons being:
1. Credit crunch.
2. Soaring cost of airplane tickets.
3. Soaring cost of maintaining Thai fiancee! Even Imelda Marcos didn't need THAT many shoes!!! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
4. English bathroom plumbing issues... http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

Anyways, on with the nautical disaster that is Zupp.

Part 6: Welcome Aboard!

"You go ahead, Herr Kaleun, it is your boat after all." The Adjutant nods towards the sloping gangway leading down to the boat.
http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk295/kielhauler/StNazairePen1.jpg
Zupp gingerly walks down to the main deck. He spies the emblem proudly displayed on the side of the conning tower: that of a headless chicken in full flight. Two welders are working at the stern but nobody else is visible. Suddenly there is a loud squawk that echoes around the pen.

"Welcome Aboard!, Welcome Aboard... Helga wants a bratwurst, Helga wants a bratwurst..."

Zupp looks up and sees a Norwegian Blue parrot sitting on the rim of the watch tower.

Zupp turns to the Adjutant. "This is highly irregular, sir. It seems the only crew member on duty is the ships parrot!"

"Well, Herr Oberleutnant, this is U-666. I'm afraid you're going to have to adjust a little bit. Normal navy protocol doesn't really apply aboard this vessel", he replies with a weary smile.

They climb the ladder up to the watch tower and approach the open hatch. Suddenly a head pops-out and eyes the newcomers suspiciously..

"I thought I heard footsteps. Is that you, Herr Pfieffenburger?" the head says, still at deck level.

"Yes, it is, Unterleutnant Zeiss, I would like to introduce you to your new captain, Oberleutnant zur See Hans Zupp!"

The head swivels to inspect the less than imposing figure of Zupp. The eyes narrow to focus through spectacles the thickness of magnifying glasses.

"Very pleased to meet you, sir. Did your mother have a peculiar sense of humour by any chance, Herr Kaleun?"

Taken aback at this unexpected informality, Zupp replies "No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

The head grins and says "Well, it's just that your first and second names, run together, are a bit...never mind, sir."

Zeiss emerges from the hatch and stomps his foot on the deck plates. "All hands on deck, another new captain aboard."

Sounds of running, confusion and swearing below deck...Alarmed by the commotion, Helga flies off into the gloom of the pen, squawking "Ship spotted" and raining feathers.

Finally, Zeiss, three ratings and a peculiar looking chap in a filthy apron are standing more or less at attention in the confined space of the watch tower.

"Unterleutnant Gerhard Zeiss, sir. Welcome aboard. I'm the first Watch officer." Zeiss introduces the motley assembly of men:

"Untermatrossengefreiter Ludwig Funk, second assistant radio operator" Zupp notices Funk is wearing a hearing-aid. He bites his lip.

"Untermachinist Karl Diesel. He's the..."

Zupp interrupts, "No, let me guess, he's part of the engine room crew?"

"Yes, sir."

"Untertorpedoman Erich Los."

Los salutes but visibly winces at the effort involved.

"What's the matter with you, Los? You seem to be in pain?"

"It's my back, sir. Those torpedoes are too bloody heavy! My doctor has said I should avoid any heavy lifting."

Zupp shakes his head and is introduced to the last member of this illustrious crew...

"And our cook, sir. Marco van Blanc".

"Marco van Blanc?" Zupp responds. That doesn't sound a very Germanic name to me! Is he from Alsace?"

"No, sir. He's French. Our previous cook was seriously injured trying to open a tin of canned bread and we had to find a replacement. He's very good, sir. You should try his Korean meatballs', they're the mutts nuts, sir!"

"I understood there were four ratings aboard? Where is the other one?"

"Untermatrossengefreiter Waltze is ashore, sir. He had an appointment with Geraldine."

"Geraldine?"

"You really don't want to know, sir. He'll be back about six."

Zupp turns to the Adjutant, who can't suppress a grin.

"Sir, are the rest of the crew as impaired' as this?"

"Herr Kaleun, this is, for U-666, the cream of the crop!"

"Why do they all have the title Unter...'? I didn't think that there was such a rank in the Kreigsmarine?"

"Herr Zupp, all the crew of U-666 have been transferred from other boats, due to a combination of incompetence, disobedience, insolence, flatulence... They have all been demoted, some more than once, and the navy had to come up with new rank grades to save them from being shot as surplus to requirements.'"

"Now, let's go down the hatch. I'm sure you're keen to see inside?"

Zupp descends the ladder into an even darker world than the bunker. No lights are on. Only the flickering of candles provide illumination.

"Whats the matter with the lights?" Zupp asks Zeiss.

"We couldn't afford the last electricity bill, sir. They cut us off."

Zupp stares around him in awe and amazement. So many wheels, gauges, dials, buttons, switches, pipes... His head swims with the confusion and claustrophobia of his surroundings.

The kindly voice of the Adjutant brings him back to normality.

"Herr Kaleun, this is the command room. When you are not on the bridge, or in you bunk, this is your primary action station. Get to know every detail of the boat, it will save your life. Your officers and crew will do their best but many times you will have to step-in and do it yourself."

Zupp points at a small red wheel. "What does this do, sir?"

"That opens the main outlet ballast tank slider".

"Ah, and this one?"

"That's the import/export induction control valve.."

"And what does this device do, sir?"

The Adjutant can conceal his exasperation no longer at Zupps incessant questions... "That is a propane-fuelled mark 14 TOASTER! Herr Kaleun, I am sure your chief engineer would be more than happy to brief you on all the controls when he gets...returns. Until then, let us just look over the boat, shall we?"

They pass the radio room and Zupp can't help thinking how odd a nodding giraffe' perched on top of the radio set is.


They pass into the forward torpedo room.

"These bunks for the men look very uncomfortable, sir?"

"They are not bunks for the men', Herr Kaleun. Those are torpedo storage racks. The men, about half the crew, fit in between them as best they can."

The pair turn towards the stern and the Adjutant, taking no chances any longer, briefs Zupp on the basics...

"This is the diesel engine compartment. It's where the diesel engine are located."

"Yes, sir."

"This is the electric engine' compartment. It's where the electric engines are located..."

"Thank you, sir."

"And this is the stern torpedo room. What, Herr Kaleun, do you think this compartment is for?" The Adjutant gives Zupp a reproving stare.

Zupp hesitates, but answers to the Adjutants obvious satisfaction.

"Well, Herr Kaleun, this is as much as I can do. I'll leave you to it. You need to start bonding' with your crew. My first suggestion is that you find your errant navigating officer."

"Where would I start looking, sir?"

"Try The Alte See Hund', that's one of his favourite haunts. Just make sure you find him before the Gestapo does...they have some unpleasant questions to ask him."

Zupp salutes as the Adjutant leaves the boat. He returns to his bunk, stretches out, and falls into a blissful sleep.

P.S. Many thanks to Realjambo for advice on 'suitable' content for this post! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

Kielhauler1961
08-30-2008, 07:35 AM
Hi everyone! I know I said I wasn't going to update Zupp before I came back from Thailand but 'circumstances' have delayed my plans, so I've got a little extra time on my hands! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Reasons being:
1. Credit crunch.
2. Soaring cost of airplane tickets.
3. Soaring cost of maintaining Thai fiancee! Even Imelda Marcos didn't need THAT many shoes!!! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
4. English bathroom plumbing issues... http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_mad.gif

Anyways, on with the nautical disaster that is Zupp.

Part 6: Welcome Aboard!

"You go ahead, Herr Kaleun, it is your boat after all." The Adjutant nods towards the sloping gangway leading down to the boat.
http://i283.photobucket.com/albums/kk295/kielhauler/StNazairePen1.jpg
Zupp gingerly walks down to the main deck. He spies the emblem proudly displayed on the side of the conning tower: that of a headless chicken in full flight. Two welders are working at the stern but nobody else is visible. Suddenly there is a loud squawk that echoes around the pen.

"Welcome Aboard!, Welcome Aboard... Helga wants a bratwurst, Helga wants a bratwurst..."

Zupp looks up and sees a Norwegian Blue parrot sitting on the rim of the watch tower.

Zupp turns to the Adjutant. "This is highly irregular, sir. It seems the only crew member on duty is the ships parrot!"

"Well, Herr Oberleutnant, this is U-666. I'm afraid you're going to have to adjust a little bit. Normal navy protocol doesn't really apply aboard this vessel", he replies with a weary smile.

They climb the ladder up to the watch tower and approach the open hatch. Suddenly a head pops-out and eyes the newcomers suspiciously..

"I thought I heard footsteps. Is that you, Herr Pfieffenburger?" the head says, still at deck level.

"Yes, it is, Unterleutnant Zeiss, I would like to introduce you to your new captain, Oberleutnant zur See Hans Zupp!"

The head swivels to inspect the less than imposing figure of Zupp. The eyes narrow to focus through spectacles the thickness of magnifying glasses.

"Very pleased to meet you, sir. Did your mother have a peculiar sense of humour by any chance, Herr Kaleun?"

Taken aback at this unexpected informality, Zupp replies "No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

The head grins and says "Well, it's just that your first and second names, run together, are a bit...never mind, sir."

Zeiss emerges from the hatch and stomps his foot on the deck plates. "All hands on deck, another new captain aboard."

Sounds of running, confusion and swearing below deck...Alarmed by the commotion, Helga flies off into the gloom of the pen, squawking "Ship spotted" and raining feathers.

Finally, Zeiss, three ratings and a peculiar looking chap in a filthy apron are standing more or less at attention in the confined space of the watch tower.

"Unterleutnant Gerhard Zeiss, sir. Welcome aboard. I'm the first Watch officer." Zeiss introduces the motley assembly of men:

"Untermatrossengefreiter Ludwig Funk, second assistant radio operator" Zupp notices Funk is wearing a hearing-aid. He bites his lip.

"Untermachinist Karl Diesel. He's the..."

Zupp interrupts, "No, let me guess, he's part of the engine room crew?"

"Yes, sir."

"Untertorpedoman Erich Los."

Los salutes but visibly winces at the effort involved.

"What's the matter with you, Los? You seem to be in pain?"

"It's my back, sir. Those torpedoes are too bloody heavy! My doctor has said I should avoid any heavy lifting."

Zupp shakes his head and is introduced to the last member of this illustrious crew...

"And our cook, sir. Marco van Blanc".

"Marco van Blanc?" Zupp responds. That doesn't sound a very Germanic name to me! Is he from Alsace?"

"No, sir. He's French. Our previous cook was seriously injured trying to open a tin of canned bread and we had to find a replacement. He's very good, sir. You should try his Korean meatballs', they're the mutts nuts, sir!"

"I understood there were four ratings aboard? Where is the other one?"

"Untermatrossengefreiter Waltze is ashore, sir. He had an appointment with Geraldine."

"Geraldine?"

"You really don't want to know, sir. He'll be back about six."

Zupp turns to the Adjutant, who can't suppress a grin.

"Sir, are the rest of the crew as impaired' as this?"

"Herr Kaleun, this is, for U-666, the cream of the crop!"

"Why do they all have the title Unter...'? I didn't think that there was such a rank in the Kreigsmarine?"

"Herr Zupp, all the crew of U-666 have been transferred from other boats, due to a combination of incompetence, disobedience, insolence, flatulence... They have all been demoted, some more than once, and the navy had to come up with new rank grades to save them from being shot as surplus to requirements.'"

"Now, let's go down the hatch. I'm sure you're keen to see inside?"

Zupp descends the ladder into an even darker world than the bunker. No lights are on. Only the flickering of candles provide illumination.

"Whats the matter with the lights?" Zupp asks Zeiss.

"We couldn't afford the last electricity bill, sir. They cut us off."

Zupp stares around him in awe and amazement. So many wheels, gauges, dials, buttons, switches, pipes... His head swims with the confusion and claustrophobia of his surroundings.

The kindly voice of the Adjutant brings him back to normality.

"Herr Kaleun, this is the command room. When you are not on the bridge, or in you bunk, this is your primary action station. Get to know every detail of the boat, it will save your life. Your officers and crew will do their best but many times you will have to step-in and do it yourself."

Zupp points at a small red wheel. "What does this do, sir?"

"That opens the main outlet ballast tank slider".

"Ah, and this one?"

"That's the import/export induction control valve.."

"And what does this device do, sir?"

The Adjutant can conceal his exasperation no longer at Zupps incessant questions... "That is a propane-fuelled mark 14 TOASTER! Herr Kaleun, I am sure your chief engineer would be more than happy to brief you on all the controls when he gets...returns. Until then, let us just look over the boat, shall we?"

They pass the radio room and Zupp can't help thinking how odd a nodding giraffe' perched on top of the radio set is.


They pass into the forward torpedo room.

"These bunks for the men look very uncomfortable, sir?"

"They are not bunks for the men', Herr Kaleun. Those are torpedo storage racks. The men, about half the crew, fit in between them as best they can."

The pair turn towards the stern and the Adjutant, taking no chances any longer, briefs Zupp on the basics...

"This is the diesel engine compartment. It's where the diesel engine are located."

"Yes, sir."

"This is the electric engine' compartment. It's where the electric engines are located..."

"Thank you, sir."

"And this is the stern torpedo room. What, Herr Kaleun, do you think this compartment is for?" The Adjutant gives Zupp a reproving stare.

Zupp hesitates, but answers to the Adjutants obvious satisfaction.

"Well, Herr Kaleun, this is as much as I can do. I'll leave you to it. You need to start bonding' with your crew. My first suggestion is that you find your errant navigating officer."

"Where would I start looking, sir?"

"Try The Alte See Hund', that's one of his favourite haunts. Just make sure you find him before the Gestapo does...they have some unpleasant questions to ask him."

Zupp salutes as the Adjutant leaves the boat. He returns to his bunk, stretches out, and falls into a blissful sleep.

P.S. Many thanks to Realjambo for advice on 'suitable' content for this post! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

Realjambo
08-30-2008, 01:28 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">You should try his Korean meatballs', they're the mutts nuts, sir!" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/10.gif It works! It works! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Good stuff KH http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif

Celeon999
08-30-2008, 01:50 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Messervy
08-30-2008, 06:55 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">"Why do they all have the title Unter...'? I didn't think that there was such a rank in the Kreigsmarine?"

"Herr Zupp, all the crew of U-666 have been transferred from other boats, due to a combination of incompetence, disobedience, insolence, flatulence... They have all been demoted, some more than once, and the navy had to come up with new rank grades to save them from being shot as surplus to requirement </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Reminds me of the comic "Alan Ford"

tuddley3
08-31-2008, 04:20 PM
Took me a while to reply, I laughed so hard, I cried, and couldn't see the keyboard.

I have this feeling RJ is going to lecture me about my sentence above. I just know something is not right about it. Too many commas maybe ? Uniform inspection is next, can anyone iron ? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Realjambo
08-31-2008, 04:35 PM
RJ's extensive use of 'comma's software is set to trigger at 5 comma's, you just slipped under Tuddley! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

PhantomKira
08-31-2008, 04:38 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> "...That is a propane-fuelled mark 14 TOASTER!..." </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif

Sigh. Sound's like Zupp needs some more study time! Hehehe.

Nice picture, too.

klcarroll
09-01-2008, 08:33 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">3. Soaring cost of maintaining Thai fiancee! Even Imelda Marcos didn't need THAT many shoes!!! </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

I can tell you from personal experience that "THE SHOE THING" has NOTHING to do with nationality!! ........It's a GENDER thing!

....And if you ever make rational sense out of it; ....Make sure you pass the information along!! ....You owe it to Humanity!!

klcarroll

Foehammer-1
09-12-2008, 08:25 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">"Untermatrossengefreiter Ludwig Funk, second assistant radio operator" Zupp notices Funk is wearing a hearing-aid. He bites his lip. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> Herr Kaleun, I am sure your chief engineer would be more than happy to brief you on all the controls when he gets...returns </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif I somehow missed this story. Thanks, made my day http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Kielhauler1961
09-12-2008, 08:33 AM
@ Foe,

Glad you liked it. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Dunno if you caught the first five chapters but they are all in this thread: A Fresh Start (http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/857101043/m/6321036086)

Tuddley3 has expanded the 'Manuals, Tools, Mods, Tweaks & Online Flotillas' sticky to include the short stories on Socko by Psychfilm and klcarroll, and mine on Zupp.

Anybody else want to join the party? It's great fun when you get into it and start having some positive feedback.

I think I can hear the sound of RJ's writing gloves drawer opening... http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

KH.

Foehammer-1
09-12-2008, 09:05 AM
Yeah, I've read them. Great stuff! Missed the last one tho, most probably because of the Ukraine trip