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capt_frank
10-05-2007, 03:22 PM
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet"
that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the "gripe sheets" before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and
the repairs recorded (marked with an R) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
R: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
R: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
R: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent
R: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
R: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
R: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
R: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
R: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
R: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
R: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
R: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
R: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
R: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
R: Took hammer away from midget

capt_frank
10-05-2007, 03:22 PM
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form called a "gripe sheet"
that tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the "gripe sheets" before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and
the repairs recorded (marked with an R) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
R: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
R: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
R: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent
R: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
R: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
R: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
R: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
R: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
R: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
R: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
R: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
R: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
R: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
R: Took hammer away from midget

Waldo.Pepper
10-05-2007, 04:04 PM
Huh huh - C0ck! Huh - snort.

Urufu_Shinjiro
10-05-2007, 04:11 PM
ROFLCOPTER!!!!!1

flox
10-05-2007, 04:16 PM
P: Loose nut in cockpit.
R: Loose nut removed from cockpit, ship OK.

Skunk_438RCAF
10-05-2007, 04:41 PM
I thought this was supposed to be from Qantas...

Anyways, they're not called "gripe sheets", they're called snag sheets.

Kettenhunde
10-05-2007, 05:46 PM
squawks....

Choctaw111
10-05-2007, 06:28 PM
Now my stomach hurts and I can barely see! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif Thanks for the great laugh! Those were GREAT!!

Divine-Wind
10-05-2007, 09:29 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by capt_frank:
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
R: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
R: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
R: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
R: Suspect you're right.

P: Target radar hums.
R: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer.
R: Took hammer away from midget </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

triad773
10-05-2007, 10:12 PM
Good stuff mainnnn....

I's loves the big brown tyang...

gets mue what I's what from that thar NewEgg.com

Cheers

Triad

JimmyBlonde
10-06-2007, 01:08 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Skunk_438RCAF:
I thought this was supposed to be from Qantas...

Anyways, they're not called "gripe sheets", they're called snag sheets. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

If it is then I wonder why Qantas needs IFF and 'targeting radar'???

Seems unlikely but I had heard it was from Qantas aswell...

Maybe there is a little more to our illustrious airline than meets the eye?

willyvic
10-06-2007, 01:49 AM
Those have been around for years and years, since before my Naval Air days. But still always a chuckle to revisit.

P. Tacan radio does not work.
R. Turn O F F switch to O N.

P. Bug juice jug empty.
R. McDonalds drive thru open 24x7.

P. Relief tube too short.
R. Checks good on enlisted man.

WV

buzzsaw1939
10-06-2007, 11:39 AM
what a way to start my day! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

brings back a lot of memorys. thanks!

Pirschjaeger
10-06-2007, 12:00 PM
This one is the best:

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
R: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

JG6_Oddball
10-07-2007, 11:38 AM
ROFL...thnx

S!

general_kalle
10-07-2007, 01:00 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
R: Evidence removed. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

like that one.
glad im not the man whos Evidence.

BfHeFwMe
10-07-2007, 01:58 PM
That's an old USAF thingy, why would a UPS or any commercial flight for that matter be equipped with IFF or a target locking radar?

An oldie but goody.