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View Full Version : OT- Who says mechanics aren't funny?



bird_brain
06-25-2005, 10:45 AM
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

BTW, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S= The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: I FF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

VF-29_Sandman
06-25-2005, 10:54 AM
u forgot 1:
P: p1ss tube too short
S: p1ss tube to spec's. problem is pilots' **** is too short

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

fordfan25
06-25-2005, 11:04 AM
sounds like the awsers i get when my red neck step father fix's my stuff http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

WarWolfe_1
06-25-2005, 11:49 AM
rofl http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

VBF-83_Hawk
06-25-2005, 02:22 PM
I am no big mechanic, just a Maule mechanic http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Now here is my "real solution to a real statement".

After finding two bad cylinders in a compression test 25/80 and 30/80.

P: It flew good on the way down here.
S: It will fly even better on the way home.