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Pirschjaeger
09-24-2005, 08:34 PM
1)Can u cry underwater?

2)If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

3)Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

4)Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where does that extra penny going to?

5)Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

6)Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

7)What disease did cured ham actually have?

8)How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9)Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

10)If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

11)If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

12)Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

13)Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

14)How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

15)Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

16)If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

17)Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

18)Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

19)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

20)Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

21)Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

22)When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

23)If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

24)Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

25)If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

26)Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

27)Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

28)Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

29)If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

30)If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

31)Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

32)Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

33)Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

34)Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

35)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-24-2005, 08:34 PM
1)Can u cry underwater?

2)If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

3)Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

4)Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where does that extra penny going to?

5)Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

6)Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

7)What disease did cured ham actually have?

8)How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

9)Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

10)If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

11)If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

12)Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

13)Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

14)How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

15)Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

16)If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

17)Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

18)Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

19)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

20)Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

21)Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

22)When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

23)If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

24)Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

25)If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

26)Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

27)Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

28)Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?

29)If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

30)If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

31)Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

32)Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

33)Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

34)Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

35)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Fritz

danjama
09-24-2005, 08:40 PM
)Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where does that extra penny going to?

A penny is roughly doubled in US currency so it is two cents. I could answer any of those i am just so freekin lazy and to be fair it is 3.30am here i an knackered http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Some of them are funny though like:

)Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

That's great.

Nick_Toznost
09-24-2005, 09:27 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:

27)Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

</div></BLOCKQUOTE>


Why is Pluto dwarfed by his Mouse owner? Disney have some real scale issues.

Very true stuff there though. I laughed.

jeroen-79
09-24-2005, 09:48 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">14)How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>What is nicer to look at?
A presidential candidate or a miss &lt;pick a state&gt;?

HotelBushranger
09-24-2005, 11:16 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">29)If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That made me laugh http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

P-38_Lightning
09-24-2005, 11:28 PM
Excellent job man. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

ImpStarDuece
09-24-2005, 11:33 PM
Why are they called apartments if they are all grouped together?

Why are they called buildings? Aren't they already built?

If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of congress?

Deedsundone
09-25-2005, 01:09 AM
Do blind people dream? If they do, can they "see" in their dreams?

Anjali Sharma (age 14)
Leaside High
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


A: Anjali -

I considered answering your question myself, but decided that you might prefer an answer straight from the source. So I passed your question on to my friend, Laurie, who has been blind since she was fairly young. Here's what she had to say:

" Yes, blind people do dream. What they see in their dreams depends on how much they could ever see. If someone has been totally blind since birth, they only have auditory dreams. If someone such as I, has had a measure of sight, then that person dreams with that measure of sight. I still dream as though I can see, colors included. For people I've met since, their faces are just blurs or how I imagine they look. To me, someone like my mother looks forever 30. "

Thanks Laurie!

-Tamara

Bluedog72
09-25-2005, 01:21 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
35)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Fritz </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dogs have a far better sense of smell than we do.
That ears back, lip curled glare he gives you isnt anger, its more "****!!! what you been eating??"

ClnlSandersLite
09-25-2005, 02:19 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Bluedog72:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
35)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Fritz </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dogs have a far better sense of smell than we do.
That ears back, lip curled glare he gives you isnt anger, its more "****!!! what you been eating??" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Coming from a species that likes to sniff asses belch in eachothers faces, I find that to be somewhat dubious. Not the strong sense of smell thing, but what they're thinking.

Pirschjaeger
09-25-2005, 08:12 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by ImpStarDuece:
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of congress? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>


He he he, good one. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-25-2005, 08:15 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Deedsundone:
Do blind people dream? If they do, can they "see" in their dreams?

Anjali Sharma (age 14)
Leaside High
Toronto, Ontario, Canada


A: Anjali -

I considered answering your question myself, but decided that you might prefer an answer straight from the source. So I passed your question on to my friend, Laurie, who has been blind since she was fairly young. Here's what she had to say:

" Yes, blind people do dream. What they see in their dreams depends on how much they could ever see. If someone has been totally blind since birth, they only have auditory dreams. If someone such as I, has had a measure of sight, then that person dreams with that measure of sight. I still dream as though I can see, colors included. For people I've met since, their faces are just blurs or how I imagine they look. To me, someone like my mother looks forever 30. "

Thanks Laurie!

-Tamara </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I was actually quite curious about that one and theorized the same answer. It is logical.

Then I guess Helen Keller would have dreamed of touch.

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-25-2005, 08:16 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by ClnlSandersLite:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Bluedog72:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
35)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?


Fritz </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dogs have a far better sense of smell than we do.
That ears back, lip curled glare he gives you isnt anger, its more "****!!! what you been eating??" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Coming from a species that likes to sniff asses belch in eachothers faces, I find that to be somewhat dubious. Not the strong sense of smell thing, but what they're thinking. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'll have to go find a pitbull and see if my breath is bad. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Fritz

Pirschjaeger
09-25-2005, 08:19 AM
He he he, reminds me of an 90's joke.

You can have fun at the beach in California. You scream shark and watch the people run out of the water. Then you scream pitbull and watch them run right back in. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Fritz

p1ngu666
09-25-2005, 08:26 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Ankanor
09-25-2005, 09:28 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Pirschjaeger:
He he he, reminds me of an 90's joke.

You can have fun at the beach in California. You scream shark and watch the people run out of the water. Then you scream pitbull and watch them run right back in. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Fritz </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sadist http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif I wonder though, I thought pitbulls could swim...

What an ex said once: Which is the right name, Iran or Iraq? She had other real killers too: [talking about periscopes in high school and their usage in WW1 for looking around without being shot at] "And what if a bullet hits the periscope? Wouldn't it just glance off and hit the observer in the eye?"

Ankanor
09-25-2005, 09:31 AM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">30)If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Yes, It does. At least in most cases
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">17)Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Because the panties cover a single object, while the bra covers the plural ones.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 3)Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
6)Why does a round pizza come in a square box? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
As Leonardo da Vinci made it clear, the union of the square and the circle is the image of perfection. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 4)Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where does that extra penny going to? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Darn Inflation http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">2)If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Because bank directors do actually grow on trees. In their early form they are called "apes" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 8)How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
The first benefits the government's international image, the second - the average Joe. Goes to show what are governments actually doing for their citizens... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 11)If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
There is no Pepsi in Coke's factories's canteens.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 13)Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
It makes them feel "high", without the addiction and the bad effects.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 15)Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Who said they like seeing you naked? That is unless you are a hot big-breasted single female.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 19)Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
A brave pioneer of civilization. Or, more likely, a starving loser with a baby syndrome who couldn't get laid...
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">20)Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
It's not the toaster that has a charring setting, it is you, who waits too much or has some serious problems with locomotion reflexes.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 21)Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Becasue in the fridge the stuff has actual taste and you can take your pick. The stuff in the freezer all taste the same - "frozen"
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 22)When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
you look more friendly and there's less chance of the officer ordering you to "step away from the vehicle, spread your legs, put your hands on the back of your head and don't f*cking move!!!" while holding you at gunpoint.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 25)If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,why can't he fix a hole in a boat? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Because he's a specialist. He knows everything about making radios, his brain is full and there's no place in it for the knowledge to fix a hole in a boat. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 26)Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
It's partly because the reason for going to the bathroom is about 4 inches above the crotch, and partly because time doesn't tend to go out of your wrist and wet your sleeves. Also it could be that the look on your face does show what you're asking.
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content"> 35)Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Like they said, wind doesn't have the smell of burnt toasts

And to add to the questions, why do square bricks make circles when you drop them in the water? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Friendly_flyer
09-25-2005, 03:09 PM
Just to be boring and pedantic:

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">17)Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bra is singular for historical reasons. It developed from the (singular) corset at the beginning of the 20th century. Similar garments have existed in earlier times, the Romans used a long piece of cloth wrapped around the chest (again a single garment).

Pant(ie)s and trousers come in pairs because back in the late Medieval period and Renaissance, pants was basically just two long stockings tied to a belt, worn over exceedingly baggy boxers. They didn€t "fuse" into a single garment until early 17th century, but the dual word is still with us, just as with €œscissors€ (two seaxes). Regular pants was worn in the Dark Ages, but was called by a singular term: Br³k.

wayno7777
09-25-2005, 08:27 PM
OK, why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway???

triggerhappyfin
09-26-2005, 07:16 AM
13)Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

This one I should be able to answer...as I a while ago paid money to go to Paris...paid for entering the top of Eiffel tower...paid a coin in the binoculars to look down....But, heck, I´ve not figured it out yet...I´ll just join those other buggers... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif

Low_Flyer_MkII
09-26-2005, 07:54 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif
Have sent the 'roids one to my brother - he'll appreciate it.
While I'm here ....Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

telsono
09-26-2005, 12:50 PM
As a coin collector let put a comment on these money issues.

4)Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where does that extra penny going to?

"A penny for your thoughts" goes back to at least 1500 when the first time the expression was recorded. A penny was worth more back then, a salary of 5 pounds a year was considered upper middleclass.
In the movie Casablanca (approximate quote), Ilsa asks Rick "a franc for your thoughts." Rick responds that "in America they would get you only a penny"

As far the expression "put my two cents in", a couple of answers surface. American coinage changed over time and there was a two cent piece which was fairly rare in circulation and used as a lucky piece. Or the older usage of from the Spanish pieces of eight as there is an alternate of "putting my two bits in". Two bits being a slang term for a quarter (25 cent piece). American love of gambling probably inspired the saying.