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View Full Version : So, who here knows what satire is?



PBNA-Boosher
06-17-2005, 06:15 PM
Ok people, I've got my 4.01m patch all nicely set up, and I'm lurking through the flyable planes list (as if we have enough) to find myself a good ol' twin engine bomber. I've flown way too much of the He-111 (by god, it's SO old by now) and the B-25 and A-20 are just way out of style. Flying one of those... things, would be like wearing Old Navy. But what's this? The G4M1-11 Betty? Oh. My. God. I was thinking, babe, you got yourself a sweet, dainty little thing that'll knock his socks off! So I clamber on into the hunk-a-junk and settle myself down at the controls, it feels nice and is a little hard to taxi, but I manage to get it to the runway and I start the takeoff roll. My first takeoff was shaky but good, and soon we clamber our way into the air with the little Betty and off we go to Tiffany's or Nordstroms or whatever.

Now, of course, I had to find out what heading to fly, it would be SO not cool if we landed near a Costco and not a mall to buy clothes, because, come on, who wants to buy cheap clothing? Anyway, I hop on into the navigator's cabin while in a left bank (My Co-pilot was in control, what do you think I am, stupid or something?) And Oh. My. God, there was no f***ing pencil! There was no F***ing rolling pencil on the table and navigation charts. So I said, to my navigator, "Like, where's the d@mn pencil?" and she said, "like, I dunno?" And it was this whole big controversy thing and we had to land near a Staples to buy pencils.

So really, I wanna know Oleg and Crew, (love ya baby! Kisses!) Where the hell is my rolling pencil? I mean, come on. You gave the girls in the TB-3 the go. Why can't you give us a fairness sort of thing? Oh. My. God. It's just so cheap.

You made me really sad and angry and upset and because of you, I'm going to have to take you out of my address book and my speed-dial. Ugh.

F19_Orheim
06-17-2005, 06:25 PM
have to confess mate, I was looking for it too... so.. no pencil.. how about a pen???http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Old_Canuck
06-17-2005, 06:34 PM
Did you hear a big SNAP when you sat down? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

jetsetsam
06-17-2005, 07:10 PM
Oleg: "Whatever".

NorrisMcWhirter
06-17-2005, 07:42 PM
That pencil in the TB-3 deathtrap is for the crew to write wills out http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Ta,
Norris

LStarosta
06-17-2005, 08:17 PM
Originally posted by PBNA-Boosher:
Ok people, I've got my 4.01m patch all nicely set up, and I'm lurking through the flyable planes list (as if we have enough) to find myself a good ol' twin engine bomber. I've flown way too much of the He-111 (by god, it's SO old by now) and the B-25 and A-20 are just way out of style. Flying one of those... things, would be like wearing Old Navy. But what's this? The G4M1-11 Betty? Oh. My. God. I was thinking, babe, you got yourself a sweet, dainty little thing that'll knock his socks off! So I clamber on into the hunk-a-junk and settle myself down at the controls, it feels nice and is a little hard to taxi, but I manage to get it to the runway and I start the takeoff roll. My first takeoff was shaky but good, and soon we clamber our way into the air with the little Betty and off we go to Tiffany's or Nordstroms or whatever.

Now, of course, I had to find out what heading to fly, it would be SO not cool if we landed near a Costco and not a mall to buy clothes, because, come on, who wants to buy cheap clothing? Anyway, I hop on into the navigator's cabin while in a left bank (My Co-pilot was in control, what do you think I am, stupid or something?) And Oh. My. God, there was no f***ing pencil! There was no F***ing rolling pencil on the table and navigation charts. So I said, to my navigator, "Like, where's the d@mn pencil?" and she said, "like, I dunno?" And it was this whole big controversy thing and we had to land near a Staples to buy pencils.

So really, I wanna know Oleg and Crew, (love ya baby! Kisses!) Where the hell is my rolling pencil? I mean, come on. You gave the girls in the TB-3 the go. Why can't you give us a fairness sort of thing? Oh. My. God. It's just so cheap.

You made me really sad and angry and upset and because of you, I'm going to have to take you out of my address book and my speed-dial. Ugh.

Whatever it is, that wasn't it.


Yeah, the first thing I looked for on the desk in the Betty was a writing utensil.

han freak solo
06-17-2005, 08:45 PM
Originally posted by PBNA-Boosher:
Flying one of those... things, would be like wearing Old Navy.

Dude, your dogging my wardrobe! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

FI-Aflak
06-17-2005, 11:10 PM
the pencil is needed in the TB-3. Its their version of the artificial-horizon. If its rolling, you aren't flying straigh and the navigator needs to yell out the door at the pilot.

FeiHu
06-17-2005, 11:34 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

WarWolfe_1
06-18-2005, 12:37 AM
what about a mechanical pencil? that would be nice. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

ClnlSandersLite
06-18-2005, 01:20 AM
You guys know what? I'd like to see oleg put a carpenters pencil (the flat rectangular type as opposed to the cylindrical type) in any future bombers just to piss people off. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

Pirschjaeger
06-18-2005, 03:12 AM
I spoke to Oleg on this issue. He told me no more pencils would be issued. The material supply for building Russian fighters is low and he needed to conserve as much as possible.

He did say he will consider giving us the lead cores though.

Fritz

Dunkelgrun
06-18-2005, 03:51 AM
The Imperial Japanese Navy banned the use of pencils in the G4M1 'Betty' as, being made of wood, they were considered to be a fire hazard.
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Cheers!

WTE_Ibis
06-18-2005, 04:05 AM
Originally posted by Dunkelgrun:
The Imperial Japanese Navy banned the use of pencils in the G4M1 'Betty' as, being made of wood, they were considered to be a fire hazard.
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Cheers!

You is wrong be sure,here is the official reason,

They were banned in Japanese aircraft due to the health and safety act."These inplements could cause serious injury to persons due to the fact that they may float about the cockpit during a kamakazi dive and may cause eye injury or worse and therefore are a health hazard". http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

zjulik
06-18-2005, 04:31 AM
You`re all wrong. The supplier of the pencils - yes, plural, given the tens of thousand of users of this game - got hold of the "Grumman wants money from game publishers for using their planes- issue" and decided that a small honary fee would be appropriate. Naturally, Oleg gave them the ol` finger.

dieg777
06-18-2005, 04:46 AM
The Saltire

The Scottish national flag is a white-on-blue saltire (i.e. a diagonal cross on a coloured background) and it derives from the shape of the cross on which Scotland's patron saint, St Andrew, was crucified.

do I win a major prize ???

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Monson74
06-18-2005, 05:12 AM
Err.. sorry, boosh - I'll put back when I'm done drawing the FW190 cockpit the way it's supposed to be:


_/o\_


http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

HotelBushranger
06-18-2005, 07:20 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif A very funny post Boosher.

Personally, I would make the navigator ***** themselves with a pin and use their own blood http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

Tooz_69GIAP
06-18-2005, 08:19 AM
How come you get girls in your Betty, and all I get are mustacheoued, dirty men with flatulence problems?

What's up with that? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

JG7_Rall
06-18-2005, 04:36 PM
Things I learned about Boosher in this thread:

-Enjoys shopping at Tiffany's
-Takes pleasure in clothing shopping during his free time
-Says "love ya baby" and "kisses" to other men

Given this new information and your past threads, I can only assume one thing. Is there something you want to tell us?

LStarosta
06-18-2005, 04:37 PM
http://www.jumpingmonkeys.com/archives/full%20closet.jpg

Somewhere in there is Boosher waiting to come out...

fabianfred
06-18-2005, 04:57 PM
forget pencils.... didn't you see the dainty little whisk made of bamboo which is for stirring up your green tea into a froth.. before rotating the bowl three times clockwise and once back for luck... before offering first sip to the skipper
Cha-no-u... is it? ...
maybe a bomber isn't the place for such a meditative ceremony... but the traditional bamboo hut had a low door so everyone entering had to bow their head... had to do that a few times to get to my seat though http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif

Tater-SW-
06-18-2005, 05:09 PM
I thought they discontinued ANY sharp objects after a few bad bombing runs early in the war. It seems the crew were using the pencils to disembowel themselves from the shame of missing a target by so much as 100m.

Later crews were forced to keep notes in finger paint!

tater

JG7_Rall
06-18-2005, 06:15 PM
You people have horrible senses of humor. I can't believe it...

LStarosta
06-19-2005, 09:17 PM
Originally posted by JG7_Rall:
You people have horrible senses of humor. I can't believe it...

It's a sad and cruel world, Nate.

Mackane1
06-19-2005, 09:53 PM
Originally posted by JG7_Rall:
Things I learned about Boosher in this thread:

-Enjoys shopping at Tiffany's
-Takes pleasure in clothing shopping during his free time
-Says "love ya baby" and "kisses" to other men

Given this new information and your past threads, I can only assume one thing. Is there something you want to tell us?

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

FI-finbar1
06-20-2005, 04:50 AM
The Betty comes with a new map,and a natty little curtain,the extensive canopy also has special U/V block glass to prevent that unsightly tan.

Give Oleg a break.

Philipscdrw
06-20-2005, 05:32 AM
AH, the curtain! If only it could be opened and closed with the canopy-keys... How pointless, but fun!

tHeBaLrOgRoCkS
06-20-2005, 06:58 AM
Originally posted by dieg777:
The Saltire

The Scottish national flag is a white-on-blue saltire (i.e. a diagonal cross on a coloured background) and it derives from the shape of the cross on which Scotland's patron saint, St Andrew, was crucified.

do I win a major prize ???

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

AlL J0oR SaLtIre aRe bEl0ng 2 Uzzzzzzzz http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif

Philipscdrw
06-20-2005, 07:43 AM
AlL yOuR cApSlOcK ArE bElOnG tO sOmEthiNG thAt IS OsciLLAtinG FaIrLy RApiDlY...

Huckebein_UK
06-20-2005, 09:25 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Pirschjaeger
06-20-2005, 10:28 AM
Originally posted by LStarosta:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by JG7_Rall:
You people have horrible senses of humor. I can't believe it...

It's a sad and cruel world, Nate. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, sad and cruel, so true. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif

But we got a great sim based on sad and cruel! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Fritz

tHeBaLrOgRoCkS
06-20-2005, 05:55 PM
Originally posted by Philipscdrw:
AlL yOuR cApSlOcK ArE bElOnG tO sOmEthiNG thAt IS OsciLLAtinG FaIrLy RApiDlY...
ThAt StAtEmEnT Is dEePlY CaPaTaLiSt aNd fRaNkLeY I ReSeNt It!! SoMeOne CaLl A MoDeRaToR I Am BeInG OpPrEsSed!! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

LEXX_Luthor
06-20-2005, 06:38 PM
The Japanese Army used pencils in their aircraft. Therefore, there were no Pencils in any model of G4M, or any Japanese NAVY plane of WW2. The Army's Ki~21 bomber had a Pencil, and we have to wait for Ki~21 cockpit to see the Pencil.

HoldSteady641
06-21-2005, 07:06 AM
Hmm, what about an ink brush? And rice paper?

fabianfred
06-21-2005, 07:16 AM
Originally posted by HoldSteady641:
Hmm, what about an ink brush? And rice paper?

there again .. the art of good brushwork also requires a semi-meditative state....
hardly obtainable in the back of a bomber... especially a POST patch one http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Philipscdrw
06-21-2005, 01:53 PM
Originally posted by tHeBaLrOgRoCkS:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Philipscdrw:
AlL yOuR cApSlOcK ArE bElOnG tO sOmEthiNG thAt IS OsciLLAtinG FaIrLy RApiDlY...
ThAt StAtEmEnT Is dEePlY CaPaTaLiSt aNd fRaNkLeY I ReSeNt It!! SoMeOne CaLl A MoDeRaToR I Am BeInG OpPrEsSed!! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif <== Look, you've put the shift key on this guy's head. That's the cause of this typing - uh - characteristic.

tHeBaLrOgRoCkS
06-21-2005, 09:58 PM
BaAaH DoNt PuSh joOr pAtHeTiC GrAmAtIcAL DoGMaTa On Me http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/mockface.gif GrAmAr iS 4 TeH ShEepZeRoRz AlL J0oR CaPsLoCk aRe bElOnG 2 MoOmInS