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sgilewicz
10-10-2006, 01:54 PM
CATHOLIC HEART ATTACK

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open
heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the
care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital. As he was
recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.

She asked if he had health insurance. He replied, in a
raspy voice, €œNo health insurance.€ The nun asked if
he had money in the bank. He replied, €œNo money
in the bank..€ The nun asked, €œDo you have a relative
who could help you?€ He said, €œI only have a spinster
sister, who is a nun.€

The nun became agitated and announced loudly, €œNuns
are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God.€

The patient replied, €œSend the bill to my
brother-in-law.€

flakwagen
10-10-2006, 02:41 PM
There aren't many Catholics in my region of the USA. I remember when I went to church with a Catholic kid I met in the sixth grade. We filed up to the pulpit area and the priest put a bland cracker on our tongue. It was rather awkward for me- audience participation was rare in my church.

I don't remember anything about the sermon. The church was very modern and new compared to mine. Very little of the woodwork was painted. Oh, and there were boys in lacy gowns that carried candles through the aisles. I thought that was a bit unusual.

Flak

RCAF_Irish_403
10-10-2006, 03:07 PM
IBTL http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/halo.gif

p-11.cAce
10-10-2006, 04:13 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif gee - can we now start telling some Jewish jokes, or some Muslim jokes...how 'bout some good ole white trash jokes while we are at it?? I thought this was a flight sim forum - not a place to air out ones prejudices.

DuxCorvan
10-10-2006, 05:17 PM
Bah, that joke is really bad. To hear a good Catholic joke, you must hear a Catholic lad -such as me- telling it:

The Seven Dwarfs arrive to the Vatican and, being famous, get to meet the Pope. Once before His Holyness, Grumpy is visibly nervous.
He finally dares asking:

-"Your Hollyness, where is the nearest convent for midget nuns? It is near the zoo, true?"

The Pope is amazed -"Midget nuns? I've never heard of any convent for midget nuns in Rome!"

Grumpy looks embarrassed -"But... there must be some midget nuns in Rome, no?"
-"As far as I know, no."

Grumpy is red. The other dwarfs start laughing
-"Not even one?"
-"Not that I've heard, my son, and I know every convent and nun order in the world."

Grumpy looks desolated -"And outside Italy? Maybe other continents?"
-"No, there are not definitively midget nuns right now".

All the other dwarfs burst in laughters and start singing and mocking:
"Grumpy has done it with a penguin! Grumpy has done it with a penguin...!"

Rjel
10-10-2006, 05:33 PM
Originally posted by DuxCorvan:
Bah, that joke is really bad. To hear a good Catholic joke, you must hear a Catholic lad -such as me- telling it...

You'll let us know when you start, won't you???

Bearcat99
10-10-2006, 07:02 PM
Originally posted by p-11.cAce:
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif gee - can we now start telling some Jewish jokes, or some Muslim jokes...how 'bout some good ole white trash jokes while we are at it?? I thought this was a flight sim forum - not a place to air out ones prejudices.

Ahhhh thats not so bad..... it isnt like it is demeaning to Catholics.... as for the Muslim jokes.... better not. Someone might get hurt.

Waldo.Pepper
10-10-2006, 07:23 PM
To grow - you must risk... therefore here is my Mum's favourite joke.

A lady is all dressed up for church and is a little late. She gets to the Church and starts running up the stairs to get to the door.
Sadly she trips and falls down.

Just then some people begin filing out, so she asks a man ... "Is Mass out?"

He takes a look at her, tells her - "No Maam, but your hat's on crooked."

TA DA.

sgilewicz
10-10-2006, 08:47 PM
Ouch!! Some very thin skins. My apologies if some viewed this as offensive but I'm a practicing Catholic who happened to find the concept of the Almighty as a brother-in-law very funny. Guess that's not the case for all! Oh well...

LStarosta
10-10-2006, 09:10 PM
I'm with sgilewicz...

I don't know what the hell (pun) could have been concieved as offensive to anybody.

BiscuitKnight
10-10-2006, 10:36 PM
Originally posted by LStarosta:
I'm with sgilewicz...

I don't know what the hell (pun) could have been concieved as offensive to anybody.

I think it's more to do with the fact that if you make a joke about Islam you get your head torn off, but it's okay to poke fun at Catholicism. Personally I try to find something amusing, even if only irony, in everything, but it did cross my mind that Catholicism is one of the groups that can be attacked without people being accused of prejudice.

All the same, I wish I could remember the joke about how an Anglican Minister differs from a Scout Leader...