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View Full Version : Just had to share this - best comeback I've heard in ages...



Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-20-2006, 05:43 PM
This evening I was an innocent bystander as a couple had what we British refer to as a "domestic" in my local pub. The woman, in an ever more agitated state loudly listed the man's faults for all to hear, culminating in a tearful "and you never take me anywhere nice anymore..." To which the man, a wounded look on his face, replied imediately "Bollocks! Didn't I take you to the Tank Museum with me last week?"

The amount of fine Dorset ale spurted over the bar by the listening multitude will take a while to dry out, let me tell you.

Goodnight, all.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y231/Low_Flyer/Screensignew.jpg

GerritJ9
10-21-2006, 05:34 PM
These are classics!!!!!!!!!!!! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

The KNIL is dead. Long live the KNIL!

Bo_Nidle
10-21-2006, 05:35 PM
I DID take my wife to Bovington Tank museum about 13 years ago. I draggged her all the way around it clicking away with my 35mm camera. After about two hours I got to the end and went to rewind the film to find I had forgotten to put any in!!!! So we went around again!

21 years of marriage and we're still together...although she has said she could do serious prison time for stabbing me some times!!<div class="ev_tpc_signature">



Bo_Nidle

"You've got to treat your kite like you treat your woman.Get inside her five times a day and take her to Heaven and back"
Lord Flasheart RFC 1917

"All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke

"Somebody stop that awful,awful man!!" Chief Wigham

OlavFalco
10-22-2006, 02:31 PM
Well I suppose its better than him saying "What about that time we sat on the esplanade drinking cider" like most other weymouth inhabitants seem to do these days

JSG72
10-22-2006, 04:07 PM
Originally posted by Bo_Nidle:
I DID take my wife to Bovington Tank museum about 13 years ago. I draggged her all the way around it clicking away with my 35mm camera. After about two hours I got to the end and went to rewind the film to find I had forgotten to put any in!!!! So we went around again!

21 years of marriage and we're still together...although she has said she could do serious prison time for stabbing me some times!!
Best Holiday I/We ever had was a tour of Cosford(ME 262/410 Ke 100. Duxford Sally B/Black 6. and bovington Tiger 1E restoration.
And all in an Open top sportscar.A Grand Week out http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif
Wife has never ever reminded me of the good time she had http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif
However I have had to pay by trips to MandS Nextand the rest http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_eek.gif
Oh and past through Weymouth on the way. Scorcher of a day and the bussiest palce I've been in my life.(We live in Scotland ).

OlavFalco
10-23-2006, 01:53 PM
yeah its funny how people know weymouth around the country.... whereas we sometimes wish we didnt know it ourselves

Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-23-2006, 01:58 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

It's the gangs little girls with their alco-pops you've got to look out for after dark on the prom' now - honest cider addicts are being forced out of their natural habitat. Good ol' Weymouth - the town that saw off NY's Guardian Angels.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n47/LFMkVb/PLPoppies3sml.jpg

Hanglands
10-24-2006, 02:51 AM
The Missus an me went down to Cornwall for a week, she drove the 340 miles. Whats the first thing you go and see in such a beautiful, heritage strewn part of the country? The Eden Project? Trebah Gardens? St Michaels Mount? A coastal walk?

Not us! We (I) made a bee line for the Half Moon Gun Battery, and as you can see, it was such lovely weather.

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/cornwall2.jpg

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/cornwall1.jpg

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/cornwall3.jpg

But then I did treat her to a trip to The Goonhilly Satellite dishes. So I think we're quits now.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/Sig.jpg

stathem
10-24-2006, 03:04 AM
D@mn Hanglands, I've been to Cornwall loads on holiday and never knew of that site. Where is it for future reference?

------------------------------------

I suppose I have the opposite story to most; my other half has a (male) friend in the RN (long story). Earlier this year he invited us to a 'Friends and Family' day on his frigate; better than a standard look round a ship it involved going out to sea from Plymouth to experience a series of events - a mock air attack from the agressor squadron Hawks, some live firing, some ASR stuff. Bl00dy RAF didn't turn up with their Harriers thou', apparantly they don't fly on a Friday (note to any potential invaders).

Proper cool trip, at her instigation. Got very sunburnt though.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/griffnav/Gallery/MossiePRsig.jpg

Hanglands
10-24-2006, 03:48 AM
Its at Pendennis Castle, Falmouth. Well worth a visit, but there isnt enough there to make a day of it.

But, while youre in Falmouth you could go and visit this gallery, Arcs Of Fire, www.marklittlejohn.com (http://www.marklittlejohn.com)
Its where I bought the pilot signed print in my sig.

Anyway, heres a couple more from Pendennis.

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/cornwall4.jpg

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/cornwall5.jpg <div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/Sig.jpg

stathem
10-24-2006, 04:04 AM
Ahh, Pendennis, thanks. Almost got there on my last trip whilst looking round Falmouth; can't quite remember why we turned back.

Used to go to St.Mawes castle a lot when I was taken there as as a kid (along with Culdrose and St.Mawgan.)<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/griffnav/Gallery/MossiePRsig.jpg

F6_Ace
10-24-2006, 04:09 AM
I took my missus shopping in 'historic' Shrewsbury on her birthday a few years ago.

And I ended up buying an MSFFB2 (dusty box, last one in stock) then going to the military museum cos there was nothing she'd seen in the shops.

She still pulls that one out of the bag from time to time.

Hanglands
10-24-2006, 04:15 AM
Its a beautiful part of the world, Cornwall.

Ive never been that far south before, but having been there once, I want to retire there!

One other interesting thing I found, was at Trebah Gardens (I think). The wife wanted to go there, and after making her trudge around the Half Moon Magazine/Battery in the rain, I sort of felt I owed it to her to look interested. I genuinely was interested when we came accross a little beach down the far end of Trebah Gardens called Yankee Beach. There is a plaque there saying about it being the embarkation point for the American 29th Infantry for D-Day.

Theres quite a lot of military history down there If you look. One thing I photographed and was this:
http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/cornwall6.jpg

Which I was later informed had been fitted with a sound system and a licence for a night club had been applied for. So I guess it wont be long before this is covered in neon sign.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i105.photobucket.com/albums/m203/ChickenHawk_2006/Sig.jpg

ploughman
10-24-2006, 04:16 AM
We were in Cornwall last week too...camping. The tent's currently all over the front room drying out.

Went to Falmouth but failed to make it to Pendennis Castle, more's the pity. There's a bloke up by Barnstaple who's got a couple of barns that are just FULL of WWII stuff, tanks, artillery, trucks and small arms just piled up on itself as if there'd been a route or a mass surrender or something, for a hundred quid you can pick up a SMLE, which is a bit of a rip as they're $125 in the US and the American ones actually work. Can't rember the name of the place but it's on the road from the M5 to Barnstaple.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

_______________________________________
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y289/mctomney/hellspenguin.jpg
Dum spiro, spero.

stathem
10-24-2006, 04:29 AM
Originally posted by Hanglands:
Its a beautiful part of the world, Cornwall.

Ive never been that far south before, but having been there once, I want to retire there!

One other interesting thing I found, was at Trebah Gardens (I think). The wife wanted to go there, and after making her trudge around the Half Moon Magazine/Battery in the rain, I sort of felt I owed it to her to look interested. I genuinely was interested when we came accross a little beach down the far end of Trebah Gardens called Yankee Beach. There is a plaque there saying about it being the embarkation point for the American 29th Infantry for D-Day.

Theres quite a lot of military history down there If you look. One thing I photographed and was this:

Which I was later informed had been fitted with a sound system and a licence for a night club had been applied for. So I guess it wont be long before this is covered in neon sign.

Absolutley! From St.Mawes we used to go on boat trips up the Fal, and/or across the King Harry Ferry; my parents used to tell me at length about it being one of the main jumping off points for D-day, how they used to hide the flotillas under the very extensive foliage that lines that river.

Love that part off the world.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/griffnav/Gallery/MossiePRsig.jpg

ploughman
10-24-2006, 05:53 AM
She and I are trying to buy a business down there at the moment. Seems like just about everyone else in the UK's trying to do the same though, talk about a sellers market.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

_______________________________________
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y289/mctomney/hellspenguin.jpg
Dum spiro, spero.

Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-24-2006, 05:57 AM
You going to be flogging pasties or surfing kit then? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/winky.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n47/LFMkVb/PLPoppies3sml.jpg

Feathered_IV
10-24-2006, 06:01 AM
Or just a good flogging. Some people will pay good money for that http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

***********************************************

http://server2.uploadit.org/files/Feathered-sigpic.jpg

"Intelligent, normally observant and answered all questions freely. He was arrogant and proud to be a pilot. Fellow prisoners in hospital consider him mentally unstable."

Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-24-2006, 06:08 AM
There are guest houses in the area that cater for that sort of thing...not thinking of buying one out are we, Ploughman? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

That sounds like the Cobbaton Combat Collection btw - Preston Isaacs is the chap's name. Quite a collection.
http://www.g-j-anstee.demon.co.uk/
scroll down to museums via 'related sites' on the left of page.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n47/LFMkVb/PLPoppies3sml.jpg

ploughman
10-24-2006, 06:13 AM
I know what you mean. I reckon if you opened a surf themed pastie shop & cafe/bar with paintings for sale on the walls you'd pretty much be involved in every commercial activity available down there.

Thought the St Austel brewery's knocking out some smashing beer.

***edit***

Cobbaton Combat, that's the place. A hobby that got out of control. Take your wives there and remind her how very wrong (or right, depends on your point of view) things can get. I have to keep my artillery in my underpants, he has to keep his out on the lawn.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

_______________________________________
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y289/mctomney/hellspenguin.jpg
Dum spiro, spero.

Siwarrior
10-24-2006, 06:14 AM
ok well sry bout this but anyway
ok saturday night im at a party dressed up as topgun but anyhoo
i had these dogtags on n my mate took em off me...later he got drunk and so he had these tags on he he goes up to this girl and goes..."here your a dog...have some tags"

she ended up slappin him and i was on the floor laughing...

and some other combacks ive heard..
not very nice but anyway..a dude comes up to my mate and goes your girlfriend is a **** and so my mate went yea well your girlfriend has more rolls than a bakery...

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

_________________________
http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b357/MS_Siwarrior/SIGsmallcopy.jpg

Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-24-2006, 06:16 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif More rolls than a bakery - will be using that one later.

Ploughster, have you discovered 'Cripplecock' Cider? I kid you not.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n47/LFMkVb/PLPoppies3sml.jpg

F6_Ace
10-24-2006, 06:25 AM
Best one I heard was someone telling a bloke that he wasn't looking at 'his bird' cos she had a face like a 'bulldog licking p*ss off a nettle.'

Old gag but very effective...and a ruck ensued.

ploughman
10-24-2006, 06:29 AM
Cripplecock? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif Not yet.

I've a mate who drinks this stuff that's day-glow orange and comes in little four litre plastic containers like industrial bleach. I can't remember what it tastes like as the last time I had some I 'lost a period of time.' Now either I was abducted by aliens or...<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

_______________________________________
http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y289/mctomney/hellspenguin.jpg
Dum spiro, spero.

Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-24-2006, 06:38 AM
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~gunning/scrumpy/index.html (http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/%7Egunning/scrumpy/index.html)

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/partyhat.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n47/LFMkVb/PLPoppies3sml.jpg

TgD Thunderbolt56
10-24-2006, 06:57 AM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Thunderbolt56/crow.jpg

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/59.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Thunderbolt56/English157.jpg
================================================== ======
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scaredycat1
10-24-2006, 07:24 AM
Lol... have to save the crow for tomorrow, im stuffed

woofiedog
10-24-2006, 07:39 AM
We have some Very Good Cider made here in Massachusetts. One of my favorites is West County and there is a small store at one of the orchard's that has free samples... Link: http://www.westcountycider.com/ciders.html

Blueberry is Great

http://www.westcountycider.com/blueapp.gif <div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v438/woofiedog/Woofiedog1b.jpg

Hunter 82's PC component shop
http://www.magnum-pc.com/
https://usm.channelonline.com/magnumpc/storesite/Search/External/

leitmotiv
10-24-2006, 07:55 AM
That was a good one, Low_Flyer, laughed so hard I nearly herniated myself!

Bearcat99
10-24-2006, 08:03 AM
.... and in those days....GIANTS walked the earth..... and stomped all over dem Cowboys... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>http://star.walagata.com/w/bearcat/tuskegeebondposter.jpg (http://www.tuskegeeairmen.org)[/list]<UL TYPE=SQUARE> 332nd V.F.G. (http://www.geocities.com/bearcat99th/) [/list]
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F19_Orheim
10-24-2006, 09:28 AM
we all miss the fridge<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://www.f19vs.se/fokker_now.jpg
_________________
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HayateAce
10-24-2006, 09:49 AM
America's Team.

http://espn-att.starwave.com/media/nfl/2002/1027/photo/r_smith_i.jpg <div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://aerofiles.com/lock-p38j.jpg

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Luftwhiners,black,white.png (http://www.sloganizer.net/en/)

woofiedog
10-24-2006, 11:26 AM
Looks like our old Quarterback from the Patriots, Drew Bledsoe is on the out's again. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v438/woofiedog/Woofiedog1b.jpg

Hunter 82's PC component shop
http://www.magnum-pc.com/
https://usm.channelonline.com/magnumpc/storesite/Search/External/

Blutarski2004
10-24-2006, 02:59 PM
From what little I saw of the game, neither QB was terribly well protected by the Dallas offensive line.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

BLUTARSKI

Top_Gun_1_0_1
10-24-2006, 03:41 PM
BTW...

For those of you who currently have a relationship, Have you ever asked your girlfrind "Can I be your boyfriend ? " before having a relationship?

weird question http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif but http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-indifferent.gif<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

__________________________________________________ ________________
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OlavFalco
10-24-2006, 04:54 PM
Cant beat "The Boot" and its selection of Ales and that Cheddar Valley Cider

Low_Flyer_MkVb
10-24-2006, 05:08 PM
Might pop in there thursday for one...<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://i109.photobucket.com/albums/n47/LFMkVb/PLPoppies3sml.jpg

Zeus-cat
10-24-2006, 09:06 PM
A guy I work with is a Cowboys fan. To make things worse, he is a full-blooded Cherokee for God's sake. The man is sick, sick, sick.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

Zeus-cat

My Campaigns:
Straight Shot (9 missions in the Japanese Seaplane - A6M2-N "Rufe")
Straight Into an Icy Hell (14 missions for the Rufe in the Aleutians)
Straight Down (26 dive-bombing missions in a carrier-based SBD-3)
Straight Down Some More (19 more missions in a carrier-based SBD-3)
Straight and True (30 torpedo bomber missions in an IL-2T)

My campaign page at Miision4Today
http://mission4today.com/index.php?name=Downloads&c=22

Esel1964
10-24-2006, 10:10 PM
First,as a Texan,I'm gonna have to go with Hank Hill (http://www.fox.com/kingofthehill/) on this one.Since Tom Landry's days ended,"Them Cowboys just ain't right".

JJ the ego-maniac,plastic surgery addict owner/coach wannabe,makes me wanna puke.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">


Lyrics from Naked Raygun's "Rat Patrol".
"What we need to take control,we could use the Rat Patrol.What's that coming over the dune?...
Chasing the halftracks across the sandflats,got a nice pine box,for that desert fox,machine guns blaring,and Arabs staring wondering why,the Westerners are there.It's the same old story,and it'll happen again."

HayateAce
10-24-2006, 10:22 PM
CHin up M8. They can't keep gluing him back together forever.

http://epguides.com/RatPatrol/cast.jpg http://www.secure.figures.com/tomart/catalog/images/ratpatrolloose.jpg <div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://aerofiles.com/lock-p38j.jpg

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Luftwhiners,black,white.png (http://www.sloganizer.net/en/)

Esel1964
10-24-2006, 10:39 PM
Originally posted by HayateAce:
CHin up M8. They can't keep gluing him back together forever.

http://epguides.com/RatPatrol/cast.jpg http://www.secure.figures.com/tomart/catalog/images/ratpatrolloose.jpg

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/clap.gif As far as the Cowboys go,I don't care anymore...
...But thanks for the cool Rat Patrol pics.I used to love that show,I'd watch it everytime it was on-I haven't seen in 30+ yr though.
If you're into punk/alterno rock you'd probably like the song on Naked Raygun's "Throb" album.

I wonder why that model kit has M-16s in a WW2 setting...
maybe alot of 'GI Joe surplus' stuff was handy. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Thanks again M8!<div class="ev_tpc_signature">


Lyrics from Naked Raygun's "Rat Patrol".
"What we need to take control,we could use the Rat Patrol.What's that coming over the dune?...
Chasing the halftracks across the sandflats,got a nice pine box,for that desert fox,machine guns blaring,and Arabs staring wondering why,the Westerners are there.It's the same old story,and it'll happen again."

HayateAce
10-25-2006, 02:24 AM
YW man.

I think the original "Rat Pack" can be had on DVD. May pick that one up and stow it in the shelf next to Band of Bros.<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://aerofiles.com/lock-p38j.jpg

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.sloganizer.net/en/image,Luftwhiners,black,white.png (http://www.sloganizer.net/en/)

Esel1964
10-25-2006, 02:50 AM
Yeah,I know,but-they're not cheap (http://www.amazon.com/Rat-Patrol-Complete-First-Season/dp/B000CCBCD0/ref=sr_11_1/104-0564699-6584726?ie=UTF8).

Esp.,if you want them all (http://www.tvdvdplanet.com/movie/action/The_Rat_Patrol.html?gclid=CPSzu4Dsk4gCFTrAJAodzA9m Pg).<div class="ev_tpc_signature">


Lyrics from Naked Raygun's "Rat Patrol".
"What we need to take control,we could use the Rat Patrol.What's that coming over the dune?...
Chasing the halftracks across the sandflats,got a nice pine box,for that desert fox,machine guns blaring,and Arabs staring wondering why,the Westerners are there.It's the same old story,and it'll happen again."

Breeze147
10-25-2006, 06:42 AM
Cowboys Suck!

Fly, Eagles, Fly!<div class="ev_tpc_signature">

http://www.inkart.com/images/Vector/P_47D.jpg

OlavFalco
10-25-2006, 06:49 AM
my comeback of the week was to a chav idiot in the shop i work in

Chav: "What the F**K you lookin' at?"

Me: "Living proof that both Darwinism and Intelligent Design are both flawed theories"

needless to say it past over his head higher than a cold war spyplane over Russia

Bo_Nidle
10-25-2006, 07:39 AM
Actually the correct response is:

"Cripplecock?"

"No Sir. Its just the way my trousers hang."<div class="ev_tpc_signature">



Bo_Nidle

"You've got to treat your kite like you treat your woman.Get inside her five times a day and take her to Heaven and back"
Lord Flasheart RFC 1917

"All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing" Edmund Burke

"Somebody stop that awful,awful man!!" Chief Wigham