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View Full Version : Death.......by ooga-booga! (A sad tale of how my DVD-RW drive died by Starforce)



HX55STAR47
06-21-2005, 02:15 AM
DATELINE: SOMEWHERE

POLICE INVESTIGATE STRANGE HARDWARE DEATHS
Serial Software Suspected

Police in Randomville are investigating yet another strange occurance of perfectly healthy DVD drives dropping dead for no good reason. Says Detective Rando, lead investigator on the case, "We have few suspects at this time....all the victims were evidently totally functional pieces of hardware. The one thing linking all the victims together is that they recently installed a game called Silent Hunter III.....we are, of course, following all leads at this time."

Authorities refuse to confirm that Silent Hunter III's anti-piracy software, Starforce, is responsible for the deaths. One industry expert, who refused to be named for "matters of safety" described Starforce as "an extremely insidious piece of work, who cozies up to unsuspecting victims by installing itself with no notice what-so-ever onto the systems of computers that install Silent Hunter III." There is little further information to be had at this time......only a police sketch of the Silent Hunter III box, which is described as a "box, that when seen from the front has a small outdated picture of a submarine sailing through blue water and large explosions on it." The number of explosions seem to depend on who investigators talk to.

ARE THERE WARNING SIGNS ON THE BOX?

There are unconfirmed reports that the box of Silent Hunter III may hold the key to this mystery. Some relatives of victims report that the software box has a small yellow warning on it which states "This product contains software designed to prevent unauthorized copying" or something to that effect. Industry critics believe that this warning is inadequate, as there is a huge difference between preventing copying and actually killing off DVD-RW drives. They also point out that owners of software usually are allowed to make one copy of the software in the event that something happens to the original. Whatever the reasons behind the warning, there is no doubt that the investigation will continue. In the meantime, anyone with information is urged to contact the Randomville Police Computer Crimes Unit at (123) 555.1234

HX55STAR47
06-21-2005, 02:30 AM
DATELINE: BFE

POLICE STILL CLUELESS
Serial Software Rampage Continues

Randomville Police have officially named "Silent Hunter III" a title of interest in the ongoing search to find out what is behind the recent rash of DVD-RW deaths in the area. The problem now seems to be that no one can find "Silent Hunter III" anywhere in Randomville or surrounding locations. Police have distributed a sketch of the software to area retailers, who report seeing software that looks like it a couple of months ago, but so far, authorities have no firm leads.

LOCAL MAN GOES INSANE AT MALFUNCTIONING CPU
Is it the CPU's fault?

Police today responded to the residence of Rick O'shea, long-time Randomville resident and president of his local computer simulation gaming club when neighbors complained of loud banging. Officers found Mr. O'shea standing over his CPU holding a small hatchet. He had ripped his sound card out of his CPU and was holding his expensive speakers to his ears, babbling "Sonar, report!" over and over again. Mr. O'shea was placed in Boogerville Sanitarium, where he has told doctors that his sonar operator was dead, and that he had killed him. Investigators have found no proof that this so-called sonar operator even exists. Mr. O'shea is being held for further examination.

HX55STAR47
06-21-2005, 02:42 AM
DATELINE: NBC

HUNT FOR SILENT HUNTER III CONTINUES
Does Starforce Even Work?

Authorities are now looking statewide for missing software title "Silent Hunter III." Deputies for Random County report having found no sign of the software in any area retailers. Their only point of contact was a call to the local tip line, who reported that he was still waiting for his pre-ordered copy of "Silent Hunter III" to arrive. Police have staked out that subjects residence, and are said to be waiting for the software to arrive as well.

DOES STARFORCE EVEN WORK??????
In a related story, students at Bumblestump State University have issued a statement that they have cracked Starforce, and are now sharing pirated copies of "Silent Hunter III" over their school network. A video of a 20-something male wearing an eye patch with the phrase 1.4? on it standing in front of a jolly roger-style flag claimed that several students had not only broken the Starforce system, but that they had kidnapped a local sonar operator and were holding him for ransom until patch 1.4 was released. When relatives of deceased DVD-RW drives were contacted, they were extemely distraught, stating that if Starforce was this easy to crack, then their DVD drives died for nothing. They also took the time to express their displeasure with the fact authorities had been unable to locate "Silent Hunter III", with one grieving owner even claming that it was a conspiracy that went "to the highest levels."

HX55STAR47
06-21-2005, 02:56 AM
DATELINE: WHAT'S A DATELINE?

"SILENT HUNTER III" FOUND!
Authorities mum on why bargin bin was overlooked

Randomville Police today reported that they had found the elusive "Silent Hunter III" software, who they had named earlier as a title-of-interest in their ongoing investigation of DVD-RW drive deaths. The canny software was found, ironic as it may seem, submerged in a bargin bin at the EGameBestSpotBBuy store, hidden under three copies of "Starlancer" and on top of multiple copies of "Star Trek: Away Team". More information will be released at a 5 p.m. press conference.

LOCAL MAN CHARGED WITH FILING FALSE REPORT
Should just use CD-ROM drive for cup holder

Police today charged 23-year old Richard Trickle with filing a false police report. The young man finally received his copy of "Silent Hunter III", and told police that when he tried to install it, it would not work and that it must be because "it killed my drive". Police rushed to the scene, only to find that Mr. Trickle had been trying to install "Silent Hunter III" using a CD-ROM drive. Police took him into custody and charged him with filing the false report, as well as criminal stupidity, as the box very clearly states "PC DVD-ROM". More charges could be filed as the investigation continues

quillan
06-21-2005, 08:08 AM
Interesting writing format. I wonder just how many people understand your subject line. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

HX55STAR47
06-23-2005, 12:12 AM
DATELINE: INTERNATIONAL

LOCAL SONAR OPERATOR RELEASED UNHARMED
Claims captors made him eat sweaty socks

A rogue group of college students, calling themselves the "Dread Pirates of Copious Flatulence", released a Randomville sonar operator that they had been holding for some months today. The leader of the group, known only as "Senor Doodle" indicated in a homemade video that since patch 1.4b for renegade software title "Silent Hunter III" had been released, the DPCF would be letting their hostage go. Two hours later, hostage J. Edward Clap was found duct taped inside a local mobile human waste depository. Mr. Clap was dehydrated, but in good spirits, indicating that his captors made him chew on their sweaty socks to muffle his cries for help. Other than that, and the occasional drunken party during which he was made to drink large amounts of liquor, Mr. Clap claimed to be well treated. Authorities are attempting to find the "Dread Pirates of Copious Flatulence", but at this time have few leads.

MISSING SHIPS FOUND
Traffic at local ports increase

Authorities at Port Randomville are at a loss to explain the sudden appearance of more ships in the port. Shipping traffic in and out of the port has increased three fold in the past few days, and with the exception of a few explosions, all the traffic is being handled well.

LOCAL SUBMARINE CAPTAIN AQUITTED
Tribunal blames mute officers

Captain Charlie Foxtrot was cleared of all wrongdoing today in the collision of his submarine, RVS 123, into the sea floor early last year. A naval court marshal found that Captain Foxtrot was not to blame for crashing his submarine into the ocean bottom off the coast of Randomville, as his dive officer did not follow procedure by calling out the depth during the dive. In a related case, the Randomville Navy settled a lawsuit with Newton Shipping Products Incorporated, in which NSPI had sued the navy over a submarince colliding with one of their freighters. Rather then have the case go to court, the navy paid nearly $39.95 in fines and dismissed the sonar operator of the submarine, citing his lack of notification of the contact for the reason for the collision.

nvrsummer2
06-23-2005, 12:48 AM
Very engaging tales!! I too have been visited by this damager of DVD+RWs. I had a memorex Dual layer CD/DVD RW drive lose its cd function after the install of this "game". I read everwhere, even other games that use starforce, that the drives go bad. Even better when I talked to UBI or starforce tech support, "We no likey you drive, it no support". Basically that if you use A DVD/CD RW drive it gets no love from them. Wonder why that is?????

HX55STAR47
06-23-2005, 01:54 AM
DATELINE: ENILETAD

AUTHORITIES INTERROGATE "SILENT HUNTER III"
Police spokesmen denies cover-up

Randomville Police Chief Reginald O'Charlie held a press conference today, in which he informed the public that the questioning of "Silent Hunter III", title-of-interest in a rash of DVD-RW drive slayings, had yet to yield any useful information. Said Chief O'Charlie: "We're having a hard time getting a straight answer from those involved with the project when it comes to the rumored Starforce connection." One police source suggests that police are getting different answers to the same questions, with has some experts thinking that the problem may be more widespread than first believed. Dr. Haggias Togglearse, Randomville Police's resident computer expert, believes that "there may be no way to tell the extent of the damage to different computer systems" and that "there seems to be no method to the madness. The way that the software chooses which DVD-RW drives as victims seems random......."

DVD-RW MAKERS BLAME SOFTWARE
Software makers blame DVD-RW makers

Randomville residents grow more antsy every day, as there is still no word on what exactly has caused the deaths of local DVD-RW drives. Several victims report that their DVD-RW manufacturers blame "Starforce", a clandestine anti-piracy measure installed in several computer software titles, including "Silent Hunter III", who remains under interrogation at Camp Epsilon, in Geromino Bay, Randomville. Other installers of "Silent Hunter III" claim that they've been told that their hardware itself is at fault, although this information would seem to run contrary to published reports that the dead DVD-RW drives have been perfectly healthy. Further tests will be run later today, with answers hopefully coming soon.

COLLEGE STUDENTS STRIKE AGAIN
Disrupt local June 22nd parade

The "Dread Pirates of Copious Flatulence" struck again today, disrupting Randomville's annual "Submission Day" parade. The group, best known for cracking the "Starforce" protection scheme and kidnapping local sonar operator J. Edward Clap until the release of patch 1.4, entered a float in the parade under with the theme "Peaceful Ocean View." Gentle Randomvilleians were terrified when a large paper mache submarine surfaced out of a lovely ocean scene made up of blue petals. Hanging from the submarine were several flags, claiming to total well over 42,000 tons of "enemy shipping." Randomville Police stormed the offensive float, causing the occupents to scatter. Police did make one arrest, however, taking into custody a Terrance Andrew Randoplh Franklin-Urskines, Jr. Mr. Franklin-Urskines III showed no remorse after his capture, and made the following statement: "You think that was cool???? Do you???? The deck gun and the flak guns were supposed to shoot smoke too, but it was too bloody windy!!!!!!!!!!" More information will be shared as it becomes available.

patboot
06-23-2005, 02:44 AM
Best. Thread. Ever.


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horribleron
06-23-2005, 04:29 AM
You know, there is an easy way around Star$$%@ folks. It's called moving your DVD-RW to another machine. That's what I did. I think that most of us problably have more than one PC these days. I have 6 of them including a PC dedicated soly to burning stuff (and running SETI when its not be used to burn stuff). This box has NO games on it, just all of my burning and copying tools. If you don't have another PC handy, then consider loading a second copy of your OS on another partition if you have the drive space. When you need to burn, then just boot into the other OS. Simple.

Horribleron
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HX55STAR47
06-23-2005, 04:46 AM
DATELINE: TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING

LOCAL POSTER MISTAKES SARCASTIC THREAD FOR SINCERE ONE
Writer promises to be more sarcastic in the future

Thanks for the suggestions, though........

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