PDA

View Full Version : A story related to us



M2morris
02-17-2008, 11:59 PM
Here's a short story about a guy who really gets-it from his Il2 victims. If you like reading fiction you should enjoy it. Don't worry, it has been cleaned-up but it is still PG recomended for gorriness.
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1389504

Pirschjaeger
02-18-2008, 05:53 AM
Cool read, thanks. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

I can't remember the last time I read fiction. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

Billy_BigBoy
02-18-2008, 02:36 PM
That story solves the problem of the Missed Members (http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/2601013236/m/5861099336) http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blink.gif

LEBillfish
02-18-2008, 03:00 PM
Just goes to prove bomber crews are sore losers.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Crash_Moses
02-18-2008, 05:10 PM
Very creative. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

However, I move use of the word "oldmanfully" be made a felony. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif


Originally posted by LEBillfish:
Just goes to prove bomber crews are sore losers.... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

DARN TOOTIN! Be nice to have some decent fighter cover for a change. ("Hello little friends" my *** http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-mad.gif)

SeaFireLIV
02-18-2008, 05:30 PM
Interesting story, nicely done. But shouldn`t it be Oleg getting visited? After all, he made it all possible! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/784.gif

M2morris
02-18-2008, 10:49 PM
Thanks ya'll, I wrote that story last weekend. It's the first one I ever wrote and you are my first ever readers as far as I know.

Oldmanfully, oldmanlike, oldmannishly, oldfartfully, hmmm oh well.
As long as the story was understandable. Was any of it hard to understand?
Thnks in advance for any feedback or further critisism.

Worf101
02-20-2008, 10:12 AM
Pretty good in a "Twilight Zone" or "Night Gallery" sort of way. Only suggestion I'd make is you need to have the victim be perhaps a bit more "evil". I mean he's playing a "game", does he deserve the Zombie treatment of being a drunk middleaged, sim pilot.

Now if he were a card carrying neonazi who delighted at killing, simulated or not, now that might deserve some otherworldly justice. As it is this guys as innocent as the phantoms he's supposedly killed.

Just my suggestion.

Da Worfster

M2morris
02-20-2008, 05:40 PM
Originally posted by Worf101:
Pretty good in a "Twilight Zone" or "Night Gallery" sort of way. Only suggestion I'd make is you need to have the victim be perhaps a bit more "evil". I mean he's playing a "game", does he deserve the Zombie treatment of being a drunk middleaged, sim pilot.

Now if he were a card carrying neonazi who delighted at killing, simulated or not, now that might deserve some otherworldly justice. As it is this guys as innocent as the phantoms he's supposedly killed.

Just my suggestion.

Da Worfster
Good Idea, thanks, I never thought of that. I am going to rewrite it and do just-that your right, the guy needs to be a real-scumbag.

Messaschnitzel
02-20-2008, 06:07 PM
When I read this, it reminded me of the B-17 story in the movie "Heavy Metal", and the Twilight Zone episode "Deaths-Head Revisited".

I think that your story has the makings for a good stage play along the lines of "is this real, or is my mind F'ing with me?"

P.S. Don't let Raaaid read your story. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/winky.gif

Worf101
02-21-2008, 09:45 AM
Originally posted by M2morris:
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by Worf101:
Pretty good in a "Twilight Zone" or "Night Gallery" sort of way. Only suggestion I'd make is you need to have the victim be perhaps a bit more "evil". I mean he's playing a "game", does he deserve the Zombie treatment of being a drunk middleaged, sim pilot.

Now if he were a card carrying neonazi who delighted at killing, simulated or not, now that might deserve some otherworldly justice. As it is this guys as innocent as the phantoms he's supposedly killed.

Just my suggestion.

Da Worfster
Good Idea, thanks, I never thought of that. I am going to rewrite it and do just-that your right, the guy needs to be a real-scumbag. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
Glad to be of help. In case you didn't know it. I write as well.

Da Worfster

M2morris
02-21-2008, 11:51 AM
Da Worfster[/QUOTE]
Glad to be of help. In case you didn't know it. I write as well.

Da Worfster[/QUOTE]

Cool,
I think I will start to write more. When I first thought of this story all I had was: this guy gets done working on his computer when he hears a knock on the door.
Originally I had planned to make the oldman sort-of like the old guy from Poltergiest 2,and thats all I had thought of, but as I kept writing, the story just told itself.
I also found this Heavy Metal animated B17 movie
messaschnitzel is talking about and I can sure see how it is similar to my story alright.

morris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRaMaydobt8&feature=related

LEBillfish
02-21-2008, 12:52 PM
I've tried getting published myself......Unfortunately Hustler said they'd not post such filth http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif