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DrHerb
09-03-2007, 06:24 AM
I got a good chuckle out of this


Because Everyone In Canada Lives In An Igloo.

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q:Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto-can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big
country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in
Calgary. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll
send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada?(England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do .

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I
sell it in Canada?(USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs .

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a
kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone
walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine
before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Xiolablu3
09-03-2007, 06:34 AM
Hehe, very funny.

However you have to forgive some of the, they may have been asked by primary school children.

DrHerb
09-03-2007, 07:19 AM
I actually didnt write the article, it was an e-mail sent to me, figured id share it with my fellow canuks on the forum

K_Freddie
09-03-2007, 07:20 AM
Originally posted by K_Freddie:
Q: I hope you don't mind some primary school questions ?
A: Not at all, I thought our southern neighbours were more educated.

(heh heh - Sorry couldn't help it)
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

VW-IceFire
09-03-2007, 08:03 AM
Typical http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

Been asked some very funny questions myself when traveling in the US. Canada seems like such a foreign exotic land to so many people....but Canada is basically the same on the surface.

Oh well...what can you do?

HotelBushranger
09-03-2007, 08:25 AM
Q:Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)

LOL!

Waldo.Pepper
09-03-2007, 09:18 AM
"Naked hippo racing."

I never get invited to those parties. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/bigtears.gif

Completely true story - I used to date a girl in Winnipeg who worked in the library. As part of the Cities tourism initiative the Library would give out little Canadian flags to anyone who asked. One tourist from country "X" thanked her, said that they were lovely flags - but then added "Do they come in Green!" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

jensenpark
09-03-2007, 10:50 AM
Having worked in hotels almost my entire adult life, I can say that we get our share of dumb questions up here (though I imagine every country can say the same).

My favourite was a tourist from down south who insisted he drove over to our Island (Vancouver Island - west coast of Canada) on a bridge (that doesn't exist). We tried to convince him there was no bridge - but he kept coming up with "then how did I get my car here?"
After much arguing, we managed to figure out what he was talking about:

He drove onto one of our ferries (big things that carry up to 400 cars) and figured the 1 1/2 hour trip was a traffic jam - that eventually cleared and he drove off.

Now he was the dumbest I've ever encountered.
It's gotten a lot better over the years (thank you Internet) but we still hear the occasional:
"do you take credit cards up there?" or "is that in US funds?"

R_Target
09-03-2007, 11:26 AM
Q:I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

amilaninia
09-03-2007, 12:26 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by DrHerb
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them
in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: What, did your last slave die?


Wrong answer!
We use FISH and FUR as currency plus there is nowhere to plug an ATM machine in an IGLOO BANK. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif

ploughman
09-03-2007, 12:54 PM
Originally posted by jensenpark:
Having worked in hotels almost my entire adult life, I can say that we get our share of dumb questions up here (though I imagine every country can say the same).

My favourite was a tourist from down south who insisted he drove over to our Island (Vancouver Island - west coast of Canada) on a bridge (that doesn't exist). We tried to convince him there was no bridge - but he kept coming up with "then how did I get my car here?"
After much arguing, we managed to figure out what he was talking about:

He drove onto one of our ferries (big things that carry up to 400 cars) and figured the 1 1/2 hour trip was a traffic jam - that eventually cleared and he drove off.


That is quite breathtakingly moronic whilst also being quite charming at the same time, bet you all kept a 'special' eye out for that guy afterwards.

horseback
09-03-2007, 05:21 PM
Originally posted by Waldo.Pepper:
"Naked hippo racing."

I never get invited to those parties. That's because you don't look enough like a naked hippo.

cheers

horseback

Tab_Flettner
09-03-2007, 08:27 PM
OK, this is a true story.

I was working at an advertising agency in Vancouver, and we were working with a company in Los Angeles on the production of the stuff for the national campaign. One day we were waiting on some proofs that were due to us by Fed Ex that morning. They didn't arrive, and when I phoned LA, the CSR handling the account said in her heavy Southern Californian accent;"I know, we realized this mix up this morning, my boss has the proofs with him. But he's up there today, I'm going to try to get in touch with him to come by and drop them off before he comes back" I said, "great, I wished I'd known he was coming up, where exactly is he?"

"Toronto" She responded.

Silence on both sides of the conversation.

"Um, I don't think he'll be dropping them off then..." I added. That led to an explanation that went something along the lines of "Ok, imagine I'm in Seattle, and your boss is in Detroit"...etc. LOL.

Great people though. I love them and I love visiting their beautiful country. God Bless the USA!

StihlCanuck
09-03-2007, 11:04 PM
I met a businessman on a plane to NYC.He was from Long Island.I told him I was from B.C. Canada.He asked "BC...that's near Newfoundland,right?"

While in NYC I had to show my ID to a store clerk to buy beer.He looked at my driver's liscence and said, "This ID is fake.You're not from Columbia."
....true stories.

SC

WTE_Googly
09-03-2007, 11:34 PM
Wot, no lumberjack jokes :S (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDrIMzHzQQk)

<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre"> Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. </pre>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif

jadger
09-08-2007, 02:50 AM
Originally posted by StihlCanuck:
I met a businessman on a plane to NYC.He was from Long Island.I told him I was from B.C. Canada.He asked "BC...that's near Newfoundland,right?"

While in NYC I had to show my ID to a store clerk to buy beer.He looked at my driver's liscence and said, "This ID is fake.You're not from Columbia."
....true stories.

SC

Ya, my buddy goes to College down in Ohio, even though he is still underage, he can buy beer because they don't understand the French abbreviations.

sgilewicz
09-08-2007, 10:54 AM
Speaking for us Americans in the Northeastern states, I love Canada! Not only is it a breathtakingly beautiful country but you guys are the finest neighbors any country could ever wish for, except...in January, February and March when you push all that ridiculously cold artic air our way! Please keep the cold up there and we'll work on keeping the dolts down here http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

Skunk_438RCAF
09-08-2007, 11:06 AM
LOL. Most americans I've met were really friendly and well aware of the geography of Canada. But I have met a few ******s that didnt know that Canada has a francophone province. They thought that "french-canadian" meant that you were from France and emigrated to Canada. I told them yeah, 8 million french citizens woke up one morning and just moved here.

buffscrum
09-08-2007, 11:43 AM
While its true that non-Canadians have the capacity to ask truly stupid questions about our fair country, these questions are floating around the 'net being asked of other countries too. I think they're beginning to approach urban legend status.

flakwagen
09-08-2007, 03:40 PM
The first person I met when I visited Canada was an old Quebeccois lady I encounted in the smoking lounge (a room with no ventilation!) of the Toronto airport. I knew there are French speakers in Canada, but I was under the impression that Quebec was a single city, or a small area, similar to America's China Town district in California. When she told me there are 4,000,000+ Francophons in Quebec I was a little bit surprized.

My final destination was British Columbia. Those folks loved to hate the Quebeccois, though I think it wasn't a violent hatred- more the sort of contempt a U.S. Southerner has for New Englanders.

Flak

luftluuver
09-08-2007, 05:37 PM
flakwagen, it is more like the dislike of the family's spoilt child. They whine and the Feds fork out.

Then there is the language gestapo which goes around looking for English signs. Yes even in areas which are English speaking from the first days of colonization. They whine about loosing their heritage but have no respect for any other > hypocrites!!!

sgilewicz, can you get Alaska to keep its cold air? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

jolly_magpie
09-08-2007, 05:52 PM
My family emigrated to Canada in 1967. We landed in the middle of the coldest winter in 40 years...that night my folks decided to go out to eat, dressed in winter clothing.

Welsh winter clothing. Meaning raincoats.

Lucky for us, a taxi driver spotted us struggling along and gave us a lift!! probably saved my life, I was two.

On Vancouver island now, it's much warmer.

jadger
09-08-2007, 06:11 PM
speaking of the French, I read some editorial by some crackhead in the Kitchener newspaper how she wanted everyone in Canada to be fluent in French and English. She said it was entirely confusing for tourists to come here thinking they could speak French everywhere in Canada, not knowing a single word in English.

I was like "who is this crackhead?" It's not our fault some dumb tourists don't do basic research about their destination, and it should have been a tip off if the vacation spot's website was only available in English. The learning of a language is only useful if you need to use it. I have spoken to people with French accents, but not in French. I havent spoken French since grade 9, and havent needed to. I'm from Ontario so I've been to Quebec a few times. That writer was on something (NOT on to something)

Skunk_438RCAF
09-08-2007, 07:41 PM
Well it is sort of true that a little more seriousness should be put into learning the two official languages of Canada, because knowing more than one language is an advantage in this world. But then again, its also true that if your environment doesnt promote the use of that second language, its going to fall by the wayside. Kind of like where my German is going right now.

VW-IceFire
09-08-2007, 09:31 PM
Ahh yes the French language stuff burns me up. We spend years in the classroom conjugating verbs tenses but we never actually get taught how to speak the language. They need to spend time with the students from grade 4 on (as they do now) speaking French. Writing and conjugation can be worked out later but if you don't even understand what the point of the conjugation is then it doesn't even matter.

A sore spot in my education. Stopped French after grade 9 (end of the requirement) because the whole thing was stupid. I know people who went on and finished every French course available and they still can't speak to anyone in Quebec because they don't even use that dialect...its all qubequois!

Sillius_Sodus
09-08-2007, 11:51 PM
When traveling to a new country:

1)Find out what language most of the girls speak.

2)Learn as much of it as you can before you get there http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/inlove.gif

Good hunting,
Sillius_Sodus

icestorms
09-09-2007, 12:04 AM
From the movie Clip From "Mambo Italiano"
http://www.sonypictures.com/cthe/mamboitaliano/tvclip1_high.ram

jensenpark
09-09-2007, 10:40 AM
Originally posted by VW-IceFire:
Ahh yes the French language stuff burns me up. We spend years in the classroom conjugating verbs tenses but we never actually get taught how to speak the language. They need to spend time with the students from grade 4 on (as they do now) speaking French. Writing and conjugation can be worked out later but if you don't even understand what the point of the conjugation is then it doesn't even matter.

A sore spot in my education. Stopped French after grade 9 (end of the requirement) because the whole thing was stupid. I know people who went on and finished every French course available and they still can't speak to anyone in Quebec because they don't even use that dialect...its all qubequois!

I'm with you Ice...dropped it at grade 9. Tried to start it again at age 30 with some university courses and gave up. Wife on the other hand did a year in PQ in high school on exchange and still was able to speak well enough to get a job in Hull when we were in Ottawa fifteen years later.
Funny thing about the french thing from the Quebec side: half the people I worked with were Quebeckers - and not one was able to really write it well enough to do simple instruction translations.
Gave it to five different born and bred Quebeckers - and all five came up with different words, verbs, etc for simple stuff like "evacuation in case of fire" stuff or menus.
Speak it beautifully, but none can write it. This ran the gamut from simple line-level grade 12 educated staff to university-level professionals.
Ended up coughing up thousands to professional translators.

PS: funny note - when I spell check "quebeckers" MS suggests "bloodsuckers" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

icestorms
09-09-2007, 02:36 PM
Oh well, not again!

As a Canadian and Quebecker I am so tired of that kind of tread about French in Québec. It seems that some Canadian who cannot understand French, or never came to Québec, has a predisposition for Québec bashing or has a superiority approach.

For my work and leisure I had to travel and had contact with a lot people in Québec, Canada, US and Europe. And everywhere, I˜ve been in contact with stupid individuals in Germany, US, Sweden, Ontario and, yes also Québec. but I can't and would not put all those idiots with a nationality label.

For now on, I will not read treads with a Canadian subject anymore. I am tired to see stupid and ignorant posts about Québec.

jadger
09-09-2007, 05:59 PM
Originally posted by icestorms:
Oh well, not again!

As a Canadian and Quebecker I am so tired of that kind of tread about French in Québec. It seems that some Canadian who cannot understand French, or never came to Québec, has a predisposition for Québec bashing or has a superiority approach.

For my work and leisure I had to travel and had contact with a lot people in Québec, Canada, US and Europe. And everywhere, I˜ve been in contact with stupid individuals in Germany, US, Sweden, Ontario and, yes also Québec. but I can't and would not put all those idiots with a nationality label.

For now on, I will not read treads with a Canadian subject anymore. I am tired to see stupid and ignorant posts about Québec.

ok, good luck with that. but isnt banning sings in other languages itself stupid and ignorant? After all, Quebec is not legally a bilingual province, what happened to the minority rights?

Skunk_438RCAF
09-09-2007, 09:39 PM
I dont like how this thread is becoming oh so very political.

But, Quebec is legally a francophone province, so it is the right of everyone living there to ask to be served in french. However, a lot of Quebecers have the law interpreted in their own sick twisted way, and many think that all signage in english should be banned and have only french signs everywhere. However, if you read the laws, it says that french must be the predominant language on a sign, and any other language must be made less predominant.

Jensen, the reason I believe that your quebecer friends had so much difficulty translating english isnt because they cant write french, but rather its that they suck at english. I am bilingual, french being my mother tongue, and I have to admit that it can be quite demanding to translate something and have it sound right. Oh and here is something that will be worth thousands of dollars: Evacuation in case of fire is translated as Évacuation en cas d'incendie. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

VW-IceFire
09-09-2007, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by icestorms:
Oh well, not again!

As a Canadian and Quebecker I am so tired of that kind of tread about French in Québec. It seems that some Canadian who cannot understand French, or never came to Québec, has a predisposition for Québec bashing or has a superiority approach.

For my work and leisure I had to travel and had contact with a lot people in Québec, Canada, US and Europe. And everywhere, I˜ve been in contact with stupid individuals in Germany, US, Sweden, Ontario and, yes also Québec. but I can't and would not put all those idiots with a nationality label.

For now on, I will not read treads with a Canadian subject anymore. I am tired to see stupid and ignorant posts about Québec.
I hope you have not read my post with the idea that I was talking about there being a problem with Quebec. My problem is with French language education in Ontario (and presumably the rest of English speaking Canada).

StihlCanuck
09-09-2007, 10:25 PM
I know a guy from Quebec.His name is Pierre.Anybody know him? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

SC

DrHerb
09-10-2007, 10:31 AM
Woah, guys! I didnt post this thread for it to turn into a flame war between French and English speaking Canadians. I ment to post a little comedy, please keep that debate elsewhere.

Thank you.

sgilewicz
09-10-2007, 10:43 AM
from Luftluuver
"sgilewicz, can you get Alaska to keep its cold air?"

How about we give it to you but you have to finish building that "bridge to nowhere" http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

buzzsaw1939
09-10-2007, 11:54 AM
Personaly, I don't know how anybody can learn english any more, the younger generation is changing it faster then they can learn it, it's all I know, and I'm haveing trouble, any body get my UBUR point? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

avimimus
09-11-2007, 08:50 AM
Originally posted by flakwagen:
The first person I met when I visited Canada was an old Quebeccois lady I encounted in the smoking lounge (a room with no ventilation!) of the Toronto airport. I knew there are French speakers in Canada, but I was under the impression that Quebec was a single city, or a small area, similar to America's China Town district in California. When she told me there are 4,000,000+ Francophons in Quebec I was a little bit surprized.

My final destination was British Columbia. Those folks loved to hate the Quebeccois, though I think it wasn't a violent hatred- more the sort of contempt a U.S. Southerner has for New Englanders.

Flak

Yes...well you see... Quebec was captured around 1760. Quebec's official motto is "Je me souviens", which refers to more than just the conquest but it should give you an idea.

In 1776 the American's had their mutiny and established a republic. The fleeing refugees from the war established colonies to the west of Quebec.

Over the next two centuries we have integrated into a joint country, and in doing so we had to overcome a lot of biggotry and ingnorance.

Early on much of this was driven by the fact that Quebec was catholic and English Canada was mainly protestant. There was also a long struggle in Quebec and elsewhere against the english speaking elite (eg. 1837, 1870-85).

In the 1970s a small group of sovereigntist terrorists triggered a declaration of martial law (the "war measures act"). In the oppinion of some this lead to people getting over their fears of what could happen in such a situation (eg. there was no American invasion etc.)

This accellerated a period known as the "quiet revolution" in Quebec's history. It was marked by rapidly changing social values and a reduction in the role of the Catholic church.

In the 1960s much of the managerial class in Quebec still spoke english at work, in some municipalities you had to own property to vote, this needed to change. Thanks to the efforts of activists from Quebec, and the support of others, it did.

Quebec is now viewed by many as an extremely valuable cultural resource and one of our best hopes for maintaining sovereignty for the whole country (instead of fragmenting and having parts be swallowed by our neibhors to the south).

One of the binding characteristics of Canadian culture and identity is our willingness to sacrifice our own interests for the interests of others. This is from a long history of making sacrifices to a distant power overseas (england) and more recently to the American elite.

It is one of the reasons we make good shock troops (just like Guskhas, Anzacs and south africans to name a few). We currently have the highest attrition rate of any western nation in the "war on terror". The idea of sacrificing your life is easier when you know that you are fighting for the interests of a distant power than for the elites in your home country. By the same token most of us felt only mild surprise that our security forces had been effect in diffusing our one known terror cell. We could take a beating without getting loosing our heads. We "are suckers". We "are tolerance". This is the great thing we have in common and potentially our great gift to the world.

Anyway, you can see why many of us did not take kindly to "freedom fries" and all of that bizarre outpouring of anti-french hatred. For those of us "living near the river" at least (between Quebec and Ontario) french people are not a distant stereotype. We are trying to make this marriage work.

avimimus
09-11-2007, 09:00 AM
Originally posted by buzzsaw1939:
Personaly, I don't know how anybody can learn english any more, the younger generation is changing it faster then they can learn it, it's all I know, and I'm haveing trouble, any body get my UBUR point? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Yes, well English is a mess of Anglo-Saxon, Norse, Norman French as well as a few minor influences such as Dutch and Gaelic. I personally think we should protect adverbs but then go nuts and bring back old practices like combining words into new words etc.

I think the solution to our pathetic treatment of french in english schools is to change english. We need a third official language a form of Frengalais...

Unfortunately it might just have a negative influence on the french language.

avimimus
09-11-2007, 09:47 AM
Originally posted by luftluuver:
sgilewicz, can you get Alaska to keep its cold air? http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif

I think much of our cold air comes from Yukon, NWT and Nunavut. Maybe you should look at the whole country instead of just your little bit?

That said I am all for cold air and seising the panhandle...

Anyway, I would like to point out that there were efforts by some Quebec sovereigntists to keep english minorities alive and preserve their distinct culture (eg. In the Gaspé).

Of course if Quebec does secede from confederation it does raise questions about whether minorities in Quebec could do the same as well as the fates of Francontarian and other distinct francophone minorities. But this is more of a logistical issue than anything else.

Skunk_438RCAF
09-11-2007, 09:53 AM
avinimus where are you from?

buffscrum
09-11-2007, 03:44 PM
Good post Avimimus, but there a couple of points. First you can't cast 1837-38 as an anglo vs franco conflict. That was only part of it, although admittedly a big part. It was as much a revolt of the professional middle-class against the business class that controlled the Executive Council. The business class was almost entirely anglo, but far more of the Patriotes, and the most radical Patriotes, were Irish than nationalist historians are willing to admit. There is a reason why there is green on the Patriote flag. Second, the October Crisis did not accelerate the Quiet Revolution. It followed it. The vast bulk of the most important social and economic changes occured before the election of the Daniel Johnson's Union National in 1966. The UN was elected because it promised to slow down the pace of change. Legislation from the Bourassa and Levesque governments reflected changes in popular opinion/ideology/whatever that had occurred from 1960-66. Finally, do you think you could name of couple of separatists who ever displayed a sincere desire to protect anglo culture anywhere in quebec? It's kind of hard to square that with the near unanimous demand of the francophone political class for the government to appeal the recent overturn of bill 104.