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XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 07:47 AM
just thought you guys might find this funny

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the
flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted
by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the
way, Qantas is the only major airline that has NEVER had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 07:47 AM
just thought you guys might find this funny

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the
flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted
by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the
way, Qantas is the only major airline that has NEVER had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 07:53 AM
/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Those are great!/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Thanks for sharing them./i/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

47|FC
http://rangerring.com/wwii/p-47.jpg

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 07:58 AM
Here's one from a Air Force pilot who was rude to his ground crew one time to many.

P: Relief hose too short.

S: Relief hose lengthened to compensate for pilots size.

Actually before hand the ground crew had cut the relief hose in half. That way on the next long flight the 2.5 million dollar pilot was forced to relieve himself all inside his 25 million dollar jet fighter.

Every take-off is optional, but every landing is mandatory!

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 08:00 AM
Many laughs /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif ...thanks

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 08:15 AM
Gotta love it. Engine found on right wing after brief search. bloody marvelous

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 08:18 AM
The old ones are the best!

I'd never join a club that would have ME as a member!!.

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 08:31 AM
Gee, I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Maybe I don't get out enough but still very funny. Thanks Kad 93

However, a quick search of the net revealed that these gripes/fixes are also attributed to US Air Force pilots and groundcrew. Either they came from the same source or this is just groundcrew humour.

The only extra one was;

Problem: Propeller #2 seeping prop fluid
Solution: Propeller #2 seepage normal; propellers #1, #3 and #4 lack normal seepage

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 08:40 AM
/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif !

S!

M0NS (authorized P39 pyrotechnician)



"Blow up the outside world"

http://www.flugwerk.de/images/01k.jpg
My garage!

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 08:57 AM
LMAOL!!
i need more of these

The Sun is Gone
But I Have a Light
<CENTER>http://images.flagspot.net/i/id%5eaforo.gif

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 10:02 AM
Very nice indeed. these are very old and applies to military aircraft, not Qantas.

-
- P: IFF inoperative.
-
- S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

I never saw a commercial airliner with IFF /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif


1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye
shall be judged: and with what
measure ye mete, it shall be
measured to you again.

http://acompletewasteofspace.com/forum/templates/subSilver/images/logo_phpBB.gif (http://acompletewasteofspace.com/forum/index.php)

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 01:58 PM
funny stuff thanks

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 02:26 PM
hmm i remember one i read about radio of german pilots in BoB:

Bf110pilot: "clear runway, groundcontrol...emergency landing, have to land with one engine only!!!!


Bf109pilot waiting to land for quite some time:
" Would you stop screaming, i have to do that every day without whining!"

2 things we need in FB:
The 110 and the desert!!!
http://exn.ca/news/images/1999/04/23/19990423-Me110coloursideMAIN.jpg

Hawgdog
10-03-2003, 02:34 PM
P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


All were funny /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif This one priceless

<center></script>The original HawgDog, dont be fooled by fneb imitations
~W~ cause S! has become USELESS
When you get to hell, tell 'em Hawgdog sent you
http://users.zoominternet.net/~cgatewood/assets/images/sharkdog.gif

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 03:42 PM
Ok, this is one of those practical things no one dares mention. I have often wondered what pilots do about their washroom breaks during flight. Besides going just before take-off, some of these missions lasted a considerable amount of time.

So, did WWII planes have "relief hoses" as do modern jets? Also, are these universal for both male and female jet pilots in our modern times? (perhaps a real-life pilot could answer)

And why don't you see any of the Star Trek folks using the bathroom? - Sorry wrong forum I guess /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 03:45 PM
I would like to know as soon as possible, as like the other gamer who is building a cockpit in front of his computer, I occassionally wet myself while flying long flights to help recreate the WWII experience /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

But should I be installing a relief hose next to my computer station instead?

Oh no, I think this thread took a wrong turn somewhere /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 04:38 PM
Absolutely Marvelous, although with a 6 feet beard.

<center>http://www.spyderco.com/assets/product_images/medium/C07.jpg

'Smoke and a pancake?'</center>

XyZspineZyX
10-03-2003, 06:14 PM
They're all bloody funny/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

here's one I found, not as fun as
the "engine 3 missing" but quite fun

P: the autopilot won't do it

S: it does now


plese post more/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/tests/apocalypse/ninjachild.jpg (http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/tests/apocalypse/)
Which Survivor of the Impending Nuclear Apocalypse Are You? (http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/tests/apocalypse/)
A Rum and Monkey joint. (http://rumandmonkey.com/)

<center>

/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Death you die from, me you have to live with/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif </p>