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M0ttie
01-14-2010, 02:18 PM
Hi all,
Been off air for a while, I was sent this and thought it funny enough to share........

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz
in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the
great plague of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert:

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of
their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks [the air force being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath], New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is 'Croikey, I hope Austrulia will come end
riscue us.' In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate." Three more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey!"; "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
"The barbie is cancelled." There has never been a situation that has
warranted the use of the final escalation level.

I sincerely hope no one takes offence - none is meant but it made me laugh.........

cnelsoniii
01-14-2010, 02:47 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/34.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

AndyJWest
01-14-2010, 09:05 PM
I sincerely hope no one takes offence

Actually, I'm slightly miffed, but I'll let it pass. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Celeon999
01-15-2010, 09:45 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif


I recently came across this here http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif :

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure.

The Russians did not understand "Please".

The Italians did not know the word "honest".

The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was.

The Europeans did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food".

Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of the world".

PhantomKira
01-16-2010, 09:07 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif Those are brilliant! Cel's is oh so true of a majority of us on this side of "the pond"!

Good to see you back M0ttie. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

M0ttie
01-17-2010, 01:47 PM
Thanks......
Not really been away, always read the forum but not the digest.
Been ashore for a while though, birthday in November and Xmas brought a few new things to play on the PC. Gave my Fleet Commander a go for a bit as well but I'm getting the urge to get back into the North Atlantic in a type 7 as opposed to a CVN..........

gamer025
01-17-2010, 06:48 PM
lol'd so hard. thanks for this!