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Airmail109
02-17-2007, 11:39 AM
Feel free to post your favorite comedy film/series/standup quotes, linkies to clips, or lists of what you recommend! This place has become a bit dry!

Im gonna start off with a scrubs one which had me in stitches!

"Dr. Cox: [laughing] Give me a break. The kid's like... he's like a... have you ever seen a drunk baby?
[Carla stares at him]
Dr. Cox: Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter. Suffice to say, it turns out that, at first, it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls, but man... you take your eyes off them for one second...
[hits the table]
Dr. Cox: ... and bam! They got a bucket on their head, and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV.
[whispering remorsefully]
Dr. Cox: God save me, it was barely out of the box.
[Carla continues to stare at him]
Dr. Cox: The point is... Newbie is my drunk baby."

Maple_Tiger
02-17-2007, 12:00 PM
Quest for the holy grail my good man.

"I'm not dead yet", soon to be dead dude.

"You are to", mindles person.

"I feel fine, I feel happy!", soon to be dead man.

"Don't be silly", mindles dude.

"I think I'll go for a walk", very soon to be dead man.

With an old club, mindles man hits very soon to be dead man in the head.

I proubly messed up or missed a few qouts. However, it has to be the most stupidly funny movie.

Jutocsa
02-17-2007, 12:22 PM
Definitely the Holy Grail http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

What are you going to do, bleed on me?
I'm invincible!
You're a looney.
The Black Knight always triumphs! Come on then.
[Arthur chops the Black Knights last leg off]
Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.

Maple_Tiger
02-17-2007, 12:26 PM
Lmfao lol,

I'm off to work.
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

general_kalle
02-17-2007, 01:03 PM
oh. well evrything from monty python is funny so i could tell it all but thats just gonna take too long time.

at the brigde of death.

Brigde guard: WHAT is your name?
Lancelot: Sir Lancelot knight of the round table
Brigde guard: What is your quest?
Lancelot: to find the holy grail
Brigde guard: WHAT is your favorite colour?
Lancelot: Blue.walks over

sir Robin: THATS EASY!!

brigde guard: WHAT is your name?
sir Robin: Sir. Robin knight of the round table.
Brigde guard: WHAT is your quest?
sir Robin: to find the holy grail
Brigde Guard. WHAT is your favorite colour?
sir. Robin: Blue-no red. aaaaaaaaaaaaa

sir robin being trown into the cave.

im not sure if it was sir robin who said Blue-no red or he was the one that was asked about swallows http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

FA_Razor
02-17-2007, 02:24 PM
Do cannibals think clowns taste funny?

MadRuski
02-17-2007, 02:31 PM
shut up and eat your pine cone!!!

D-XXI
02-17-2007, 02:48 PM
Originally posted by general_kalle:
oh. well evrything from monty python is funny so i could tell it all but thats just gonna take too long time.

at the brigde of death.

Brigde guard: WHAT is your name?
Lancelot: Sir Lancelot knight of the round table
Brigde guard: What is your quest?
Lancelot: to find the holy grail
Brigde guard: WHAT is your favorite colour?
Lancelot: Blue.walks over

sir Robin: THATS EASY!!

brigde guard: WHAT is your name?
sir Robin: Sir. Robin knight of the round table.
Brigde guard: WHAT is your quest?
sir Robin: to find the holy grail
Brigde Guard. WHAT is your favorite colour?
sir. Robin: Blue-no red. aaaaaaaaaaaaa

sir robin being trown into the cave.

im not sure if it was sir robin who said Blue-no red or he was the one that was asked about swallows http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Both wrong. It was sir Galahad (Palin) who answered wrong on the favorite colour question.
King Arthur (Chapman) gets the swallow question on which he returns with "What do you mean, an european or an american swallow?". The old man doesn't know that and gets thrown in the cave himself.

One of my favorite scenes.

MEGILE
02-17-2007, 03:02 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/compsmash.gif

Monty_Thrud
02-17-2007, 06:38 PM
Mr Hilter (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_D7WtOHZd0)

Harry Enfield & proper soccer (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzhlAQgv7kE)

AYYYE!!...you lucky barsteward (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo)

PBNA-Boosher
02-17-2007, 10:20 PM
Drunken Airline Pilot (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL5IDwrjFGs&mode=related&search=)

darkhorizon11
02-18-2007, 02:32 AM
How do you fit a <insert the most hated state in the union here> Cheerleader through a door?

Grease her hips!

Maple_Tiger
02-18-2007, 02:46 AM
You guys are flippen nutts. I thought I was nutty, crazy, mayby even luny. But you guys are insane.

I need some medication - oops, I'm already on meds.

ohnest, i am....no realy. Seariosly I am.
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/35.gif

WTE_Moleboy
02-18-2007, 05:27 AM
Stephen K Amos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XY3xzIM4UM

Flying_Nutcase
02-18-2007, 07:20 AM
Here's my original. I'll risk putting it here since Germans I've told it to have taken it the was intended:

Q: What do you call an unfriendly German?

A: A sour kraut.

Flying_Nutcase
02-18-2007, 07:28 AM
Originally posted by Monty_Thrud:
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/partyhat.gif

A man walks into an office.

Man: Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, this is my first time.
Receptionist: I see, well we'll see who's free at the moment.
Mr. Bakely's free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. No.
Try Mr. Barnhart, room 12.
Man: Thank you.

He enters room 12.

Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
Man: Well, Well, I was told outside that...
Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED EVIL PAN OF DROPPINGS!
Man: What?
A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS
STUFFY-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
M: Yes, but I came here for an argument!!
A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!
M: Oh! Oh I see!
A: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.
M: Oh...Sorry...
A: Not at all!
A: (under his breath) stupid git.

The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk.

Man: Is this the right room for an argument?
Other Manhttp://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gifpause) I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't!
Other Man: Yes I have.
M: When?
O: Just now.
M: No you didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: You didn't!
O: I did!
M: You didn't!
O: I'm telling you, I did!
M: You didn't!
O: Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour?
M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes.
O: Just the five minutes. Thank you.
O: Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn't!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN'T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument!

(pause)

O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!

(pause)

M: It's just contradiction!
O: No it isn't!
M: It IS!
O: It is NOT!
M: You just contradicted me!
O: No I didn't!
M: You DID!
O: No no no!
M: You did just then!
O: Nonsense!
M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!
(pause)
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is!
(pause)
M: I came here for a good argument!
O: AH, no you didn't, you came here for an argument!
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
O: Well! it CAN be!
M: No it can't!
M: An argument is a connected series of statement intended to establish a
proposition.
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't".
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just
the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: It is NOT!
M: It is!
O: Not at all!
M: It is!

The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops.

O: Thank you, that's it.
M: (stunned) What?
O: That's it. Good morning.
M: But I was just getting interested!
O: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!!
O: I'm afraid it was.
M: (leading on) No it wasn't.....
O: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.
M: WHAT??
O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five
minutes.
M: But that was never five minutes just now!
Oh Come on!
Oh this is...
This is ridiculous!
O: I told you...
I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY!
M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are.
O: Thank you.
M: (clears throat) Well...
O: Well WHAT?
M: That was never five minutes just now.
O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Well I just paid!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn't!
M: I-dbct-fd-tq! I don't want to argue about it!
O: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!
M: Ah hah! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Ah HAAAAAAHHH!
Gotcha!
O: No you haven't!
M: Yes I have!
If you're arguing, I must have paid.
O: Not necessarily.
I *could* be arguing in my spare time.
M: I've had enough of this!
O: No you haven't.
(door slam)


...i'll be back http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_cool.gif

I need a tissue. Great stuff.

trumper
02-18-2007, 08:58 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mDTn-QvO9I&mode=related&search=

and http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1bJHr8t1xA&mode=related&search=

and one listed above,better seen than read LOL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cPyVZsfOzs
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/11.gif

Monty_Thrud
02-18-2007, 03:21 PM
Oldy but dam goody (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWZVDiVvKsg)

Old British humour (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-Hz0Ad3TUU)

More (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cT-BQLX6nU)

Modern (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88rARE7YHT0)

More (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYqMYySoWjU)

One of my fave clips (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIAdHEwiAy8)

...UM!

...now dont do it again

You're only making it worse (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dRRYXtk1CA)