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View Full Version : Things Ezio would never say to his Victims.



albertwesker22
05-11-2010, 06:03 PM
I don't know if this will catch on or not, but it basically works like this. Write what you think would be a pretty random or unexpected thing for Ezio to say to his victims.

Example:

Vieri: I'm sorry, where you hoping for a confession.

Ezio: Isn't that how assassination missions play out?

ReinaHW
05-11-2010, 06:08 PM
"Dude, I like, totally, killed you"

"Oh look, a guard running around naked" *Stabs the guard when he looks* "Made you look"

"Does my backside look big in this outfit?" *In his assassin's grab*

"You want me to climb all the way up there? No way, mate, no way. You go up there, I'll stand right here and laugh when you fall and break your neck"

hobo8675309
05-11-2010, 06:29 PM
"oops... might need to work on that aim... uh, sorry, i was aiming for that guy... uh, requiescat in pace?"

JohnConnor2012
05-11-2010, 06:55 PM
"May the Father of Understanding guide you"

or even

"Yeah, yeah, sure, guy! Just get on with it, right - just hurry up and die! I've got like 15 guards bearing down on me as you're whittering on!"

albertwesker22
05-11-2010, 07:24 PM
"Yeah, yeah, sure, guy! Just get on with it, right - just hurry up and die! I've got like 15 guards bearing down on me as you're whittering on!"

Good one!

Xanatos2007
05-11-2010, 11:54 PM
"I farted."

"Would you mind lending me a few florins?"

"My name is Ezio Auditore. You killed my father. Prepare to die." (actually I guess he would say that)

"*punching victim with their own hand* Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself!"

"Requiescat in pace. *teabags corpse*"

"Oops, my mistake! I thought you were somebody else."

"And shepherds we shall be,
for Thee, my Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand,
that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patris, et Filii, ****** pistol* et Spiritus Sancti."

"English, motherf*****, do you speak it?"

"Pawned, lol."

albertwesker22
05-12-2010, 12:07 AM
"Where is Jacapo? And just give me the gist of it, no ironic comments, no painfully long speaches and most of all no- Oh no he's dead. DAMN!"

nzmoneyman
05-12-2010, 01:41 AM
Ezio: "**** you *****!"

nzmoneyman
05-12-2010, 01:43 AM
Ezio: "You got in my way with your ****ing stupid guitar. I told you next time I see you, ima kill you."

TheLeoCrow
05-12-2010, 03:27 AM
"Bye bye, sexy!"

Murcuseo
05-12-2010, 03:44 AM
"Assassination CTS is a *****, can you point me to a Doctor?"

El_Sjietah
05-12-2010, 03:52 AM
"Boom! Headshot!"

"I'm sorry, were you hoping for a confession?"
"Shut it, I just cut your vocal cords!"
"No, you didn't"
"Well, what's that then?"
"I've had worse"
"You lie!"

M-dahaka
05-12-2010, 03:59 AM
"Hasta la vista, baby!"
http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

JohnConnor2012
05-12-2010, 04:02 AM
Originally posted by nzmoneyman:
Ezio: "You got in my way with your ****ing stupid guitar. I told you next time I see you, ima kill you."

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gifDon't think it hasn't happened!

TheLeoCrow
05-12-2010, 04:42 AM
"You ate my sammich"

EzioAssassin51
05-12-2010, 04:51 AM
Something Altair would say.

Victim: "Blah, Blah, Blah"

Altair: "SHUT UP! I'VE STABBED YOU IN THE THROAT! HOW HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES? Wait a second... I'm pretty sure i stabbed you in the back this time..."

"Blah Blah Blah..."

"Argh!" *Stabs a hundred times in the neck"

"Blah, Blah, Blah......"



"Blah, Blah, Blah (Again)"

Altair: "Would you gurry it up? MAsterchef is on and i'm missing it. Ah, i'll just get Malek to tape it for me"



Now Ezio:

"Oh merda! I didn't mean to actually stab you. Are you ok?"


*Shoots Victim from far away and goes into white room*

"Wait a second... how did i get all the way here from over there?"


Ezio: "(Says stuff in Italian) Requiescat in Pace"

Victim: "What the hell did you just say? At least give me some subtitles"

"Oi! You're supposed to be dead"


"Requies - *Phone Rings*. Just give me a sec..."


"Race you to the top of the tower"

ScytheOfGrim
05-12-2010, 07:23 AM
"I hope you enjoyed your last respawn."

NuclearFuss
05-12-2010, 10:42 AM
"Yippee kayay mother******!!!"

"Where is the Joker... I mean Jacopo! Where is Jacopo!!"

"I'll be back... You, however, probably won't be."

"Everything is true, nothing is permitted. Wait... that's not right, is it?"

"Before you die, answer me this and I may spare you. What colour does a Smurf turn when you choke it??? Consider yourself bamboozled Mr Templar!"

Lazybeans
05-12-2010, 02:11 PM
"Oops, did I stab you? My bad." (unless he was being sarcastic, of course)

caswallawn_2k7
05-12-2010, 02:18 PM
"does my arsenal look big in this cape?"

Xanatos2007
05-12-2010, 11:58 PM
"I just wanted to cut a little 'Z' in your forehead."

"Oh stop winging, it's only a flesh wound!"

"Have we met before?"

albertwesker22
05-13-2010, 04:00 PM
"Do you think I did ok on this assassination mission, my friend"

"Are you kidding? You were spotted by every gaurd on the way in! Thats not how you play the game you talentless bastard!

TheDarkKnigg1
05-13-2010, 11:16 PM
*Ezio kills Vieri*

Ezio: So, vieri, while we're in this room full of white squares, tell me some crazy conspiracy ****.

Vieri: Never!

Ezio: C'mon dude, i got nothing to do until this disc loads my next mission!

itsamea-mario
05-14-2010, 09:35 AM
"im totally putting this on facebook!"

UchihaKarasu
05-14-2010, 05:19 PM
"I, Ezio Auditore, DO simply walk into Mordor, b****!"

SWJS
05-15-2010, 03:27 AM
"I didn't kill you because you were an evil tyrant. I killed for (BLEEP)ing my sister."

drunk-in-acre
05-15-2010, 03:50 AM
"How is it possible that you're still talking when I just stabbed you in the face? And why aren't the guards attacking me? And what are these white lines anyway? Oh so many questions... Hey the white thingy is fading away! Wait! I didn't get to say it! Requies" *world reconstruction*

Stormpen
05-15-2010, 10:58 AM
"Look on the bright side, you won't be living in a world of corrupted, flatulent old men anymore."

"Head for the light!"

NuclearFuss
05-15-2010, 02:16 PM
"Since when does hay prevent me falling to my death, even from, like, 400 metres???"

"That's what she said!"

"Boom chicka bow wow!"

"Haha! OMG I hope this goes on YouTube!"

Bampire
05-15-2010, 03:41 PM
Originally posted by Xanatos2007:

"*punching victim with their own hand* Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself! Stop killing yourself!"

"Requiescat in pace. *teabags corpse*"


These two made me lawl.

"Taste the Rainbow."

"I AM NOT A WOMAN!"

"You just lost the game.. Oh wait.."

SWJS
05-15-2010, 03:55 PM
"No matter how many times I kill you, you'll always just respawn. See you again in five minutes."

Deathshennin
05-15-2010, 04:17 PM
Ezio : Rest In peace

Vitim : I see the light..

Ezio : **** YeAh, another glyph !

EzioAssassin51
05-17-2010, 01:30 AM
This is actually in the game. It sort of made me lol and i've added to it

"You've told me where, now when. Requiescat in Pace... Wait a second... you didn't tell me when! Wait! Damn you're dead..."


(Can someone seriously tell me why he asked a question and then put him to sleep? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/shady.gif)

Engioc
05-17-2010, 02:54 AM
"I love you"

"Anh yeu em"

"Anh yeu anh"

grantafanta
05-17-2010, 10:44 AM
Vieri: Why will you kill my father, Ezio?
Ezio: No, Vieri. I am your father.
Vieri: Then why did you kill me?
Ezio: YOU DIDN'T CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

itsamea-mario
05-17-2010, 11:12 AM
Ezio: "hahaha noob"

albertwesker22
05-17-2010, 03:06 PM
Savanarola: I knew you would come. Please, show mercy?

Ezio: What would you call being skanked in the mouth?

albertwesker22
05-17-2010, 03:08 PM
Francesco De'Pazzi: Its over. Its all over.

Ezio: Before you die. I need to know one thing.......Did you really father Vieri when you were 10 years old?

Deathshennin
05-17-2010, 03:30 PM
Ezio: Rest In Peace

Victim: What the hell, You killed me with a butchknife? Coudnt you atleast kill me with a expensive weapon? Well..... HUH........Your just cheap you know that. Finally someone decides to kill me, and they do it with a ButcherKnife.

COME ON! a butchknife! Are you for real, really...



Ezio: .....uuhm.....