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View Full Version : OT... Well it is nearly Christmas...



MrBlueSky1960
12-19-2005, 03:56 AM
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MrBlueSky1960
12-19-2005, 03:56 AM
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tHeBaLrOgRoCkS
12-19-2005, 04:27 AM
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Low_Flyer_MkII
12-19-2005, 05:04 AM
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And while I'm here......

So this American tourist is lost in London and having overdone the various pubs of the capital is bursting to relieve himself. Having searched high and low for a public convenience to no avail, he can stand it no longer and hurries into a side street where he unzips his fly and prepares to empty his overflowing bladder against a wall. A policeman spots him and says "You can't do that there sir!"
"But I'm bustin' for a pee. I just gotta go!" Says our hapless tourist.
"American, are you sir?" Says the policeman.
"Sure am! Look buddy can't you just look the other way?"
"I won't do that sir" Replies the policeman "But I can take you somewhere my colleagues and I use in emergencies. It's just around the corner."
So the duo hurry around the corner, where the policeman opens a door leading to a beautifully kept walled garden and ushers the tourist inside.
The American relieves himself mightily and goes back outside to the waiting policeman.
"Gee buddy, you British bobbies are the best! That's what I call hospitality!"
"Don't mention it sir. That's what we call the French Embassy." Says the policeman.

MrBlueSky1960
12-19-2005, 05:22 AM
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Well, it is Christmas... Nearly http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

waffen-79
12-19-2005, 06:47 AM
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horseback
12-19-2005, 09:50 AM
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You're all a bunch of bloody Francophobes.

Got any more?
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Cheers

horseback

p1ngu666
12-19-2005, 10:15 AM
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Low_Flyer_MkII
12-19-2005, 10:34 AM
With our chums across the channel in mind, I think it's only fair to trot this one out, commonly found in French Christmas crackers:-

Q: Why did the sun never set on the British empire?

A: Because God wouldn't trust the English in the dark.


Joyeux Noel, mes amis.

ARCHIE_CALVERT
12-19-2005, 10:44 AM
Why does the French Flag have Velcro?
So the blue and red sections are easily removed during a time of war


Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along
the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out
of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie.

The Englishman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will
also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in England." With a blink
of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in England was forever made fertile
for farming.

The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that
no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the
Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France.

The American asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and
nothing can get in or out."
The American says, "Fill it up with water


French knock knock joke:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
I give up.

What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!

A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up his tatties (a Scots word for potatoes). An American farmer looked over the fence and said
"In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger than that!"
The Scotsman replied " Ah but we just grow them for our own mouths!"


An English man and an Irish man are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on. At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of whisky. He hands the bottle to the Irish man, whom exclaims,'' may the Irish and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Irish man then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Englishman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here!''

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"


Thats all folks... http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Trollisboy
12-19-2005, 11:57 AM
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MvH Anders "Trollis" Bernhardsson

VV_Holdenb
12-19-2005, 02:11 PM
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