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View Full Version : I wanna hear all your funny stories



s_flyer
04-01-2004, 09:52 AM
come on gimme all ur stories. nothin boring though.

Planes? o those things yes i remember them!

s_flyer
04-01-2004, 09:52 AM
come on gimme all ur stories. nothin boring though.

Planes? o those things yes i remember them!

porcupine1
04-01-2004, 10:54 AM
OK so a priest, a Rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar. the priest and the Rabbi both go and order a beer. and the horse goes and orders a pitcher of grape soda. the priest looks over to the horse and asks "hey why did you order all that grape soda" and the Rabbi says "I bet he's planning on" AGHH Maybe this isnt the right place to finish this story Nevermind! http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/blink.gif

steve_v
04-01-2004, 01:46 PM
Comic Strip Contest Entries

http://www.il2sturmovik.com/community/comic_strip.php

[This message was edited by steve_v on Thu April 01 2004 at 02:25 PM.]

F19_Orheim
04-01-2004, 02:56 PM
Well why not the tale of "Metallgutten - Superman's brother" (http://forums.ubi.com/eve/forums?a=tpc&s=400102&f=23110283&m=44110593) again...

http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/haddock/sig/bandera.gif

http://216.12.202.106/~f19vs/F19bannerA.jpg http://216.12.202.106/~f19vs/F19banner.jpg

El Turo
04-01-2004, 03:06 PM
The funniest story ever told:

The Ryan's Steakhouse Story (http://shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm)

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Callsign "Turo" in IL2:FB & WWIIOL
______________________
Amidst morning clouds
Fork-tailed devil hunts its prey
Lightning strikes, süsse träume.

lil_labbit
04-01-2004, 03:47 PM
The funniest story that ever was and ever will be:
http://www.gutenberg.net/etext97/0ddc809a.txt

http://members.home.nl/lil.labbit/lilseesya.jpg
Night is better than Day

F19_Orheim
04-01-2004, 04:01 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by H_Butcher:
The funniest story ever told:

http://shtick.org/Misc/ryans.htm

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Butcher... that's sick http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

http://dspace.dial.pipex.com/haddock/sig/bandera.gif

http://216.12.202.106/~f19vs/F19bannerA.jpg http://216.12.202.106/~f19vs/F19banner.jpg

lil_labbit
04-01-2004, 04:05 PM
nah not nearly sick enough....

www.joe-cartoon.com (http://www.joecartoon.com) comes close...

http://members.home.nl/lil.labbit/lilseesya.jpg
Night is better than Day

RxMan
04-01-2004, 06:40 PM
The funniest plane story I ever heard. (3 meg .MP3)
Cajun Airlines (http://home.att.net/~jsgary/cajunair.mp3)

[This message was edited by RxMan on Thu April 01 2004 at 05:51 PM.]

[This message was edited by RxMan on Thu April 01 2004 at 05:54 PM.]

lil_labbit
04-01-2004, 06:58 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by RxMan:
The funniest plane story I ever heard. (3 meg .MP3)
Cajun Airlines (http://home.att.net/~jsgary/cajunair.mp3)
QUOTE]

lol should we d/l that or can it stream (from the net) hehe

edit: PS any pics with that ? hehe http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif
...hit the runway - draw up the anchor...

http://members.home.nl/lil.labbit/lilseesya.jpg
Night is better than Day

mllaneza
04-01-2004, 08:48 PM
I think the Ryan's Steakhouse story wins it so far.

Poor bastard.

Veteran - Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force. 1993-1951.

Bearcat99
04-01-2004, 09:46 PM
Theres a naturalist who goes on a safari... he takes along his dog.. a qute, very smart Dachsund. One day the dog is off chasing butterflies and he gets lost in the jungle. The dog looks around and says to himself "Ahhhhh D@MN!!! I am lost... WTH am I going to do?" He looks around and sees a pile of bones scattered around and says "This dont look too good...." Just then he sees a lepord creeping towards him from the corner of his eyes....and then the leopoard starts to run toward him with "LUNCH!!" written all over his face. The dog knows things just got a lot worse..... He quickly turns his back to the leopoard and buries his face in the pile of bones. Just as the leopoard is about to pounce on him and have him for lunch he looks up licking his chops and says in a loud voice.."Boy that was some great leopoard!!!! The best I ever had!! I sure would like another!!!" Hearing that the leopoard stops in his tracks and does a 180 and says to himself.. "Holy $hit am I glad that dog didnt see me!!!" he goes off to look for an easier meal.. Meanwhile there is amonkey up in a tree who saw the whole thing. Now this leopoard had been terrorizing this monkey for months... and the monkey says to himself.."Im going to get some points with this leopoard...: So he goes and tells the leopoard everything and the loepoard is FURIOUS at having been made a fool of so he goes back for the dog. "I'll teach that dog to make a fool out of me!!!! Hop on!!!" So now the loeopoard is coming back for the dog and this time the monkey is riding on his back. Once again the dog sees him coming..and once again he turns his back on the leopoard and buries his face in the bones. Just as the loepoard is about to pounce the dog looks up and says out loud.... "Now where is that d@mn monkey!! I sent him out to get me another loepoard an hour ago!!!!"


Ba dump bump

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ElfunkoI
04-01-2004, 10:44 PM
LOL, Bearcat, that was a good one!

"A6?http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gifhttp://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gifhttp://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Will be A6!"

Dmitri9mm
04-01-2004, 11:47 PM
OK, maybe you all heard this one a 1000 times before, still it's one of my favourites:

Osama Bin Ladens son is comming home from school, and he is crying like a little girl. The minute he steps into the cave, Osama asks: "But, what is wrong my dear son?" His son replies: "I got an F in my geography test!"
"Why?" Osama asks. "Well I wrote that the Eifel TOwer is the tallest building in the world" sonny replies. "Don't worry" Osama says, "Daddy'll fix that!"

S!

Regards to all who can actually tell a new joke! http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/35.gif

http://ww2photo.mimerswell.com/air/italy/fiat/00305.jpg
&gt;"Flatspin", what is that supposed to mean? This aircraft is entirely spin-proof!&lt;

El Turo
04-01-2004, 11:50 PM
Dude, that's not even remotely funny.

Poor form.

http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/51.gif

Callsign "Turo" in IL2:FB & WWIIOL
______________________
Amidst morning clouds
Fork-tailed devil hunts its prey
Lightning strikes, süsse träume.

BSS_Goat
04-02-2004, 10:31 AM
never mind

[This message was edited by rhett69 on Fri April 02 2004 at 09:39 AM.]

Bearcat99
04-02-2004, 11:37 AM
This guy walks into a bar with a little miniature baby grand piano and a bag on his arm. He shuffles up to the bar and takes a oblong box out of the bag. He stands the box up carefully on the bar and puts the piano gently down. The bartender walks over and says "Hey buddy what'll ya have..saaaay... thats a cute piano you got there.... what are you a toy salesman?"
"No.." the guy replies briskly... "and give me a double JD staight up.." Then the guy proceeds to toss the drink e. "Gimme another!!" he says. The bartender obliges..sensing that this guy has a lot of troubles backs off....... After about an hour of double JDs the guy is quite ripped and starts to tap out a little tune on the piano... Meanwhile the bartender noticing that the piano seems to be in tune says.. "Hey!! That is amazing!! You know I used to tickle the ivories before I got this bar... I never seen a piano so small that played so perfectly in tune!! I bet those things go like hotcakes!!" The man stopped his tinkering on the piano and glared at the bartender. "I told you.. I ain't no toy salesman!!!" "Well EXCUSE ME!!" said the bartender...and then proceeded to pour the guy another drink. "You wanna see somethin???" slurred the now rip roaring drunk man. "You really wanna see sumtin??" Says the man again as hey leaned in closer to the bartender. "Watch this!!" He then gets the oblong box and opens it up. Inside is what looks like a doll of a concert piano pianist.. tuxedo with tails and all. "OK.. do your thing!!!" the man says. To the bartenders utter astonishment the little man walks out of the box, walks up to the piano and begins to play the most beautiful piano concerto the bartender had ever heard. Up and down the piano the little man's hands raced furiously pounding out measure after measure of complex and perfect music. The bartender was totally blown away. He stepped back when the man moved.. he thought it was a doll. He looked on in amazement totally enraptured in the music. "What the....!!""How did!!!" "Where did you get this guy from he is FAMTASTIC!!!!" The bartender stammered.... The little man never missed a beat and was playing furiously..Beethoven,Chopin,Rachmaninoff all flawlessly. "You should take this guy on Jay Leno or Letterman or somethin man... you'd make a fortune!!" "Whered you find this guy?" asked the bartender incredulously. "I tried that" said the man "They wont even give me an appointment!! They think Im lyin or somethin..they just slam the door in my face!! Why do you think I'm here.. I just spent all morning trying to get in somewhere and I nearly got arrested!!" The man reached into the bag and pulled out a bottle and slammed it on the bar. "I got him here" he exclaimed.... almost angrilly. "He came with the piano" "I was on the beach at Rockaway one day...and I see this bottle... I pick it up and try to clean it....you can see it's kinda odd looking.. I thought it might be an antique or somethin....." "When I tried to rub it clean this geni pops out and grants me one wish.. he says 'Ooooo master... because you have set me free I will grant you one wish'... HA!!!" The man grabbed the bottle and slammed it on the bar again. "Geeeze so you wished for this huh...." says the bartender mockingly. The man just glared at him. "Hey..." said the bartender..."You only got one wish right... so uhhhh you ain't got no more wishes right?" I tell ya what..name your price!!! I'll buy this bottle off you right here and now!!!" At that the man starts to laugh hysterically....."BUY IT!!!! BUY IT!!!!! Pal... I'll GIVE it to you!!!" He hands the bartender the bottle..
The bartender rubs it feverishly and sure enough out pops this geni...with pointy shoes, the turban and everything..... The geni says"Ooooo master... because you have set me free I will grant you one wish." By now the bartender is beside himself.... he doesnt want to seem to be greedy so he say to the geni "I want 50 million bucks!!!! right here in my bar!!" The geni goes..."As you wish master.." He nods his head and in a flash the bar is filled with millions of ducks.. they are flying everywhere, crashing through the windows, breaking every breakable object in the bar. The man snatches his piano and the piano player and ducks down as does the bartender behind the bar . After about 30 seconds all the ducks are gone...they all flew out of the now windowless bar and could be seen like a huge cloud moving down the street. The bartender comes from behind the bar and looks around and starts to almost cry. There is duck $hit everywhere, dead ducks by the dozen, every window,mirror,bottle and glass is shattered. "My bar!!! MY BAR!!!! LOOK AT MY FUC&lt;IN BAR!!!!!!! My insurance wont cover this!! I'm ruined...RUINNED!!!! I worked all my life for this place!! YOU IDIOT!!!!!" He shouts at the geni. The geni just bows his head and dissapears back into the bottle in a cloud of smoke. The bartender starts to really cry now...... and the still plasterd man staggers to his feet with his tiny musician and says.."Oh yeah.... I forgot to tell ya....this geni..he don't hear so good.... what you think I asked for a 16' pianist?"



Ba dump bumP

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Bearcat99
04-02-2004, 03:39 PM
You guys are way too serious.......

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>http://www.jodavidsmeyer.com/combat/bookstore/tuskegeebondposter.jpg (http://tuskegeeairmen.org/airmen/who.html)[/list]<UL TYPE=SQUARE>vflyer@comcast.net [/list]<UL TYPE=SQUARE>99thPursuit Squadron IL2 Forgotten Battles (http://www.geocities.com/rt_bearcat)[/list]
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