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View Full Version : Bandit on his six "enraged lobster" on his _ _ _ _ _ :-)



Old_Canuck
02-01-2004, 08:56 PM
http://www.beehivehockey.com/images/history_images/53lancaster.jpg

Thought you might get a chuckle out of this story by Walter Thompson from his book "Lancaster to Berlin." It happened during a mission to bomb transport and heavy industry east of the Ruhr.

"It was impossible to get at Bochum from any direction without being shot at for thirty miles each way but probably the best approach was from the south-east. In preparation for running this gauntlet I decided en route that I should first go to the toilet. I would have no other opportunity to do so once the fun and games commenced. The Air Force had thought of this problem and its designers had developed a hot-water-like bottle equipped with a snap-shut lid. This was for the pilot who couldn't leave the pilot's seat to use the more commodious facilities in the after section of the aircraft. Imagine the mechanics of this when the user was wearing thermal underwear, heavy clothes, a pair of zippered flying gauntlets and silk flying gloves. I had solved these problems successfully and we were well past the enemy coast when the mid-upper gunner called out, 'There's a bandit low on the starboard quarter.'

I immediately snapped shut the lid of the urinal device and grabbed the control column to make a steep turn to starboard. Unfortunatley the lid snapped shut on the nearest portion of my adjacent anatomy and hung on like an enraged lobster, while I required the strength of both hands to execute a manoeuvre which by now was becoming habitual - a very steep and very diving turn towards the fighter, before he attacked - not during his attack. And then pulling out in the opposite direction, followed by a continuing turn back on track - not caring if we toppled our gyros. Whether this was an intelligent thing to do or not I had no way of knowing but if I could topple HIS [@#@$#] gyros I would. Whether by luck or not it worked. We didn't see the fighter again and the gunners were once more annoyed that they hadn't fired a shot. I unfastened the lobster from between my legs and resumed the route to Bochum, climbing at full power to regain four thousand feet of lost altitude ...."

===========================================

You chaps seeking a more full-real experience with home cockpits ... you need to consider the value of inflight aids like this http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/mockface.gif

OC

"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."

Old_Canuck
02-01-2004, 08:56 PM
http://www.beehivehockey.com/images/history_images/53lancaster.jpg

Thought you might get a chuckle out of this story by Walter Thompson from his book "Lancaster to Berlin." It happened during a mission to bomb transport and heavy industry east of the Ruhr.

"It was impossible to get at Bochum from any direction without being shot at for thirty miles each way but probably the best approach was from the south-east. In preparation for running this gauntlet I decided en route that I should first go to the toilet. I would have no other opportunity to do so once the fun and games commenced. The Air Force had thought of this problem and its designers had developed a hot-water-like bottle equipped with a snap-shut lid. This was for the pilot who couldn't leave the pilot's seat to use the more commodious facilities in the after section of the aircraft. Imagine the mechanics of this when the user was wearing thermal underwear, heavy clothes, a pair of zippered flying gauntlets and silk flying gloves. I had solved these problems successfully and we were well past the enemy coast when the mid-upper gunner called out, 'There's a bandit low on the starboard quarter.'

I immediately snapped shut the lid of the urinal device and grabbed the control column to make a steep turn to starboard. Unfortunatley the lid snapped shut on the nearest portion of my adjacent anatomy and hung on like an enraged lobster, while I required the strength of both hands to execute a manoeuvre which by now was becoming habitual - a very steep and very diving turn towards the fighter, before he attacked - not during his attack. And then pulling out in the opposite direction, followed by a continuing turn back on track - not caring if we toppled our gyros. Whether this was an intelligent thing to do or not I had no way of knowing but if I could topple HIS [@#@$#] gyros I would. Whether by luck or not it worked. We didn't see the fighter again and the gunners were once more annoyed that they hadn't fired a shot. I unfastened the lobster from between my legs and resumed the route to Bochum, climbing at full power to regain four thousand feet of lost altitude ...."

===========================================

You chaps seeking a more full-real experience with home cockpits ... you need to consider the value of inflight aids like this http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/mockface.gif

OC

"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."

Zen--
02-01-2004, 11:54 PM
lmao


A long time ago while commanding my tank, I was attempting to do something similar into a bottle while we were on the move, which is a tricky task all by itself, but at least the TC can stand up half out the hatch and so get some leverage.

We got 'bounced' by a scout platoon in an unexpected area and I had to drop everything and get to business. The bottle unfortunately wasn't capped off yet and it hit my gunner square in the back as I let go, with disastrous leakage effect.

Meanwhile I'm barking orders and tank commanding like crazy, on the radio, hollering at my driver to do this and that, fire commands and busting out the map for an artillery request....the whole time with my you know what flapping out lol.

At least I didn't have anything to get stuck in, I would probably have been considered 'not fully mission capable' if that had happened. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif


Later on that day, my gunner was pretty ripe smelling too...but he took it in stride as collateral damage.


http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gifhttp://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif


Good post OC, liked this one.



-Zen-
Formerly TX-Zen

HansKnappstick
02-02-2004, 05:52 AM
The soviet-desgned tanks didn't have this thing.
From Murphy's Laws for Combat Operations:
- The side with simpler uniforms wins.

HarryVoyager
02-02-2004, 09:32 AM
Oh, they made up for it in other areas.

From what I understand, late Cold War infantry scramble proceedures involved removings the decorative buttons and patches from the the Russian infantry coat, and sewing on field patches in place, in the dark, and, expected to be, under fire.

The "Liberators" was an interesting book. I wasn't there, so I can't testify to its accuracy, so anyone here who was there, feel free to support, or dispute.

Harry Voyager

DONB3397
02-02-2004, 09:59 AM
This thread might get...um...psychologically painful.

Several years ago, in an old Aviation History magazine, I came across a story of an unlucky Mustang pilot who had a similar problem. It seems that at 28,000 feet, where the temperature outside the cockpit was -60 F (not to mention 'wind chill'), he reached for the relief bottle. Thus engaged and at precisely the wrong instant, someone called out 'bogies' and his flight leader rolled into an inverted dive. The pilot dropped everything and followed his leader, resulting in a coating of...ice on everything in the cockpit.

Six hours later, as they returned to lower altitudes over England, the sun beat down through the bubble canopy turning the cockpit into a miniature greenhouse. The ice melted as the area heated up and the pilot was forced to keep his oxygen mask on til he landed.

On the ground, his mechanic jumped on the wing to help with his harness and parachute...then beat a hasty retreat as the hood slid back and an unusual stench greeted the world.

Would you call that 'environmental impact?'

Winning isn't everything;
It's the only thing!
http://us.f2.yahoofs.com/bc/3fe77b7e_1812a/bc/Images/Sig---1.jpg?BC1DKHABWmxpLZQo

Old_Canuck
02-02-2004, 01:19 PM
http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

LMAO ... didn't expect these hilarious followup posts and they caught me off guard during lunch break. Just cleaned the monitor this morning ... almost sprayed it with beef stew. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

OC

"You don't stop playing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop playing."

Blottogg
02-02-2004, 10:06 PM
The story reminds me of one of the guys in my old Squadron.

"Chaz" had a notoriously small bladder, often requiring the use of a "piddle pack" (the modern day equivalent of the above mentioned "lobster") during ferry flights or even just "pit-and-go" multiple sorties. He finally went to the flight doc and got a "Texas condom" or external catheter, leading to the piddle pack (which he hung from the pedal adjustment handle IIRC.) He was so pleased with this arrangement, that one day while flying down to the Philippines with the tankers, bragged to the rest of the squadron "I'm peeing right now" while refuelling (normally not an easy portion of the flight to use a conventional piddle pack. Also embarrassing if the boomer was female.)

My record for piddle pack use is well under a minute, between BFM engagements. Poor beverage planning beforehand I admit, but I wasn't going to be able to take another g suit inflation. That abdominal g suit bladder was in the right position, but the wrong position at the same time.

Blotto

"Speed is life." - Anon
"Sight is life. Speed is merely groovy." - "Junior"

pourshot
02-02-2004, 11:32 PM
I read a similar thing some time ago about the urine tube in the p38.Apparantly it was a vacuum tube but the vacuum was so weak it let the contents run all over the (dare I say it) "cockpit'. http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

Anyway one well meaning crew chief supposed he could fix this by increasing the size of the vent to a hilarous end.

The vacuum was now so strong that the pilot had to slow almost to stalling speed to remove
his now purple member LOL

I would not want to be that crew chief when the pilot landed http://ubbxforums.ubi.com/images/smiley/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

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Ride It Like Ya Stole It