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XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:46 PM
Many of you have probably read this, but for those that have not, this is an excerpt of actual radio comms:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement tha! t we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control
and a British Airways 747, call sign, Speedbird 206:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt,

Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."


************************************
"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
************************************
"America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair."
Arnold Toynbee

XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:46 PM
Many of you have probably read this, but for those that have not, this is an excerpt of actual radio comms:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there
without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement tha! t we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control
and a British Airways 747, call sign, Speedbird 206:

Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt,

Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."

The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944. In another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."


************************************
"Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
************************************
"America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair."
Arnold Toynbee

XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:48 PM
LOL/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif

Hot Space



An Antelope is not just for Christmas - It's for putting in Sandwich's as well!!!

XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:48 PM
In a similar vein, has anyone got the aircraft carrier and the lighthouse story? I can't remember how it's set up.

<CENTER>


<IMG SRC="http://www.apqa16.dsl.pipex.com/airplane1.3.jpg"


Ladies & gentlemen, this is the captain speaking. Thankyou for choosing to fly Mandarin Airlines. Those passengers sitting on the left-hand side of the aeroplane please make yourselves comfortable. Those sitting on the right... please look to your left!

XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:55 PM
Humor, levity...it's all good.





http://home.earthlink.net/~aclzkim1/_uimages/p47atm.gif

XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:59 PM
The Aircraft Carrier/Lighthouse one is a urban legend thats been doing the rounds for many years.

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/lighthouseandaircraftcarrier.htm


Dunkelgrun wrote:
- In a similar vein, has anyone got the aircraft
- carrier and the lighthouse story? I can't remember
- how it's set up.
-
- <CENTER>
-

- <IMG
- SRC="http://www.apqa16.dsl.pipex.com/airplane1.3.j
- pg"
-

- Ladies & gentlemen, this is the captain speaking.
- Thankyou for choosing to fly Mandarin Airlines.
- Those passengers sitting on the left-hand side of
- the aeroplane please make yourselves comfortable.
- Those sitting on the right... please look to your
- left!

XyZspineZyX
09-10-2003, 07:59 PM
I like it.

These are fairly 'old' now but for anyone who hasn't heard them before.........

--------------------------

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered during the flight that need repair or correction.

Never let it be said that groudn crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

Here are some <u>actual</u> logged maintenance complaints as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers.

(P=The problem logged by the pilot)
(S=The solution and action taken by the engineers)

P:Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S:Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P:Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:Auto-land not installed on this aircraft!

P:Something loose in cockpit.
S:Something tightened in cockpit.

P/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif ead bugs on windshield.
S:Live bugs on back-order.

P:Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S:Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P:Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:Evidence removed

P/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif ME volume unbelievably loud.
S/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif ME volume set to more believable level.



By the way, Quantas is (apparantly) the only major airline that has never had an accident.

S! Simon.
<center>

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Download the USAAF campaign folder here (http://www.downloadcounter.com/cgi-bin/download.pl?username=James_Jones&account=705).

http://extremeone.4t.com/images/USsig.jpg
<font color="#000000">It's my attitude not my aptitude that determines my altitude.</font></center>

XyZspineZyX
09-11-2003, 08:01 PM
- By the way, Quantas is (apparantly) the only major
- airline that has never had an accident.
(snip)

yep, QANTAS is the only international carrier to never have a fatality due to an accident. It's also the only airline to have shown the movie "Rain Man" for the same reason.
(do you remember the airport scene?)

for those in the mood for trivia:
QANTAS = Queensland And Northern Territory Air Service.

in Australia, we built aircraft before we built cars!

cheers,
Tony
(flying as "wombat" on HL)


< !--image map -->
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~tonybirchill/sig.jpg
<map name="main">
<area shape="rect" coords="0,0,200,54" href="http://www.il2airracing.com/" alt="Il2 online air racing">
<area shape="rect" coords="200,0,400,54" href="http://pub82.ezboard.com/b1ejava" alt="skinners heaven">
</map>


oh yeah, and I'm a Whirlwind whiner too /i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif