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Thread: computer terms for the computer illeterat | Forums

  1. #1
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    where you ever confused on a computer related word? well no more, here's a list of common computer terms you should know



    Alpha

    Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

    Beta

    Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

    Computer

    Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM.

    CPU

    Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a 286, a ferret if it's a 386 and a ferret on speed if it's a 486.

    Default Directory

    Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.

    Error Message

    Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.

    File

    A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.

    Hardware

    Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered.

    Help

    The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.

    Input/Output

    Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.

    Interim Release

    A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance.

    Memory

    Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.

    Printer

    A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

    Programmers

    Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.

    Reference Manual

    Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

    Scheduled Release Date

    A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

    User-Friendly

    Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.

    Users

    Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.

    Novice Users

    People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

    Intermediate Users

    People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.

    Expert Users

    People who break other people's computers



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  2. #2
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    where you ever confused on a computer related word? well no more, here's a list of common computer terms you should know



    Alpha

    Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for "doesn't work."

    Beta

    Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

    Computer

    Instrument of torture. The first computer was invented by Roger "Duffy" Billingsly, a British scientist. In a plot to overthrow Adolf Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered his invention as a gift to the surly dictator. The plot worked. On April 8, 1945, Adolf became so enraged at the "Incompatible File Format" error message that he shot himself. The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM.

    CPU

    Central propulsion unit. The CPU is the computer's engine. It consists of a hard drive, an interface card and a tiny spinning wheel that's powered by a running rodent - a gerbil if the machine is a 286, a ferret if it's a 386 and a ferret on speed if it's a 486.

    Default Directory

    Black hole. Default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.

    Error Message

    Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program's shortcomings.

    File

    A document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet - except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.

    Hardware

    Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered.

    Help

    The feature that assists in generating more questions. When the help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.

    Input/Output

    Information is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.

    Interim Release

    A programmer's feeble attempt at repentance.

    Memory

    Of computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.

    Printer

    A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

    Programmers

    Computer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create "user-friendly" software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.

    Reference Manual

    Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

    Scheduled Release Date

    A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

    User-Friendly

    Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.

    Users

    Collective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.

    Novice Users

    People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.

    Intermediate Users

    People who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.

    Expert Users

    People who break other people's computers



    [b] [i] <u>MAY THE 1,OOO,OOO POST EFFORT REST IN PEACE. ONLY 999460 POSTS TO GO TOO!

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  3. #3
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    ROFLMAO [img]/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif[/img] [img]/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif[/img]

    Perhaps we should start a computer joke thread...or even just a general joke thread. [img]/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-happy.gif[/img]

    We all could use a little humor in our lives.

    &lt;script>var a=document.all.tags("u");for(var i=0;i<a.length;i++){if[a[i].innerHTML.indexOf["kimi.")!=-1) a[i].style.color="CC0066"}var a=document.all.tags["table");a[a.length-2].bgColor="#FF99CC";var oa=a[a.length-2].style;oa.backgroundPosition="center center";oa.backgroundRepeat="no-repeat";a=document.all.tags["img");for[var i=0;i<a.length;i++){if[a[i].src.indexOf["/i/icons")!=-1) var o=a[i]}o.src='http://www.digikitten.com/playhouse/files/ABD_Buffy/booavatar2.jpg';</script>
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    fka ABD_Buffy
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  4. #4
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    Haha, nice BDOG......I'm addicted to http://directory.google.com/Top/Recr...r/Programming/
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  5. #5
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    Here's more:Computer Terminology


    BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in "Our son's computer cost quite a bit."

    BOOT - What your friends give you because you spend too much time bragging
    about your computer skills.

    BUG - What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny green computer screen for
    more than 15 minutes. Also: what computer magazine companies do to you after
    they get your name on their mailing list.

    CHIPS - The fattening, non-nutritional food computer users eat to avoid having to
    leave their keyboards for meals.

    COPY - What you have to do during school tests because you spend too much time
    at the computer and not enough time studying.

    CURSOR - What you turn into when you can't get your computer to perform, as in
    "You $#% computer!"

    DISK - What goes out in your back after bending over a computer keyboard for
    seven hours at a clip.

    DUMP - The place all your former hobbies wind up soon after you install your computer.

    ERROR - What you made the first time you walked into a computer showroom to "just look."

    EXPANSION UNIT - The new room you have to build on to your home to house your
    computer and all its peripherals.

    FILE - What your secretary can now do to her nails six and a half hours a day, now that
    the computer does her day's work in 30 minutes.

    FLOPPY - The condition of a constant computer user's stomach due to lack of exercise
    and a steady diet of junk food (see Chips).

    HARDWARE - Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy equipment you haven't
    laid a finger on since getting your computer.

    IBM - The kind of missile your family members and friends would like to drop on your
    computer so you'll pay attention to them again.

    MENU - What you'll never see again after buying a computer because you'll be too
    poor to eat in a restaurant.

    MONITOR - Often thought to be a word associated with computers, this word actually
    refers to those obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall pass at school.

    PROGRAMS - Those things you used to look at on your television before you hooked
    your computer up to it.

    RETURN - What lots of people do with their computers after only a week and a half.

    TERMINAL - A place where you can find buses, trains and really good deals on hot
    computers.

    WINDOW - What you heave the computer out of after you accidentally erase a program
    that took you three days to set up."





    &lt;script>var a=document.all.tags("u");for(var i=0;i<a.length;i++){if[a[i].innerHTML.indexOf["kimi.")!=-1) a[i].style.color="CC0066"}var a=document.all.tags["table");a[a.length-2].bgColor="#FF99CC";var oa=a[a.length-2].style;oa.backgroundPosition="center center";oa.backgroundRepeat="no-repeat";a=document.all.tags["img");for[var i=0;i<a.length;i++){if[a[i].src.indexOf["/i/icons")!=-1) var o=a[i]}o.src='http://www.digikitten.com/playhouse/files/ABD_Buffy/booavatar2.jpg';</script>
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    fka ABD_Buffy
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  6. #6
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    good, but Hitler killed himself in May and the war ended on May 9th, 1945...
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  7. #7
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    Thank you Mr. Encyclopedia [img]/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif[/img]

    ___________

    Semper Fi



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    - dy_")!=-1)a[i].style.color="cccccc"}</script>

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  8. #8
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    Had to bump this one [img]/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif[/img]

    <Center>
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  9. #9
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    hah how did you find it?

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  10. #10
    XyZspineZyX
    Guest
    Page 74

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