So I've heard a rumor... actually, scratch that... I'm starting a conspiracy...
The Frag Dolls, do not wash their team uniforms.....
...yeah, I know it sounds harmless, and you thought all women had 'proper' hygene. But this is why you all need to read the following. For your life is in danger if you don't!
It all started with Rhoulette. She heard that many professional athletes would abstain from shaving their faces, or washing their socks or undergarments, for fear that if they did, their luck would run out. Luck, being the main ingredient of their 'skill', meant they were willing to do anything. This concept was of course quickly adopted, and from that point, the 'ladies' pledged to never wash their frag doll T-Shirts again. Some of you will argue, "I'm sure they have more than one!!" But you would be wrong. Insanely wrong! And I shall prove it:
Many of you have wondered, "What was the real reason behind Eekers retirement?" Well, it sure wasn't because she got a job in the game industry. No sir. Ths was simply a bonus. She actually left because she couldn't stand the smell... and this was just the beginning.
As most of you know, soon after, a contest was setup to acquire two new girls. We were told these candidates were tested on their skills at gaming, writing, and just being pretty, err, I mean witty. BUT! This is of course, entirely wrong. The only tests given, were that to see if they could withstand the intolerable 'shirt stench'. Interestingly, the two winners, Psyche and Calyber, had both been born with nasel passage birth defects. Yes, this was NOT a coincidence.
As for the rest of the dolls... After enduring over two years of this, they have now become immune to the smell. Which is why hanging around dozens of equally smelly boys, in small crowded rooms, does not seem to affect them. And believe it or not, they choose to do this of their own free will. Personally though, I think they have mutated....
Mutations aside, this really wouldn't be as big of a problem, as I'm not forced to be around them. (sorry JB) BUT, it turns out, their lack of hygene is destroying the environment. Has anyone heard of global warming?? The last heat wave to hit the US, just these past weeks, has been directly connected to this growing disaster. We do not have much time my friends.
So, it is now up to us. Write your congressman. Phone up Microsoft and plead to have their XLIVE accounts removed!! Set yourself ablaze in the middle of your street! Do anything, and everything to get this point across!
Otherwise, you should ask yourself if you would prefer to die a slow, horribly smelly death.
I thought poor hygeine was a pre-requisite of gamers...just kidding, I used to run an EB Games and the majority of my clientele either stunk to high heaven or had "summer teeth" or both. It's funny, we ran a cross promotion with AXE, and we'd save them for our smelly customers. You should have seen some of the reactions we'd get. Mostly confused looks like they'd never seen deodorant before.
lmao! The sweat has melted, dried and hardened so many times, it's become an impermeable membrane!
They probably don't even bother removing this article of clothing anymore. As most likely, it has become a living tissue and attached itself to their body. YEss... this was the mutation I was referring to.