The amazing adventure continues, gets a little mushy, and brings people together through the power of MUSIC!


Jade and G were walking alone down a sandy beach, chatting with one another. "So, you never told me about the first time you fell in love," G said. Jade blushed a bit and said. "Well, it wasnt really love, it was just a little crush, and it ended a bit badly," Jade said. "Oh, now youve done it! Youve piqued my interest," G joked. "Its nothing, really. Its not that interesting," Jade said. "Well, you did say you would tell me later, didnt ya?" G asked. "If you dont wanna talk about it..." G continued. "Hey, its not that painful. I just met this cute boy in high school, got a crush on him, and started acting all twiterpated. He saw this, and offered to take me to the prom," Jade said. "Sounds like fun," G said. "Well, not so much so. I found the best dress I could, went outside the lighthouse, and waited for him to arrive. He swung by in a limo, and he and another bimbo from school popped out the sunroof and waved at me. I was crying the whole night," Jade said. "Jeez, what bastards," G said. "Oh, dont worry. I got back at both of them. Peyj always said 'dont get mad, get even,' and I did," Jade said with a michevious smile. "What did you do?" G asked in a shaming tone. "I found his jock straps and sabotauged them with itchy powder, and I found her food tray and lightly sprinkled farting powder on her food. I made sure they were embarrased the entire day," Jade said. "Needless to say, it left a kind of bitter memory about hte whole love thing," Jade continued. "I can see why, getting stood up like that," G replied. "Yeah, but I think you might have helped me out of that rut," Jade said quietly. "What does that mean?" G asked. "What? Oh! Uh, nothing, I mean, uh, yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom," Jade said.

Thunderpants had settled down behind a tree, taken his fatigue blouse off, lit a fire for some light, and was using it as a mat for all of his rifle parts as he slowly cleaned the encrusted carbon off of each piece. Jade came walking down his way and came across him. "You dont really need to use the bathroom, do you?" Pants asked. "...no," Jade replied. "Nervous about something?" Pants asked. "Yeah, I guess you could say that," Jade replied. Pants continued cleaning his rifle, and said "Jade, I know what your afraid of, and I cant help ya much, I am not very experienced in that field. I will tell ya this though: My life has been one of missed oppourtunities and chances for happiness that will never come back again. Dont let that happen to you." "Im just afraid, ya know, of what he'll say," Jade replied. "Dont be. Its just as apparent in him as it is in you," Pants said. "He asked me for advice, even! I was like 'do I look like Mr. Matchmaker to you?' and he was like 'uh, no' and I was like 'then stop asking!'" Jade laughed at this. "Thanks, Pants! You are the best!" Jade said, about to go back when she stopped and turned to look at him again. "I never see you without that rifle in your hand," Jade said. "Its a big teddy bear for me," Pants said. "What about that teddy bear hanging out of your pocket?" Jade asked, pointing to a small toy bear hanging out of his pant cargo pocket. He reached for it, his hand hovered over it, he sighed, and went back to work. "Mr. Huggs isnt a teddy bear anymore, hes a killer," Pants said. "...how long have you been fighting?" Jade asked. Pants looked up, into the distance. The sounds of artillery falling around him, screaming, guns firing, the ever present subhuman communication of the Domz, the Alphas propaganda over massive loud speakers, pictures of his dead family members, all came rushing into his head. He choked back tears, looked down at his work, and said "long enough." Jade slowly backed away, and began to walk off, when Pants said "Dont be afraid! Tell him how ya feel!" and Jade said back "Dont worry, I will."

Pants went back to his work when some of the faerie thingies showed up with a bottle of absinthe. They said to Pants "Hey, dude! Wanna meet our buddy the green faerie?" "Naw, dudes. I dont like the feeling that stuff leaves ya with. I like being in control," Pants said back. "Come on dude!You were just talking about missed opportunities, well, youll never get the chance to get wasted on this ever again!" "Naw, but I do have a favor to ask of ya, ya see those two star struck lovers over there? Make sure something cute happens between them," Pants said. "What? Mr. Big Guns Bullets Everywhere is getting soft?" the faeries asked. "Yes, I am, if you must know, I do want them to be happy," Pants said.

Sev came running through the jungle to find Pants. "Aye, mate! We have ourselves a situation! All assets in the area are being mobilized!" He said. "Well, its a good thing you found me, Wonder from down under," Pants said. "Im telling ya, mate, Im a Furion Warrior!" Sev said back. "Ya mean the same way youre home is a bombed out colony loaded with pirates and criminals?" Pants asked. "Whose home isnt these days?" Sev asked. "And the same way youre an 'outcast?'" Pants continued. "Naw, I just use that one to pick up chicks," Sev said. "Exactly," Pants said. "Well, maybe it is just a thing, but it makes me feel better!" Sev said. "All right, lets just get to the FOP so we can hang out with Jerry and draw on our faces with magic marker until the dropship comes," Pants said. "Oh, we dont need to worry, Lynx is flying us there," Sev said. Lynx showed up in the dropship, and ferried them off into battle. Before Pants left he took out his mDisk that he had made for his family and left it in his place, and they left to defend the colony at Liberty 1.

What a marvelous humour you have, just this bit alone left me ROTFLOL: "Jeez, what bastards," G said. "Oh, dont worry. I got back at both of them. Peyj always said 'dont get mad, get even,' and I did," Jade said with a michevious smile. "What did you do?" G asked in a shaming tone. "I found his jock straps and sabotauged them with itchy powder, and I found her food tray and lightly sprinkled farting powder on her food. I made sure they were embarrased the entire day," Jade said. "Needless to say, it left a kind of bitter memory about hte whole love thing," Jade continued. "I can see why, getting stood up like that," G replied. "Yeah, but I think you might have helped me out of that rut," Jade said quietly. "What does that mean?" G asked. "What? Oh! Uh, nothing, I mean, uh, yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom," Jade said.

And then Sev's line "Naw, I just use that one to pick up chicks," really good stuff!

Love blooms on the battlefield. Looks like Solid Snake was right, Anytime, any place, people can fall in love with each other!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Denden666Piek,

Exactly! Just watch Tears of the Sun. They dont come out and say it, but you know, by the way they interact. You just know.

Just because i'm a guy, I'm not afraid to say it: I just LOVE a good love story!

Hey I love LoVe stories too! ...Nah. My manliness isn't ready to accept that yet. Give me a good ol' two months with the love of my life(Which I've been waiting for.. gosh, what's taking her so long? Traffic?) and I'll probably be accepting that.. maybe.

quote:

Pants went back to his work when some of the faerie thingies showed up with a bottle of absinthe. They said to Pants "Hey, dude! Wanna meet our buddy the green faerie?"

LMAO Must...meet..green..faerie..

Dont mess around with that stuff! Youll start seeing things, and before you know it, you have a Eurotrip moment of making out with your own sister!

Is it time for another thrilling paragraph or two? Okeay, I think I can work it into my busy scedule. I just anhilated my shoulder playing football. I just get into it too much, even if it is two hand touch. Public service announcement: Dont hyperextend your shoulder!


Thunderpants was huddled down in a crater in the middle of a burning, ruined city. The fighting had settled into a stalemate, and he had some time to rest. He layed down on his back, and pulled Mr. Hugs from his buttpack and held him on his chest for a while, and looked up at the starry sky. Another soldier jumped into his crater and said "Wars a biatch, aint it?" he looked back and replied "Dam right it is! I got enough blisters here to win a purple heart!" Their commander, a gruff sargent in his fortys, said "Heh, and some people think they get midlife crises." "You having menapause, sarge?" Pants asked. "That would explain the cramps and hotflashes, wouldnt it?" the sargent replied. Off in the distance the Alphas walkers patrolled and Arjuun aircraft dueled with allied fighters. Loudspeakers on the Alphas and Imperials side blared propaganda demanding allied surrender, for their cause was a lost one. The allied forces in turn used their own form of psycological warfare, blaring heavy metal music from modified gunships flying around the battlefield. Tanks guarded intersections, the rumble of their engines resonating through the empty city streets. Artillery exploded in the distance, suddnly setting the sky ablaze with a brilliant white light, and the city glowed oarnge from the fires burning throughout. Pants looked up at the stars again, and wondered what his friends were doing back in paradise.

Jade and G walked through the jungle, exploring every nook and cranny they could find, talking about nothing in particular, laughing, smiling, and staring into one anothers eyes. They went under the canopy of a large tree on a cliff overlooking the jungle, seeing a waterfall in the distance. "Its beautiful," Jade said. G looked at her, smiled, and said "Ive seen better." Jade blushed, giggled, and looked back into his eyes. "Jade, uh, theres something I wanna say," G said. "Me too, its just that Im-" Jade replied. "Afraid to say it," they both said together. Jade smiled, her green eyes twinkling in the moonlight. G stuttered "I-uh-I-I-, heh," Jade walked up close to him, wrapped her arms around his neck, and he did so around her waist. The faeries said to one another "This is taking too friggin' long!" They flew in behind them and pushed them toghether. They then kissed, a long, intimate one.

"Score!" Pants quietly whispered to himself. "What?" his friend asked. "I just nailed that guy in the window," Pants replied. A flurry of indirect fire came back down their way, and a tank rolled up to face it. Its main gun roared to life, silencing the return fire with one thunderous blast. "So what you been hearin'?" Pants asked the guy with him. "Its like this all over the sector, Britonia 3, Rhineland 1, New Normandy, all attacked," The guy responded. "Why? These are all backwater places in the middle of nowhere," Pants asked. "Maybe there trying to spread us out," The guy said. "This is a delaying action for something else there planning. They didnt plan to win here, they were just trying to get our fleet spread out too thin to rapidly respond to a major attack," Sarge said. "Why are we here, then? We let the Japs have those two islands in Alaska before midway," the grunt asked. "This isnt an empty island. People live here,"Sarge said. "But where are they gonna hit?" Pants asked.

Jade and G decided to go back to the village, holding hands and smiling on the way. They diverted to pick up Pants, but found nothing but a burned out firepit, his mDisk, and a note saying "Win the war." "Hes gone," G said. "But where?" Jade asked.

A group of enemy troops supported by an Alpha spider walker approached the line. "Here they come!" Pants said, and the line lit up with small arms and rocket fire.

"Im sorry we have to leave, but theres still something we need to do," Jade said. "Well, many happy returns to ya," the chief said back, and Jade, G, Marcus, and Kiera boarded the Beluga, and headed towards Hyllis, to put the map together and end the war. "Its a shame we have to leave," Marcus said. "Grumpy McHaggis was the man," Kiera added. "Well, after we finally end a four hundred year long war, Im sure therell be plenty of time to come back," Jade said back. "God forbid you should be cut off from your partying for a few weeks," G added. The Beluga took off, and finally headed back home to begin the final chapter.

"Was that it?" the grunt asked. "Like Sarge said, Bubs, its a delaying action," Pants said back. "Well, you boys brace yourselves, because theres a whole lot of delays coming our way!" Sarge said. Down the road, hundreds of enemies supported by aircraft, walkers, and DomZ monsters came charging in. The line lit up, and another tank was called in to support that part of the line.

The Beluga landed in the city, and they went out to meet Hahn. "Its all here! A new day has arisen!" Hahn said, and they rushed to put the last two pieces into the map, which was surgically removed from Peyjs arm. They all gathered around the centeral holotable in the den, and put the first mDisk in.

"Were being overrun! We need support, over!" Sarge screamed into the radio over the din of battle. "Negative, Bravo 1-6. Were all commited. No reinforcements available. Out." The response came. "Were screwed, lets let 'em have it!" Sarge said. Pants and Bubs blasted away with all their might, when Bubs took a round right in the face, and fell over, instantly dead. "Bubs!" Pants screamed. Men were dying all over, and it had degraded into an open melee.

Jade put the second mDisk into the reader. A complete map began to materialize, but it fuzzed out into a glow of static. Defenses all over the city froze up, and a single red Alpha Section symbol lit up the room. "I see you have put the map together! Excellent! You are more blind than I thought!" The voice of Kheck said in a mocking tone. "Kheck!" Hahn said. "Thats right, fools! You just introduced a virus into your defense computers. None of your shields work, and your turrets are offline! You practically opened the door for us!" Khek replied. "It wont be long now! Prepare to welcome us back into your lives, perminantly!" Kheck said, laughing maniacly.

"Theyre leaving!" Pants said. The Alphas and Imperials flew off, leaving just a skeliton force behind to defend the disaster they had made. "Theyre reallocating, the assult is on!" Sarge said. "Now, where are they going..." Sarge asked. "...Hyllis!" Pants answered.

Oh good heavens, let the battle commence. This is going to be some truly amazing battle sequence. the allied forces rock with putting on heavy metal music. And the fairies were right by the way, it was about frikkin time they kissed.

So that's how you spell Hyllis? Dang, I've been spelling it wrong for quite awhile..WHEN WAS SOMEONE GOING TO TELL ME THESE THINGS!!

Jade and G kiss. Awww! Hard not to get sentimental.. and nice crossover with Pants.

Now if only there was a huge railgun to destroy..

P.S.: Your into WWII alot ain't cha?

Hell if I know the right spelling. Its a friggin videogame. As for allies, Japan, and whatnot, the allies didnt break up after the war, and WWII seemed like the best reference for a 400 year long war, as it is the single most destructive conflict ever fought by man.

I think one more segment ought to wrap the story up, not including the hidden level bit.

Hillys, Hyllis, whatever you think is right. It doesn't really matter, we all know what you mean by it. But it IS Hillys, and it's not JUST a videogame, Thunderpants. It's an unforgettable experience!

Whatever, dude. Im not going to argue.

All right. Let it be known that I do intend on finishing.

And now, the moment none of you have been waiting for... The thrilling final chapter, filled with suspense, drama, action, laughter, and some et cetera!

The Hyllian Army rushed small gun batteries to strategic defensive points, people ran for shelter, windows were being boarded up, sandbags were being piled, hospital staffmembers prepared for the worst, and all about the city was alive with fear and panic. Jade and G were up on a balcony of the science center, overlooking the chaotic scene. "My God... what have we done..." Jade asked. "Its not our fault," G said. "No, its my fault! I shouldave known!" Jade said tearfully. "Now, everyones gonna die, and its all my fault!" Jade sadly said to herself. "No one couldave seen this coming. Dont blame yourself. We were all tricked," G said. "Look, whatever happens, it wont change what we have," G continued. "Whats that?" Jade asked. "...each other," G replied. Jade looked at G, and smiled, her spirits lifted. Jade and G embraced one another, not letting go for anything.

The sky turned dark. Jade and G looked up into it. It began to rain, sheets of water falling from the sky. Jade and G rushed to the wall without saying a word. There was quiet all around the city, as lightning struck and thunder rolled. All eyes were searching the black abyss above them, now, looking for the inevitable doom hiding within.

The sky turned green, and several wormholes opened up. The gunners prepared for the worst, as wormhole after wormhole opened.

Then it came. The first massed bombardment of asteroids came through the wormhole, smashing structures around the city and the surrounding farmland, followed by Domz serpents coming in by the dozens, and finally an armada of the black ships of the Alphas. The guns roared to life in a desperate attempt to hold off the clouds of enemies from the sky. (Wow, this is getting intense)The guns proved to be no match for the scores of enemy fighters and dropships, as thousands of Alpha infantry began to march through the streets. Alpha spider walkers began to tear up city blocks, and the Domz serpents blew away anything that escaped. Jade and G did their best to make it back to the IRIS HQ where Keira and Marcus waited, but were cut off by hoardes of Alphas and Domz. The Alphas then commited their reserves, thousands of Arjuunese Imperial troopers, and the slaughter of the Hyllian Army gained even more intensity. General Kheck himself landed atop the science center with the Arjuunese Emperor and watched the carnage below.

"We are not proceeding with enough effiency, Emperor! The enemy units are able to keep their forces in the field for too long!" the general said. "Well, my lord, were having some trouble cutting their supply lines," The emperor replied. "I dont give a dam about their ammunition! I am talking of their physical ability to fight! Destroy their hospitals!" Kheck said. "...Sir?!" the emperor asked in suprise. "You heard me! Destroy their hospitals!" Kheck said. "...very well," the emperor said. He waved his hand at one of his aides, and Imperial artillery fired. The guns missed the mark. "It seems our men are unwilling to do that, sir." The emperor said. "Youre men are cowards! Ill have my men take care of it myself!" Kheck said.

Jade saw a wounded man, picked him up, and said. "Hold on! Ill get you to a hospital!" she dragged him along until she saw one of the cities hospitals, and told him "Hold on! Youre gonna make it!" The hospital then exploded from a massive volley from the Alphas ships. Jade looked in disbelief as the hospital burned. "How..." she asked. She then looked at the man she was dragging; he was dead. The battle lines were closing in around her. The army had nowhere left to go. She was more tired from the fighting than she had ever been. She dropped to her knees, and bowed her head in grief. There was nothing left that could save the city.

Except, of course, the large allied battlefleet that had appeared in orbit. Jade looked up in the sky and saw a new fleet clash with the Alphas, and new waves of dropships and gunships land throughout the city. "All right! We made it!" Pants said as he looked down into the destruction and saw the battle still raging. Sarge looked at his squad and said "All right! Weve got them by their man-parts! Remember the plan: Link up with fourth platoon at contact point alpha, and secure objective charlie, the square next to the Akuda Bar. Lets show these suckers how we do things!" "Hooah!" the squad said back, and the dropship landed. Gunships flew around blasting rockets and machineguns at their unprepared foes, playing Iron Madiens, ACDC, and Black Sabbath from loudspeakers. Tanks rolled out of larger dropships. And the tide of battle turned against the Alphas.

Pants squad moved down the shattered road one man behind the other on either side of the road, providing interlocking fields of fire, following a tank. They linked up with the rest of their platoon, 2nd Platoon, and then with fourth. They blew their way into the square, sweeping aside the Alpha sections with fiersome supressing fire and suprise flanking movements coordinated to keep the enemy off balance; a veritible ballet of destruction, every move rehearsed a thousand times. Thunderpants looked up at the bar and said "Hey, we could all go get smashed after this!" and everyone agreed that it was a good idea. They then recieved orders to link up with the beleagured Hyllians and provide releif.

Jade saw this grand attack, and ran back to G. "Do you see this?!" she asked. "If you mean a massive fleet that came to save our sorry backsides, then Im not sure!" G said joyusly. They ran to the front lines and attacked with increased vigor. With all the chaos, calamity, and *****in' rock music, Jade didnt notice the hammer of an Alpha about to come down on her head. "Jade! Look out!" G screamed. She turned around and saw the hammer, and raised her hands to block the blow when a shot knocked the trooper over, instantly dead. The shooter was none other than Pants. "I cant leave you guys for a day without you making a mess!" he said to them. Jade smiled in relief and G laughed and said "Come on! Khecks over there!" pointing to the shattered top of the science center.

"What?! I thought they were supposed to be in a different sector!" Kheck said. "Perhaps you underestimated the ability of humans," the emperor said. Kheck simply looked at him in disgust and knocked him off the top of the building. He stepped into his own mini- spider (Although it was about thirty feet tall with large tentacle whippy thingies that really sucked to be hit with or stabbed, because they sucked) and prepared for his inevitable meeting with Jade.

Jade, G, and Pants met with Kiera and Marcus, and the five of them went running to battle Kheck. At the foot of the science center they found the emperor, still alive, surrounded by his loyal troops, and spoiling for a fight. "Dont worry, well handle him! You two just get up there and deal with baldy!" Kiera said. Jade and G rushed to the top and confronted Kheck.

"You fools! You think this is the end? It is only the beginning!" Kheck said to them. "Uh, buddy, I hate to break it to ya, but your fleet has been blown out of the sky, your army is collapsing, and you are surrounded. It would be best to surrender," G said calmly. "And you still dont understand! Look at your city! Your home! Its burning! Weve already won!" Kheck said. "We can rebuild our city. Youll never be able to amass such an army to threaten us ever again. I can guarantee it!" G said. Kheck used one of his tenticles to run him through the chest. "Noooo!" Jade screamed, as his body fell to the ground. "Insolent whelp! Now, Shauni! Its just you and me! Perhaps you could join our cause! You would have a perminant place by our masters side!" Kheck said. "Oh yes! The priest you killed was not the leader! He resides back on the homeworld! It is the only way for you, Shauni!" Kheck continued. Jade looked him in the eye and raised her staff. "Lets end this!" she said.

The final boss battle begins. Jade has to disable all the legs while dealing with constant attack from whips and machineguns. Once thats taken care of, Kheck summons a wave of Alphas. Once thats defeated, Jade has to deal with his traversing machine gun fire and get hits in with the disk to lower his defenses so she can whack him. Eventually, after another wave, he shoots mines out that home in on her, and she bounces them back with her staff. The coupe de grasse is her raising her staff into the air. A bolt of lightning comes down, hits the staff, and goes straight into Kheck.

Jade walked up to her fallen foe, barely clinging on to life. "You may have one here, but the master will not be so easy," Kheck said. "Ill be ready. Dont you worry," Jade said, as she gave him one last whack in the face. "...Jade..." G said weakly. "G!" Jade answered, rushing to his side. "Hey, nice work, Jade. We won!" G said faintly. "Yeah, we did!" Jade said, tears swelling up. "Now, I want you to promise me one thing..." G said. "Dont even think that way! Im gonna get you out of here!" Jade said. "Promise me... youll find someone to spend the rest of your life with..." G said, growing weaker. "I have! Ive found you!" Jade said, her voice trembling. "Dont worry about me. Ill always be right here," G said, pointing to Jades heart. With that, he let out one last breath. The rain poured down and Jade struggled to wake him back up. "No... dont leave me..." Jade said, and she buried her head in his chest and cried. "...I love you..." she said. She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Peyj. She looked at him, and he looked at her, with sadness in his eyes. He walked away, his head bowed. Jade sat back, buried her head in her knees, and continued to cry.

G drew another breath. Jade looked up in suprise. G looked at her and said "...Jade?" And felt around his chest. The wound was gone. "...You saved me..." G said. He stood up, and looked around. He grabbed Jade by the hand, and hoisted her up. Jade smiled, and laughed with joy. They held eachother and kissed. Pants came up the stairs and said "Okeay, who hasnt seen that sequence before? Raise your hand if you didnt see that coming!" Jade and G looked at him and laughed. "You laugh now, but wait till it stops raining!" Pants said. Surely enough, it stopped raining. "Man, Im good," Pants said. Kiera and G also kissed, and Pants looked at them and said "Okeay, thats just not fair!" Marcus looked at him and said "Whadya mean?" Pants replied "I saved all your butts in the mountains and in the desert, I escape from the evil fortress city, and I am the only one here not getting any!" Pants then saw Double H looking at him, and said "Naw, never that desperate." Jade and G laughed, and the credits roll.

Ohh, ahhh! All done!

Incredible! What a finale, what an ending! I salute you Thunderpants, for being the first to finish your fanfic, although you could say it's a pity it had ended too. Anyway, your story was great, Thunderpants. In every way, but mostly in the comedic way, and that's not a bad thing at all.

A truly triumphantend to a truly triumphant story.

OMGOMGOMG TEH HIDDEN CHAPTARE!!!1

(You get this if youve collected over one pearls. Here comes more thin character and plot development, predictable twists, and possibly a deus ex plot device that tries to make up for the weak progression of the story)

The allied soldiers were all in the suprisingly intact Akuda bar getting sloshed. Jade and the gang were at a table joking around and talking about their adventure. "So how exactly did you escape Arjuun?" Jade asked Pants. "Through the magic of Disney," Pants replied. "Oh, come on, man! Ya have ta tell us," Marcus said. "All right. If you want the story of my great escape, gather round the alchahol, and listen to the tale I tell..." Pants said...

OMG TEH FLASHBACK!1

The screen fades in all blurry, with Pants looking up at the celing. "Hold on! Hes coming to!" a resistance fighter screamed. Pants awoke to the sounds of battle filling the air. "All right! Youre awake! We need another man!" the fighter said. "Whats happening?" Pants asked. "Theyve come to wipe us out for good this time! The slums are on fire from the fighting. We need another gun," the fighter answered. "All right! Give me my rifle, and Ill join in!" Pants said. "Er, uh, we couldnt recover your rifle..." the fighter said. "Well, what have you got, then?" Pants asked. "...well, we do have this experimental weapon, designed by the esteemed Dr. Fallope," the fighter answered. He handed pants a shotgun like weapon, with the two barrels merging into one larger one towards the end. "What... is this?" Pants asked. "The Fallopian Tubes," the fighter replied. "It fires hyper charged eggs at your enemies which explode on contact," the fighter continued. "How do you reload it?" Pants asked. "Oh, its a muzzle loader," The fighter replied. "Swell! Well, Im off to smash some skulls, pray for good fortune, plenty of ammo, and abundand health packs!" Pants said, and he was off into the FPS world of TEH HIDDEN CHAPTARE!!!1

Pants got out onto the streets and was instantly met by enemies. He took them out, and noticed something wierd about his gun. "Hmm, its warm and moist on the inside..." and continued on. he dispached a few more foes and came upon a shotgun. "Funny how the weapons always seem to float and rotate. Im sure theres a reason," he says to himself. He continues on with his shotgun, blasting foes and picking up ammo and health, the latter coming in the form of food. The swarms of enemies reach dozens at a time, and circle strafing is required. He comes upon his old assult rifle and says "Oh, my baby! Ill never lose you again!" and continues on. He encounters hoardes of grenade wielding psychos charging him with one HE grenade in each hand yelling "Hey! Check this out!" slamming the two grenades together when they get close. "Whoa. Thats pretty stupid," Pants remarks, and continues on his way. He encounters a big keg o' health, picks it up, and says "INCREASES HEALTHY POINTS!" as it brings his health up to 200.

He finds his way into the inner enclave of the rich people in the city, and the war gets close to the homes of those who made it. He grabs a rocket launcher and wonders aloud "Who leaves this stuff just lying around? A nutball could get their hands on it! I better give these rockets back to the authorities!" He gets his chance as two Alpha walkers come crashing through the walls. He quickly does them in with his weapon, and moves on. The Alphas summon hoardes of more outlandish creatures, like inflated rolling monkeys and clowns with buzzsaws in their hands. "Who ever thought these things up might need some professional help," Pants declares. He keeps on moving until he picks up a pack of mentos.

"Hmm. I wonder what these are for..." he wonders, when he is ambushed by a giant long necked predator from the fountain he was standing next to. The mentos commercial song starts playing as he pops a mentos into his mouth and gets a great idea. He shoots the monster and it dies, and he holds out the mentos tube, smiles, and the action stops as the lettering appears with the announcer going "Mentos! The Freshmaker!" and he continues on his amazingly glorious rampage through the brilliantly illuminated streets of Capital City. The next weapon he encounters is a giant boxing glove that extends out and smashes things. "A boxing glove. What do you say to that?" Pants asked himself. The glove proves very useful in dispaching foes, however, and he doesnt complain. He continues on until he grabs a new weapon, the atomic wedgemiester. It fires a white gloved hand out that grabs enemies by the seat of their pants and lifts them up in the air, flinging them to a distant place. Pants giggled gleefuly watching the gloves do their work. Another weapon he picks up is a bunch of exploding presents. He can fling them at enemies, who rush to see whats in the present, and when they open it up it explodes in their faces. Another one fires out dentures which rapidly chomp and attack people.

He makes it to the end of the level, where he finds a beautiful girl trapped in a cage hovering over the arena he is in. "Oh, please, Favio! Save me!" she screams. "But Im not Favio," Pants said back. "Oh, come on! Work with me here!" she yelled back. Then a giant window opened, and the evil emperor was standing there, watching. "I see you have made it to the end of the level! Hah! You think you can stop me? Youre pathetic! Ill bet you havent even found all the hidden areas and secret items!" he taunts, and a tally comes up showing you how many you found. "It doesnt matter! For you are about to be consumed by the most fearsome beast ever concieved!" he rambles on. The gates to the arena opened. A blood curdling roar filled the surroundings. Out came...

...

DOPEFISH!

The battle began, Pants' amazing arsenal against the terrifying SWIM SWIM HUNGRY attacks of the terrible Dopefish, an epic clash that tore the arena asunder, lava filling the grounds. Still they fought,until the Dopefish was finally defeated. The bottom of the girls cage opened, letting her fall into the lava, when she was snatched out of the sky by a flying unicorn, who then picked up Pants. "Curse you, Thunderpants!" the emperor screamed. "My hero!" the girl said to Pants, as they rode off into a beautiful rainbow.

"Hold on! A flying unicorn saved you?" Jade asked, barely holding back the laughter. "Yes, and we lived happily ever after!" Pants said. "I see, and where is this girl, now?" G asked. "In our mystical castle of enchantment," Pants said. Everyone broke out laughing. "Okeay, there was no girl, and I stole a shuttle. I did have to battle Dopefish, though," Pants said. "Sure, you did," G said. And they lived happily ever after, or at least until the next sequel.