Now Im sure you all have been wondering about what my view for BG&E 2 is. I even started a half-hearted effort to make a story of my own. I didnt like it, however, so I am going to restart, with the same charicters, and introduce some new ones. So here it goes! But before I start I must warn you, the following is a harrowing tale of adventure and those with weak hearts, constitutions, or overactive bowels are not reccomended to read this story, as conditions may be aggrivated.


The story starts back on the moon. The big four armed statue man servant has put Jade down and the overall feeling of revelry has died off. Now Jade must solve a whole new problem before her life can return to normal...

"How exactly are we going to get out of here?" asked Jade. Considering the Beluga was busted, niether Jade nor Double H knew how they would leave; the rest of the Hyllians had already left to go to the crazy rave going on back in canal City. Pey'j was quick to provide an answer, though. "No problem! Well use the EPS! The Belugas Emergency Propulsion System! Everyone to the ship!" he shouted. They made their way to the ship and all boarded. Pey'j said " I designed this just for this sort of situation! All I have to do is strap myself into this chair, connect my pressurized methane storage to the system, and-" at which point the ship roared to life. "Witness the magic of Chilli Con Carne!" Pey'j yelled as they sailed into port at the bombed out lighthouse.


Some time later...


Some time later, Pey'j was standing in the rubble, looking out at the sunset, when a horrible green growth appeared on his arm that looked like it was from a DomZ monster. Peyj calmly went down a level and presented it to Jade. "I believe I have a rash," he stated. "Yuck! we'll have to get that looked at," said Jade. They went immiedeatley to the offices of the esteemed Doctor Poopinfartin. "I believe you have a rash," said the good doctor. "Wow! Hes good," said Double H, who had been in to have some sort of ectomy for unknown reasons at this time. "We will have to take you in to surgery to have it removed," said the esteemed Doctor Poopinfartin. "But I dont have any medical insurance!" lamented Peyj. The esteemed Doctor Poopinfartin was mortified. "My God! Your condition is worse than we thought! Nurse! Prepare the 'Doesnt Have Insurance' suite, stat!" yelled the doctor. The nurse immiedeatley began to clean the bathroom. Jade was frightened. She didnt know what Peyjs lack of insurance had to do with his condition, but she felt she needed to help. "Is there anything I can do?" she asked. the good doctor replied "If he doesnt have a lot of money by noon tomarrow, it may be too late!" Jade then knew that she had to earn a lot of money by noon tomarrow or it would be too late. She then wondered where she would get all that money.


Outside the Hospital, chaos had descended upon the city. But that didnt worry Jade, as chaos usually descends upon Canal City just before 3 PM. I could offer you an explination, but that would make it make sense, and I dont want that to happen. Amidst the daily chaos, Jade goes off looking for money. This is where the player first controls Jade.
Jade has to fight off the random hooligans with her big stick, and they drop money when they are subdued. She gathers some money that way, but its not a lot of money, which she needs. After the chaos tappers off, She reads a sign advertizing a skateboarding competition. The grand prize was a whole lot of money, which was a whole lot more than a lot of money. "Hmmmm, sounds like my best bet" she said. "Right! now, what were we talking about?" says someone nearby. "I wasnt talking to you," explained Jade to the man. "Okeay, Ill just get back to what I was already doing," He said, and he started to spin around in circles. "Okkkeaaayyy..." said Jade, and she went off to the skateboarding competition. The skateboarding mechanic which will be used several times later in the game is first implemented, with a Tony Hawk style of control. Jade wins first prize at the comp, about 10000 units, or a whole lot of money, and another charicter is introduced. A tall, dark skinned, black haired, broad shouldered individual that goes by the name of 'Desi,' but his friends call him 'Thunderpants.' Yes, I just shamelessly implemented myself into the story with a different real name. Get over it. Thunderpants (thats me) says "Dang! Youre pretty good!" Jade (who is not me) replied "Yeah, thanks! Gotta go!" And she rushed off to the hospital, thinking she would never see the really quite handsome individual again. Later on we will prove her wrong. But anyway, she makes it to the hospital, and finds Peyj with his haunch hoisted into the air and several needles poked into his left cheek. The esteemed Doctor Poopinfartin and his colleague, the esteemed Doctor Bustanut both inquire "Do you have a lot of money?" to which Jade replied "Yes! now please do something!" The doctors then sprang into action, and removed the growth with a spatula. Jade was in disbelief. "THATS all you needed to do?" she asked, quite vexed. "Yes, but we need money" the esteemed Doctor Poopinfartin explained. After they left the hospital, Peyj discovered something on his arm: A little red button and a projector. "Ewwww!" Jade said. Pey'j pushed the button and a stellar map was holoprojected out of his arm.


A map?! In his arm?! What is it there for? Who put it there? Why is there daily chaos at 3 in the afternoon?
To be continued...

Thunderpants... I have five letters for you...



LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you triing to make this not make any sence or is this natural?

Youre not the sharpest spoon in the electrical socket, are you? Its just for laughs.

Ahh, what would a thunderpants post be without a link to some obsurd, crazy webpage? I don't know, it would never happen

So pey'j had the ability to launch the beluga all along, eh? One problem with that, if they could launch anytime, then we wouldn't still have n00bs posting here about how to get off selene...

If you update it, do it soon. ^_^

I was actually planning on letting the power of the story being told linger in your minds. I mean, have you ever read some thing so powerful and heart wrenching?

I think I have..no..I know. I did!

C'mon? Doesn't anybody have Spaceballs Toilet Paper? If you want to read and poop at the same time, definitly get some Spaceballs Toilet Paper.\

DANCE!

quote:

Originally posted by Jerichowilks:
C'mon? Doesn't anybody have Spaceballs Toilet Paper? If you want to read and poop at the same time, definitly get some Spaceballs Toilet Paper.\

DANCE!

...o_O

quote:

Originally posted by Jerichowilks:
I think I have..no..I know. I did!

C'mon? Doesn't anybody have Spaceballs Toilet Paper? If you want to read and poop at the same time, definitly get some Spaceballs Toilet Paper.\

DANCE!

I'm walking away now, bye-bye.

Or, if you have overactive bowels, just read my story and poop your pants.

I don't have spaceballs the toilet paper, but rather, I do have spaceballs the flamethrower - we all know that the kids love it!

That was the best piece of merchandice that Yogurt had, wasnt it? All I can say is that I hate it when our Shwartz get tangled.

It was the best that Yogurt had, but man, Dark Helmet's doll's were sweet!

You know what? I need Barf. That's right. Somebody give me Barf. That was a man's best friend back in those days.

Anybody here Druish?

Well, It seems as though you are all waiting with extreme anticipation for the new Harry Potter book. Since I dont care, Im going to make you read this cr@p instead.

After the Hospital...

After the hospital discharged Peyj, Peyj and Jade noticed something strange where the rash used to be. A stellar map was cybernettically emplaced there, activated by a red button near his wrist. Rather than face the hospitals staff again, they made their way to the Akuda Bar. "Maybe IRIS knows what this is," said Jade. "I hope so. Id hate to go to that lousy hospital, with its incompitent staff again," grumbled Peyj. They made their way into the IRIS command post, and were greeted by Double H. "Miss Jade, Chief, welcome... what is that on your arm?!" Double H exclaimed. "Its why were here. It appears to be some sort of stellar map," said Jade. They went over to Hahn and displayed it to him. "That is pretty disgusting," Hahn said. "Its, like, IN YOUR ARM!" he continued. "Well, figure out what is on it, for cryin' out loud!" Peyj barked. Hahn had Nino get right on it after some cringing. After some time, a translated version of the map was in Peyjs arm. "This map seems to be a fragmentory piece of a map that leads straight to the DomZ homeworld! If you can complete the map, we may have a chance to strike back at the DomZ, and end the war once and for all!" Hahn exclaimed. Another voice chimed in: "But as he said, its only fragmentory. It seems the other maps are on other planets. Well have to find them if we hope for this offensive Hahn just cooked up in his head to succeed," said a fair skinned, black haired, blue eyed, six foot tall individual, looking about Jades age. "Ah, Jade. Allow me to introduce you to Graven. We here simply call him 'G.' G is going to be part of your team for finding the stellar map fragments," Hahn said. Behind him, of course, was a strikingly handsome young man that was known as 'Thunderpants,' or simply 'Thunder' or 'Pants.' Pants, who is remarkably handsome, said "Who are ya forgettin'? Cant go anywhere without somebody to be the dashing knight in shining armor who always gets laid at the end of every story." Hahn said "Thats why we got G!" to which Pants replied "Oh come on! If we wanted a complete moron to fill that role we would have had you do it!" Hahn said "Jade, meet Pants. He is the second new addition to your team. his primary responsibility will be combat operations, because we know that these maps wont be given up so easily. All right! Everyone gather round the holoprojector. Now, the map we have leads to the planet of Arjuun, ruled by the tyrannical Emperor Slaughter von Strangle. Youre going to have to dig around a bit under his nose to find the map. Dont worry, though, we have several cells there working with the local underground movements to ensure that youre stay there is as safe as possible. You get to Arjuun, you find the map, and you report in with what you found. Any questions?" Jade asked, "How are we supposed to get there? The Beluga is still under repair, and even if she was in full operating order, she wouldnt be able to carry us all." Hahn replied "Pants has organized the transportation situation. We will have a shuttle ready by tomarrow. any other questions? No? good! carry on,"


The next day, around 2:50, everyone was in a secret launch facility. "Everyone here? All right! Lets get out of here before the soccer hooligans come out to cheer." Said the strikingly handsome Pants. There! I said it! Every day at 3 there is a soccer scrimmage in Canal City! Happy now? Anyway, Jade asked "Isnt this thing a little conspicuous?" to which G replied "Nah, no one will see us." Then the 100 foot long shuttle roared up and out of the chute right in the middle of the city, sending the hooligans running scared. "Oh, they showed up a bit early today!" said Pants. "Hope I didnt burn any balls!" he said.


What awaits them on Arjuun? Why was this segment so much less silly than the last one?
These and more questions may or may not be answered in the next chapter. Stay tuned!

quote:

"Hope I didnt burn any balls!" he said.

hahahaha thats good stuff.

it'll only get better if you do one this: put me in it!

quote:

Originally posted by Lynx-0-:
it'll only get better if you do one this: put me in it!

Don't forget Han Solo.

I warned them to protect their balls, but they just wouldnt listen! They had to leave them hanging out in the open!