Okeay, so its technically not copyright infringement, but you still ripped Vin Diesel off.

Besides, its just a joke!

quote:

Originally posted by Sev_Caravera:
You son of a ....!!!
I saw it written as Furyan with Riddick okay so I simply used the word as I thought it was spelled not the way they did.

And all this time you got me thinking it was a hommage to Chronicles of Riddick!

Okeay, Ill add a bit, now.

Back in the village, there were a few questions that needed to be answered. "Okeay, Pants. What grabbed you?" Jade asked. "One of my little brothers," Pants answered. "Do you know what they are, exactly?" G asked. "I belive they are less potent copies of the original," Pants answered. "One last question... how did they get your DNA to make a clone in the first place?" Jade asked. Pants paused for a little. "You remember when I 'died' on Arjuun?" Pants asked. "...Yes..." Jade answered. "Well, the resistance did find me and heal me back up, but they found me in an Alpha Sections lab," Pants answered. "I didnt know where I was, I woke up bound down to a table with assorted doctors working on me. The pain was incredible, I cant describe it... The door blew open, and a bunch of resistance fighters came bursting through. They scooped me up, and carried me out," Pants explained to Jade and G. "I first saw the original clone on Arcadia, and man, that was freaky," Pants finished. "Wait, you were on Arcadia?" G asked. "...Yes," Pants answered, confused. "So YOU were the soldier on the mountain, who came and saved us!" Jade said. "It took you THIS LONG to figure that out?" Pants asked in amusement. "Well, we didnt know!" Jade answered. Pants just looked at them and shook his head. "So wheres that Alyx chick? Ive got a few questions for her," Pants said.

Alyx was in the massive gardens, admiring their beauty. Pants saw her sniffing at one of the flowers, and went around to catch her by suprise. She moved to the next bush to look at it, and Pants came out from behind. "Suprise!" he yelled, and Alyx jumped backwards. She grabbed him, dropkicked him, and pointed a pistol at his face. "Whoa! I see you dont like suprises!" Pants said with a smile. Alyx let him back up, holstered her pistol, and blushed and laughed in an amused embarrasment. "You are a bit wired, arent you?" Pants said. "Sorry, Pants," Alyx said. "But you are crazy," She added. "Heh, Im from New England. Ya cant escape it!" Pants remarked. "New England the planet, or New England the region of the Northeastern US?" Alyx asked. "The region," Pants answered.

Jade and G snuck into the gardens to watch Pants and Alyx. "Whadyathink?" Jade asked with a naughty smile. "I dunnoooo... looks like somebody might have a little crush..." G answered. They sat back and watched what they hoped would be a good show.

"I know some people from there," Alyx remarked. "Well, who?" Pants asked. "Oh, I dont think you would have heard of them," Alyx answered. "Try me," Pants replied. "Well, do you know a Sean McCraken?" Alyx asked. "No, but Ive met his brother, Phil," Pants answered. Alyx stopped, and cast a disgusted look at him. "Heheh, what?" Pants asked. "Do you know a guy called Randy Dunce?" Alyx asked. "Randy?! You know him? Hes in the army with me! He was in my squad in basic!" Pants said in excitement. "Wow! Its a small world!" Alyx replied. "How do you know him?" Pants asked. "We went to high school toghether!" Alyx replied. "Now whoda thunk it? Were both from the same planet, we know some of the same people, and weve never met until now," Pants remarked. "That is crazy, Randy is gonna be nuts when he heres this!" Alyx replied. "Yeah... So Ive got some questions for you," Pants said. "What are those?" Alyx asked. "What were you doing down in the base?" Pants asked. "I was the backup, incase you guys failed," Alyx answered.

"Incase we failed?" G whispered. "Do they not trust us?" he continued, a bit vexed. "Shhh! This might get good!" Jade quietly snapped.

"Fair enough, but how did you know my real name?" Pants asked. "Huh? Oh! It was in the briefing!" Alyx stammered, having been caught off guard by that question. Pants was suspicious of that. He had been told by Hahn that his real name was to be kept confidential. "Right..." he remarked. "...anything else?" Alyx asked. "Nope, thats answered all my questions," Pants lied. He was now mildly suspicious of what was going on. "Pants..." Alyx said. "Hey, you know my name, dont be afraid to use it," Pants said. "...Desi... I, well, I never said thank you for what you did," Alyx said. "Thank you for what?" Pants(Desi) asked. "Well, you saved my life... twice... I thought I was dead... you didnt even know me, and you risked your life to save mine," Alyx said quietly. Desi looked at her and smiled. "Well, I wouldnt have been able to live with myself if I just let a good person die. Besides, were friends, now, arent we?" Pants said. Alyx looked up at him, smiled back, and said "Yeah, I guess we are... but how do you know Im good?" Desi answered "Well, you seem a bit rough around the edges, no offense, but you have a good heart, I can tell," as he turned to a bush with yellow flowers on it. "Wow, I didnt know these grew here!" Pants said. "What are they?" Alyx asked. "Yellow Star Flowers," Desi picked one and held it up. "Theyre the interstellar symbol of friendship," he said as he gave ot to her. Alyx blushed a bit.

"Hold on! This is getting good!" G said excitedly under his breath. "Ohh! Flowers! How come you never got me flowers?" Jade prodded. "What? Well... I..." G stammered. "Im just messin' with ya!" Jade remarked. "Aye Dios mio!" G sighed.

Alyx took the flower, and smiled. "The feelings mutual," She said, and gave on to Desi. Desi smiled back and tucked it into his pocket. Then he suddenly looked intense, like he was in a combat zone. "What is it?" Alyx asked. "Were being watched," Pants whispered.

"Hey, whered they go?" G asked. "Oh, kiddies!" Desi said from behind. "Dammit!" Jade said with a laugh, and they burst out of the bush and made a break for it. Desi chased them right into the ambush zone that Alyx had set. Alyx pulled a string taught, and they both tripped over it. They were then bombarded with water ballons filled with hotsauce, that Desi kept in his SAC for "no reason," and Pants stood over his vanquished quarry and laughed a heroic laugh. "You fiends will cause no more trouble for the good citizens of the flower garden!" he declared, and he stood in a heroic pose. "Aww, man! I forgot those were waterproof!" Desi said as the sauce rolled off their clothing without leaving so much as a stain. "It matters not, Captain Cool! Weve vanquished the villians!" Alyx said. "An excellent observation, Super Chick!" Desi remarked. "Okeay, you got us, were even now," Jade said. They argued a bit about whether or not they were even, and they made back for their transport.

The Bumpabacks were in the same place they had left them, quietly snoozing. Desi woke them up, and they saddled up to return to the city. Alyx had come with them, seeing as her transport was in the same area. "Well see you back in the city, then?" Jade asked. "Yup! Briefing for your next assignment is tommorow at 0930," Alyx said. They all mounted up, and Desi gave Alyx a quick wink and a smile. At that, they took off, and headed back to the city.

Got a final at 6 PM today, but doing nothing until then, so I might as well add another chapter. Be forewarned, pyrotechnics do occur in the chapter.

Desi, Jade, and G landed at the station, and decided to take one of the more conventional trains back to the lab, an old looking steam engine with victorian furnishings inside the cars. It moved at a suprisingly brisk pace, albiet not the breakneck rocket speed of the monorail, and they got a better view of the city. They looked around at the populace of the city represented by the train passengers, observing the late 1800 garb most of them wore and their old European mannerisms. "Ever feel a bit out of place?" Desi asked. "Only you," G joked. "Hold on, Im gonna have a bit of fun with these guys," Desi said. "No! Dont do it! Siddown!" Jade pleaded with him futilly, and Desi walked up to one of the passengers, a middle aged man with a handlebar tache, monocle, and top hat, with a golden watch tucked into his coat pocket. Desi puffed his chest out and said "Good sir! Might I have a word with you?" "Yes? What is it?" the man replied. "Good sir! It seems as though your epidermous is showing!" Desi said. "My word! Where?" the man said, looking quite flustered, checking himself over. "You had better check under there!" Desi suggested. "Under where?" the man asked nervously, visibly flustered. "Oh, thank goodness its hidden again!" Desi said in mock relief. "My word! What a potentially embarrasing moment," the man said in relief, dabbing the sweat off of his brow. "Thank you, young man! I do indeed owe you a favor!" the man said. "Oh, dont worry about it, good sir! But in the future, I suggest you look for a buttfor, lest this happen again!" Desi suggested. "Whats a buttfor?" the man asked. "Oh, Im sure youve seen them before in your life," Desi said, and returned to his seat. "That wasnt very nice at all," Jade remarked. G was having a good laugh, though.

The train arrived at the lab late in the evening, and the sun was setting in the west. They walked up the stairs to the library, and found Mrs. Darrow dusting away. "Oh, youre back, dearies! The professors out right now, at a big convention of scientists. He wont be back until the morning, but he had me prepare some rooms for ya, just incase you got back early. Here, come with me, Ill show you to them," she said, and she led them into the bed chambers. "Now, heres your spot, Ms. Jade, and heres where youll be staying, Mr. G, and you, Mr. Pants, get this room," she pointed the rooms out. "Now, no funny business! I know how you kids are, especially you two!" Mrs. Darrow said, pointing to Jade and G. "I want nothing of that sort happening! Have a good night, dearies!" she finished, and left the area. "Aww, man! No water ballon war at midnight, then!" Desi joked. "No pillowfights, either," Jade said, smiling naughtily at G. "No hide and seek," G said back, snuggling in closer. "No follow the leader," Jade added, looking into Gs eyes. "No hopscotch," G said back. "And no- hey! Thats enough!" Desi reeled back. "I was serious! I wanted to water ballon you guys! I wasnt talking about THAT!" he declared. Jade and G laughed, and they went into their seperate rooms.

Next morning, Desi went to knock on Jades door and wake her up for the briefing. "Jade! Wake up! Were gonna be late!" he yelled. No answer came from within. "...Jade?" Desi said, opening the door. Jade was nowhere to be seen. "Oh no..." Desi muttered, buring his face in his hand, and laughing a few times. "JADE!" he yelled, crossing over to G's room, expecting the worst. Just then Jade and G suprised him from behind. "What are you up to?" Jade said with a smile. Desi quickly turned around, and saw the two giggling at him. "Aye Dios mio! Senorita! Tu dame un asusto!" Desi said. Segundo popped out and said "Muy bueno, senor! Ella nunca hablan en espanol para mi! Es muy triste!" "Get back in there, Segundo! Its too early for this!" Jade said. Segundo turned his nose up, let out a "Hrrmph!" and dissapeared.

They made their way into the lab, where Dr. Fendlebottom was hard at work on his latest experiment. "Awake, already? Idave expected you to stay out for at least another hour!" he commented. "Doctor, the briefing is in five minutes," Jade reminded him. "Oh, my goodness! Youre right! Oh, my! I got so caught up in this experiment that I completley forgot!" Fendlebottom declared, waving test tubes of chemicals trailing steam around in his hands. "Doctor! Please, be careful!" Jade pleaded with him. "Oh, dont worry! Ive been doing this for longer than youve even been aliv-" the chemicals in his hands splashed against each other, and an explosion sent him flying backwards into the chalkboard. Jade, G, and Desi coughed on the huge cloud of smoke and tried to protect their eyes. The smoke cleared, and Fendlebottom came walking out, clothing torn, and entirley covered in soot. "Amazing... I must add this to my notes!" he said, and he grabbed two pieces of chalk, one in each hand, and began to write on his chalkboard. "Professor? Are you all right?" Jade asked. "Fine! Fine! This is truly incredible! The scientific implications are off the chart!" Fendlebottom said. "What, you just learned how to build a bomb?" Desi asked. "No! No! Thats not what Im aiming to do! The energy released was incredible! All the protons and neutrons and--" "Doctor! Were all here!" Karns gruff voice called out. The good doctor teetered on his ladder, which he was standing on to get to a clean piece of chalkboard, and began to fall. "Whoaoaoaoaoaoa hoahahaha!" Fendlebottom screamed, as he fell off of the ladder, right onto Desi. "Oh, my! Thank you for breaking my fall!" Fendlebottom said. "No problem..." Desi muttered.

"Doctor, shouldnt we get on with the briefing?" Karn asked, his patience waning. "Yes! Yes! Of course! Jade! Bring out the orb you found in the enemies base!" Fendlebottom said. Jade produced the glowing orb, and Guffy and Karn looked at it in amazement. "Ohh! It sure is purdy!" Guffy said. "I havent seen anything like that since the Krall Campaign!" Karn said. "It seems generates massive amounts of energy, and it selects when and when not to release it. It seems to depend on certain factors, mainly, whos touching it. With most people, it will release massive amounts of energy, knocking them off their feet. But some people, like Jade, here, seem to meet criteria that allow them to hold it without fear of any serious pain," Fendlebottom said. Desi found Alyx, and stood next to her. "Whazzup?" he whispered. "Oh, nuthin' much, just attending a real exiting briefing," she answered. "Wow, this sure is riviting!" Desi joked. "Mr. Pants, Mr. G, and Ms. Jade will go to the next source of power, which, according to our siesmic reports, is focaled near the residence of Count Brandablinn, in the country town of Willows Bend. Be careful, however! Reports of Alpha Section activity in that sector are high! Guffy will analyze pictures and hack security devices, Karn will analyze any enemy for weaknesses in physioligy and tactics, and Alyx will be deployed in a supporting role, any questions?" Dr Fendlebottom concluded. "Yes! Why not send me to support the main element? I have much more experience..." Karn began to rant.

Desi nudged Alyx in the ribs, and started lip synching with Karns rant. Alyx giggled under breath. Jade looked over, walked up to Desi, crossed her arms, and looked at him. She couldnt stay serious, however, as Karns rant carried on. She had to hold back giggles, and G joined in on the fun, whispering "Arr! Im Karn, and Im so stupid! Rar rar rar!" Then Karn said the magic words that stopped the party. "...BESIDES! There are GHOSTS roving around, there!" "Waitaminute ...Ghosts?" Desi asked. "Yes! Ghosts! Unpleasent ones, as well!" Karn remarked. "Okeay, that was fun, but I dont think we need to persue this any further," Desi declared. "Why is that? Afraid of a few ghouls?" Karn said. "Well, yeah!" Desi answered. "Some soldier you are," Karn said. "Hey, Im still young! Ive got a lot of life left to live! I can deal with something I can fight, but I cant fight a ghost!" Desi said in his defense. "Oh, dont worry! Karn is just pulling your chain! Just keep your cool, and youll be fine!" Dr. Fendlebottom reassured him.

At the port, Desi, Jade and G were going up to the Beluga to launch. "Do you think what he said was true? And that there are really ghosts there?" Desi asked. "We'll find out soon enough," Jade answered, as they boarded the Beluga and took off.

Is no one interested? If not, Ill just kill everyone and call it the end.

Of course I'm interested! I just haven't got the time to read all that.

Im reading it as well, just skimming through bits of it cos I must hurry and go finish my general studies essay...

Merry christmas, keep on writing, pants is funny.

Weoi! I havent updated this thing in a while! I think Ill do some of that, as soon as I stop doing other things.

I was wondering where you were.

Okeay, an attempt to continue...

The Beluga touched down in a small clearing in a forest, and its occupants dismounted. Jade looked around, and saw a truly grim scene. The trees were all dead and black, there was no grass, the sky was grey, and a few meters east was a cobblestone path leading to the town, lit by flickering lanterns. "Are ya sure we got the right place?" Desi asked. They made their way to the path, which winded through the forest with odd twists and turns.

Up, high on the roof of the counts mansion, the counts rather unpleasent and noticably nefarious advisor, Mr. Negatory, was standing atop an observation post, looking through a handheld telescope at the new visitors. "How wonderful, we have visitors! Take a look, dear Bratlybum," he handed the eyeglass to his lowly assistant, Bratlybum,who was no more than four feet tall and had a hunch in his back. "Ohh! I can never see anything through these things," Bratlybum whined. "Thats because your looking through it backwards, my friend," Negatory informed him. "Ohh! Much better!" Bratlybum gushed. "...nitwit," Negatory hissed under his breath. "Ohhh! Ohhh! Shed be perfect for your plan, Master! Shed be perfect!" Bratlybum declared. "Yes! Excellent observation, my dear boy!" Negatory praised. "She would be perfect..." he hissed maniacally. "Have her brought here!" Negatory ordered.

Jade, G, and Desi made their way through the forest, constantly on guard for anything sucpicious. They heard a rustling in the woods, that quickly died off. "Keep an eye out," G said. "What were we doing before?" Desi asked. "Just saying," G answered. "Dont start arguing, boys, we dont have time," Jade ordered, looking at them angrily. Desi and G turned to look at her, and both stepped back in fear. Jades face immedietly changed. "Theres something bad behind me, isnt there?" she asked. "HIT THE DECK!" Desi yelled. Jade quickly obliged, and Desi's knife went flying into the monsters skull, whichlooked like a giant walking armored skeleton, with eyes in the skull, and a heart and lungs in the ribcage. The monster fell, instantly dead. Several more came out of the woods, armed with axes and maces. Desi got his knife from the monsters skull and got with G and Jade. "Well, this is a bit more than I was expecting," G said nervously. Pants pulled the trigger on his pistol, but it didnt fire. "Gah! Its jammed!" he yelled. The monsters came upon them, and a battle started. They had wide arcing swings that were easy enough to avoid, and they were realitivly easy to kill, but there were a lot of them, nevertheless, Jade, G, and Desi were able to defeat their foes. "What are they?" Jade asked, looking at the body of one.

They got out of the forest, and came into the town. Not much of an improvement in scenery as the buildings were all tall, narrow, dark grey cottages, with twisted fences guarding each small plot of land. They looked up onto a hill in the back of the village, and there was standing the tallest building of them all, maybe five stories tall, with an observation post on one end and a stellar observatory with a gigantic telescope on the other up on the roof. "Im assuming the count lives there," Desi said. "What makes ya think that?" G asked. "Well, the height clued me in, and the evil look sealed the deal," Desi answered. "Either way, we wont know until we go find out, so come on!" Jade said.

"Look, Master! Theyre coming here!" Bratlybum said. "Yes, we didnt need to lauch that ambush in the first place. Go get Ms. Havisham to greet them!" Negatory ordered.

Jade got to the door first, and raised one of its gigantic knockers (lol). Ms. Havisham, a kindly old lady, opened the door, and greeted them. "Hello, dearies! So nice to have visitors!" she said. "Hello, ma'am. Could we see the count, please?" Jade asked. "Oh, yes! The count-" Ms. Havisham was interrupted by Mr. Negatory. "Yes, thank you, Ms. Havisham, Ill take it from here, Welcome, travellers, to the Counts Manor! I am his advisor. He cant have visitors right now, but your welcome to stay! There are many wonders to behold in our humble home, and you can see them all for a very small fee," Negatory said. "What sort of fee?" G asked suspiciously. Well..." Mr Negatory said, and the orchestra inside struck up a tune. And Negatory sang, leading them into the spectacle of people swinging from the rafters, unicycles on tightropes, and other colorful pagentry:

Come into our home
And you will see
Some wonderful things
for a very small fee!

A world of enchantment
beyond compare
filled with such wonders
you wont find anywhere

But here! Right here!
In our little home
From one legged parrots
to three eyeballed gnomes

Jade: But the fee! Whats the fee?
Background minion: Oh, youll see!
Second background minion:Yes youll see!
(They swing away)

Chorus: So come right on in
to our little home
Where youll see things
from places unknown

Just come right on in
And you will see
mysterious wonders
for a very small fee!"

Anyway, after a few verses of this malarkey, theyre surrounded by servants with a mildly derranged look in their eyes and a devious grin uniform across their faces. "...Well, that was... bizzare..." Desi remarked. "We still dont know what you want from us," Jade said. "Oh, yes, the fee! Well you see, the count is a very lonely man..." Negatory started, and looked over to Jade. "I am looking for a wife for him, to ease his pain," Jades heart stopped. G and Desi were grabbed from behind and held down. "No! Dont do it, Jade!" G yelled. "Its not like you have much of a choice," Negatory mocked, with a devilish grin spread across his pasty white face. "Jade..." G said. "No..." he pleaded. Jade looked around. There was no way to fight out. Sadness overcame her. "And what of my friends?" Jade asked. "Oh, theyll be treated right," Negatory said. A single tear rolled down her cheek as she looked into G's eyes. "I will do anything you ask," Jade said to Negatory. "Excellent! Throw those two in the dungeon!" Negatory said. "What?!" Jade stammered. "Well, I cant have any upstart rescue mission, can I?" Negatory cackled. "You lied!" Jade hissed at him. She clamored back to G, and got in one last kiss before being seperated.

Alrighty then. Since Im a lameass, Ill write more. WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST MAY CONTAIN NONSENSE AND SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE!

Jade was sitting in her dressing room, all decked out in a big, fancy white gown, tears streaming down her cheeks. Ms. Havisham came in and tried to comfort her. "Oh, dearie. The count isnt all that bad. Well, I mean sure, hes old, and fat, and near blind, but hes a good man," she said, to no avail. "Listen, dear, losing someone is painful, believe me, but sometimes its for the best..." Havisham trailed off. "...youve lost someone?" Jade looked up and asked her. "Oh, thats a long story," Havisham replied. "Well, Im not going anywhere..." Jade said.

G and Desi werent going anywhere for a while, either, after being shoved down a trap door into a dark cell. "Well, this was not in the itenerary of todays activities," Desi said. "At least weve got some company," G said looking at the bones laying about in the cell. Desi picked up a skull, and pointed the face towards G. "I am de doctor! Opan whide and say AHHH!" Desi said through the skull, bouncing it around in his hands. "Would you put poor Dr. Bones down? Weve got to get out of here!" G snapped. "Assuming there is a way to get out of here, if we were to follow the Hero Theory," Desi said. "What? That theres always a way out for the heroes?" G asked. "Excatly!" Desi said. "Well, what if there the heroes?" G said, pointing to the guard, a big burly guy in torture garb with a gigantic axe. "No, no, no, no, no! Were the ones who are trying to break out, whereas there trying to keep us in, which would make US the heroes!" Desi explained. "Besides, Alyx is no doubt looking for us, and shell break us out, and well be home free!" Desi said. Just then Alyx came crashing down through the trap door into the cell, landing with a resounding thud and grunt. "...nevermind," Desi said, as he went over with G to help her to her feet. "They caught me looking for you," she said. "Well, isnt this great, now were all in here. Any ingenious ideas, Desi?" G said in frustration. Desi thought for a little while, and then he snapped his fingers. "SEXY TIME!" He declared. "Sexy time?" G asked in confusion. "Remember how we got into Arjuuns sewers?" Desi jogged his memory. G suddenly had a gigantic, stupid grin on his face. "I gotcha!" He said. "ALYX! COME HERE! I WANT YOU!" Desi said in excitement. "Why, Desi! This is all so sudden!" she said in suprise. "Ohh, I bet yer gonna like this!" Desi said. He whispered into Alyxs ear, and got a big slap on the face. "Perv!" she scolded. "But you know youd love it!" Desi retorted. Alyx giggled and said "Yeah..."

The guard, who was facing away, all of a sudden heard a young womans voice call out to him. "Come here, you big, strong man!" He approached the cell. "I need you!" It continued. He approached the cell and looked down at Alyx, who was on her knees. "I need to use the bathroom," she said. "Youve got a hole in the cell for that!" The guard said, pointing at an unsanitary looking pit in the ground. "You expect me to use that?! Never!" Alyx declared. "Come on! If you dont trust me, you could always... tie me up," Alyx said seductivly, giggling. The guard couldnt take it. He opened the cell door, and got as he grabbed Alyx a bone clonked him over the head, knocking him out. "SEXY TIME FOR THE WIN!" Desi yelled. "That was very bad, and you should not have done that!" Alyx said sarcasticly. They found their weapons in a nearby locker, and made their way out of the dungeon.

"This computer looks like it controls the door," Alyx said. "And it also has an amazing playlist on its iTunes!" G said. They opened the door that it controlled, and found several dozen guards waiting for them. "Oh, dammit!" G muttered. "Alyx, does that iTunes have any killing spree soundtracks? Coz were gonna need one!" Desi declared. "Howabowt this?" Alyx selected one.

LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR! LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR!

"Nah, not quite," Desi said. "Howabowt this?" Alyx asked.

GET UP! COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!

"Still not good enough," Desi said. Alyx laughed and put on

Toniiiiight, I celebrate my love for yooooouuuu!

"PERFECT!" Desi yelled at the top of his lungs, and the killing spree did start. Desi grabbed his gun and knife and did unleash upon his foes combos worth up to 1,563 points! Alyx did summon mighty super attacks, and G did let the fury of his critical hits be known! A great battle did ensue with our three heroes coming out on top, enemies laying in smoldering heaps at their feet!

"You know, Alyx, that song, coupled with our amazing killing spree, made me feel strangly attracted to you..." Desi said to Alyx. "Back off, bucko, Ive already got a boyfriend," she said. "Oh, really? Well could he do what we just did?" Desi asked. "Probably," Alyx said. "Could he inverted rapell off a cliff under heavy fire?" Desi asked. "Yeah, probably," Alyx said. "But can he do this?" Desi asked, making farting noises with his armpits. "OhmyGod! Thats so romantic! Take me!" Alyx said.
"Really?" Desi asked.
"No!" Alyx snapped.

Sorry, thunderpants. I read the nonsense...it was good. Some of the best nonsense ever, dude!

Holy hell, this thread still exists! I might feel an UPDATE coming on! WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY CONTAIN HUMOR. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.



Thunderpants, G, and Alyx all emerged from their battle quite victorious and escaped the dungeon. They found an armory nearby for the guards, and low and behold, more EVILPants clones were goofing around in it. "Ohshiiitheres a whole lot of 'em!" G declared quite astutely. "How are we gonna get by 'em?" Alyx asked. "Get by 'em? Why? I see a Gameboy over there, and I need to satisfy my inner child!" Pants said. He waltzed right over to the EVIL's and said "Hey, boys, howyadoin'?"

The dastardly clones were a bit confused at first, and then went after Pants. "I need another soundtrack!" Pants yelled out, and Alyx responded "Good thing I found this iPod and iPod boombox in the dungeon!" She threw on the most apropriate song:

Sometimes when we touch/ the honesty's too much/ and I have to close my eyes/ and hiiiiiiiiide...

The three great warriors lept into battle, and unleashed mighty Team Combo's and Super Attacks upon their hapless foes. The power of their combos was far too great for their opponents to contest, and they were quickly vanquished, one by one, or sometimes two or even three at a time! They vanquished their enemies with more effiecency than the FCC vanquishes good TV.

Once their enemies had been conquered they stocked up on weapons. Thunderpants did not take much; he only took the one thing that caught his eye: Twin six shooters on a gunbelt, and a cowboy hat to match. He put them on, and looked back at his compatriates.

[cue The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly whistle]

"There are two types of people in this world," he said in an uncanny imitation of Clint Eastwood, the greatest western star of all time. "Those with the guns, and those who dig. We have the guns," he finished.

[cue Wow, waow, wauowwwwwwwwww]

Then he farted.

"AAAAARRGH! GET OUTTA HERE, THE WHOLE PLACE IS GONNA BLOW!" G yelled, and they all ran out.


Meanwhile...

Jade, once again a damsel in distress (through unforseen actions) sat in her wedding gown in her dressing room, looking all mopey. She knew she was doomed to be married to a old fat guy, and that just wasn't in her grand plan for life. But it wasn't like help was going to come crashing down through the celing.

Then G, Pants, and Alyx crashed down through the celing. It was a rather spectacular crash, too, if I do say so myself. Jade was suprised, but overjoyed nonetheless. "How did you escape?!" she asked. "Through the magic of Disney," Pants replied. "Here, grab this!" He tossed Jades bowstaff over to her, and she twirled it around a bit and grabbed her bowstaff holster. Jade, feeling all twiterpated, jumped into G's arms, who was also twiterpated, and they started their whole sappy kissy-kissy thing. Pants felt the need to play the part of announcer. "AAAAnd were back, at the make out 500, and boy folks is it a good show today! We have G and Jade here, and they are making some interesting plays! Let's take a look at the action! It looks like, yes! G is slipping the tongue in! And OH! Theres the assgrab! And- hey! I was announcing for you guys!" Pants said as they both turned and glared at him. "Pants, have you ever kissed a girl in your LIFE?" Jade demanded. "Never on the lips," Pants said with a wink and a nudge. "...anyway, I've figured out our ever-so courteous host's plan. When the Duke or count or whatever gets married, they take out the big lightning ball thing. They use it to make it official or something. He's working with the Alphas to get ahold of it so he can be duke. He gets power, the Alphas get the orb," Jade explained. "Where's the orb at?" G asked. "I have no idea," Jade said back. "Wait, I've got an idea!" Alyx said. She whispered it into Pant's ear, and Pants' eyes lit up and he started smiling. "You think it could work?" He asked. "No reason for it not to," Alyx answered. "What are you planning?" Jade asked. "Jade, we need you to do something," Pants said.



What does Jade need to do? What did Pants find so brilliant? Why do I keep asking these questions? Where is the rest of my underwear? These and more questions will be left unanswered until I update.

Hey Thunderpants1, this is ace!