Well, I might as well make use of this last day of Thanksgiving break, so here we go. DISCLAIMER: Thunderpants1 is not responsible for accidental reading of this garbage, or any accidents or zombie outbreaks that may occur due to this story. Any awesomeness that may result, however, you can blame on me, because Im cool like that.

Long ago, in a time long forgotten, war swept across the nations of man. An unspeakable evil from the east marched across the free kingdoms of the world, destroying and enslaving all who stood in its path. The armies of darkness spread the fires of tyrrany across the land, burning all along their road of destruction. The forces of humanity struggled to resist, but their fight was a futile one, as thousands of young men each day prepared themselves to die worthlessly, sacrificing themselves on the blade of the enemy.

But none of this has anything to do with the story.

Back on Hyllis, the Allied armies had rebuilt Canal City in just a few short weeks, including the lighthouse shelter. The Allied troops were becoming welcome members of the community, and the citizens of Canal City found them much easier to identify with than the Alphas, partially because their helmets didnt cover their faces, and partially because they were allowed to have personalities of their own. But just as they had begun to get comfortable, the Allied Generals and Admirals decided to redeploy their forces. Jade, G, Double H, Peyj, and Thunderpants were all at the Akuda Bar, sharing one last pint before Pants had to leave.

"I wonder how Marcus and Kiera are doing," Jade said. "We havent gotten much of anything from the Arjuun resistance, they started a massive attack, and then communication from the planet ceased," Pants replied. "Well, lets not worry about them, they can handle themselves just fine. Lets just enjoy what little time we have left together," Peyj said. "Affirmative, I didnt get this drink for nothing!" Double H said. "Amen!" G added. "So, what ya gonna do when you get back with your buddies?" G asked Pants. "Probably more of this, some combat missions, who knows," Pants answered. "Sounds exiting," G said. "Well, combat gets boring after youve survived a few times," Pants replied. "Boring, or are you just numb?" Double H asked. "Good question, Ill call ya when I get an answer," Pants answered. He took a long drink. "Yaknow, I didnt know someone so young could be so obsessed with bars," G said afterwords. "Well, They aint cardin' me," Pants replied.

Peepers came down and got the groups attention. "You have to come up to the room, something wierd has happened with the map!" he said. They all got off their stools and ran up to the IRIS HQ, hidden behind Room 3. They saw the map projected on the holotable. "It just activated, and pointed somewhere!" Nino said. "Where is it at?" Peyj asked. "To Ivallis, chief, but..." Nino said. "But, what?" Peyj asked. "But we were expecting it to sho somewhere uncharted," Nino answered. "Well, maybe theres something there that we dont know about. Something hidden," G said. "There have been reports of Alpha Section activity there, perhaps the DomZ are planning something," Double H added. "What would we be looking for?" Hahn asked Peyj. "I dont know, but our operation there has been reporting activity in several places. What and where, they they cant pinpoint right now, as they dont have enough experienced field agents," Peyj replied. "Hey, G and I could investigate! Ive been wanting to visit there!" Jade said. "Yeah, weve got enough experience to go around," G added. "You sure? Its gonna be dangerous, without a doubt," Peyj said. "Nothing to worry about! If I get in trouble, G can save me!" Jade said with a smile. Peyj grumbled a bit, and gave it the okeay.

Jade and G were at the Beluga, loading up on the neccities, when Pants came into the hangar, dressed in plain civilian clothing; baggy tan cargo pants and a black t-shirt with "Skateboarding is not a crime" written in oarnge block letters across the front. "Hey, you guys wernt gonna leave without me, were ya?" Pants asked. "Youre coming?!" Jade said in pleasent suprise. "Yup, another special assignment," Pants answered. "And no guns?" G asked, amused by Pants lack of firepower. "Hey, Im gonna be under cover, so I need to blend in. Besides..." Pants said, fastening a knife to his belt and hiding a pistol in his SAC, "You dont think Id go completly naked, do ya?"

They piled into the Beluga, ans soared off to Ivallis, ready for their next big adventure.

Now, if youre wondering why there was not much silliness to speak of, dont worry, I wont dissapoint. I just felt I needed to tone it down for the new story, ya know, integrate it into the narrative, develop some underdeveloped characters and use comedy as one of a slew of shrewd plot devices. So until next time,

I'm looking forward to another silly yet awesome adventure, Thunderpants. So far, so good. A new advnture, we all know the characters now, anything can happen. I'm all excited!

Here comes a well deserved slap in the face, but I have to tell the truth: Thunderpants has existed to me as just Thunderpants up to this very day. Only now, with this post, have I noticed that you name is actually Thunderpants1...

...I hang my head in shame. I'm supposed to catch details, not miss them!

Dont worry. I pardon you...

And yet we just keep calling him Thunderpants. And so we should, because we KNOW that he is Thunderpants. The one Thunderpants to rule them all. The number one Thunderpants, hence Thunderpants1. We don't need to call him Thunderpants1, because there is no other.

But it's still funny Lynx noticed that after such a long time.

Well, continuing on...

The Beluga came into orbit and entered the atmosphere. "Where are we headed, exactly?" Jade asked. "To the capital, Davisham, on the Tortuga continent," Peyj replied over the radio. "Youre contact will meet you at the starport. Now, Jade, I want you to be extra careful here. This isnt youre back yard, anymore, and the enemy still has a firm foothold in several places on the continent dangerously near the capital. Watch youre back," he continued. "Dont worry, Uncle Peyj! Im a big girl, now," Jade said with a smile. "All right, but stick together!" Peyj said, and the transmission ended. They came across the continent, a big, green, lush landmass with forests, rivers, fields, mountains, and lakes everywhere. "Its beautiful," Jade said. "Kinda reminds me of Hyllis," G added. They saw a glitter in the distance, with dots flying about it. "That must be Davisham," G said, and they made their way there.

When they got close, they saw the vehicles flying about. They were made of wood and canvas, and had an organic look to them, like big tan bugs with airplane bodies. Others looked like DaVincis early idea for a helicopter, large corkscrews spinning through the air. very few ships looked like traditional starships. "Those are amazing!" Jade said. "How do they get those things to fly?" G asked. "Ya wanna see something cool, look at the city!" Pants said, and they turned around and looked. The city, set atop a hill and into a river delta opening up to the oecean, had ornate towers at least a mile tall, made of tan stone, red brick, and glass, with silver pipes coming out of them. There monorail tracks going over, under, between, and even through several buildings, with very little support structure visible. Buildings were on top of bridges going over other buildings, and steam rose from several smokestacks scattered about the city. "Wow..." Jade and G said.

They landed in the port and disembarked. "This is amazing! How did people make this?" Jade asked. "With a bit of time, and a bit of imagination!" a grey, frazzly haired, fair skinned, bespectacled old man in a lab coat said to her. "Miss Jade! It is an honor, Ive so desperately wanted to meet you! Im Dr. Hans Fendlebottom!" Dr. Fendlebottom said to her. "Its nice to meet you," Jade replied pleasently. "Oh, thank you! And you must be G! Peyj told me of you! And this must be Pants! Ive also heard much about you!" Dr Fendlebottom said. "Are you our contact?" Jade asked. "Oh yes! Yes! Indeed I am! And Ive got so much to tell you! I say, many strange things have been happening lately! Its so facinating! My research into so many fields is challenging so many ideas of the set natural order of this planet! I must-" Fendlebottom was interrupted. "Hold on! What sort of things did Peyj say about me?" G asked. "Oh, that you were a no-good troublemaker, and that you were stealing his niece from him," Fendlebottom said. "Hey! Thats not fair!" G said. Jade laughed. "And you, Mr. Pants, he said are a Grade A moron, a danger to yourself and others, and a punk," Fendlebottom said. "Well, he pretty much hit the mark, right there," Pants said. "Im sure he is just kidding around! But come! I must bring you to my laboratory! We have so little to do, and so much time! Wait, no! I got that in reverse!" Fendlebottom said, and he led them to his lab. "I like this guy," Pants said.

They arrived at Dr. Fendlebottoms lab and went inside. They followed him into a massive library, at least five stories high, with a gigantic, hemispherical window letting in the sunlight, spiraling staircases lining the walls, and row upon row of books. "Ah, yes! This is my library! Its where I do my research and document my findings! Ive got books on subjects from biology to basket weaving, and everything in between!" Dr. Fendlebottom said. "Its a bloody pain to clean up, though!" a old, English ladies voice said from behind. Out came a big, fat skunk in a old light blue dress with bifocals on, dusting the shelves as she went along. "Ah! Jade, G, Pants, Id like for you to meet my maid! Mrs. Darrow, this is-"
"I bloody well know who they are, you old twit! Nice to meet you, dearies. Excuse the mess, this old coot obviously never learned how to clean up after himself," Mrs. Darrow said, interrupting Dr. Fendlebottom. "Now, Mrs. Darrow, Ill have you know that-"
"Oh, dont try to defend yourself, you crazy old nut! Ive had to clean up your laboratory!" Mrs. Darrow interrupted him again. Jade was struggling to hold back laughter. "Yes, yes. Now, Mrs. Darrow, I want you to fix some tea for our guests. Come! We have to get to the lab!" Dr. Fendlebottom said to the trio.

The lab was at the top of the library, in another large room lit up by a window. Test tubes of every shape and size with many strange colored chemicals in them, gadgets of all variatey, and molecular models covered the massive tables, and chalkboards as tall as houses lined the walls, covered with numberless formulas that only the doctor himself could understand. "Come! This way!" Fendlebottom said. "What do you think it is?" Jade asked. "No idea," G said. Pants held up a contraption and asked "Hey! Whats this Thingamajig?"
"Thats no Thingamajig, thats a hatchamacallit!" Fendlebottom said. Pants raised a confused eyebrow and looked at the Whatchamacallit. "Come! Come! The team is waiting to meet you!" Fendlebottom called to them. They gathered around where the doctor was, and there were three others standing with him. He motioned first to the hippo, and said "This is Guffy, Radio Officer and all around good guy," "Hi, you guys," Guffy said. Next was a strong looking stag "This is Karn, our chief editor and veteran of innumerable field operations," Fendlebottom said. "Ive seen it all," Karn said in a gruff voice. "And now to our newest field agent, Ms. Alyx," Fendlebottom said, motioning to a young lady, tan skin, long, flowing dark hair, dark eyes, and about Jades height, age and build. "Just call me Alyx," she said. Pants jaw dropped. "I think Im in love," he said. Alyx rolled her eyes. "Alyx, Karn, Guffy, this is Jade, G, and Pants," Fendlebottom introduced them. "All right. Now! To the matter at hand! There has been massive energy spikes around the continent. They just happened reciently. The scientific knowledge these events are unlocking is quite possibly boundless! But, Im getting ahead of myself! The Alphas and DomZ have noticed this, as well, and they have set up camp in three places to harvest this energy. One in the woods, one in a distant country town, and one on top of Angry Mountain, a volcano. We dont know what theyre doing there, but its probably not to shelter orphan puppies they found on the street. We need you three to go find out whats happening. We'll help you how we can from here, but this is largely going to be your show. Any questions?" Fendlebottom asked. "Which one should we go to first?" Jade asked. "Probably the forest, Its closest, and the least amount of enemy activity has been reported there, so you could find out what youre dealing with. But its too tight for your ship to fly there. Youll need to use Bumpabacks!" Fendlebottom said. "Bumpabacks?" Jade asked. "Those furry flying manta ray things you see out there, good sturdy animals," Fendlebottom said. "The rail goes directly to the Bumpaback station. And I have a train stop right here in my lab! Hehe! Come! This way!" Fendlebottom said, leading them to the wall.

He pressed a button, and the wall opened up, revealing a monorail station. A big glass marble with seats on a gyroscope to keep passengers stationary while the ball rolled came up, and a door opened on its side. "Quick! Everybody in!" Fendlebottom said, and Jade, G, and Pants got into the seats. "Is this thing safe?" G asked nervously. "Oh, its perfectly fine! Have fun, and good luck!" Fendlebottom said as the door closed. The ball started to roll slowly. "This isnt too bad," Jade said. Then the ball shot up to incredible speed, zipping into the skyline with hundreds of other balls, and the three of them yelled in fear. It went around circles, through tunnels, up loopty loops, and even left the track for five seconds! "Whooo-ho!" Jade screamed in enjoyment. "AAAAAHHHHH! IM GONNA DIE! IM GONNA DIE! IM GONNA THROW UP, AND THEN IM GONNA DIE!" Pants yelled. "AAAARRRRGGGHHH! STOP THIS THING!" G added.

The ball came to a screeching halt at the Bumpaback station. Jade jumped out of it and said "Yes! Lets go again!" G and Pants stumbled out and fell on each other, dizzy and lightheaded, mumbling incoherently. "Oh, get up, you two! Weve got a mission!" Jade said cheerfully, and they went to the front desk. They rented three animals, and flew off into the sky, towards there next destination: The Enchanted Forest!

OMG ENCHANTED FOREST LOL!!!!1

What a great story this shapes up to be. And I really like the new characters already, especially doctor Fendlebottom. You've got some imagination, Thunderpants. I don't think I could have think of something like all this myself.

Update coming soon. As soon as I finish preregistering for next semester, and maybe do some other things, too.

Okeay, Ill try to write more.

Bumpabacks are unique creatures. They have the body and face of a seal, four bear feet, and wings like a cross between a moth and a manta ray. Theyre large beasts that fly suprisingly well, and they were ideal beasts of burden. Jade, G, and pants made their way towards the Enchanted Forest, flying high through the sky. "There! A clearing!" Jade said, pointing to a opening in the big green canopy. "Ya think we can land in that little space?" G asked. "Were gonna hafta try! I dont see anything else!" Pants yelled back. "All right! Lets do this!" Jade yelled, and the three flew their respective animals in fast and sharp.

The Bumpabacks made suprisingly soft landings. No one was jostled a bit when they touched down. "Whoa..." G said. "Whoa is right... look at this place!" Jade replied. The canopy of the trees rose hundreds of feet into the air, sunlight showing through the leaves, casting a light green glow, with patches of white light escaping between the leaves. Amazingly large mushrooms, as big as small houses in some cases, dotted the floor and grew on the massive trees, and insects of all variaties flew about. "Tra la la la la la, sing a happy song..." Pants sung quietly. G looked at him. "What?" Pants asked back, taking a brown military style jacket out of a satchel on the side of his Bumpaback and putting it on. Jade recieved an email:

Ms. Jade!
Its me! Doctor Fendlebottom! Ive located exactly where you need to go!
The Alpha Sections have a base about seven kilometers south from where you are,
But its located under the ground, and I cannot break the encryption code
That locks the door. However, theres a settlement of natives only four kilometers
south from your present location, and its a good bet they can help you. Go there
first to get supplies and the code, then infiltrate the Alpha base, find out
exactly what theyre doing, and get out!

Jade closed the email. "Well, you boys heard the doctor, lets get going!" Jade said, and they moved out. Theyre path led them through the woods, across a river, and up a cliff. They saw very little large wildlife, and what they did see bolted quite often. Jade took pictures of the animals she saw, and they kept moving. They got to a large cliff that looked unscalable. "Great, looks like were going to have to take the long way," G said. "Oh, dont worry about that!" A voice said. The flying helper guy from Rayman 2 came out of nowhere, and told the group how to climb. "Well, that was odd..." Pants said when they got to the top of the cliff. "At least I got a picture of him," Jade said. They kept on moving, until G heard a snarl. "Uh, guys... Guys?!" G stammered. "What?" Pants asked impatiently. G turned around slowly, and saw a bunch of large beetles with sharp pinscers looking at them. "Oh, dammit..." Pants said. The beetles attacked, but between G and Jades bowstaffs and Pants' handgun and knife, they were dispached quickly. "What were those things?" Jade asked. "I dunno, but theres probably more," G said. Then a gigantic butterfly flew over their heads, with a wingspan as long as a schoolbus. "Hey, I got a question. Are these things humongous, or are we just getting smaller as we go?" Pants asked. "I guess well find out," Jade said. They kept on moving, being ambushed by beetles and centepedes twice before coming to a large crevace.

"Oh, great. How are we supposed to get across?" Pants asked. As though on cue, a trio of the mega-sized butterflies appeared, and landed right next to them. "Works for me," Pants said, and he jumped on one. Jade and G looked at each other, looked at the massive creatures, and jumped onto their backs. And the gargantuan insects took off, flying down the crevace at amazing speeds. Soon, however, they were ambushed by fiersome looking dragon flies. Jade and G held them off with discs, and Pants used his trusty pistol, but there were massive swarms. "Hold on!" Jade yelled, and the trio sped up to maximum speed. "Spread out! Draw them apart!" Pants said. As the group spread out, one of the massive attackers knocked him from his mount, and he slid down the wing, barely grabbing hold of the edge. "Pants! Hold on!" Jade screamed. The butterfly let out a whine, and they started to crash down towards the earth. Just then something saved them. One of the natives flew in, launching spears and scattering the winged assailants. She then flew in and snagged up Pants before he fell off the side of his insect, and they landed safely at the end of the crevace. "Wow. Thanks!" Pants said. They then looked at their rescuer. "Whoa!" they said in unison. She was a young redhead, clad in green clothing, with insect wings.She said "You have to be careful! Dragon flies are generally mild mannered, but it doesnt take much to get them going."
"Huh?" Pants said, completly dumbfounded and lost in her eyes. She giggled. "You look confused," she said. "Yeah... confused..." G said, with a dreamy look in his eye. Jade got irritated, and punched him in the shoulder. "Ow! What was that for?" he asked. Jade looked at him and said "You know why!" the faerie lady asked "So, who are you guys? We dont get many outsiders around here," "Im Jade, and this is G and Pants," Jade replied. "Oh! Youre the ones Dr. Fendlebottom told us about! Come on! Lets go to the village, the King and Queen want to talk to you!" she said, and she led them to the Faerie Village.

"Is it just me, or is this entire planet painted over with Disney Magic?" Pants asked when he saw the village. It was a series of large, ornate buildings growing out of the trees, rising up into the sky, using large mushrooms for lighting. Hundreds of faeries were flying around from building to building, and everything had a soft glow. "Come on! ...Oh, right! You guys cant fly," their new friend said, and she gave out a whistle. A charriot made of large leaves drawn by big ladybugs came to pick them up, and they flew to the Royal Residence.

The Royal Residence was a massive, ornate bulb, growing at the top of a tree, made of wood and leaves. They flew into the main gate, two leaves that parted on cue for them to enter. The inside was made entirely of leaves and glowing mushrooms to light the hundreds of interwinding paths on the inside. "Its beautiful!" Jade said. "I havent ever seen anything like this!" she continued. They went straight to the Throne Chamber. "Theyre in here," The faerie said, and flew off. "Okeay, here we go..." Jade said, and she led them into the room. A trumpet fanfare sounded, and the three adventurers jumped at the first note. "Now entering the chamber, Jade, and her companions, G and Pants!" the announcer said, and they stood still, overwhelmed. "Well, dont just stand there like a bunch of silly Bumpabrains! Hehe! Come forward!" A kindly old voice said. They approached the thrones, and saw an old man and an old woman, with colorful butterfly wings, and crowns of branches upon their heads. G and Pants nervously bowed and Jade did her best to curtsey. "Rise! Rise! Ive been wanting to meet you all!" The King said. "He hasnt stopped talking about it!" the Queen added. "Your highness..." Jade said. "Oh, theres no need to call me that! Its sooo drab! Im Agustus, and this is my dear old wife, Andrea!" the King said. "O...keay, King Agustus..." Jade said. "Just Agustus," Agustus pleasently corrected her. "...Agustus. We were sent here to find out about something going on around here," Jade said. "Yes, I know too well. The Men in the Grey Suits. They call themselves the... what was it..." Agustus said. "Alpha Sections?" Jade asked. "Yes! Precicely! They have been interrupting the natural balance of the forest, mecilessly killing or capturing all the creatures of the woods, including us! Weve lost many people, kidnapped by those fiends! Theyre syphoning some sort of energy from the spirits of the forest, and they must be stopped!" Agustus said, anger in his voice. "But we cant get in to their base! Every time we open that door, the people we send never return..." Andrea added. "Wait! You know the entry code?" Jade asked. "Yes! Of course! Theyve been here long enough for us to figure it out!" Agustus said. "If you gave us that code, we could help you!" Jade declared. "Just you three, eh? Well, Ive heard stories of your exploits, but there were many more of you, then! How do you expect to survive in this situation?" Agustus asked. "We have experience fighting them. We need to get in there just as much as you do, and for the same reasons. What theyre doing isnt just trouble for here, its trouble for every star in the sky," G said. "Indeed. I trust your ability to fight them. Here, take this parchment. It has the symbols you need to imput written down. Rest here for tonight, youll be better prepared for battle if you do so," Agustus said. "Thank you," Jade said, and they made their exit.

"Ill be in the other room, if you need anything," Pants said later that night, as they were preparing to bed down for the evening in one of the many guest chambers. "Ill give you a yell," Jade said with a smile. "Or a blood-curdling scream," Pants said back, and he closed the door and left. Jade walked up to G, who was out on the balcony, looking out at the village, lit up with night lights. The night sky was a soft dark blue, and stars dotted the sky. "Its beautiful, isnt it?" Jade asked with a smile. G looked into her eyes and said "Its like a dream." "What do you think is going on out there?" Jade asked. "Who knows. They may be up to their worst, or they could be basket weaving, for all we know," G answered. "I wasnt talking about the bad guys," Jade said. G looked at her, smiled, and said "My bad." "Its okeay, I forgive you," Jade quietly said back. "G, you think its really close to being over?" Jade asked after a little while. "I dont know, four centuries of war doesnt just end, but some good things did happen because of it," G answered. "What good things?" Jade asked. "Well, weve traveled the universe... seen places we wouldnt have seen... done things we wouldnt have done... met people who we never would have met..." G said, looking into her eyes. "If I hadnt joined the fight, I would never have met you, and Id have nothing to fight for," G said to her. They closed in on one another. G held her in his arms, and they kissed.

"Well, it looks pleasent enough," Pants said to Jade and G, looking at the massive door to the undergound Alpha Complex. "You got the code?" G asked Jade. "Right here!" Jade said. She imput the code, and the door opened. Their next adventure awaited in the darkness below.

"Is it just me, or is this entire planet painted over with Disney Magic?"

Oh yeah, and I'm totally loving it!
But now it's time for excitiment, stealth and action! Adventure! WOOHOO!!!

New chapter coming soon, bound to include the following:
Stealth
Action
Adventure
Woohoo
& ruptured spleens

quote:

Originally posted by Thunderpants1:
New chapter coming soon, bound to include the following:
Stealth
Action
Adventure
Woohoo
& ruptured spleens

As long as the disney-feel will return later! But I have to say these are my kinds of ingrediënts for a nice story. Except for that last one perhaps.

All righty then. Our heroes are in the enemy base. Let the pwnage begin!

The trio entered what looked to be an abandoned sewer system. They went through a few pipes until they came to a door. "Looks to be a trap," Pants said. "Its also lookin like the only way in," G said. They approached the door, and were ambushed by three Crochax. After defeating them Jade said "Crochax! What are they doing here?" "Alphas use them to defend the outer walls of their more important installations. They arent native to Hyllis, you know," Pants said. The door was coded. Jade took a picture of the barcode, and sent it to Dr. Fendlebottom. He sent the cracked code back, and they opened the door.

"After all the new things weve been seeing, this looks all too familiar," G said. They entered a metallic room, three stories deep, with a large central conveyer belt, guarded by laser turrets. "Any guards around?" Jade asked. "None..." G observed. They went along the central catwalk and into the complex. They came to a cross intersection in the hallway. "Lets split up. We can cover more ground like that," G said. "All right, Ill meet you guys in the central hall. Watch your back, G, Okeay?" Jade told G. "I will," G answered. "Yeah, Ill be fine, thanks," Pants said sarcasticly, and they split up.

Jade encountered her first Alphas watching over what looked to be a blue energy beam, guarding it for some odd reason. Jade took a picture, and sent it to Fendlebottom. "Yes! This must be their energy siphon! Look for the source!" Fendlebotom emailed back. Jade kept moving.

She snuck by a few guards and was moving along under the flooring of a room in a ventshaft when she noticed Pants smashing up some Alphas. It took him just a few seconds, catching them off guard and obliterating them with his pistol before they could react. Pants danced a little victory ditty. "Oh, yeah. Back in my element!" he quietly said, when an unearthly rumbling came from down the hall, followed by a supernatural, evil red glow. "Uh...oh..." Pants said, and he bolted away as fast as he could. Jade didnt want to stay put to find out what it was either, and kept moving with increased speed.

She came out just above Pants, jumping out right in front of him. "Pants! What was that?!" Jade asked, fear penatrating her voice. "You dont wanna know. Were gettin' outa here!" Pants said, and they made off as fast as they could.

Pants was grabbed from underneath a floorboard, and dragged in by an unseen foe. Jade stopped to see this, and heard Pants screaming as he was pulled into the darkness. An unholy roar filled the corridor, and Jade fled in terror. She made her way in as fast as she could, avoiding contact with the guards, until she ran into G.

"Jade! Whats going on?" he asked nervously. "I dont know, but something got Pants!" Jade said. "What?!" G stammered. "I dont know. It was so fast, I, I-" Jade was interrupted by another roar from just down the corridor. "Run!" G said, and they made fled the scene, being drawn into the center of the complex, and hiding in a ventshaft. They then saw the monstrosity through the vent: A ten foot tall, brown, cycloptic monster with a horn on its head, gigantic claws on its hands and feet, sharp inscisors, and fire breath. It tromped right by their position, followed by two Alphas and a uncomfotabally familiar figure. "Is that...?" Jade asked quietly, in sobering disbelief. "I think it is..." G answered, unbelieving. A voice from deeper in the shaft called to them. "Ms. Jade! G! Over here!" they followed the voice and found Alyx. "What are you doing here?" Jade asked. "Im the secondary mission, incase you guys fail. Wheres Pants?" she asked. "We dont know..." Jade answered. "Well, lets go. Im sure he can find his way," Alyx said, and they went to the central hall.

The room was filled with a blue light, and a slow moving beam of energy focused itself on the center of the room. Jade took a picture, and sent it to Fendlebottom for analysis. "Amazing... this is where they are getting their energy..." The email responded. The three approached it, but light electric shocks drove Alyx and G away. Jade approached it without hinderance, however, and saw what the energy was focused in on: A small, silver, hollow sphere, with ornate cuts over the sides in the pattern of the pearls, letting out a soft blue glow. Jade took it, and Segundo analyzed it. "Magnifico! Ive never seen an artifact as bonita as this, yade!" Segundo said in his analysis, which had a lot of gaps in the information.

When Jade put it away the room began to rumble with the angry bounding of the beast. It burst through the walls, and challenged the three to battle. The boss battle began, and it followed the strategy of the Reaper battle in the first game. The beast was easily defeated, but its handler was another matter all together. While their backs were turned, he knocked G to the side and grabbed Alyx by the hair. Jades jaw dropped. "Suprised to see me, Miss Jade...." the evil handler said. Jade couldnt believe her eyes. EVILPants was back, and mean as ever. He laughed at the screams of pain Alyx let out. "Yes! Squeal like a PIG! Your pain is my pleasure!" the monster said. "Hey, moron! Long time no kick you in the face!" Pants said from the side as he punched his clone with a solid resonating thud, knocking him away and freeing Alyx. "I thought you learned your lesson the first time. Oh well..." Pants said. "it wont be so easy, this time, brother!" EVILPants said. "lookey what I got!" Pants said, as he hoisted an OMega Gattling Laser, or OMG Laser for short, up to his hip. "Oh Em Gee!" EVILPants said as he took a volley right in the chest. He fell over, but got back up, and used his evil powers to break the lazer. Then the battle began in earnest. EVILPants flying around, getting whacked by Jade, shot by Pants, and whacked again by G, and shot again by Alyx, who also used pistol power. After a while, he was defeated. "Ill bet theres more where that came from," G said. "This still seems like it was too easy," Jade said. "Well, dont speak too soon, weve got enough 'easy' coming down the hallway to keep us busy for a while!" Pants said, as several squads of Alphas came charging down the hallway as an alarm sounded.

And Ill leave it at that for now, just to annoy you.

The ultimate evil returns and he is defeated already? I'm not buying that, that's not the last we've seen of EVILpants!

Oh, dont worry. EVILPants is far from finished.

Ill bang out a bit more for all one of my loyal readers...

"Whaddowedo?" Jade asked. There was only one way in or out, and it was filled with Alpha soldiers, and alarms were going off all over the base. "Uhhh, Idonno. Whaddowedo, Pants?" G asked. The Alphas came bounding into the room. "RUN!" Pants yelled, and they made a break for it right through the Alphas lines.

"Are you guys NUTS?!" Alyx screamed as they ran as fast as they could back to the entrance. They crossed into a open area with a balcony and a ledge elevated over them on their right, with a large precipice in between. They made for the door on the other side when shooting from the ledge drove them back. They looked up, and saw another TWO EVILPants armed with rifles shooting down at them! "You may have beaten one of our telekenetic brothers, but you wont get through us!" One of them taunted. Pants and Alyx opened fire, gunning them down. "Theres more of them?!" Alyx screamed. "Its a suprise to us, too. Keep moving!" Pants yelled.

They were ambushed again by more EVILPants riflemen and Alphas in an intersection, and an Alpha grenade knocked Jade off her feet, sending the new sphere she just found out of her SAC. It started to hover and glow. Pants ran up to it and wound up a kick. "NO!" Jade yelled, but Pants gave it a good kick. The shock of its power through Pants back against the wall, but it knocked a massive pipe out behind the ambushers, generating a huge explosion, putting them all on their faces. "HA! I knew that would work!" Pants declared, but then the whole facility became unstable. The orb rolled back over to Jade, who put it back into her SAC after some hesitation. "The whole place is coming down!" G yelled. "Naw, ya think?" Alyx commented back. "Get to the LOLevator!" Pants said. "What?" Jade asked in confusion. "Dont complain, just go!" Pants said. G grabbed Jade by the arm and helped her up, and they ran to the LOLevator. "...oh... I think my spleen is ruptured..." One of the EVILPants clones quietly uttered in pain.

They got on the LOLevator, and made for the surface. On their way up they saw the devistation that was wreaking havoc on the base. They saw a large open area, like a command center and factory floor, with machines of war being built, all in flames, for hundreds of feet up. "Nice kick," Alyx commented. Then an automated OMG Laser fired on the LOLevator, knocking it out. The lift was frozen in place in its glass shaft, and the breaks were failing with each new hit. "All right! Alyx, Ill put some fire on it, draw it over to my side! When that happens, disable it with a shot to its center mass. "You really are nuts, Desi!" Alyx yelled to him. "Whatever, Just do it!" Pants said, and he opened fire. The laser turret turned to him. Alyx took her oppourtunity, and disabled the turret. "Good shootin! Lets get outta here!" Pants yelled. They climbed up the cables just as the elevator brakes failed, and it went crashing down.

Jade made it to the top first, followed by G, Pants, and Alyx. They were in an open area with a bridge to the exit in clear view. They crossed the bridge, but just as Alyx was getting across a piece of debris fell from the celing and destroyed it. Alyx was hanging on for dear life to a piece of support structure that had survived. "Hold on, Alyx!" Pants yelled. He grabbed a downed cable and made a run for the ledge. He jumped off.

Alyx lost her grip, and began to fall

Pants swung down, and caught her just in the knick of time.

They swung back up onto the ledge, and crashed back onto solid ground. "Whoa! You all right?" Jade yelled. "Were fine, lets get outta here!" Pants said. "Not so fast!" An Alphas voice said from behind. The rest of the personell alive in the base had appeared on the other ledge. "If were going down, were taking you with us!" they said as the base crumbled.

Just then, the door burst open and automatic fire came from outside, taking a number of the Alphas out in the innital burst. Pants turned around and saw a strangely familiar greasy mullet. "Come on, mates! Not just going to stand around and die of stupidity, are you?" he said. "Sev! What are ya doin' here, buddy?" Pants asked estastically. "Saving your sorry Yank behind, you silly sod!" Sev said back. They got out of the base as fast as they could, covered by a hail of gunfire.

They got out of the base and back into the forest, and just in time. The whole ground burst open in a massive fireball, throwing them about 50 feet away. Jade, now covered in soot, crawled over to G, and collapsed in his arms, laughing in relief. G laughed along, and all their troubles melted away. Sev, propped upside down against a rock, looked over to Pants, who was hanging in a tree by his jacket. "What did you do?" Sev asked in an impatient, condisending tone. Pants smiled and said "What? Mad that I didnt invite you?" Pants got down from the tree, and Sev got up. "Besides, I didnt think Aussies liked fireworks," Pants added. "Firstly, Im Furion, why dont you get it? Secondly, everybody loves fireworks!" Sev said back. "Ohhh, Ahhh, Furion! You stole that from Riddick!" Pants said. "Did not!" Sev retorted.
"Did to!"
"Did not!"
"Did to!"
"Boys..." Alyx said under her breath, and walked away. She then looked back at the "argument," and couldnt help but laugh. The faerie people then appeared in droves, and hailed the 'Five Heroes' victory. They took them back to the village for a bit of R and R before their next assignment.

Haha, Pants is right, it's from Chronicles of Riddick. But...what's up with the EVILPants, is he all Agent Smith now?