LOL!!!!

For some reason I think this quote is the funniest thing!

"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don’t want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was that?!" (Jack Handey)

We could fill this thing up with Family Guy quotes and I wouldn't stop laughing for days!

LOL!!!

I got this one in my head from Simpsons.

(Homer looking up) "I know I haven't believed in you, but right now I need you. Plz save me... Superman."

LOL!!!

lol!

haha "JEBUS!!"

LOL!

I couldn't help but laugh at that one

"But I don't believe in Jebus....Save me Jebus! Hello! Jeeeebbbbuuuussssss!!!!."

lol!!!!!

Here a joke. It's long, but hey it's worth it.

A CEO of a company had to give a speech during a press conference, but he sson realized that he forgot his dentures at home. He desperatly asked anyone seated in the audience for assistance. A man came up to him and said "I can help you. I run a busniess, that can provide you with a dentures." The man left and came back an hour later with a pile of dentures. After trying out a few dozen dentures, the CEO found the right fitting ones. During his press conference, the CEO gave an incredible speech, and then went to the denture man to personally thank him. "I would like to know where your clinic is located so I can contact you for further future services." The man smiled and replied. "Oh I am not a dentist. I am an undertaker."

LOL!!!!!!!!!
here's one

wat is a frog's fave drink?

croak-a-cola

LOL!!!

*Ribbit...burp!!!*

well i said this one but i like it

who is da character who doesn't get enough sleep?

Yawny Depp

Lol
nice one

thanx warrior prince here's one dat jennyclasia got from me:

once there were these two old men in da park. one man was with one arm while da other man was with none. da man with no arms was dancing happily and silly. da man with one arm asked "why r u dancing happily". the other man replied "i'm not dancing happily i'm trying to scracth my butt!"

LOL!!!!!!!!!!

thanx Umair here's another one
wat do dentists usually play?

tooth or dare

lol!

hahahahahahaha , a few more like these and i will burst in tears

Really? ok better get your hanky.

George Bush was walking down the street one morning *followed by dozens of secret servise men) when suddenly he sees a man with two stones in his hand and a long white beard. George thinks *That guys looks jsut like moses!*
so he goes over to the guy and says "Excuse me sir but did anyone ever tell you you look like moses?"....minutes pass...no reply from the man.
George tries again "Sir?"...Ditto in the no answer department. Finally one of the secret servise men comes over and say "Sir? hello?" the man looks up and says "Yes?" and talks to him! the gaurd replies "sir do you know who was just talking to you? thats president Georage W. Bush!!!" the man replies "I know, but the last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years wandering in the desert"

LOL

A blonde is driving down the road WAY to fast one day when suddenly a cop stops her. The cop (who just happens to be blonde)Says "ma'am im going to have to see your license and registration". The blonde rummages through her purse for a minute...finally she says "I cant find it,What does it look like?" the officer says "Its sqaure and it has your picture on it"
The blonde looks again until she finds a small rectangular mirror "Here you go" she says. "The blonde cop looks at it for a minute, Hands it back to her and says "your good to go ma'am I didnt realize you where a cop".

LOL!!

Once was a rich man who wanted to take all his money with him when he died, so he asked 3 of his dearest friends to each put 8,000,000 of his dollars in his coffin with him.

the day of his funeral came and one of his friends says "*sniff* im so ashamed I took 5,000 of the money for myself"
the other says "*sniff* im ashamed too I took 4,000 for myself" the third says 'Im ashamed of both of you!!! I put a check for the whole 8,000,000 dollars in with him"

LOL!!!

Three girls,A blonde a brunett and a red head, walked into an old abondoned house and found a lamp on the ground. They rub it and *POOF* out comes a geenie he says "If you tell me something you think is true and it really is true, then ill give you what youve always wanted. but if you tell me something you think is true and its NOT true your coming into my lamp with me forever". the brunett says "I think im the best looking girl in school" and *POOF* she had keys to a new car in her hand. the red head says "I think I am the only girl in school with hair so red" and *POOF* she got 1,000,000,000,000 dollars. The blonde says "I think..." and *POOOOOF* she was gone.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one more

A blonde walked into a convienient store and said to the clerk "Can I have that tv up there?" the clerk says "No sorry we dont sell TVs to blondes"

*Hmpfh!* thought the blonde *Ill show him*

The next day she dyed her hair red and came into the store again. she said "Can I have that TV up there?" the clerk again says "Sorry we dont sell TVs to blondes"...the blonde tries again and again each time dying her hair a different color until finally she says "WHy wont you sell it to blondes and how do you keep knowing its me???!!!" the clerk says "Well first of all, thats a microwave"

ROFL

LOL!!!!!!!!!! i almoust chocked in my salad lol!

LOL!!!