You thought I would just give up easily,surely after my whining thread~



I know that we won't get Kindred Blades any more aslong it's on the hold of Ubi(they don't have the guts, I tell ye) or as long Ben Matters is the PoP-Producer(yeah,you suck,so ban me for this statement 8P)

Anywaaaay, this is why we have beside the ''canon'' what?

Right, the fandom.

The times I made those little Dialogs and everyone liked it and that guy BSoD told me many interesting ideas inspired me to work on
a fic how I imagined KB would turn out ~

After my absent I spent developing the plot,using the materials of KB from Zapages page(thanks man 8D) ,sticking to the PoP(sot AND ww)-theme and still has the promised KB-plotline.

New characters,returning characters, more complex characters, dramadramahorrordrama and an ADVENTUUUUUUURE. AN ADVENTUUUURE, CHARLIE!

Well, I finished the prologue,but my beta reader hasn't answered me quite a while ~

So I lost my patience and thought of teasing you with a cookie.



Here we go!

Prince of Persia: Kindred Blades

quote:

We all make mistakes. Some are small, some are large. But his mistake, born of innocence, fueled by pride, was the greatest and most terrible of all.
Some believe that when the desperate Persian journeyed to the Island of Time to escape death, that he returned alone. The amulet destroyed.
The Dahaka appeased.
The Empress dead.
He was free at last.



But this is not how it happened.
The truth is that he chose to save me from my destiny. In doing so he set me free...

and doomed us all.

Most humans believe time is like a river, which runs slowly and swiftly in one direction. But be certain of that, they are wrong.And so was the one who even said that.
Irony reveals itself at the odds of fate.

Maybe you remember this story as a lullaby as your caring mother sang it to bring you to the lands of dreams. About the story of the self-inflicted torments of his, of the redemption and the tragic sacrifice this Prince had to made to save his rightful kingdom, but you know nothing of what really happened. The truth is sunken by the sands of the Hourglass which grains our time and became nothing more than a legend, far from the real one. I doubt you even know his name.
But alas, I shall tell you the last adventure of the Prince of Persia, the king of blades.
You shall learn what caused his mistakes. This is my only possible chance to stop future tragidies which could be caused because of me.
It all started with a nightmare. No, a vision....

So, that's the cookie 8P

So what do you think?

As a reminder, I am open for making a team project, like mornegroth asked. If you have any ideas what you're good at(ideas or writing ) go ahead.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Tristan_129,

It`s good, the only problem I have with it is that you used the word "thy" when the rest is in modern English.

Sorry man, I am german, and I never learned the vocabulary of classic english.

It would be more fun to write her that way ~

quote:

time is like a river, who swift sure like a river

no good

quote:

Because you shall learn what he learned from his mistakes

don't use 1 word twice in a sentence

quote:

born of innocent

innocence


I'm sorry, I'm a nitpicker :P

Corrected.

Like I said, my beta reader keeps me waiting 8P

awesome man, waiting for more cookies.

quote:

Because you shall learn what he did from his mistakes

I'm no English expert but this sounds better to me >>> Because you shall learn what caused his mistakes

quote:

, my only try to stop any other tragidies caused by me.

This isn't right but I don't know how to fix it

quote:

who swift sure in one direction.

Change this to >>> which runs slowly and swiftly in one direction

quote:

But be certain of that, they are wrong.And so was he.

So was who?

quote:

Because you shall learn

Also correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think you're allowed to start a sentence with "Because".

I'm pretty sure there are more mistakes in there, but other than that it's good

Corrected.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tristan_129:
You shall learn what caused his mistakes, my only possible attemp to stop any other tragidies caused by me.
[QUOTE]

You shall learn what caused his mistakes. This is my only possible chance to stop future tragidies which could be caused because of me

Umm... I don't see the point of this. Nice try though? It doesn't sound too good IMO. I lost interest already, sorry. But, geez, from your first post you seem so arrogant.. Like you deserve to have your ideas written into a new PoP. It was quite annoying to read. So... Once again it's my opinion but, Ben Mattes doesn't suck. You suck? And maybe that's why he's producer for Ubisoft's PoP and you're just posting on a thread on Ubisoft's forum..?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: lonewolf41390,

ZOMG it's tristan!

When have you returned
Where is this "whine thread" you speak of?

Those Empress' words [first paragraph and official quote] gives me (pleasant) shivers to this day. Epic

@FireEmpress:

''In memories of KB'' was the whine thread 8P.

But f*ck yeah, I am back,added with 4chan-meme's.

@lone-emo-errr I mean-wolf:
Nice try to troll ,but you fail with your failed irony.
BTW, I am sure Ben Matters sucks more than me, try to proove me wrong besides he kicked the old producer out and made KB into crappy TT and made in the new PoP a douche Prince.
And I don't want any gratitude for me writing this, I am doing it for myself(and the others around here).
If you don't have any more to say than to diss me further because your life sucks(I mean, com'on, lone wolf sounds emo) and you want to make other people down, then get kindly the **** of my thread.


Sorry guys, beta reading will take more time,so I am writing something again.

Your method of story telling is wrong. I know you think that sounds pompous, but your story doesn't flow. It jumps from one thing to another, most likely because you are trying to fit in multiple quotes from all over the Prince of Persia trilogy. I would never write it like that, BUT if I was to write in your style, I would write it more like this:

We all make mistakes. Some are small, some are large. But his mistakes, born of innocence, and fueled by pride, were the greatest and most terrible of all.

Some believe that when the desperate Persian journeyed to the Island of Time to escape his death, he returned alone, the amulet destroyed, the Dahaka appeased and the Empress dead. But this is not how it happened. The truth is that he chose to save me from my destiny and in doing so, he set me free... and doomed us all.

Most humans believe time is like a river, which runs swift and sure in one direction. But be certain that they are wrong.

Maybe you remember this tale in the form of a lullaby, your caring mother sang to you once upon a time. A story meant to send you off to the farthest lands; to a place of dreams and wonder. A story of the self-inflicted torments, of redemption and of the tragic sacrifice this Prince had to make to save the kingdom that was rightfully his. But you know nothing of what really happened. How could you, when the truth has been buried by the sands of the hourglass; his story hidden under, like a grain in the desert. I doubt you even know his name...

But alas, I shall tell you of this Prince of Persia, and his final adventure. It all started with a nightmare. No, a vision....

quote:

quote:

who swift sure in one direction.

Change this to >>> which runs slowly and swiftly in one direction

If I remember well, the original was "which flows, swift and sure, in one direction"

quote:

Originally posted by Warrior-Within2:
Your method of story telling is wrong. I know you think that sounds pompous, but your story doesn't flow. It jumps from one thing to another, most likely because you are trying to fit in multiple quotes from all over the Prince of Persia trilogy. I would never write it like that.

See, that's the problem I knew would come.I mostly try to work on an own writing style, but I thought I should better let the intro speech of Kaileena stay, just improove it alittle. I am sure it was also meant to be in the KB-concept before.
Using an already made speech sucks, I know, and even can't quote right since no one has a script of the games from me too, but do you have any better idea how should I do the intro?

BTW, better PM me, I hate spoiling the other >>

Yo Tristan! Hahaha. How you been doing? Can I join the team? I wanna contribute XD. Btw, Don't worry about the intro dude. Its only a small part, an opening. What comes after that is the main priority. XD

Btw, You going to post the novel somewhere? Where all the pop fans can read.

@Lone. Try to think of this as an alternate T2T. Better or worse, you decide. But please, decide it AFTER the story is written ok? XD

quote:

Originally posted by Kanuch:

quote:

quote:

who swift sure in one direction.

Change this to >>> which runs slowly and swiftly in one direction

If I remember well, the original was "which flows, swift and sure, in one direction"

Lol I couldn't remember so I just changed it to something that actually made sense

Nice cookie. I can't wait for more, and once it's ready let us know, I'll read it for sure. I'd join ya but I ain't agood at writing at all, never was, never will be.
And... welcome back! <(^.^)>

So, Prologue is finished, I sended it to Warrior-within2 to beta read it since he knows how to write in a PoP-style better than me.

I am what you might call an 'aspiring writer', I hope to be a journalist someday! Anyway, I think it's a great idea to write a novel, if you can handle it, or even better if it's a team effort. That way if somebody stumbles along the way, someone else could come and pick up the story again. Good luck with it, and do you plan on finding a publisher at some point?