To be quite honest I am fed up with this forum. >_> Long, long time ago in a land far, far away, I swore I'd never ever leave RaymanZone and stay faithful to it always. I'm not saying I'm leaving; but quite frankly the repeated attacks on the forum (old news, I know), the rise to power of the Rabbids, and ironically the sudden boom in the popularity of my personally favorite Rayman game Rayman 2: Revolution have led me to have an increased dislike in the series and honestly that's why I'm not posting as often as I do. Obviously a lot of changes have gone on in my absence; I remember when I was proposed as a moderator to replace Pok2, but I seriously doubt now that will ever happen. Congrats to the new moderators.

But anyway, my point is that I am plain annoyed that I must repetively post my entire fan fic every single time this forum goes BOOM. So sorry folks, but if you haven't read this story's prequel or this story's first three chapters then too bad for you.

But because I'm a nice child, if you are new to my popular satire of the Rayman games I'll let you in on what's happening. Last year I started a popular and very humorous fan fic called Rayman - How Things Should Have Been, poking fun at the original Rayman. Earlier this year, having finished How Things Should Have Been I began writing Rayman 2 - How Things Should Have Twice Been, which pokes fun at Rayman 2: Revolution. To my glee, it has gotten better ratings than the original thanks to my new method of "artistic humor" instead of "spontaneous humor."

But I just won't start from nothing. No, if you haven't been around for the first three chapters, here's the synopsis: the Dark Lord Globox succeeded in freeing Rayman from his imprisonment by the Tin Can Pirates. Rayman arrived in the Forest of Light and met an obnoxious Murfy, tasty Baby Globoxes, and homosexual Itty Bitty Teensies. After arriving at the Front, Rayman had a one-sided arguement with Murfy, got verbally abused by Lums, checked out the prostitute Ly's house (I think; I forget if I cut that part), was attacked by n00bish Tin Can Pirates, and was saved by Clark the Tax Collector. And that is where Chapter 4 begins...

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Chapter 4: Rayman Thinks About Environmental Awareness

Tilly the Under-Appreciated Fairy was about to make a cameo appearance when Rayman entered the Fairy's Glade. As is typical in a single-player video game, the camera (of which we are staring through) instantaneously focused on him and Tilly was yet again forgotten.

Rayman had been to the Fairy's Glade before, and it was a comforting sight. The island with the giant purple mushroom was one of his favorite haunts, and he especially like the strange arrow that seemed to point at the mushroom for unknown yet certainly sinister reasons. Oh how he pondered as to what that arrow was talking about. Surely it was plotting against him. Yes, this was no ordinary arrow. It was a Communist arrow! Rayman decided that if any evil tin cans were to be defeated, the evil of the Communist arrow had to be stopped. He'd be a hero!
Rayman ran toward the arrow but tripped on a conveniently located hand-standing frog (surely, Rayman thought, it was a Communist too!) and landed on the mushroom. With a sudden jolt he was launched upwards and banged his head on an overlying log. "OUCH!" Rayman yelped. The concussion knocked him out entirely. Perhaps the arrow succeeded in its evil plan?
But of course, we all know that the arrow was just a silly video game mechanic used to point at interesting spots. Unfortunately, Rayman has the awareness of a shovel.
When Rayman regained consciousness (three days later), he decided to let the evil Communist arrow have mercy. He leaped to a little bit of land across the river surrounding the island. At the top of the hill he arrived at was a closed gate and two tasty little morsels known as Glutes. Upon seeing Rayman, the two Baby Globoxes instinctfully cheered. "Rayman," they called, "use the vines on the log to reach the switch opening the gate!" Rayman thanked the Baby Globoxes by eating both of them in a single chomp. Quite full (the concussion had made him very hungry), he decided to jump on the mushroom in a careful fashion. Rayman did just that, and before he knew it he was hanging on vines dangling from the log. "Oh, if only this were a video game!" he exclaimed. "Then I'd have just automatically grabbed these vines instead of banging my head!"

The vines brought him to a small tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a grotto full of water. Who should be there but Globox? "Lord Globox!" Rayman cheered. "I've found you at last!" It was customary for the two to bang their stomachs together when meeting eachother after a long time. Globox instinctively did this in happiness. Oh, they were together again at last! Unfortunately, the gluttonous devouring of baby glutes lately had made Rayman heavier than he had been in days back. Instead of just bouncing off each other, Rayman didn't bounce at all and Globox bounced too far back. With a splash he crashed into the water. "Aaaah, Rayman, help!" the dark lord cried. "There's piranhas in this pool!" Rayman just stood there in shock. "Rayman, no! Come to my rescue! Don't just stand there, you fool!" The piranhas carried Globox away down a river into another tunnel. Bye-bye, Lord Globox!
Let's just be honest. Rayman was standing there because Lord Globox owed him a penny. Suddenly, Murfy appeared! "Rayman, Rayman!" he said in his geeky voice. "These waters aren't for swimming! Piranhas live in them!" Rayman tossed Murfy in too.

After carefully hopping across the pond via lilypads, Rayman found some platforms to jump up. In a stair-like fashion they brought him up to another tunnel, high above the ground. Inside was a Tin Can Pirate! He was sleeping on the job, the lazy bum! Rayman couldn't stand for lazy evil henchmen, so he gave the Tin Can Pirate what was coming to him. With a great shove from behind, Rayman sent the pirate into the gloom of the piranha-infested pond, crashing into Tilly the Under-Appreciated Fairy as he fell.
At the end of the tunnel was a trafficlight with a big red flipper on it. "Oh, I just can't resist!" Rayman joyfully squealed. He smacked that baby and the traffic light turned on. Down beneath the log (of which he was now on top of), the gate opened. At the other end of the gate was a murky, polluted lake. By it stood a Tin Can Pirate reading Pollution for Dummies. Rayman couldn't help grinning when the struggling, drowning pirate revealed to him that piranhas were in these waters too. Rayman really should never be a lifeguard; he's always pushing people in!
But Rayman wasn't a fan of pollution. "Look at these waters!" he grumbled. "Those tin cans have no manners! Probably just a bunch of oil can pirates." He particularly grimaced at the giant pump spewing oil and tar into the lake. Not only was it gross and harmful, but it stunk too. Rayman probably would never have gotten any closer to it, but a great big neon sign saying "This way to Ly's Prison" stood by a tunnel directly above the pump. Plugging his nose, Rayman ran as fast as he could toward that stinky pump. He jumped with all his might and just made it onto the pump. Almost bursting for air, Rayman hurried into the tunnel, fighting off Dusty Bunny Caterpillars as he did.

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For you deviantART addicts, I'd certainly love for you to comment on this on deviantART.

Oh, I've missed this story. x3 Good to see it back and continued.

i agree

Well, here's Chapter 5. ^_^

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Chapter 5: Ly the Prostitute

Computers detected a presence outside the fortress. "Captain Can Opener!" said a voice. "Permission to surround the intruder?"

"Not yet," said another voice, just as mechanical as the first. "The n00b is walking into a trap. Let him come to us!"

"Ha ha, that n00b! He doesn't know what he's getting into!"

"Shouldn't you be guarding the prisoner, n00b?"

"Uh, yes, I guess I should! Captain Can Opener, I leave you now!" With a salute, the first voice left.

"Rayman, you n00b," the second voice said to nobody. "How far can we push you? How far can we prove your n00bness? You n00b."

-

It was almost midnight when Rayman encountered his destination. A blot in the dark-blue night, a large wooden structure obstructed the sky. It was on the edge of a cliff overlooking a swamp. Rayman gulped as he peeked over the cliff's edge. "I never was a fan of heights..." he muttered. Poor Rayman stood on a narrow ledge going up the side of the cliff. The fortress loomed at the top of the cliff above his disembodied head, moonlight hitting the splinters on its surface. Rayman had come from a gap in the forest of Dust Bunny Caterpillars, but the smell of hallucogenic mushrooms had lured him to the fortress' side. Down this narrow ledge, Rayman was sure that the tasty illegal drugs were just ripe for the picking.

Refusing to peek over the edge a second time, Rayman slowly crossed. At the end of the ledge was a large, yellow mushroom. Rayman was about to eat it when he realized it was spoiled. "These mushrooms are rotting!" he remarked in sadness. "They need rain, and there isn't a cloud in the sky!" Heart broken, Rayman snuck back up the ledge and onto the clifftop. "Those Tin Cans will pay for robbing those illegal drugs of their rain!" he growled.

As he approached the fortress' doors, though, a spotlight flashed on. "Halt, you n00b!" said a robotic voice. Rayman looked up. Atop one of the fortress' walls stood a Tin Can Pirate, too high to hit. "n00bs are trespassers, and I the guard will gladly punish them!" Rayman jumped out of the way as a flaming barrel full of vodka smashed into the spot where he had been standing. That Tin Can Pirate was lobbing barrels at him! And worst yet, they were vodka barrels! This wasn't just an attack; it was sacrilege! Oh, if only the Dark Lord Polokus was here!

But then a smile spread across Rayman's face. The pirate laughed, "Ha ha, you are such a n00b!" Evidently, the pirate didn't realize the mistake it made. Almost like a blessing from Polokus, the acidic vodka had dissolved the ground, revealing a hole Rayman could escape through. For just a moment, the Tin Can Pirate blinked--just long enough for Rayman to dart into the hole. The pirate believed Rayman to be disintegrated.

-

Disembodied hands pulled up Rayman's body. The hole had taken Rayman into the fortress' sewers, a convenient secret passage into the stronghold. Quickly Rayman covered up his means of entry and hid behind some barrels of vodka. He was in the cafeteria, apparently. The Tin Can Pirates were holding a celebration. "Hooray, we PWNed a n00b!" the pirates cheered. "You mean I PWNed a n00b," the fortress guard reminded them.

"But how shall we celebrate?" asked another.

"We could gank another n00b," offered a third. "I hear they've captured a tubby fella in the Canopy up in the mountains."

"I have a better idea," suggested a fourth. "We have our own prisoner, don't we? That hot babe. You know...what's her name...Tilly! No, uh...Betilla? Betina?"

"Ly!" Rayman quietly hinted.

"Oh, now I remember! That hot babe's name was Ly! Let's gank Ly!"

"We can't," said a fifth somberly. "That sexy tush of her's already has a purpose. The Captain says Ly's scheduled to be a guinea pig for a weapon they're testing out over by the mines."

"Ooo, what weapon would that be?" asked the second.

"Confidential information. All I know is that it looks like a barrel and it can do some serious ganking."

"Speaking of barrels," said the guard, "the hero wants some vodka. Gimmie a barrel, n00b!"

A Tin Can Pirate approached the place where Rayman was hiding. "Oh jeez," Rayman yelped as the barrel he was hiding behind was lifted. "HEY!" the pirate yelled. "A N00B! PWN HIM!" All the pirates started shooting at Rayman, but the limbless wonder was too quick for the inexperienced pirates. A guard different from the earlier one had been at a post, but upon discovering that some lamo had been found in the fortress he left it. Now Rayman darted through and hurried down a corridor, a whole party of Tin Can Pirates at his heel.

-

When Rayman arrived in the basement, he stopped abruptly. He was pushed to the floor, though, as the following Tin Can Pirates crashed into him. "Whaddya stop for, ya n00b?" one asked. "Yer supposed to get away!"

"Look!" Rayman pointed. Across the room, Admiral Sharpstache was making out with a very naked Ly the Fairy (not that she wasn't naked to begin with). "Oh!" the robotic admiral moaned. "This was so worth the money!" All the Tin Can Pirates stared. Rayman stared. Tilly the Under-Appreciated Fairy stared jealously through a conveniently located window. Ly groaned in pleasure. "Oh Admiral," she said very suggestively, "you make my magic spark!"

"Um, excuse me," Rayman interrupted as he pushed the pirates off of him. He walked over and tapped Ly on the shoulder. "Ly, I've been chased by a bunch of n00bish pirates. Aren't you going to help me?"

Ly jumped up in surprise. "Rayman! I didn't expect to see you here!" she blushed as Admiral Sharpstache teleported away. "What do you need, you sexy stallion you?"

"Ly, look at all these pirates! I need your sexy manner of helping!" Rayman urged.

"Okay," Ly smiled. "I'll make those pirates go away!" Suddenly a disco ball dropped from the ceiling and the room lit up with rainbow colors. Ly was suddenly dressed in disco-style clothing. "Hey guys!" she called to the Tin Can Pirates. "Let's do the Walk of Power!" In an explosion of color, the surroundings shattered away, revealing a misty river amongst lush grassy islands. The pirates gazed in amazement, hardly noticing they too wore disco stuff. "Come on!" Ly tempted. "If insane rabbits can get their groove on, so can you! Let's do the dance!"

Some groovy music started to play from nowhere. Ly began power walking in place, hips swinging this way and that. A Tin Can Pirate suddenly found itself tapping its foot. Finally, the heroic guard called out, "Come on, n00bs! Let's do the Walk of Power dance!" And so they too started getting their groove on with that rhythmic walk-in-place, following Ly's example. As they danced, Ly tossed Rayman a Wiimote and a Nunchuk. "Rayman, you know what to do!" she whispered.

"Make out with Sir Rigatoni again?" Rayman asked.

"No, the other thing!" she said with a chuckle. She hadn't forgotten Rayman's affair with Rigatoni.

Rayman realized what she was talking about. He hurried onto a floating lilypad and strapped on the Wiimote. "Dance, you smexy cans!" Ly encouraged the suckers. Rayman swung the Wiimote and Nunchuk alternatively to the rhythm. Nothing happened at first, but soon something strange and wonderful began to happen. Outside, Tilly the Under-Appreciated Fairy saw a light. Could this be Michel Ancel, finally coming to give Tilly the attention she deserves? Actually, it was the light on Betilla the Big Bad Fairy's motorcycle. Tilly was ran over.

Something else that was strange and wonderful happened to! After a while, Ly's magic began working its magic (odd phrase, isn't it?). When Rayman tilted his Wiimote and Nunchuk, Tin Can Pirates began to vaporize. By the end of the song, they had all been vaporized. Success!

-

Soon after, Rayman and Ly found themselves in the dark basement of the fortress once again. After having some raunchy "fun," Rayman zipped up his clothes and spoke with Ly about the pirates. "They are so nasty," he sighed. "How shall we ever get rid of them?"

"Rayman," Ly whispered enthusiastically. "Have you ever heard of Polokus? He is the spirit of our world, and is very powerful!"

"Are you suggesting that I don't know who Polokus is, despite how he rules every single aspect of our lives with an iron fist? How stupid do you think I am!?"

"Exceedingly stupid," Ly answered.

Suddenly an Itty Bitty Teensie appeared out of nowhere. "Congratulations!" he exclaimed. "That was the final question! Ly, you've won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!" Confetti fell out of nowhere, celebrating Ly getting the correct answer. After Ly gushed over her new money, she told Rayman, "Seek out Lord Polokus' masks. Only they can bring the Dark Lord back to get rid of the pirates!" With that, Ly hopped into a limosine and drove away magically.

-

It was time for Rayman to escape the fortress. He found another door to the sewers and used it. This time, however, Rayman was at the sewer's end, where polluted water flowed out of pipes and into the Iron River. Far below, Rayman saw the faint outline of Murfy as the wuss freaked out over the water, which dragged him on and on. Across a bridge was a cage. An Itty Bitty Teensie squeaked from the cage, "Rayman, please save me!" Rayman obeyed and set the Itty Bitty Teensie free.

"Rayman," the big hat-wearing Itty Bitty Teensie announced, "I am Gerald from the Friends of the Gleeks Association. It is to my understanding that you have been devouring baby gleeks in excess. I have a petition here. You will see that it has been signed by many people, all of which would like you to stop eating Globox's children on a fan-fic. Please listen to our pleas and stop this nonsense!" Suddenly a portal appeared. "In return for your kindness, I have prepared this portal to bring you back to the Front! So, what do you say?"

Rayman replied by grabbing the clipboard with the petition and throwing it over the edge of the bridge. "No!" the Itty Bitty Teensie squeaked in his squeaky voice, "My petition! My life's work! No!" In a desperate effort to save the petition, the Itty Bitty Teensie jumped off the edge of the bridge and followed the petition down into the deadly waters below. Shrugging off the Itty Bitty Teensie from the Friends of the Gleeks Association, Rayman hurried off into the portal.

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The Walk of Power sequence is inspired by the dance mini-games from Rayman Raving Rabbids, if you didn't notice.

Comments and/or critique are appreciated. Also, if you are a member of deviantART, please comment on it on deviantART as well. ^_^

The jokes range from good to bad...but it's the...precision...like the frog, the mushroom and stuff, the way it SO closely follows the entire game, which makes it so funny.

Keep up the good work.

Sorry, no new chapter yet. I hate writing transitions, I wish Rayman would just POP right into the Bayou...

But I am here to say that if you haven't already you still have a chance to read Chapters 1 and 3, along with this story's prequel and my new, still-not-posted-on-RZ serious novelization of Rayman 2!

Rayman - How Things Should Have Been
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3200902/1/Rayman_How_Things_Should_Have_Been

Rayman 2 - How Things Should Have Twice Been
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4381475/1/Rayman_2_How_Thin...ould_Have_Twice_Been

Revolution: R2 Novelization
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4381533/1/Revolution

Reviews are welcome. =3

Yeah, transitions are a pain.