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one for fabrice
how do you get picachu on a bus? poke him on good to go |
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Dacian Lord |
Heroine, this is joking thread not teasing thread.  Have mercy!  Member of the Heroes of Might and Magic V Rescue Team . . . > Still waiting for a better game. |
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I'm not teasing, I'm daring you. Try me and ask any question about an issue in your life you think you don't know the answer to... ON TOPIC: A man and a woman are in an elevator. All of a sudden the elevator stops and the fire alarm goes off. The woman starts to have a break down and say to the man, "I wish I could feel like a woman one last time." The man automatically rips his shirt off throws it to the floor and says, "now fold it"! |
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lol
Two fish in a tank. One says "Who's driving this thing?" I know, I'm just too **** funny for my own good. Robbie |
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what does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
dam.... |
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2 martians come to earth. They go to a gas station and find a petrol pump.
The first aims it's lazer pistol at it and says: - We are martians earthling. Take us to your leader or suffer the consequencies. The other try to take reason with his pal. - Man, stop that. This earthling is a die hard. - Shut up! Don't matter how he is, he must obey us, we are superior! - No dude! He can tottally take us alone. - Don't be ridiculous. Earthling, stop ignoring us! Take us to your leader... So that's how it's gone be right? TAKE THAT! The martian shoots. The pump, obviously, explode. Both martians are thrown some hundred meters from there. The one that shoot asks the other. - This one was angry! How do you knew he was so dangerous? - Didn't you saw his ****? It reached the ground, circled him twice and yet came back up and it's head was hangging in his ear! --Signal Incoming--  "If I like you, you can call me Sarge. But, guess what, I DON'T LIKE YOU! Do you understand, scumbag? It's Sergeant General to you" |
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THINGS NOT TO SAT WHEN STOPPED BY A TRAFFIC COP.
I can't find my license unless you hold my needle. Aren't you the guy from the village people? Wan't to buy a cheap camcorder,no questions asked? I've got 50 in the back. Is that your baton or are yo just pleased to see me? You must've been doing 120 to keep up with me. Here's 10 dollars to forget all about it. Wan't to race to the station? Sorry,officer,my guide dogs usually barks if i'm driving to fast. This is a typical case of harassment by a fascist police force. I pay your salary you know. Thanks officer,the officer yesterday gave me a warning too. Officer...I think i love you. |
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okay, i dont know if someone has posted this, but its not well known yet so;
two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff, ... ... ba-dum tish. (my poor attempt to write out the sound effect that always getts played after someone tells a joke) "Always remember to pillage before you burn." "One trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out as fun." |
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Hehe those what not to say are pretty funny but you forgot one pug_1984:
Hey cant you see i'm on the fone here! and: Here one from the real life, my older brother drives home with his really drunk friend, and is pulled over for speeding. He maneges to persuade the female officer to let him go, but then his still really drunk friend, sneaks up behind the female officer and grabs her chest. They both spend the night in detention  |
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LOL oh man, that is terrible. After the driver goes and gets everybody out of trouble, some guy goes and ruins it. Hilirious. lol
"Always remember to pillage before you burn." "One trouble with trouble is that it usually starts out as fun." |
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THINGS NOT TO WEAR TO A JOB INTERVIEW
A suit of armor. Camouflage combat jacket and trousers. A Hannibal Lecter t-shirt. The national costume of Holland. Prison uniform. A Richard Nixon mask. A pink satin jump suit.[if your a man] Scuba diving gear. A Big Bird costume. Anything dripping in blood. |
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What about wearing a Santa's uniform and say:
- If you don't hire me you will get coal in the christmas! --Signal Incoming-- "If I like you, you can call me Sarge. But, guess what, I DON'T LIKE YOU! Do you understand, scumbag? It's Sergeant General to you" |
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good one sandro but that one wasn't in the joke book
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Let's try this one:
An old Arab lived close to New York City for more than 40 years. He would have loved to plant potatoes in his garden, but he is alone, old and weak. His son is in college in Paris, so the old man sends him an e-mail. He explains the problem: "Beloved son, I am very sad, because I can't plant potatoes in my garden. I am sure, if only you were here, you would help and dig up the garden for me. I love you, Your Father" The following day, the old man receives a response e-mail from his son: "Beloved Father, Please don't touch the garden. It's there that I have hidden 'the THING'. I love you, too, Ahmed" At 4pm the US Army, The Marines, the FBI, the CIA and the Rangers visit the house of the old man, take the whole garden apart, search every inch, but can't find anything. Disappointed they leave the house. A day later, the old man receives another e-mail from his son. "Beloved Father, I hope the garden is dug up by now and you can plant your potatoes. That's all I could do for you from here. I love you, Ahmed." |
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now i will use my new word LOL!
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lol. I already heard that one, but hearing it again twice was fun.
Continuing my joke, your boss says: - I'm jewish. You repplies: - So your gift will be the resurrection of Hittler! --Signal Incoming-- "If I like you, you can call me Sarge. But, guess what, I DON'T LIKE YOU! Do you understand, scumbag? It's Sergeant General to you" |
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LOL..  Save Me Kaizers |
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I'm not sure if it's suitable to post this here, but one post had me rolling on the floor like no other. It's called How to talk to girls online, on page 7 of Tavern of the Rising Sun on Heroes Community.
 ------------------------------------- AOH and HC admin http://heroescommunity.com http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com  |
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Dacian Lord |
 Good one. Member of the Heroes of Might and Magic V Rescue Team . . . > Still waiting for a better game. |
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Two blonds walk into a building.
You think one of them would have seen it. A blond walks into a convenient store. she walks up to the clerk and says, "I wanna buy that TV over there." the clerk replies, "I'm sorry but we dont sell to blonds." so she goes home and changes here clothes and makeup and puts on a red wig. she goes back to the store and says to the clerk, "I wanna buy that TV over there." the clerk says, "I'm sorry but we dont sell to blonds." she says, "How did you know i was blond?" and he says, Because its a freakin microwave lady!" How do you get a one armed blond out of a tree? You wave.  Beliver that a sig line is a waste of space. im also a member of the american organization of Irony  |
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