There is a bear and a hare in the woods. The bear allways beats the hare just for fun.

One day the hare tries to hide beneath a stone and finds an old lamp. The bear however finds the hare, kicks away the stone. Courious 'bout the lamp he now sees he takes and rubs it.
A genie apears and says: Bear, you released me, so I'll give ya three wishes.
However, the hare found the lamp, so I grant him one wish, too."

So says the bear:
first, I want all other male bears to disapear from the woods, so all females are mine!
second, I want all female bears to be horny whenever I want!
Third I want to be the best looking and strongest bear with the greates stamina of all times!"
The genie grants him all three wishes.
Now he asks the hare 'bout his wish, so the hare replies: "Now I want the bear to be gay!"

P.S.: The hare is probably female.

Sorry, I'm new around; what means R_O_T_F_L?

It stands for "Rolling On The Floor Laughing."

Other variations of this are ROFL, ROTFLMAO, and various others that have R O F and L in them. They all basically just mean LOL, only more exuberant.

- Tale

Thanx!

Well i was trying to install 2 sound cars on a computer once. And after instaling the drivers i got this following message from windows:
"there has been a catastpohical faliur. The computer will now shut down"

True stroy

Well just got some on mail today from one of my friends..



How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman
who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to
support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to
the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she
starts a sentence with "A man once told me."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they
are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Boy ain't this the truth!

(my apologize to the women of this forum)



And a little joke...

The Son:
- Dad, a Ferrari isn't that a car with a red small horse??

The father:
- That's right, Why??

The Son:
- well.... take a look out the window take a look out the window

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Moenster1986,

quote:

Originally posted by znork:
Well i was trying to install 2 sound cars on a computer once. And after instaling the drivers i got this following message from windows:
"there has been a catastpohical faliur. The computer will now shut down"

True stroy

Well you might want to upgrade for the best version of Windows..

WinRG.exe

Znork's heroic quest for Feestos

Guys, can I please remind you that this is a public forum, where also kids have access? Please try to keep it decent and save some of the jokes for when you are in private with your friends.

Thank you.


PS: Moenster1986, can you please at least remove those two pictures? They are old, probably everybody knows them, I personally don't even find them that funny, and this is not the right place for such things. - Thanks!

quote:

Originally posted by Zamolxis108:
Guys, can I please remind you that this is a public forum, where also kids have access? Please try to keep it decent and save some of the jokes for when you are in private with your friends.

Thank you.


PS: Moenster1986, can you please at least remove those two pictures? They are old, probably everybody knows them, I personally don't even find them that funny, and this is not the right place for such things. - Thanks!

well i suport monster reoport it the mod and let them deside. I lought realy loud when saw them:9

A hunter buys the best gun and goes to shoot polar bears. He goes to a eskimo village and hires a local hunter to show him how things are done. The eskimo says 'Do as I do', takes his 200 years old gun and walks out.
They set a camp not far from the village. When a polar bear appears the eskimo grabs his gun... and runs like hell to the village. The white man does the same, but is soon out of breath and the bear is catching him. And then he thinks: 'Why am I running when I have this great gun I spent so much money on?'
He turn around and shoots the bear. The bear is dead. The eskimo comes crying bitter tears. he hugs the bear and says: 'Curse you, white idiot!! Who now carries bear to village!?...'

Sorry, I couldn't resist being Philosophical:
Good and evil went out on the ring. The people bet on the evil. It was victorious. The people won...

Ok, there goes (sorry for my

A brazillian, a german and a portuguese (we like to mess with them here) find a lamp. They rub the lamp at the same time and genies show up:
- WHAT! Thats the 5th time this week, can't you find me only once every century like it was before? Ok, I was tired of this so I made this. I have here 3 eggs, I will give one to each of you, when you think about a wish brake the egg, then jump inside a poll and ask for something, the pool will be filled with what you ask, now LEAVE ME ALONE!
-(German) Ok, I have 3 pools in my house, empty now, lets go there to make our wishes.
They go to the german's house and the german goes.
- I'll go first.
He crash the egg in the grounds jumps in the pool and yells:
- BEER!!!
The pool is filled with beer. The german starts to drink happily.
The brazillian goes:
- MONEY!!!
The pool is filled with dollars. The portuguese goes, crush his eggs in his hands, run toward the pool... and slip in the edge:
- SHIIIT!!!...

(Don't worry, they also mess with us there, and they started this "tradition" if you wanna know )

More philosophical thoughts:
If the ultimate struggle of good against evil come, all the people will bet in the evil.
The good will win and the evil will have won the bet

They are making a documentary about aging and were making questions to the oldies they were finding in the street.
-How old are you?
-83
-How do you menaged to live so long?
-I aways make exercises in the morning and aways eat a balanced diet.
-Amazing, and you?
-98
-WOW! And how you lived so long?
-I never quit and never give up. My stright fowardness kept me alive, and also living outside the big cities, I'm just comming for my grand grand grand children.
Then a man that looks more like a skeleton and has a faded face show up, he looks like he is in his lasts.
-EWWW! You are really old, what you do?
-I smoke 5 cigarretes *cof-cof* by hour, drink every day, when I want and how *cof-cof* I want all the day since I was 14. *cof-cof* And I keep living just fine, all these propaganda is bull****.
-WOW! And how old you got?
-I will pridely make 27 next week.

Short one:
2 blonds are hunting to get used with the nature and one is stinged by an spider.
The other calls 911 and says:
-Help, my friend get bitten by a spider and is not moving.
-Ok, "bitten" you say? First make sure of your friend's status, if she is already dead or...
*GUNSHOT*
-Ok, now I'm sure she is dead. What now?

quote:

Originally posted by Zamolxis108:
Guys, can I please remind you that this is a public forum, where also kids have access? Please try to keep it decent and save some of the jokes for when you are in private with your friends.

Thank you.


PS: Moenster1986, can you please at least remove those two pictures? They are old, probably everybody knows them, I personally don't even find them that funny, and this is not the right place for such things. - Thanks!

NP.. didn't mean to offend anybody.. nice thrad anyway
Havent' heard about the Qantas pilots before.. laughed a lot

Thank you.

And now, my joke of the day:

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."

I saw your fast edit Zalmoxis (I agree with you)

OK, for the others as well then, my edit was:

Edit: I just realized that actually my joke above can be also applied in the situation StarForce vs software pirates that we have now. Unfortunately, in this case the victims are us, the honest buyers.

I removed it before because I didn't want this thread to also turn into a StarForce one. Let's hope it doesn't so people, now let's get back to our jokes.

Ok, quick one:
The drunken see 2 identical mans and says:
- WOOT! I'm really wasted now, I'm seeing in double!
- No worries man, we ARE twins.
- WOW! All the four?

This one may LOOK like discrimination, but is only to show how short minded (sadic if you may) Bush is (fiction, remember, fiction!)
Bush is at a meeting with Tony Blair trying to convince him of continuing to suport the war.
- I don't know Bush. And the public opinion?
- Don't worry, we will kill 3 million iraquians and 1 pizza guy.
- Why a pizza guy?!
- See! Noone cares about 3 million iraquians.