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quote: Originally posted by SeaFireLIV: Never had a mum. Guess that`s my mother`s day taken care of then. 
I guess you mean maybe you never knew your Mum (everybody has to have one, unless we were born out of a bottle or something, right?) |
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quote: Originally posted by leitmotiv:
My mother died this morning. Desolate.
We don't really know each other beyond some brief exchanges here, but nevertheless please accept my genuine condolence. My mother is physically robust but suffers from severe dementia, to the point where normal conversation has been impossible for some time and she now no longer recognizes any of her family members. Of course, my wife and I still visited here on Mother's Day and gave her a present and a card, which delighted her even though she doesn't really understand any more. Best regards and keep well,  panther3485 |
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quote: Originally posted by leitmotiv:
Many thanks, LF. Came as a bolt from the blue.
My condolences. I only just checked back on this thread today or I would`ve said sooner. |
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quote: Originally posted by leitmotiv:
"Many thanks all. That is tough beyond endurance, panther, I am so sorry."
Thanks mate, appreciate it. Yes, very hard to take and it was especially rough on Dad; he went through indescribable agonies of indecision and feelings of guilt. Of course, his devotion to, and love for Mum is total and he felt duty bound to continue to care for her on his own at home, but things were getting so bad we had to intervene otherwise he would have destroyed his own health and it probably would have been fatal for him and Mum would have ended up in a home either way. He's 83 and quite active, and has come to terms with the situation now. Life has tough breaks for all of us, I guess. At least Mum doesn't suffer as she is in 'fairyland' all the time now. |
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quote: Originally posted by leitmotiv:
Regrets, P. I am glad your father has come to terms. It is very easy to be ravaged by guilt (I am having to deal with this right now).
Yes, we often tend to blame ourselves when usually it is just something that happens which is a part of life and nobody is really to blame. My wife and I looked after Mum at our home for a spell, while Dad was in hospital. It was very taxing for the pair of us and we are quite a lot younger and fitter than Dad. During his hospitalization, he had time to think and we managed to convince him it would be best, both for Mum and for his own health, for Mum to go into full time care. He hated it but he knew we were right. We were very lucky with the nursing home, though, as it is one of the best, most modern and well run available. Mum is very comfortable there and her needs are properly met - something we would have struggled to do at home, what with a teenager to raise, job commitments etc. Mum could never be left alone, it was a 24/7 job. Your Mum must have been a great lady, and from the little info I've read here it seems like she had a full life. All the best, panther3485 |
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quote: Originally posted by leitmotiv:
It is very easy to be ravaged by guilt (I am having to deal with this right now).
Guilt is a part of the grieving process Leit. When I lost my mother a few years back I went through the same. You find yourself wondering if there was anything you could have done. The next thing is anger, when you try to find someone else to blame. There is nothing you or I could have done mate. My thoughts are with you Leit.
David Mitchell for Prime Minister...NOW!
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| Posts: 1507 | Location: GREAT BRITAIN | Registered: Wed October 27 2004 |  |
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One of the horrors of living in the States is the appalling treatment the elderly receive from even the finest nursing homes with no violations of health care code. Without going into the details, my father was prematurely shunted off to eternity 12 years ago by one of the best nursing homes in the San Francisco Bay Area (he was there for a broken hip). Later, through my efforts and others, the place was litigated up the yang by the California Attorney General. Unfortunately, my mother was mistreated, too. It drives you insane because you have to micro-manage these places because the "care" personnel are simply appalling. You have to constantly fight with the administrators, and, still, something happens which is disastrous. To be brutally frank, I will kill myself when I start to decline rather than go into a California nursing home. This is one of the many reasons I am leaving this foul state ASAP, where I have seen the quality of life nose dive unbelievably over the last 30 years.
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| Posts: 8190 | Location: zone of destiny | Registered: Fri May 21 2004 | |
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quote: Originally posted by leitmotiv:
One of the horrors of living in the States is the appalling treatment the elderly receive from even the finest nursing homes with no violations of health care code. Without going into the details, my father was prematurely shunted off to eternity 12 years ago by one of the best nursing homes in the San Francisco Bay Area (he was there for a broken hip). Later, through my efforts and others, the place was litigated up the yang by the California Attorney General. Unfortunately, my mother was mistreated, too. It drives you insane because you have to micro-manage these places because the "care" personnel are simply appalling. You have to constantly fight with the administrators, and, still, something happens which is disastrous. To be brutally frank, I will kill myself when I start to decline rather than go into a California nursing home. This is one of the many reasons I am leaving this foul state ASAP, where I have seen the quality of life nose dive unbelievably over the last 30 years.
Sorry to read about what happened to your Father, mate. Our country also is far from squeaky clean when it comes to nursing homes and I can think of many cases that have been exposed over the years, of abuse and some very suspicious deaths. And those are the ones we get to hear about. Ostensibly, stringent controls and high standards are applied but inspectors can't be everywhere. Getting good staff with the right sort of motivation can be a problem too, aggravated by the fact that base level workers in the Aged Care industry are among the lowest paid of all employees. That said, it's far from all being gloom and doom. Luckily, my wife works in the industry and has an 'inside' view as well as some handy contacts, all of which helped when we needed to place Mum in a home. |
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That is good you have your wife's experience to guide you. I had a sharp confrontation with a nurse in the hospital over lack of information I was getting re my mother's situation. I realized the nurse was innocent, and it was the doctors and the system which were at fault. I apologized to her and hoped the doctors landed in the infernal regions in pretty foul language. She seemed to enjoy my damning the doctors. This was one of the few moments of humanity during the whole ordeal. The bureaucratization of health care is one of the worst things to ever happen. People are just getting chewed up by a cold, lifeless, barbaric system .
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| Posts: 8190 | Location: zone of destiny | Registered: Fri May 21 2004 | |
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Agreed, the system can be very cold and heartless - even barbaric as you say - as can some of the people in it. In my experience, there are also fair numbers of concerned, compassionate and dedicated people working in the system too and speaking to them, many feel 'weighed down'; discouraged and disillusioned by it all and it takes a lot of determination and focus not to become apathetic and just give up trying or quit. In my opinion, such folks are worth their weight in gold and should be paid double what they are getting now. The whole situation just sucks, bigtime. Sadly, IMHO, this stems at least partly from a society that has in some ways ceased to care so much about the fate of the elderly.  I'll get off my soap box now. Best regards, panther3485 |
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