Update 21NOV09

Well, Damion (I have been spelling it wrong all this time) really tried my patience today. He is to do PT Mon, Wed and Fri 3 times a day (Morning, Afternoon and Evening) and he knows this. He even wrote it down.
He only did it in the Morning yesterday. I have told him several times that he knows what is expected of him and I will no longer remind him or hold him by the hand. If he "forgets" or just doesn't do what he is told, he will be disciplined for it, meaning a grueling smoke session.
It is nothing personal, and he knows this. He also knows that I do this for his own good.
I filmed the smoke session from this morning, but unfortunately, my camera shut itself down after 10 minutes, and the best stuff was yet to come. Too bad really as I would have really liked for all of you to see then end.
Oh well.
I have smoked him many times, but this time I wanted to get record it for something he will look back on, for posterity, and be grateful for...I hope.
Here is the link to the movie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BH0wI6PRUWA



Update 01NOV09

Damian got his first smoke session this morning. For the non military types, that is to say that I had him doing certain exercises until he felt he would die. I had him down in the thinking position, rolled over to do some flutter kicks and great stuff like that while I am yelling at how disgusted I am.
I was asking him some questions about his former employer and what happened there. He had a "memory lapse" which was quickly resolved during the aforementioned smoke session.
I wanted to get a movie of it to show his family what is going on here. Next time I will be sure to film it. You will all get a kick out of it I am sure.


One of my wife's cousins, Damian, refuses to look for a job. He is over 20 years old for crying out loud! He dropped out of school and has been freeloading from his parents for years and was told to make a serious effort towards a job by tomorrow or that was it, he would be out on the street.
Still not enough to inspire him to get his lazy a$$ in gear, he did not even attempt to find a job. Please believe me when I say that there is so much more going on than just being lazy and not getting a job. His parents have had it with him and can no longer take the strain of him living at home.
Being up against time, knowing he would get kicked out by tomorrow, he calls grandma, and of course she doesn't want to see him out on the street.
Even in her frail health she was willing to take him in, and there he would freeload on them as well.
When my wife and I found out about this, we were furious that Damian would put grandma in this position, knowing that she is not well off.
My mother-in-law had him at her place for a week or two to try to help out a month ago, and hoping that this would change his lazy attitude and turn him into a more responsible person.
If her regimen didn't work and turn him into a more responsible person, he was told that he was coming to my house, the Sarge, and go through my regimen. God help him.
He is very afraid right now. I just called my wife and they are on there way here right now.
I am not at all happy (and neither are my sons) to have this lowlife loser in my home, but I can only hope that I have enough willpower and know-how to forge him into a better, more upstanding person.
As my word usage may indicate, I am very upset right now that my privacy will be invaded by this degenerate, but my wife's entire family has faith in me and my past experiences to make him into something better.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Choctaw111,

Sign him up for the Army.

Good luck!
Getting irrespinsible kids of any age to grow up is a daunting task - made all the worse when they are past 18 and still act like spoilt little brats.
V

Well, from personal experience, and hindsight. Put the fear of God into him, I wish I had that discipline given to me when I was younger. My situation would be much better nowadays.

If your honestly stuck with him, break his
B@lls all the time reminding him that its his own doing that put him in his current position.

When he whines remind him that which doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

He'll probobly move out in a couple of weeks, if he doesnt you've made a difference for your family and that is always a good thing.

Good luck with the slacker and report back if you need help with creative ideas to guide the wayward youth towards the self realization that on his current path he is worthless and a parasite.

I don't get it Brad.. I have two cosins up in Rhode Island .. one is almost 30 and he lives with his grandparents.. they are 78 & 75 ... and he just had a kid.. the mother was going to put him up for adoption.. but he wasn't having it.. "That's my son!!" .. and who cares for this newborn? The grandparents.. My uncle just had open heart surgery @ 18 monhts ago.. my aunt has COPD.. MY daughter has a boyfriend.. nice kid.. not into drugs or drinking.. and he seems to care about my daughter.. but he has been out of school since June of 08.. and has not worked one day.. I am trying to get him to join the Coast Gaurd or something.. UN friggin real.. I dont get these kids today at all..

Give him hell..

i'm not sure of this guys situation. Somethings not quite right there, but i've been on both sides of that coin, living with different roomates. I was often critical of bums, and people who free load, especially when they take, take and take. From the roll of toilet paper, socks, i've even had towels taken. Who'd want my towels, or socks? Not that i'm sick its just kinda weird when those type of items turn up missing, and then you find it months later inside the heating vent because your roommate was hot all the time.

I know if it were my kid i would be lighting a fire under his ***, on the other hand if there were circumstances that landed him/her back under my roof, or maybe someone did something to him to slow his progress in life, then my door would be wise open. I'd offer him full support, and find out what happened, and make sure it got dealt with so he could get on with his life like normal people.

Basically, life can hit you hard, and hopefully it is just laziness and maybe you can do something to help him. Maybe i'm letting personal experiences skew my response to this post. I'm not gonna turn this into a thread about my problems or the people that i'm dealing with on my own, but basically if the guys is that big of a slacker then he probably needs a swift kick, or better encouragement.

Anyway, family is a touchy subject for me as of late.

I guess everyone should be glad that they have each other in their lives, even if its to be a bit upset at them for their flaws. One day, those people may not be there when you wake up, and you'd wish you'd said the right things instead of mouthing off or trying to rush them out the door so you could have your alone time.
This is probably way beyond the scope of whats going with this guy, but for some reason it struck a chord with me.


Bill

Good luck. I'm impressed that you're willing to help this boy. I really hope you can make a difference, but if for any reason it doesn't work out, don't blame yourself. He's an adult and he's not your responsibility.

Funny, I'm in a similar situation. In another thread I posted about my families financial issues and that we've moved back in with the inlaws. Well what I didn't mention is that my wifes little brother (notice I didn't say brother-in-law, I reject him in that role) is still living there. He's 23, has been in jail several times for DUI and drug dealing, he has a daughter from a girl he knocked up in highschool that he sees supervised on the weekends, he has an 18yr old girlfriend living in his room with him that he knocked up a few months ago, he refuses to go get a job, always blames his record never himself, he has no self control and is always yelling and cursing in front everyone when he doesn't get his way, feels he's entitled to money from his parents, he just got his car back but has a breathalyzer installed in his car (for the second time, the first time he had other people blow in it and still drove around drunk). His mother REFUSES to do anything about him, his dad would love nothing more than to kick his bony butt out on the street as they've bailed him out more times than he deserves but he's not in charge around here, and since it's the parents who's house we are living in that let him get away with this, there is very little I can do about it. I'd love to just take him outside and give him the near-death experience he needs to get his butt in gear but the in laws would probably send me to jail. I could just call the cops and get him busted for dealing weed again but that wouldn't work as his mother would go into debt again paying off his lawyers and bail instead of letting him rot. It's entirely his parents fault in this case (certainly not saying in all cases though), he has NEVER had to deal with the consequences of his actions, he is completely convinced himself that nothing bad that happens is his fault and that someone will always be there to bail him out of trouble and clean up the mess. I'm not a violent man but I long to lay my hands on this guy.

When I get my first job, it will probably have something to do with computers, when older, I will probably get a job in designing aeroplanes and aeronautics. I love to draw new aeroplanes.

I don't want to live with my parents, I want to get a good paying job and stuff.


Just thought I'd share.

quote:

Originally posted by The_Stealth_Owl:
When I get my first job, it will probably have something to do with computers, when older, I will probably get a job in designing aeroplanes and aeronautics. I love to draw new aeroplanes.

I don't want to live with my parents, I want to get a good paying job and stuff.


Just thought I'd share.

Well, everyone wants to get that good paying job, and you will probably have it, providing that you do very well is school and in college. No slacking off and no getting into trouble.

@Ba5tard5word The Army is a good idea, but he would need to study and get his GED.

@DrHerb I plan on putting the fear of God into him. It has been a few years since I felt I have been in a god like role, but it should be just like riding a bike. If you've done it before...

@TS_Sancho My favorite military saying is "Pain is Weakness Leaving Your Body". He will have much weakness leaving his.

@BC It is incredible what irresponsible people do, or don't do, once they are ENABLED to continue in their irresponsibility. I have an uncle who was pampered by my late grandmother right up till her death almost 10 years ago. Now he is near 60 years old and still has the mentality of a child, really. If my grandmother had only made him do things on his own, even while growing up, he would have turned out much differently. I say once your child graduates high school, that child should have already been given all the "tools" (by their parents) they need in life to succeed.

@Urufu_Shinjiro If he were family to me, and acted that way, cursing and such, in front of everyone, then he can get schooled in front of everyone as well, meaning a good a$$ Whoopin'. People like that need "wall to wall" counseling if you know what I mean.

I keep reminding myself that I am doing this for Tara (my wife) and her family, and even Damian. He and my wife are out right now getting some necessities that he will need. They haven't come home yet, but I briefly met Damian and my wife for dinner as we always eat out on a Friday. He said he was skaking. Perhaps he is afraid, as he should be. He is getting ready to step into my world. This will definitely be a wake up call for him.

Get'im Chocktaw, I sincerely hope for you and him that you can help him help himself.

I'll add a little more to my personal story since it seems a day for sharing, lol.

I grew up with my grandmother and a family friend, basically I was raised by two women so you know there's trouble already. Well they were both fairly weak and not very intelligent, I don't say that to be insulting, it's just the truth, I'm sure we've all known of a situation where the child was smarter than the parents and that makes things worse. Well I got my way most of the time in some respects, while in others I was never allowed to do for myself. I never had chores, everything was done for me, yet I was not allowed to play outside too often because "I might get hurt", an odd and damaging combination really. So fast forward to a very angry teenager with an IQ higher than most of his teachers, I quickly dropped out of highschool and lived in the back room till I was about 24 or so. Now I wasn't mean and I didn't get into trouble and sponged as little as possible but when you're in your 20's living with grandparents and have no job you will sponge. Now my whole problem was no motivation, I was suffering from depression most of this time, and was never given a reason to attempt to pull myself up by my bootstraps though I was perfectly capable as I found out later. Now, enter my future wife, she apparently took pity on this poor miserable bum and we started dating, so of course I started sponging off of her. She was in college and was having trouble with roommates in the dorms so we decided to get an apartment with a mutual friend so I did go out and get a job. I was getting better, I had a reason to now, but it didn't last. I was working across town and taking the bus, we had a pretty good bus system in jacksonville so it was no problem getting to work and back, until for some reason there would be days when the bus didn't show up at my stop. Now this happened a few times and I called the transportation authority and they said that they were investigating that driver for skipping parts of her route to make up time. Well she kept doing it until I got fired for being late too many times. I got fired a week before we were to move in and she told me we would keep this to ourselves and she would let me go ahead and move in with her if I promised to go find another job right away. Well I fell back into my old habits and never went looking even though I knew where to find a job. Eventually she got sick of it and when we were on a trip in Gainesville to go to a renaissance fair she told me the sunday morning before we left to return home that I needed to make some calls and find a place to stay cause I wasn't staying with her that night. She threw me out on my butt so hard I bounced! What a wakeup call! All of a sudden, instead of having everything handed to me I was on the street, literally, I found one friend who said I could stay one or two nights but then I had to be gone. That Monday I had a job and went to work. I got ahold of another friend who said I could sleep on a sleeping bag on the floor in their back room for $100 a week and had to buy my own food. These guys turned out to be some of the best friends I ever had, even though I thought they were trying to screw me, they said one condition of me staying there was that all the money I made I had to give to them and they would keep it locked up for me and give me what I needed for food, take the rent, and give me the rest when I moved out. Now that sounds like they were trying to keep me from blowing it on booze or drugs, but I never had a problem with those so I was suspicious. Well, time went by and I made some money, eventually I realized that I had enough money to get a phone and a one bedroom apartment at the complex where I had been living with my ex-girlfriend before she kicked me out. I had spent so much time pulling myself together and becoming a real man that before I knew it I WAS! I got my money out,they had indeed kept every penny as they said they would, I got an apartment and went about living like a human being. Eventually my ex started to see me around the apartment complex and we talked a few times, she was utterly shocked at the changes I had made, I was a totally different person. We went out on a few dates and the rest is history. I owe who I am today to her for kicking me out on my *** and to my friends for taking me in but in such a way as I had to be a responsible person to stay out from under a bridge.

So again, I wish you luck and hope you can do the same for this young man and turn him around before it's too late. I'm 31 with a wife and two sons and I sometimes still feel like I'm a young man just starting out and trying to make my way, I got a late start in the game of life and it weighs on me sometimes. Hopefully this kid can be helped and not get as late a start as I did.

Your to soft mate, once his parents have had enough and washed their hands of him, why should you and your family take him in, or for that matter any other relative...

Like you said he's old enough to look out for him self, passing him around the relatives is not going to do diddly to help him.

Having him in your home will be nothing but trouble for you and your family. You start getting tough with this lad and you will play right into his hands, he will start shouting foul play and then either go back with his own or start up with the 18 year old kid he put up the duff, or worst have you up for assult... Either way it will cause mud to fly and some will stick to you...

Let his Mum & Dad sort it out, their the ones who let it get so bad, so their the ones who must sort it, period!

Put your foot down now, don't have him in the house you'll only make it your problem?

Sign him up for the military or let him learn the hard way by letting him half starve to death on the streets. He won't last 2 minutes if he's never done a drop of real work in his life.

quote:

Originally posted by ARCHIE_CALVERT:
Your to soft mate, once his parents have had enough and washed their hands of him, why should you and your family take him in, or for that matter any other relative...

I am not the one who is soft. I am doing this at my wife's request.
If you think I am soft, then you really don't know me too well.
I can be a really nice guy, but once my switch is flipped, you had better watch out.
I will use this thread as a place to let those interested know how things are going.
If there come a time where I need to give this kid a good "smoke session" (for you military guys) I will be sure to get every agonizing moment on film for all to see.