Maegnas
02-07-2004, 02:34 AM
Smithsonian Institute
Washington D.C.
Curator of Acquisitions
Firstly, let me thank you for your fascinating donations to our collection. We are known as the nations attic, and your contributions certainly fall into the category of, shall we say, unique artifacts. I apologize for the delay in aknowledging the receipt of your collection, but we routinely examine and appraise all objects we recieve, and yours gave us a certain amount of, well, difficulties.
We have some questions, and to put it bluntly, we are puzzled.
Item 1, Mineral specimens labeled Relto Rocks
Our examination discloses that these are composed entirely of video pixels, in a binary matrix. In other words, they do not really exist, and we would like to know where in heck you got them!
Item 2, Fire Marbles
At first, we assumed these were intensely radioactive, and we simply ran for our lives. But since the overnight cleaning crew emerged unscathed from the room, we finally went back in and took a look. You may be interested to know that the brilliant glow is simply an artists rendition, and frankly, that's all there is to them, nothing but glow! Since these also do not really exist, we cannot add them to our collection either.
Item 3, Maintainers Suit
We didn't know what to make of this thing, but we have decided to keep it for our Halloween party.
Item 4, Fireflies
Our insect specialists have examined these closely, and have determined that they have no eyes, bodies, wings, or for that matter, anything else! Since they cannot be classified, we have decided to forget about them, especially since when we tried to give them a drink of water, they vanished!
Item 5, Book, labeled Eder Gira
Every time one of our experts took this book into the examination room, he didn't come out, and none of them have been seen since. We sent it over to the Library of Congress, but they said they have no use for a book with no words and only one picture, so they threw it out. Sorry.
Item 6, Bracelet, labeled KI
This we found to be extremely interesting, but when we showed it to some buddies at the CIA and claimed we made it ourselves, they took it away from us, claiming national security or something. They got a little mean about it, so we gave them your name and address. I think you may be hearing from them real soon.
Item 7, Carved Column, labeled Bahro Pillar
As soon as he saw it, our expert realized this had to be an Eskimo artifact, and under the law about plundered Indian art, it was sent to Alaska. I hear they chopped it up and used it for firewood, and oh, by the way, you are going to be getting a summons and fine for $10,000
Item 8, Skeleton, labeled Warg
Our oceanographic specialist was utterly fascinated with that, and after prolonged study, he decided that it represented an unknown, endangered or extinct species. You may not be aware of the laws regarding the collecting of specimens that are endangered, but he was. The Department of Fish and Game will be in touch with you.
Item 9, Embroidered Wall Hanging, labeled Journey Cloth
A truly beautiful piece of art, and the way it glows when touched has us all baffled. We have never seen anything like it, and our expert has appraised it as being worth at least $100,000.00
The Internal Revenue Service agrees with him, so they have impounded it, and they will be adjusting your tax statement accordingly.
Item 10, Light, labeled Maintainer Mark
An amazing object, no batteries, bulb, or wires, yet it glows!It was just what I needed for my office bathroom, and you may rest assured that it will be put to good use there.
Well, as you can see, nothing you sent us was felt to qualify for our collection, but we thank you for your interest, and invite you to continue sending us any artifacts or specimens you feel may be of value.
Washington D.C.
Curator of Acquisitions
Firstly, let me thank you for your fascinating donations to our collection. We are known as the nations attic, and your contributions certainly fall into the category of, shall we say, unique artifacts. I apologize for the delay in aknowledging the receipt of your collection, but we routinely examine and appraise all objects we recieve, and yours gave us a certain amount of, well, difficulties.
We have some questions, and to put it bluntly, we are puzzled.
Item 1, Mineral specimens labeled Relto Rocks
Our examination discloses that these are composed entirely of video pixels, in a binary matrix. In other words, they do not really exist, and we would like to know where in heck you got them!
Item 2, Fire Marbles
At first, we assumed these were intensely radioactive, and we simply ran for our lives. But since the overnight cleaning crew emerged unscathed from the room, we finally went back in and took a look. You may be interested to know that the brilliant glow is simply an artists rendition, and frankly, that's all there is to them, nothing but glow! Since these also do not really exist, we cannot add them to our collection either.
Item 3, Maintainers Suit
We didn't know what to make of this thing, but we have decided to keep it for our Halloween party.
Item 4, Fireflies
Our insect specialists have examined these closely, and have determined that they have no eyes, bodies, wings, or for that matter, anything else! Since they cannot be classified, we have decided to forget about them, especially since when we tried to give them a drink of water, they vanished!
Item 5, Book, labeled Eder Gira
Every time one of our experts took this book into the examination room, he didn't come out, and none of them have been seen since. We sent it over to the Library of Congress, but they said they have no use for a book with no words and only one picture, so they threw it out. Sorry.
Item 6, Bracelet, labeled KI
This we found to be extremely interesting, but when we showed it to some buddies at the CIA and claimed we made it ourselves, they took it away from us, claiming national security or something. They got a little mean about it, so we gave them your name and address. I think you may be hearing from them real soon.
Item 7, Carved Column, labeled Bahro Pillar
As soon as he saw it, our expert realized this had to be an Eskimo artifact, and under the law about plundered Indian art, it was sent to Alaska. I hear they chopped it up and used it for firewood, and oh, by the way, you are going to be getting a summons and fine for $10,000
Item 8, Skeleton, labeled Warg
Our oceanographic specialist was utterly fascinated with that, and after prolonged study, he decided that it represented an unknown, endangered or extinct species. You may not be aware of the laws regarding the collecting of specimens that are endangered, but he was. The Department of Fish and Game will be in touch with you.
Item 9, Embroidered Wall Hanging, labeled Journey Cloth
A truly beautiful piece of art, and the way it glows when touched has us all baffled. We have never seen anything like it, and our expert has appraised it as being worth at least $100,000.00
The Internal Revenue Service agrees with him, so they have impounded it, and they will be adjusting your tax statement accordingly.
Item 10, Light, labeled Maintainer Mark
An amazing object, no batteries, bulb, or wires, yet it glows!It was just what I needed for my office bathroom, and you may rest assured that it will be put to good use there.
Well, as you can see, nothing you sent us was felt to qualify for our collection, but we thank you for your interest, and invite you to continue sending us any artifacts or specimens you feel may be of value.