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Loridion
04-24-2006, 07:29 PM
My family and I went out for Chinese yesterday. After our meal we were given some fortune cookies with our check. As we read our lame fortunes (stuff like, "Good luck will shine upon you") I told my wife that if I worked in a fortune cookie factory I would have to slip in some more "colorful" fortunes from time to time.
I thought this might make an entertaining thread because I'm sure my fellow forumites could also come up with some colorful fortunes.

Imagine if you opened your fortune cookie and it said:

You are a loser.

The chicken... it's really cat.

You will fail at everything you attempt to do your entire life.

This fortune cookie has been poisoned.

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif What other fortunes can you come up with?

marae
04-24-2006, 07:45 PM
Don't look now... I said don't look!

jahura
04-24-2006, 07:46 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Divorce first. Then lottery.

Speedyserd
04-24-2006, 10:46 PM
Well, for the imaginative bit:

You were adopted.
Yo mamma so fat... (any one of those jokes)
Your wife/husband is sleeping with the mailman/neighbor.

But for real:

Even things left on the back burner burn. (I came up with that last night)

DebbieDec2003
04-25-2006, 05:59 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Good one Loridion!

Why? Why not?
Hey Stupid, who you looking at?
Get under the table and hide!

Loridion
04-25-2006, 06:10 AM
If you leave the house this week, you will die.

DebbieDec2003
04-25-2006, 06:41 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

You make me want to barf.

Speedyserd
04-25-2006, 07:07 AM
The sky is falling.

Thietris
04-25-2006, 08:08 AM
"You have just been poisoned. You will tip the waiter $500 to secure antidote."

The antidote consists of a further fortune cookie:

"Don't believe everything you read."

Speedyserd
04-25-2006, 09:09 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Nice one Thietris! Why can't I be that creative! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Footprint
04-25-2006, 09:50 AM
"Your wife has no headache."

Chuckles58
04-25-2006, 10:17 AM
Don't trust a chocolate chip cookie

Your ship just came in ... too bad you were busy eating in this restaurant

MSG reaction? No, I think it was PMS.

Don't ask for a fork, it offends us.

Help, I'm being held hostage in a fortune cookie facto <ACK!>

DebbieDec2003
04-25-2006, 11:21 AM
Don't do your taxes

Look before you step ou<screech!>

Thietris
04-25-2006, 12:00 PM
Originally posted by Footprint:
"Your wife has no headache."

..."Her pain is situated somewhat lower down and is reading this right now."

Speedyserd
04-25-2006, 12:08 PM
Tell your wife she looks fat in that dress and she will love you forever.

Footprint
04-25-2006, 12:21 PM
Tell her she looks terrific without and she wont understand.

Thietris
04-25-2006, 12:46 PM
Originally posted by Speedyserd:
Tell your wife she looks fat in that dress and she will love you forever.
"Waiter! These fortune cookies are faulty! And bring me a dry cloth."

Speedyserd
04-25-2006, 03:25 PM
Never trust a fortune cookie.

Loridion
04-25-2006, 03:46 PM
These cookies are made from recycled food.

Thietris
04-25-2006, 03:55 PM
If ingested, seek medical advice.

marae
04-25-2006, 05:06 PM
Attention: This message is in three parts. PART I: There is a treasure hidden nearby. PART II: Continued on back.

On the back of the fortune you read:

PART II (continued from front): See Part III for directions to treasure. PART III: Continued in next cookie.

Zander Nyrond
04-25-2006, 06:28 PM
This fortune is untrue.

jahura
04-25-2006, 07:22 PM
The fortune of the other cookie is true.

Thietris
04-26-2006, 12:23 AM
100% latex: do not iron

Toztabud
04-26-2006, 02:27 AM
You will be a milionare if you stay in your own home for one year.

Thietris
04-26-2006, 03:37 AM
To enable cookie, open mouth.

marae
04-26-2006, 03:45 AM
Inspected by 23

Thietris
04-26-2006, 03:47 AM
Originally posted by Toztabud:
You will be a milionare if you stay in your own home for one year.
... Guaranteed for six months.

marae
04-26-2006, 03:54 AM
marae price@mystworlds.ubi[1].txt 1KB Text Document 4/26/2006 5:34 AM

Thietris
04-26-2006, 04:37 AM
T. Squirrel. Form 2B

marae
04-26-2006, 04:54 AM
Made in Burkina Faso

Thietris
04-26-2006, 05:03 AM
You must help us! We are slaves in a fortune cookie factory. There are 14 of us ...

DebbieDec2003
04-26-2006, 05:10 AM
Please write something down.

O/T: This topic is PERFECT for this forum. LOL, look at all the great responses already.

Loridion
04-26-2006, 10:34 AM
You are being stalked. It could be anyone.

That cruise you are taking... hope you can tread water.

Ancient Badger
04-26-2006, 11:54 AM
The life you save will not be your own.

You cheated on your taxes. I know it, you know it, THEY know it.

You do not know that woman setting next to you nearly as well as you think you do. Stay awake.

You will not win the lottery. You are the lottery.

I know what you are thinking, and you don't.

Speedyserd
04-26-2006, 02:48 PM
Beware of all badgers, mushrooms, and snakes. They just may make you dance...

marae
04-26-2006, 05:00 PM
"Hmmm. The fortune cookie printer seems to have been skipping a couple of letters today. Excuse me, waiter..."

"Yes, sir?"

"I wonder if you can make sense out of this fortune?"

The waiter squints at the tiny slip of paper. It reads:

You will soon b com filt y ric .

"Oh, that one. We've been seeing that quite a lot today. It could actually be one of two fortunes. That particular factory has a very limited production, but they are highly accurate at prediction. These two seem to be especially common."

"And what are they?"

"Well, one of them says, 'You will soon become filthy rich."

"Oh, that sounds splendid! You say the fortunes are highly accurate?"

"Yes, sir. Highly."

"Thank you so much. This is wonderful news!"

The gentleman pays his bill, giving the waiter a generous tip. On his way out the door he wonders casually what the other possibility might be, then shrugs his shoulders and heads into the street.

"I wonder which one he got?" says the busboy as the gentleman disappears out the door.

There is a soft thump outside the door. Several minutes later a couple enter the restaurant. The lady is scraping mud and white rice off one of her shoes.

"What a shame," says the waiter. "He got the other one."

Toztabud
04-26-2006, 11:12 PM
<pre class="ip-ubbcode-code-pre">"You will soon be a le o la,"</pre> says the cookie.

"Waiter, what does this mean?" asks the customer.

"That one's missing letters! I think it says 'You will soon be able to play...' but whatever it says, it has gauranteed accuracy"

"But what will I be able to play"

"I don't know! There's no letters to give us a clue."

The waiter looks up and then looks at the cookie.

"Oh! I'm sorry! it says, 'You will soon be a leg of lamb'."

With that said, he eats the customer all up.

Speedyserd
04-27-2006, 03:03 AM
The next person you see is your soul mate.

Loridion
04-27-2006, 10:55 AM
You failed at life. Fall on your sword.

"Hey! This isn't a fortune! It's a piece of elastic from someone's underwear!"

DebbieDec2003
04-27-2006, 10:58 AM
If I was you, I'd ask for my money back.

He who smells the flower, dies.

Speedyserd
04-27-2006, 04:25 PM
Stop breathing, you're fogging up the windows.

DebbieDec2003
04-27-2006, 05:28 PM
You have bad breath.

I want money, now, under the table.

Speedyserd
04-27-2006, 05:33 PM
You were an accident. Ask your parents: they can verify it.

DebbieDec2003
04-27-2006, 05:36 PM
Why did you eat me? Do you have a death wish?

What you really need is another fortune cookie.

Mr Zebe D
04-28-2006, 03:51 PM
I see a tall dark handsome stranger...

Footprint
04-28-2006, 03:56 PM
Run for the tall pink stranger!

Loridion
04-28-2006, 07:45 PM
Give up.

Toztabud
04-28-2006, 08:09 PM
(Side one)
The next tall dark handsome man you see...
P.T.O.

(Side two)
...will be your father. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/icon_twisted.gif

marae
04-29-2006, 03:57 AM
You think so?

DebbieDec2003
04-29-2006, 11:38 AM
Didn't you want a hamburger to eat?

You will be sick soon.

Hello? Anybody there?

Loridion
04-29-2006, 11:57 AM
All of your dreams will crash to the ground and burn.

marae
04-29-2006, 04:29 PM
This isn't the fortune you're looking for.

Loridion
04-29-2006, 05:27 PM
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v627/Loridion/Loridionfortune-cookie.gif

DebbieDec2003
04-29-2006, 05:45 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/agreepost.gif Way to go Loridion! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

Loridion is a silly man!

Can you say fart in one breath?

Footprint
04-29-2006, 06:24 PM
I'm lost when you eat me.

Speedyserd
04-29-2006, 07:21 PM
Sorry, all of the operators are busy at this time. Please try again later.

Chuckles58
04-29-2006, 07:37 PM
6 18 21 27 35

jahura
04-29-2006, 07:40 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/agreepost.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif
/ot
This recycled fortune is printed on paper.

Toztabud
04-29-2006, 08:31 PM
This isn't your fortune!

Read this and you loose your free will to Toztabud.

Your call could not be connected. Please check the number and try again.

Leehrat21
04-29-2006, 09:39 PM
this thread is amazing

heres one
-what sick person would bring their family to this restaurant?

Speedyserd
04-30-2006, 12:43 PM
Red doesn't really mean stop.

Chuckles58
04-30-2006, 01:23 PM
Warning, please remove fortune before eating cookie.

<This actually happened to me. Before my wife and I were married, she slyly returned my fortune back into the cookie before I ate it. Yuck!! I guess 1/2 a fortune cookie shouldn't be considered bite size. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif>

Thietris
04-30-2006, 03:09 PM
Manager's special - display model.

DebbieDec2003
04-30-2006, 03:11 PM
Pay attention: This is a <span class="ev_code_RED">CODE RED ALERT!</span>

Don't pay your waiter.

Loridion
04-30-2006, 03:28 PM
This facility has been condemned by the board of health.

Footprint
04-30-2006, 05:22 PM
The cookie was mouth-spit around the fortune paper.

Thietris
05-01-2006, 03:20 AM
The Roach Residence. Back in 5 minutes.

DebbieDec2003
05-01-2006, 06:14 AM
You need to brush your teeth. Pee yuuuu!

Hint: Don't check why you feel sick.

Thietris
05-01-2006, 09:00 AM
Congratulations on purchasing the Acme Cookie of Fortune. We suggest you take a few minutes to study this illustrated guide before use.

Speedyserd
05-01-2006, 09:38 AM
Moo.

Ancient Badger
05-01-2006, 11:29 AM
There are worms in your future.

Thietris
05-01-2006, 12:09 PM
"Well, Thietris, now that we've enjoyed our fortune cookies, I think I'd like some coffee."

"Of course, dear, but I think I must just-"

"Do stop squirming like that, Thietris! People will notice. Order the coffee first, and then go to the rest room!"

"I hardly think anyone's going to notice, Bietris. - Oh, waiter, two cappuccinos, please."

"Do you want sprinkles?"

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-surprised.gif

Speedyserd
05-01-2006, 04:56 PM
Beware of all llamas on Linden Street.

Ancient Badger
05-02-2006, 09:52 AM
This fortune cookie is a choke hazard. Please turn over and sign the safety waiver on the back before eating.

Speedyserd
05-02-2006, 10:53 AM
There were no llamas harmed in the processing of this cookie.

Ancient Badger
05-02-2006, 12:09 PM
To you it was just a cookie, but to me, that cookie was my home.

Speedyserd
05-02-2006, 12:31 PM
Save the llamas!

Footprint
05-02-2006, 02:53 PM
Chew the note, trash the cookie.

Darnspiderchair
05-02-2006, 02:57 PM
It has been proven that this cookie is harmful to your health. PLEASE EAT WITH EXTREME CAUTION!

Thietris
05-02-2006, 03:57 PM
There is no cause for a llama.

PaperDragon
05-02-2006, 04:08 PM
A feeling of security - 911

marae
05-02-2006, 04:12 PM
Flour, sugar, paper (contains non-caloric cellulose fibers, water), ink (contains water, FD&C Red #40, FD&C Blue #2), salt, artificial vanilla flavor, FD&C Yellow #5, water sufficient for processing.

Ancient Badger
05-02-2006, 05:03 PM
After the humongous quantity of artery clogging food you just devoured in the meal, do you really need this fortune to foretell your future?
Oh go ahead, 15 calories will not kill you.

Darnspiderchair
05-02-2006, 07:26 PM
You`re eyesight is still good if you just read that your eyesight is still good.

Footprint
05-03-2006, 05:11 AM
If I worked in a fortune cookie factory ...
.... I'd like the one with "you're fired" from my boss.

Loridion
05-03-2006, 06:43 AM
This message will self destruct in 5 seconds.

DebbieDec2003
05-03-2006, 07:42 AM
All who enter here, have no hope.

You like me, you really like me, don't you?

Ancient Badger
05-03-2006, 07:59 AM
Change starts with a dream. Just imagine.

Mr Zebe D
05-03-2006, 08:15 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif "All" relates to hope, not people.

Lasciate onge speranza, voi ch'entrata

Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Thietris
05-03-2006, 08:39 AM
"Waiter! This fortune is faulty."

"Faulty? Oh dear."

"Yes. You see, 'all' relates to hope, not people."

"Que?"

"Lasciate onge speranza, voi ch'entrata."

"Ah. Sorry. I take cookie away."

"No, the cookie's fine. It's only the- oh, too late."

"That'll teach you, dear. My fortune cookie's delicious!"

DebbieDec2003
05-03-2006, 08:44 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/agreepost.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

Thanks for clarifying that, Mr. Z.

How dare you think of eating me!

Ancient Badger
05-03-2006, 08:58 AM
That really is a remarkable outfit you are wearing. The fabric contains such an imaginative use of color. I see ketchup red, mustard yellow, spinach green.

Oh, I am sorry. That really is ketchup, mustard and spinach you are wearing, isn't it?

Mr Zebe D
05-03-2006, 09:37 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif AB!

Unfortunately I think the fortune cookie text for me would be either "Do you need a bib with this cookie?" or "Have you forgotten where your mouth is?". http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/blush.gif

Speedyserd
05-03-2006, 09:45 AM
All your base are belong to us.

Ancient Badger
05-03-2006, 09:51 AM
€œOh waiter, could we have...http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif waiter, could we please...http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-indifferent.gif €

€œWaiter, yes waiter, could we please... http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_confused.gif€

€œWhat does it take to get the attention of a waiter here? http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-sad.gif €

€œHere you are dear, here is another fortune cookie.€http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

€œachooo! Sorry, perhaps a little too much black pepper.€

€œBless you dear. Dear, you seem to have something...um...there is something...well...you sneezed and then...oh dear!€http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/51.gif

Fortune say...€When you require attention, pick it. If you pick it, you will obtain the attention of others.€

Speedyserd
05-03-2006, 09:58 AM
I recommend the lamb. Medium rare, of course. Oh, and no mushrooms. Definately no mushrooms. They ruin the sause.

Thietris
05-03-2006, 09:59 AM
This: foot. This: mouth.

"Waiter! What is the meaning of this? This fortune makes no sense at all! Why should I come here and pay good money to read this nonsense?"

"I would be grateful if you would keep your voice down, sir. Have you read the other side?"

This: foot in mouth.

DebbieDec2003
05-03-2006, 10:04 AM
OMG you people are awesome! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Well done! You'd all make a fortune in fortune cookies!

HAH! Got you, didn't I? You thought you'd get a funny joke written here, didn't you?!!!!

Ancient Badger
05-03-2006, 10:23 AM
Fortune say...

"Never trust a food attendant who cannot tell you the color of the hand soap in the lavatory."



(flip side)
These fortune cookies were made by hand by our serving staff for your dining pleasure.

Mr Zebe D
05-03-2006, 10:26 AM
If you eat me, how will you get back to your correct size?

Ancient Badger
05-03-2006, 10:51 AM
It is not unwise to have an expectation of an explanation for everything, but let your expectation be tempered with flexibility, as the explanation cannot always be what you may expect.

Thietris
05-03-2006, 12:19 PM
"Waiter! I'll have a fortune cookie, but without the fortune. Those fortunes really get on my nerves!"

"We don't do fortune cookies without the fortunes, sir. I can, however, offer you a spam cookie."

"Oh, that sounds like a refreshing change. I'll have a spam cookie, then."

...

"Was it me, dear, or was that waiter smirking?"

Loridion
05-03-2006, 12:58 PM
Originally posted by Speedyserd:
All your base are belong to us.
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif That was a great one Speedy. I wish I would get that fortune.

The Matrix has you.

Ancient Badger
05-03-2006, 01:08 PM
Spam says...

Nothing motivates a person to procrastinate more then a job waiting to be done that a person hates to do.

Thietris
05-03-2006, 01:23 PM
To view your personal fortune, empty contents of wallet on to table.

PaperDragon
05-03-2006, 01:59 PM
Englishman visting Canada, reads fortune: You will go far.

Turns it over, something written in another langauge.

Hey waiter, what does this say? Pointing at the foriegn language.

Waiter replies, "Same thing as on the other side."

Englishmen looking at forturne, "Why not leave it blank? What is the point of writing 'same thing as the other side', in a foriegn langauge?"

Thietris
05-03-2006, 03:03 PM
Announcement from the management:

Owing to the current paper shortage, we are unable to supply fortunes in our fortune cookies this evening. However, to ensure the maximum degree of good fortune to all our customers, within each and every cookie we have concealed a horseshoe.

marae
05-03-2006, 05:05 PM
Help meeeeeeee!

Speedyserd
05-03-2006, 06:59 PM
To get a full fortune, please call 1-900-548-2845 and get the first 3 minutes free! It's only $1 per minute after that.

Toztabud
05-04-2006, 05:15 AM
They are watching you! Make sure to call 000 (911).

Darnspiderchair
05-04-2006, 05:26 AM
You will go home soon... hey don`t look at me, a junky company made me.

Speedyserd
05-04-2006, 07:15 AM
The gods are beginning to put their feet down... on you! Watch the skies!

DebbieDec2003
05-04-2006, 09:16 AM
"Waiter, there is a fly in my cookie."

"A wha? No, no, that a fortune."

"Excuse me, but it's a fly, dead, in my cookie."

"Well, it good luck for fly to be there. Consider yourself lucky."

"Oh dear, I think we better go."

Speedyserd
05-04-2006, 11:29 AM
The waiter's mother is in the hospital with pneumonia. Give him an additional $100 in the tip to cover for the hospital expenses.

DebbieDec2003
05-04-2006, 11:41 AM
On the front side: "BE NICE to your waiter!"

On the flip side: "Or ELSE!"

marae
05-04-2006, 11:41 AM
EAT AT JOE'S

Speedyserd
05-04-2006, 11:43 AM
Do you REALLY want a fortune?

Leehrat21
05-04-2006, 05:50 PM
Originally posted by Speedyserd:
All your base are belong to us.



hahaha. oh speedy!

DebbieDec2003
05-05-2006, 06:24 AM
"The answer is 42"

Flip side: "What is the question?"

Loridion
05-06-2006, 03:28 PM
Guess which poisonous ingredent was added to this cookie.

Guess what anitdote you need to get... quickly.

DebbieDec2003
05-06-2006, 06:35 PM
Do your feet hurt?

Flip side: Why don't you look after them then?

Loridion
05-08-2006, 05:56 AM
Having this cookie is about as good as it's going to get for you.

DebbieDec2003
05-08-2006, 06:17 AM
Did you think you'd get a fortune worth reading on this scrap of paper? Hahaha! Jokes on you!

Thietris
05-08-2006, 07:35 AM
Support the fortune writers' strike.

Speedyserd
05-08-2006, 09:16 AM
Troubled by high llama grooming costs? Join Dorm Crew! Beginning rates at $10.65/hr. Call 5-5565.

Ancient Badger
05-08-2006, 01:23 PM
Confucius said many things, but not recently. Fortunes are few but SPAM is plentiful. It is also reasonable.

Speedyserd
05-08-2006, 03:23 PM
Being spat on by a llama is not as bad as it seems.

Thietris
05-08-2006, 03:45 PM
"I told you we should have come earlier! Just look at the queue! What if the llama runs out of spit before we get to the front?"

"I'll-"

"Oh, no you won't!"

DebbieDec2003
05-09-2006, 06:46 AM
URU Lives! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

Speedyserd
05-09-2006, 08:27 AM
Please ignore any fortunes that have dealt with llamas recently. The people responsible have been sacked.

marae
05-10-2006, 02:31 AM
Please ignore any llamas that have dealt with fortunes recently. The people responsible have been

Speedyserd
05-10-2006, 08:24 AM
sacked.

Ancient Badger
05-10-2006, 03:16 PM
The people responsible, in addtion to being sacked, must now carry their own pack burdens. The llamas have left the building and taken their spit elsewhere.

Thietris
05-10-2006, 03:53 PM
But the cobras have arrived.

Ancient Badger
05-10-2006, 04:33 PM
The arrival of the cobras spurs the people who were sacked to frenetic efforts to escape the paper sacks into which they were sacked. If only they had more spit with which to wet the sacks. A long line is queuing.

Speedyserd
05-10-2006, 06:15 PM
Calling all llamas! Please report back to the fortune cookie factory at one for employment.

DebbieDec2003
05-11-2006, 09:08 AM
You better just hope a camel didn't spit into this cookie!

Speedyserd
05-11-2006, 09:57 AM
The hair found within this cookie belonged to a camel, not a llama.

Thietris
05-11-2006, 12:04 PM
Special tonight: spit roast.

Ancient Badger
05-11-2006, 02:45 PM
With butter sautéed mushrooms, seasoned new potatoes
and...

Thietris
05-11-2006, 02:49 PM
"Come on, man. Spit it out."

marae
05-11-2006, 04:12 PM
For a good time, call 555-4437.

DebbieDec2003
05-12-2006, 05:25 AM
For gastric upset, take Pepto Bismol!

Mr Zebe D
05-12-2006, 06:24 AM
I'll be back!

Come on, punk, make my day!

DebbieDec2003
05-12-2006, 06:48 AM
Eat Garlic to be a better lover!

Speedyserd
05-12-2006, 08:47 AM
Kiss a llama to become a better kisser.

Thietris
05-12-2006, 09:13 AM
Originally posted by marae:
For a good time, call 555-4437.

"Oh, hello. Is that 555-4437?"

"Speaking."

"Oh. I ... er [cough] ..."

"Ah. It's 8:37."

"Thank you."

DebbieDec2003
05-12-2006, 10:47 AM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/agreepost.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/heart.gif

For shrimp, do you think it's easy when you eat them? Huh, do you?

Mr Zebe D
05-12-2006, 10:49 AM
May you live in interesting times!

Speedyserd
05-12-2006, 10:53 AM
I'm sorry, but the fortune you have been looking for is out of service.


http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif @ Thietris.

marae
05-12-2006, 12:52 PM
HTTP 404 Not Found
The fortune cannot be found

The fortune you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.

Please try the following:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>If you typed the fortune address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.
<LI>Open the www.fortunecookies.com (http://www.fortunecookies.com) home page, and then look for links to the information you want.
<LI>Click the <= Back button to try another link.
<LI>Click http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/sadeyes.gif Search to look for information on the Internet.[/list]

PaperDragon
05-12-2006, 01:11 PM
Your firewall has burned out

BirLu
05-12-2006, 01:38 PM
Once moisture is added, this newly designed self-inflatable cookie will rise to the diametre of 5'.

Speedyserd
05-12-2006, 02:37 PM
The fat lady sang, buddy. Give up already.

PaperDragon
05-12-2006, 05:36 PM
Have you seen your cat, lately?

Speedyserd
05-12-2006, 08:08 PM
Try the cabernet. I'm told it's rather oaky today.

DebbieDec2003
05-12-2006, 08:47 PM
Have you picked out your toe fluff today?

Speedyserd
05-13-2006, 09:20 AM
You missed a spot.

marae
05-14-2006, 06:08 AM
Fortunes? We ain't got no fortunes. We don't need no fortunes. I don't have to show you any stinking fortunes.

DebbieDec2003
05-14-2006, 08:41 AM
Beware the trolls under the bridge.

Speedyserd
05-14-2006, 12:53 PM
Don't panic.


http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif
This was an actual fortune that a friend of mine got early this morning. Quite humorous.

Toztabud
05-15-2006, 10:30 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif

Originally posted by marae:
HTTP 404 Not Found
The fortune cannot be found

The fortune you are looking for might have been removed, had its name changed, or is temporarily unavailable.

Please try the following:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>If you typed the fortune address in the Address bar, make sure that it is spelled correctly.
<LI>Open the www.fortunecookies.com (http://www.fortunecookies.com) home page, and then look for links to the information you want.
<LI>Click the <= Back button to try another link.
<LI>Click http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/sadeyes.gif Search to look for information on the Internet.[/list]

Hey, there is a www.fortunecookies.com.au (http://www.fortunecookies.com.au) and a www.fortunecookies.net! (http://www.fortunecookies.net)

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_redface.gifntopic: You're fortune could not be connected. Please check the cookie and try again.

DebbieDec2003
05-16-2006, 08:07 AM
This cookie tastes like shrimp. Trust me, it does.

Mr Zebe D
05-16-2006, 08:16 AM
Did the frog kiss you back?

Speedyserd
05-16-2006, 10:56 AM
Cuz I'm the real cookie, yes I'm the real cookie, all 'em other cookies just ain't worth a lookie, so won't the real cookie please stand up? Please stand up? Please stand up?

Loridion
05-16-2006, 02:19 PM
Fortune workers on strike. Unfair wages!

Speedyserd
05-16-2006, 04:10 PM
You're about to be spat upon by a pigeon.

DebbieDec2003
05-16-2006, 05:03 PM
Tom Cruise will kiss you.

marae
05-16-2006, 07:07 PM
URU
<STRIKE>Frodo</STRIKE> Lives!

Speedyserd
05-16-2006, 08:08 PM
Arnold Schwarzenegger is god. And if you dare dispute that, then you will be erased.

DebbieDec2003
05-17-2006, 07:07 AM
Help me! I'm drowning!

Speedyserd
05-17-2006, 07:33 AM
ToriaUru has been erased...

Mr Zebe D
05-17-2006, 08:00 AM
You're the last person left at the end of the Universe. Please turn out the lights.

Speedyserd
05-17-2006, 09:08 AM
Note to self: never spit in the fortune cookie batter container when the boss is looking.

DebbieDec2003
05-17-2006, 06:10 PM
Does this cookie smell like a dirty shoe?

marae
05-17-2006, 06:43 PM
I'll be back.

PaperDragon
05-17-2006, 06:51 PM
The internet is being cancelled for your security

Thietris
05-18-2006, 06:10 AM
Hand-made by Institution staff. May contain traces of nuts.

DebbieDec2003
05-19-2006, 08:26 AM
Are those squirrel tracks you see on this paper?

Speedyserd
05-19-2006, 11:09 AM
Nobody understands fluid mechanics... the people who try and teach it or claim that they are experts in the topic are just in denial.

PaperDragon
05-19-2006, 01:10 PM
Your children will go to school to become origami masters.

Mr Zebe D
05-19-2006, 02:22 PM
You'd be crackers if you thought a prawn had been anywhere near here!

Thietris
05-19-2006, 03:14 PM
Originally posted by Speedyserd:
Nobody understands fluid mechanics... the people who try and teach it or claim that they are experts in the topic are just in denial.
"Waiter! My friend Speedy here has a problem with the Hollandaise sauce."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Too much pepper?"

"No. The viscosity is incorrect."

DebbieDec2003
05-19-2006, 03:57 PM
What! The chef has been making that for years!

Toztabud
05-19-2006, 05:18 PM
Originally posted by Speedyserd:
Nobody understands fluid mechanics... the people who try and teach it or claim that they are experts in the topic are just in denial.

Nobody? As in Stellaflora Nobody? At least somebody understands it. What? He doesn't understand it? Of corse he does.

Originally posted by marae:
Who? Why, Nobody, of course. What? Who's on first? How the heck should I know?

Hey, watch where you're throwing those tomatoes. You might hit somebody. I mean Nobody. I mean, you might hit--

Sigh. Too late. You hit <span class="ev_code_RED">me.</span>
*Toz
*<STRIKE>marae</STRIKE> goes off grumbling and wiping off tomato guts, <STRIKE>to sweep up the massive piles of confetti</STRIKE>*

marae
05-19-2006, 06:36 PM
What goes around, comes around.

[ANSWER ON BACK]

--------------------------------------

What comes around, goes around.

[QUESTION ON FRONT]

Speedyserd
05-19-2006, 08:55 PM
If all else fails, go back and read the instructions. They were inside the duck you just ate.

Loridion
05-20-2006, 06:30 AM
Your fortune has been revoked.

Mr Zebe D
05-20-2006, 06:42 AM
One for Neko

Your curiosity insurance is now due.

Speedyserd
05-20-2006, 09:25 AM
It will rain on your wedding day. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news...
Good news is, your future mother-in-law will slip in the mud as she knocks down an entire row of chairs, just after the ceremony is done, and your brother will catch it on tape.

Thietris
05-20-2006, 12:55 PM
Ah! The viscosity of mud. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

jahura
05-20-2006, 12:59 PM
[no fortune, just a counterfeit twenty dollar bill]

Speedyserd
05-20-2006, 04:15 PM
Pet the next squirrel you see. He will give you an acorn in return.

Loridion
05-20-2006, 04:43 PM
You are the next American Idol.

Speedyserd
05-21-2006, 10:16 AM
If I received a penny for every time you cursed, I would be a millionaire.

Footprint
05-21-2006, 01:32 PM
If we received a penny for every time you crushed one, we would be millionaires

Speedyserd
05-21-2006, 04:29 PM
This is Speedyserd's 16,000th post by the latest version of post count. You should reward her by giving her a present. After all, she is going through exams right now.

DebbieDec2003
05-21-2006, 05:16 PM
It will rain on your funeral, I promise.

Speedyserd
05-21-2006, 09:13 PM
Don't worry, it will be sunny on your wedding... only when you're outside though.

DebbieDec2003
05-22-2006, 06:25 AM
Your cat will have fur-balls for the rest of its life.

Speedyserd
05-22-2006, 08:37 AM
This fortune was made from a 100% furball material.

Ancient Badger
05-22-2006, 12:31 PM
Stop insulting intelligence. Discontinue watching commercials.

DebbieDec2003
05-22-2006, 12:42 PM
Believe all those infomercials you see!

JacaByte
05-22-2006, 01:32 PM
You have no fortune. Come again tomorrow!

Speedyserd
05-22-2006, 02:26 PM
The Almighty Cruise would like his tithe now.

Thietris
05-22-2006, 03:41 PM
The ending has not been

PaperDragon
05-22-2006, 04:31 PM
The beginning fails to get going

Ancient Badger
05-22-2006, 04:38 PM
Balance is found after the beginning, but before the ending.

Achenar625
05-22-2006, 04:46 PM
You will pay your check. (What, you wanted something more substantial? What do you expect from a free cookie?)

FRONT: How do you keep a moron busy all day? (See back for answer.)
BACK: How do you keep a moron busy all day? (See front for answer.)

Oh, and Thietris... only TRACES of nuts?

Loridion
05-22-2006, 04:49 PM
This paper made from recycled trees.

DebbieDec2003
05-22-2006, 05:32 PM
All your bytes belong to us.

Speedyserd
05-22-2006, 08:19 PM
Have you worshipped the Almightly Cruise today?

DebbieDec2003
05-23-2006, 06:09 AM
Go see the movie MI3 and believe that King Tom loves you.

Speedyserd
05-23-2006, 06:22 AM
The DaVinci code has it all wrong! Mary Magnaliene IS the Child of God!

DebbieDec2003
05-23-2006, 07:53 AM
Your hotmail account has expired

Loridion
05-23-2006, 10:39 AM
Your negative engrams are clouding your fortune. Please see Tom Cruise for further details.

Ancient Badger
05-23-2006, 11:35 AM
Please don't share your food with others. Chew with your mouth closed.

Speedyserd
05-23-2006, 12:19 PM
Badgers are evil...

Ancient Badger
05-23-2006, 12:44 PM
Nonsense! Badgers aren't evil, just misunderstood and dig dirt. Worm Speedy? Nutritious and delicious, tastes just like...um...dirt.

DebbieDec2003
05-23-2006, 12:51 PM
Did you know termite mounds are full of protein?

Ancient Badger
05-23-2006, 12:55 PM
The serving plates we use are as clean as cold water can get them.

favour...

If you see cold water, tell that dog to get to the kitchen straight away, the plates are piling up.

DebbieDec2003
05-23-2006, 12:56 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/agreepost.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Please don't lick the plates, cold water does that.

Speedyserd
05-23-2006, 01:08 PM
May you go to more weddings than funerals.

DebbieDec2003
05-24-2006, 07:16 AM
May you always have dial-up access to your computer.

Ancient Badger
05-24-2006, 08:09 AM
Gloom, despair and agony, the fortune you are seeking, has just sank at sea. You will of course still have to pay, that meal, it is not free. To the kitchen you must go, and there you shall not leave. Each plate and cup, each fork and spoon, each glass each pot you€ll clean. Oh do not cry, it€s not all bad, as soon as you have dried, each item in this list, rewards await you, you will see, a cookie you shall have.

marae
05-24-2006, 08:26 AM
This fortune will self destruct in ten

***BOOM!!!!!!!!***

<span class="ev_code_RED">oops</span>

<span class="ev_code_GREY">I seem to have miscalculated...</span>

Speedyserd
05-25-2006, 04:44 PM
Who needs glasses when you got a means to celebrate? Drink up!

DebbieDec2003
05-25-2006, 05:01 PM
Someone will stomp on your foot tonight.

Speedyserd
05-25-2006, 06:14 PM
"OW!"
"Oh, so sorry for that, sir... I didn't see your foot there,"
"Well, that fortune came true alright,"

Ancient Badger
05-25-2006, 07:45 PM
Have hope. Within the falling seed of the spent and fading flower, is the promise of a bright and beautiful tomorrow. An ending is but a new beginning. So, don€t worry if you€ve gone to seed.

Speedyserd
05-25-2006, 10:13 PM
http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif Beautiful, badger friend.

On topic:
Stick out your tongue more often.

marae
05-26-2006, 04:10 AM
Watch out where the huskies go, and don't you eat that yellow snow.

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/353.gif AB, that was beautiful -- and hilarious! http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

Toztabud
05-26-2006, 04:27 AM
You will continualy hear refference of Tom Cruise on the URU forums. Hey, don't look at me! I'm just a piece of paper with writing!

Speedyserd
05-26-2006, 10:16 AM
This fortune is no longer valid for it already happened.

Mr Zebe D
05-26-2006, 10:26 AM
The good news. You have an extra 24 hours left to live. The bad news. This message was written yesterday.

Speedyserd
05-26-2006, 04:25 PM
You picked up the wrong cookie.

DebbieDec2003
05-30-2006, 06:53 AM
Riven is a very hard game to play.

Mr Zebe D
05-30-2006, 07:48 AM
Spoiler warning. Please do not turn over.

Speedyserd
05-30-2006, 10:34 AM
Bye bye bye.

Ancient Badger
05-30-2006, 12:46 PM
A Badger€s fortune, if one could choose, would be, to be, a squirrel. To climb a tree with squirrelesk speed is far beyond badger ability. Or to leap from branch to branch with ease like the daring actors on flying trapeze. Having first choice of succulent nuts and not needing to forage amongst the roots. Enjoying the beautiful view would please, from high on a branch in a summer€s breeze. Squirrels do all these things with envious ease, while badgers can only dream of these.

BTW, where did that squirrel get off to, anway? I lost sight of him amongst the leaves.

DebbieDec2003
05-30-2006, 01:53 PM
You will have a long, hot, dry summer. Want some water?

(Good one AB!)

Speedyserd
05-30-2006, 07:43 PM
Dust stinks.

Toztabud
05-31-2006, 03:09 AM
The next thing you eat will be dust.

DebbieDec2003
05-31-2006, 06:20 AM
You will step in dog poo today. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-tongue.gif

Speedyserd
05-31-2006, 07:18 AM
Nope, I didn't sneeze into the batter.

Thietris
05-31-2006, 07:56 AM
Contains live earthworms, dung beetles, caterpillars and wasps.

"Ah! I'll save this one for AB - he'll appreciate it."

Speedyserd
05-31-2006, 08:15 AM
May contain some elements of squirrels and badgers. Please proceed with caution.

Mr Zebe D
05-31-2006, 08:25 AM
2nd cookie.

... but the chef did!

http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif, Speedy!

Thietris
05-31-2006, 09:13 AM
This is not a tissue.

"Waiter! Could I have a tissue?"

"Attishoo!"

"Thank you." http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-indifferent.gif