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AvanasRod
10-31-2004, 04:00 PM
AvanasRod wrote this.

Tell me what you all think of this writting. It is called A Butterfly in the Mind

Threee years have past since I have awakened from a dark hole, from dark places of silence. Since that time I've been haunted by memories, the night mares that I have every moment on this cold earth. There's something inside me now, a dark secret that I do not know, that drives me to find my forgotten past. The way that is before me is traitorous and unpredictable. the way behind me is dark and lonely. I go forward neither knowing myperil not the forces that appose me. I leave a better part of my soul behind, hoping to find it in the future. A future I do not know. I may die tomorrow and no one will realize I'm died, for there is no one here to realize it. I cannot remember what has happened to this place.

marae
11-01-2004, 04:45 AM
Hi AvanasRod, I'll be glad to critique your piece for you, but I'm going to do it in a private message, so be on the lookout for that. What I will sat publicly is that you have a promising start.

AvanasRod
11-02-2004, 08:25 AM
Marae thank you for your serggestions. They were helpful.

*Light of the Morning Star*

marae
11-02-2004, 05:48 PM
You're more than welcome. Always glad to lend an ear and make a friendly suggestion! Thanks again for sharing your creative efforts with us.