Can you keep a straight face

[XyZspineZyX]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place!
Enjoy... I thought they were great! I would not be able to contain my laughter. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

[XyZspineZyX]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place!
Enjoy... I thought they were great! I would not be able to contain my laughter. http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere.

[PAKMAN52SE]

What??

[stavpal]

lol lol lol lol lol lmao lmao!!!

[KU_]

LMFAO!!! Great find Angel!

[Tejo.hr]

lol http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

[XyZspineZyX]

can someone explain this to PAKMAN. I am still laughing to hard.

[XyZspineZyX]

He probably would not understnd . Those are funny .

[scworld]

hahahah funny http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[NapalmFrog]

saw these on the farcry forums a week or two ago, but they are still dumb enough to make me crack

[PAKMAN52SE]

I didn't read the top part. I get it now. I just saw it was long and scrolled down and was just like wtf?

[Leprechaun9]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><font size="-1">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Angel Fire:
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif LOL, I love that one.

[XyZspineZyX]

Yep that is one of my favoret ones too. Seeing I don't like many lawyers.

[quillan]

I've heard those before, but that last one is a classic. The sad thing is that, if they are one of those urban myth type things, they actually resemble what can really be said in court.

[DS12]

ROFL! ROFL ROFL ROFL! Funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Thanks for sharing it with us http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

[BliNd-]

LOL, thats Halarious!!

[halo_99]

LMFAOROFLOLLMARFOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Furious_Gopher]

Good post, Pink


But I saw it on the FC forums with Napalm a few days ago

[XyZspineZyX]

Ha! how funny!!

[WinsK]

Q: So the date of conception of the baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


and

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


were my favourites

WWWWWWWWWWWOWOW SOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY ROFLMAO!!!! i was sitting here reading them laughing out loud, that takes a lot for me

[NSAagent]

i rely heavily on you guys to quote the ones you like. i'm far too lazy to read the whole entire thing.

gg Winsk

[NapalmFrog]

and i thought i was lazy... u need some motivation... go listen to fear factory's cyberwaste, that should pump u up http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

[Squeadler_1]

And by whose death was it termina..ahah aha ah!H AHA AH AHA AHA AH A AH HAH AH AH AH H AH A http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifHA-HA-HA-HA-HA! HA AHahah aha http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif AHAHHh Ah ah Ah ah AH AH H Ah ah Ah aH aH AH AH h Ah Ah AH a ha a ha h Ah ah ah Ah aH h ah ah AH AH ah h Ah AH http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifaH AH ah h ah ah aH ha AH h ah ah AH H Eh eH EH eh eH eh h eh eH EH h eH EH eh eh h eh eh eheh ehee hhe heehehehe......he h e.....hehe.... Hhahahhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif HA h ah ah Ah ah Ah ah ah AH AH aH ah h a.....hehehe....that was funny......ahhh...whew!

[SplinterCell_37]

Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL Lhttp://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gifL

THAT IS HILARIOUS!! HAHAHaHAHAHAHAHA http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/88.gif

ROFL thanks angel, those are awesome!!! i heard the last one before (my sis got it from a friend) but they're all still hilarious!!! http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

[XyZspineZyX]

We all need a good laugh every now and than. It can cure what ails you.

[Tesla7zap_]

ROFLMAO http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif