YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

[Angel Fire]

Here is one of my favorite comedians
The man has his way with words.


YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN


By George Carlin


I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am BAD American.. I am George Carlin.


I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.


I think being a minority does not make you noble or
victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your butt through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those
experts now, when I'm freezing my butt off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution! Can I get an AMEN on that one?


I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.


If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD
American.

[Angel Fire]

Here is one of my favorite comedians
The man has his way with words.


YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN


By George Carlin


I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am BAD American.. I am George Carlin.


I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.


I think being a minority does not make you noble or
victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more
enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your butt through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those
experts now, when I'm freezing my butt off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution! Can I get an AMEN on that one?


I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.


If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD
American.

[Transcender]

http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif Great stuff! I love George Carlin http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-very-happy.gif

[Dunn_Stealth]

Amen

[quillan]

I don't know that I'd try any of his other stuff, though. The "Seven words you can never say on television" are likely seven words that would wind up in all asterisks here. http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif

[BliNd-]

Yeah, he's funny.

But off-color alot.. I guess every comedian is though.

[SilentAce07]

I laughed. Hard. Very good comic.

[Leprechaun9]

lol

[NJCL43]

dont know him but have heard of him - dont like him nor any foul mouthed comedian,so called,their language is common as muck,their tone devilish in content,i avoid

NOBODY has ever beaten the comedy and innocence of LAUREL & HARDY....it proves you dont need cuss,sex,ungodliness to be TRULY FUNNY

[shadow_ninja961]

i haven't really cared too much for George Carlin since i saw him in "Jay and Silent Bob strike back".

but i agree about Laurel and Hardy. I have over a dozen of their movies including the first one they appeared in together called "Lucky Dog"(1917). Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton were great too. Its hard to believe how they did some of the stunts they did back then without getting killed,especially in the vehicle chases.

[NSAagent]

who's George Carlin?

see what i did there?

[DrCactus]

George Carlin's View on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30.
Oooohh what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED; we had to throw him out.
There's no fun now.
You're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong ? What's changed ?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.
Whoa !
Put on the brakes . it's all slipping away.
Before you know it, you REACH 50 ... and your dreams are gone.
But wait !!!
You MAKE IT to 60.
You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there.
Into the 90s, you start going backwards ...
"I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half !!

.HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
That is why you pay "them!"
2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning.
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often... long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen.
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive. .
7. Surround yourself with what you love.
whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
.
8. Cherish your health.
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county .
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them
at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.

[scworld]

I like the 2nd part.

[Omega_224]

*applause*

Thanks Angel. Thanks Doc.

[SamFisher128]

Whoo!
go Angel Fire! i've never seen that guys poem before! its quite good.

oh and awsome sig.

[Plutonium_Kenny]

I love this guy whoever he is. I agree with all he's said on here. Nice one AF.http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/25.gif

[WhiteKnight77]

You should have heard him go on about **** Cheney and Colin Powell during Desert Storm. I can't say it here.

[Plutonium_Kenny]

Tsk tsk....call him Richard.http://forums.ubi.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif

It must have been one good rant....http://forums.ubi.com/images/smilies/16x16_smiley-wink.gif

[DrCactus]

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by SamFisher128:
Whoo!
go Angel Fire! i've never seen that guys poem before! its quite good.

oh and awsome sig. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

Poem? lol he's a Stand up Comic. One of the best. Don't know who he is, I suggest you google his name and read some stuff about him. It's some funny stuff. As a matter of fact i'm gonna go laugh myself into a stupper by reading someof his live stuff. oh man...the best is '7 filthy words'

EDIT: Well holy ****. We've been HAD. The Yes I'm a bad american wasn't actually written by George Carlin. It some sort of imposter or something... I'm trying to verify if THe one i have about his view on Aging is actually written by him.